//------------------------------// // Lesson 4, Part 3: It's Time For Pinkiemaniacs! // Story: Discord's Apprentice // by Architect Ironturtle //------------------------------// "Pinky," droned Brain, his voice muffled due to being upside down with the upper half of his torso inside a contraption covered in flashing lights and glowing switches, "Go find the 500 Ohm resistor I ordered. It should have arrived with the mail this morning, and I think even you could handle retrieving it for me." "Sure thing, Brain! Narf!" Brain grinned inside the machine as he heard Pinky run off into the lab. This time he'd really outdone himself. There was no way he would fail this time. Soon he would control the U.N.s water supply, and then the world! "Here you go Brain!" squeaked Pinky, sticking the resistor into Brain's outstretched paw. Brain went to install the piece, but froze as he read the color code on the surface. "Pinky," he said slowly, pulling his head out of the machine to glare at his assistant, "This is a milllion Ohm resistor. I asked for a 500 Ohm. Now fetch me the right component before I am forced to hurt you." "But that was the right one, Brain!" Pinky protested, "I got it out of that big box on the counter." Brain sighed and tumbled out of the machine's guts, landing on the counter top next to Pinky with a plop, "Very well," He grumbled as he stood, wiping the gunk off his arms, "I'll get it myself." Brain strode towards the box, the moonlight streaming in through the window casting his shadow in enormous proportions along the tiled floor. Leaping off of a springboard he'd built for just this purpose, he hopped into the box that had arrived that afternoon and started searching, tossing packing all over the place. No 5-volt resistor revealed itself to him, but he did find a packing slip with a receipt. 1 million Ohm resistor, to be delivered to ACME labs. Brain crumpled the paper in his paws as his ears turned red and started spewing smoke. "Pinky," he growled, "It appears those idiotic humans at the shipping company mixed up our order. We're going to have to push this project back until I can get the right piece." He tossed the paper into the garbage can and started pacing below the window. "However, that means that the rest of tonight is unscheduled. I'm going to need to find something to fill the time." Just after the words had left his mouth a pink blur zoomed through the building, leaving him and Pinky both holding a slip of paper. Glancing over it, Brain saw that is was, "Ah." he droned, "An invitation. How convenient." "Check it out, Brain," Pinky shouted, "I've been invited-" "To Pinkielooza," Brain finished for him, "The bestest," Brain cringed, "party to ever exist. Hosted by Pinkie Pie-" "She's got my name!" Pinky exclaimed. "Yes," Brain droned, "She does. Now, as I was saying it's hosted by Pinkie Pie, the Warner siblings, and... Discord?" Pinky gasped, "Discord? Wasn't he responsible for creating the Rule of Funny?" "He was, Pinky, but how did you know?' "It's in the script,"* Pinky said as he held up a bundle of lined notepaper and pointed to the line. Brain snatched the stack of paper from him and glanced over it, frowning slightly. "So it is," he finally conceded, then tossed the paper off-screen to help get the plot back on track, "According to the few written records that survive his visit to our universe, Discord is the most powerful cartoon to ever exist, and it seems this 'Pinkie Pie' is on a similar level to him. Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?" "I think so, Brain, but how are we going to steal that power for ourselves?" Brain's brain shut down for a moment as he processed that Pinky actually was pondering what he was pondering. For once. "I'll think of something," he said finally, "Pinky, go warm the robotic suit up, we've got a party to attend." 88888888 ZIP! ZIP! ZIP! Pinkie was a blur as she raced across the earth delivering invitations to "Pinkielooza, The Bestest Party of all time!" If she wasn't already sprinting across the globe the nervous energy running through her body would have caused her to twitch so hard it would make a crack in the universe. Then she'd have to call a repairman, or the crack would summon a Doctor, and he detested universe hopping. As she ran, she dropped invitations out of her mane and onto the doorsteps of every actor, celebrity, and cartoon currently alive. The Warners were taking care of the setup, working alongside Discord to get the entire studio ready to house enough people to apply for a city license. The Warners had said they'd have it done in time, and with Discord helping keep them on track it was going to be the biggest, most awesome party she'd ever thrown! And if it turned out they didn't have it ready, she could always pop back in time to finish up for them. She loved time travel, it was so useful! Always popping in just when you're needed, and not a moment before. Although she couldn't care less about time loops. Keeping everything just so to prevent a paradox was always a pain. And so boring! All those rules. And rap lyrics. For some reason ponies who did a lot of time-travel paperwork had to submit their documents in rhyme. Celestia knows why. In her wake, heads popped out of houses, trees, rabbit holes, and just about every other possible kind of abode. They picked the invitations up, which spat confetti out of nowhere, and after a quick read had either decided to come, or not. Most of the celebrities and actors refused, not wanting anything to do with a party hosted by cartoons. The cartoons themselves, however... "The Warners workin' with Discord?" Mused Bugs Bunny, "That's gonna to be one crazy shindig." He hopped out of his rabbit hole and started digging west, "No way I'm missing that." Once word of Bugs attending made its rounds, just about every other cartoon decided to come as well. With any luck, they'd bring the house down! Literally. 88888888 Pinkie vibrated with excitement, shaking the tables surrounding her along with Mr. Plotz, who was doing his best to glare at her but unable to stay focused long enough to pull it off. It was time! The guests were here, the bar was stocked, although most of the guests wouldn't be able to partake, and the activities were set up. At Discord's advice, she'd relegated her usual party games to only a fraction of the possible things to do, and filled the rest of the space with a variety of suggestions. She had no idea why they thought the "Abuse the Mime" game was funny, but the mime himself didn't seem to mind, so she went along with it. All that was left was a final check and opening the doors. "Wakko, lights!" she shouted. Wakko stuck his head out of the rafters and plugged in a power cord as thick around as he was, then shot her the OK sign. "Yakko, Music!" A pumping beat started playing, and Yakko gave her a thumbs-up from the DJ's booth. "Dot, action!" Dot switched costumes to a sparkly red evening gown and pulled open the doors, which slammed into the walls and exploded in a pile of miniature apple pies. Pinkie could feel the energy in the air as the guests streamed in, taking in the sights and running off to amuse themselves. She grabbed a microphone and shouted into it, filling the cavernous room with her voice and special talent for joy, "All right, everypony, I want to see you smile!" 88888888 "Say, sir," said the doorman to Brain, giving him a curious look, "Isn't your head a little small for your body?" "I'm not a man," Brain replied, "I'm a mouse in a robotic suit." The bouncer peered closer, and said, "Ah, so you are. Invitation?" Brain held out his and Pinky's slips, which the doorman, took, glanced over, and then nodded his head. "You're cleared. Right this way, please." He gestured towards the entrance, and Pinky piloted the suit inside, leaving the Bouncer to turn back to the endless line of people and cartoons hoping to get in the door. As Brain and Pinky entered the party room proper, they had to duck to avoid a stray anvil since the party was already in full swing. To start with, the dance floor directly in front of them was overflowing with people, all dancing and talking and laughing and just generally having a great time. It was hard to tell under the flashing neon lights and pounding music, but there seemed to be quite a few cartoons mixed in with the humans, also doing the above activities along with a fair bit of singing, or just spazzing out if they couldn't actually dance. Tearing his gaze away from the center of the room, Brain glanced around the edges and saw rows upon rows of tables, each covered in a spread of food, punch, and even one bowl that was filled with gems, and not those dinky little artificial diamonds either, but sapphires and emeralds larger than Pinky and Brain combined. Out past the tables, the room seemed to stretch and warp in ways that defied the laws of physics, or at least architecture, creating even more space for every game and sport ever created, and as Brain watched it grew slightly bigger to allow for a life-sized 3D chess match between Yakko and Daffy Duck. In other words, it was the party most could only dream about, and it wasn't even past 10 P.M. yet. "Pinky," Shouted Brain over the music, "I think we can leave the suit behind. Compared to some of the contents of this room, we're downright plain." Pinky derped and nodded in response, allowing Brain to guide him over to a nearby bench, where they powered down the suit and pulled out the energy drainer Brain had thrown together. "Now Pinky," Brain stated, "I need you to gather some readings for me. Put this on," He held out an ear piece, "And interact with the targets while I record the data I need." When Pinky just stared at him blankly, Brain facepalmed and clarified, "Go have fun with Discord, Pinky. I'll take care of the pony. Even your stunted intellect can handle such a simple exercise." "Right away, Brain!" Pinky said with a salute, "Narf!" He sprang off the bench and tried to race out into the crowd, only for Brain to reach out and grab his tail, causing him to faceplant onto the wooden surface. "You forgot the sensors, Pinky," Brain droned holding up the earpiece Pinky had dropped. Pinky turned around to look at Brain, then glanced down at the black box in his paws, shrugged, and tossed it over his shoulder, causing it to cover up a nasty swear let out by a more-than-slightly drunk Yosemite Sam. "Sorry, Brain, must have grabbed the wrong one," he said, taking the right object this time and sticking it in his ear. "See ya later, Brain! Have Fun!" With that, Pinky turned around and dove over the edge of the bench. Brain spotted him swimming up a stream of punch that was floating in midair before Brain lost him amid the shadows and flashing lights. A quick check on his equipment confirmed it was functioning normally, and with a nod of satisfaction, Brain pulled out a jetpack (since just walking across the floor would be extremely hazardous to his health) and soared out into the chaos. As Brain hovered along the edges of the dance floor he quickly realized there was a slight flaw in his master plan. Namely, that this place was huge, and he had no idea where this "Pinkie Pie" was supposed to be. Well, that wasn't strictly true. He had a bearing, or two rather, pointing towards opposite sides of the hall. Supposedly, one was Discord, and the other Pinkie. Now how to tell which one was which... Brain was startled out of his thoughts by the squeal of a microphone as the latest song ended. "Hey, Everypony," Shouted an energetic, female voice over the speakers, "Are you having a good time!?" The crowd roared, and Brain clamped his hands over his ears in response to the deafening sound wave. This turned out to be a mistake. His jetpack, no longer under his control, decided that now would be a great time to show its enthusiasm as well, and promptly rocketed into the ceiling, taking Brain along with it. He bounced off a support beam with a clang, then his jetpack grew arms, mimed having a heart attack, and died. Brain's stomach shot into his mouth as the ground came rushing up to meet him, and he only barely managed to glide to a safe landing on top of Marvin the Martian's helmet. Marvin, in response, plucked Brain off his head, glared at him, then stuck a ray gun in his face and blasted him across the room, where he landed with a plop on top of one the speakers adjacent to the DJ's booth. Just as he managed to stumble to his feet, Pinkie (for he could now see that it was none other than the pink pony herself standing next to the DJ, some celebrity with a lot of bling he couldn't put a name to) shouted, "Well, that's great! I just wanted to let you know that none of this would have been possible without our sponsor, Mr. Plotz! Give him a big hand will you!" Brain, forced to his hands and knees thanks to the vibrations of the speaker, watched in fascination as Pinkie's forelimb stretched out and pushed the Warner Bros. CEO out where everyone could see him. From the brief glimpse Brain had caught of him, Mr. Plotz was somewhere between livid and terrified, which given the circumstances was not at all surprising. Then the crowd cheered, a random assault of sound for the first few moments, before it slowly changed into a chant of, "Mr. Plotz! Mr. Plotz!" Slowly, the CEO raised his hand and gave a tentative wave, and the party-goers somehow got even louder. Brain dropped from his perch onto the turntable to get a closer, and realized to his shock that Mr. Plotz was... smiling? And were those tears in his eyes? Brain shook himself to clear his head of distractions. He was here to take over the world, not watch his boss grow as a character. Fortunately for Brain, his scanning equipment had survived what the jetpack had not. Honestly, he should have just built the piece of junk himself instead of ordering from the ACME catalog using his employee's discount. It would have saved him a ton of trouble. At least his homemade inventions worked like they were supposed to. Brain flicked a few switches and a turned dial on the box strapped to his back, causing the device to power up and start collecting data. Soon he would control the power of the strongest cartoons ever live! With his mind directing their power, the world was HIS! "Hi, Brain!" shouted Pinkie Pie right next to his ear, causing him to let out an undignified squeak and almost drop the machine's remote, "Welcome, to my party! Are you having fun yet?" "I suppose," Brain said evenly. He was feeling the satisfaction of a plan coming together, which was as close as he ever let himself come to "fun." He had a reputation to maintain, after all. "I'm not the most emotional mouse." Most of the time, at least. For some reason he seemed to be in a much better mood than usual all of a sudden, and it wasn't related to his scheming. "That's no excuse," Ms. Pie replied, "If you're not happy, it means I'm not doing my job!" "And what job is that?" Brain chirped. Yes, that's right, chirped. He had no clue what was wrong with him! He came here to grab absolute power, not have a good time, and yet just standing next to this pony was making him feel, he shuddered, giddy. It was abhorrent! "To make ponies happy, duh!" Pinkie said, sticking her rump, which was decorated by a fancy drawing of three balloons, in his face, "It's my special talent! Throwing parties is just the best way to do it!" Brain could only stare in horrified fascination at the flank hovering less than an inch in front of his nose. He'd known intellectually that this mare was going to be weird, even by Warner Bros. standards, but only now did it really start to sink in. Pinkie didn't give him any time to ponder this development, however, instead saying, "Come on, I'll turn that frown upside down!" Grabbing his arm in her hoof (how!?), and dragging him bodily towards the activities lining the walls. He could only hope that Pinky, his Pinky, not this one, was having more luck than he was. 88888888 "That's a good point, Pinky," Discord said amiably, blowing a elliptical bubble through a hole made by his talons, "But you forgot to include the water that comes in the soap in your bubble lifespan calculations. It totally messes with the projected outcome." "No, Discord," Pinky replied, sticking his own bubble wand into the mixture and blowing gently, "I remembered. Why do you think I added that twist of lemon? It was to balance out the pH and reach the perfect buffer amounts." His bubble twisted into what appeared to be a laser gun for a moment before it twitched and snapped back to the more normal near-perfect sphere. "So you did," Discord said, nodding sagely as he watched a small brown squirrel use one of the larger bubbles in their activity corner as a bouncy castle, "Very clever." "Eh, it's a gift," Pinky replied with a shrug, adjusting his earpiece in idle thought, "Narf." "Narf, indeed."