Chapter 5
Big Macintosh looked across the table at the one empty chair. Applejack and Granny Smith had taken their seats, but Apple Bloom was late to breakfast. Big Macintosh and Applejack were already seated, serving themselves their plates of hay and hash browns. Granny Smith looked up at the ceiling.
“Apple Bloom?” she called. “Git yerself down here before breakfast gets cold!”
“I’m coming!” she called. “Just gimme a sec!”
“What’s she doing?” asked Applejack. She looked at Big Macintosh, who shrugged.
A few seconds later, Apple Bloom appeared in the kitchen dragging a large piece of paper. “Look at what I found!” she said, setting it on the table.
It was a poster of Princess Celestia. She was seated on her throne, looking at the viewer and smiling demurely.
“I found this up in the attic,” said Apple Bloom.
Applejack chuckled. “I recognize that.”
“What is it?” asked Apple Bloom.
Applejack gave a knowing glance to Big Macintosh, who seemed very keen not to pay attention to the conversation. “Well, that’s Big Macintosh’s old poster he used to have up as a colt. I didn’t know we still had it.”
“Really?” asked Apple Bloom, looking at her brother.
Big Macintosh looked back at her. There was a small voice inside his head, groaning inwardly at the resurfacing of some embarrassing memories. However, deciding he couldn’t simply ignore the talk, he answered, “Eeyup.”
“He used to have the biggest crush on Princess Celestia,” said Applejack, smiling. “We teased him about it a bunch as foals. That’s…” She looked at him. “Probably why you put the poster away, isn’t it?”
“Eeyup.”
Applejack smiled guiltily. “Well, sorry about that.”
“'Salright.” Big Macintosh shrugged.
“Sit yerself down and have yer breakfast,” said Granny Smith. “We got work to do.”
“Actually, I have school,” said Apple Bloom.
“Alright, alright,” said Granny Smith. “Well, better hurry so’s yer not late.”
Apple Bloom wolfed down her breakfast and ran for the door. Big Macintosh and Applejack ate their meal at a brisk, but slightly more measured pace. There were daily chores to attend to; apples that needed bucking, a gazebo that needed fixing, and the old chicken coop that needed a new coat of paint. After Applejack seemed to swallow her last apple turnover whole, the two of them set out the front door.
“That poster brings back memories,” said Applejack.
“Eeyup.”
“I just remember you saying that you thought Princess Celestia was the prettiest pony in Equestria.” She chuckled. “I suppose she is.” She looked over at him. “You mentioned something about her doing some kind of study, right? Something about your opinions?"
“Eeyup.”
“And?”
Big Macintosh stopped. “And what?”
“And what did you say?”
He paused. “I said I’d have to think about it. I don’t really put much thought into those things. I have some friends who have more to say about it, I suppose. I’m still thinking.”
“Fair ‘nough.”
Their chores were simple. Applejack bucked the trees. The apples fell into buckets. Big Macintosh loaded them into the wagon and they moved on to the next tree.
“So, you and your face-off with Rainbow Dash today. How are you feelin' about it?” asked Applejack. “You ready?”
“Eeyup," said Big Macintosh, shrugging.
“What do you reckon your chances are?”
Big Macintosh shrugged. “I don’t know. Probably not high.”
“Not high?” she asked. “What do you mean by that?”
He shrugged again. “She’s better at that stuff than I am. I mean, I’m strong, but I’m not an athlete. I could probably beat her at a hoof wrassle, but I sure can’t run like she can.”
“Well, I guess there is a reason her name’s Dash.”
“Then this Saturday I’m going out with Rarity.” He made a perplexed face. “I think she wants to take me to an opera.”
Applejack raised a hoof to her mouth, fighting hard to stave off a laugh. “I’m… sorry. That’s mighty unfortunate.”
“Mm.”
“Listen to your daddy warn you, ’fore you start a-traveling…” a voice sang. It was a relaxed, easy-going baritone song, wafting lazily through the apple trees.
Big Macintosh and Applejack looked up and around. Where was that voice coming from?
“Who’s that…?” asked Applejack, before the recognition dawned on her face. “Noteworthy,” she said.
She marched off in the direction of the singing. Big Macintosh paused, listening to the singing.
“Filly may borne ya, love you and mourn ya, buuuuuut…”
It was at this point that Big Macintosh noticed that his sister had left, and bolted off after her.
“A filly is a sometime thing, yes a filly is a sometime thing.”
Applejack and Big Macintosh found Noteworthy sitting underneath one of the trees, strumming a banjo and chewing on a piece of straw. He looked up at them and smiled. “Morning, Apples,” he drawled lazily.
“Blues,” said Applejack. “What are you doing sitting in our orchard?”
“Nothin’,” said Noteworthy, smiling congenially.
“Is that a nothin’ nothin’?” asked Applejack, tilting her head with a suspicious narrowing of the eyes. “Or a nothin’ where it’s ‘cause you don’t want to say?”
Noteworthy shrugged. “Well, I guess singin’ ain’t nothin’, depending on what you mean.”
“Mm.” Applejack regarded him coolly. “Long as you don’t cause any trouble.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it, ma’am,” said Noteworthy.
Applejack gave him another untrusting glance, before looking at her brother and walking off.
Noteworthy smiled wryly at Big Macintosh. “I don’t think she likes me.”
“Well, you did take our apples once,” said Big Macintosh.
“That was once,” Noteworthy protested. “I just took one apple as a snack. Didn’t think it’d be a big deal.”
“Well, it is our livelihood.”
“Mm,” said Noteworthy, musingly strumming out an idle tune on his banjo. “Fair nuff. I paid for it, didn't I?” He looked up at the foliage over his head. “So what’s this I hear about Colton?” he asked. “Heard he’s getting hitched.”
“Eeyup,” said Big Macintosh. “To Daisy.”
“Mm,” hummed Noteworthy. “Heard he might not be staying on the farm.”
“Ah don’t think he will,” said Big Macintosh. “Not if he wants to stay at home with his mare.”
“Tyin’ him down,” said Noteworthy. “Poor guy.”
“He seems happy enough to me.”
“Sounds like he’s outta his head.”
“Didn’t sound like that to me,” said Big Macintosh. “I talked to the guy.”
“Alright, alright,” said Noteworthy. “Just sayin’. Maybe I shouldn’t act like I know what’s goin’ on in his head. I’m just sayin’ I don’t understand it. But then, I guess I don’t understand a lot of things. I just see so many guys who seem to make themselves miserable. Like Caramel.”
“What about Caramel?”
“Well, I heard about his job and how rough he’s having it,” said Noteworthy. “I mean, why would you put yourself through that?”
Big Macintosh shrugged. “Life isn’t always easy,” he said. “You can’t just avoid it.”
“I’m having a fine enough time of it so far.”
Big Macintosh mulled that over before looking off in the direction Applejack had left. “I’d better get back to work,” he said. “Only so many hours in a day and I can’t spend all of ‘em chatting.”
“Alrighty,” said Noteworthy, beginning to strum on his banjo again. “You go to that.”
Big Macintosh went back to his sister and his work.
***
There were no further surprises or interruptions with their chores, save for a moment when Big Macintosh realized that he hadn’t brought enough paint to the chicken coop for a full coat, and had to make take a walk back to the barn. This had put him a little behind schedule for his meeting with Rainbow Dash, as he and his sister now had to keep up a quick trot to get to the hill in time.
“Just remember,” said Applejack, putting a towel over Big Macintosh’s shoulders before setting off ahead of him. “Rainbow Dash ain’t frail like most other pegasus ponies. She’s tough. It ain’t just a rush and winded deal like you might be thinking.”
“Uh-huh,” said Big Macintosh, looking at the towel, wondering why he needed it.
“Now, you gotta remember that she’s fast and she can move very well. She’s also strong, stronger than you might think, but she don’t got your muscles.”
“Okay,” said Big Macintosh.
“And don’t hold your breath. Sometimes I see you holding your breath when you do heavy lifting. Don’t do that here.”
“Okay.”
“And she’s gonna trash talk,” said Applejack. “She always likes to do that. Just don’t let her get you on edge. That’ll just set you back even mo—”
“Sis?” asked Big Macintosh.
“An—Huh?” asked Applejack, whose stop sudden stop almost felt like a thud.
“Ah think Ah can handle it,” he said. “Just some games. Don’t even really care about winning.”
“Oh,” said Applejack, resuming her walk, though at a slightly slower pace. “Well, alright, then.”
As they approached the hill, they could see Rainbow Dash, flying some lazy somersaults in the air. It seemed so easy for her, like she could do it in her sleep. Almost like she was doing it in her sleep, in fact.
Remember to breathe, thought Big Macintosh.
Rainbow Dash was upside-down in the air when she noticed them.
“Well, there you are,” she said, gliding down to the grass in front of them. “I was wondering if you forgot. Or chickened out. Nice towel.”
Big Macintosh glanced at the towel over his harness. It was red and dotted in a green apples pattern. He couldn’t tell if that remark was supposed to be genuine or snark.
“Hope you’re warmed up, Dash,” said Applejack, nudging Big Macintosh in the side.
“Of course I am,” said Rainbow Dash, her eyes closed and her mouth in a cocky grin. “It’s not like I enter games to not win, is it?”
Applejack rolled her eyes. “Well, tell me how it goes, Mac,” she said. “I gotta get back. See ya later.”
“See ya,” said Big Macintosh.
“Aww, scared to watch me win?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Yeah, sure,” said Applejack, walking away without giving her a second glance.
Rainbow Dash turned her attention away from Applejack, and casually strolled over to the edge of the hill. “Well, come on. Let’s get this started.”
Big Macintosh slowly walked over to the edge of the hill next to her. Despite his stoic expression, his eyes went wide as he beheld a massive obstacle course.
“I got some help from Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash explained.
“Ah see…”
“So, race ya there?” she asked.
“Ee… what?”
“Ready!” said Rainbow Dash, assuming a sprinting posture, her wings pressed to her side.
Oh, thought Big Macintosh.
“Set!”
Big Macintosh barely had time to get himself ready before Rainbow Dash shouted “Go!”, but as soon as it happened, he was off. His powerful legs beat against the ground, his body nearly gliding down the hill.
Woah, he thought, almost worried he might trip over his own hooves. He wasn’t much of a runner, by his reckoning. He walked at a slow pace, he bucked trees, and he did heavy lifting. Still, his legs launched him down the hill, leaving deep, dirty hoofprints in the grass beneath him.
He smiled. He could enjoy this. Not so bad at all.
Just keep breathing. Just keep breathing…
“Not bad!” called Rainbow Dash. Big Macintosh turned to look at her, and discovered to his surprise that although he put his all into running across what had since become a level plane, Rainbow Dash seemed almost casual in her stride, and swiftly overtook him.
He could only watch as his own legs seemed strangely impotent, seeing her casually confident expression as she just went further and further ahead of him. As the ground evened out and gravity stopped helping him run, he suddenly realized that he had been so busy watching Rainbow Dash that he had forgotten to breathe.
She got to the finish line in next to no time at all, turned around, and leaned against a flagpole, looking like the sprint had been the easiest thing in the world for her. When Big Macintosh approached her, his chest heaving as he gasped for breath, she looked at him through one open eye.
“Hey, big guy… wow. That took a lot out of you, didn’t it?”
“Ee…” Big Macintosh breathed. “…Yup.”
***
If there was one thing to be said for Rainbow Dash’s pride, it was that it afforded her a sense of fair play. So she allowed Big Macintosh to catch his breath, reasoning that she didn’t need to have him at a disadvantage the entire time to beat him.
Big Macintosh took a gulp of water, still a little embarrassed by how he had forgotten his sister’s incredibly simple advice.
“You ready to get back to it?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Eeyup,” said Big Macintosh, looking at the obstacle course, looming over them like some kind of ominous comic clubhouse.
“Oh, we aren’t doing that yet,” she said, sitting down at a simple wooden picnic table. “C’mon, sit down.”
Big Macintosh silently took his seat opposite her as she laid out her hoof across the table.
“Alright,” said Rainbow Dash. “Time for a hoof-wrestle.”
“You mean a hoof-wrassle?”
“That’s what I just said.”
“Huh?”
“Huh?”
They blinked vacantly at each other.
You’re not making any sense, thought Big Macintosh. The look on Rainbow Dash’s face indicated that she thought the exact same thing. Nevertheless, he put up his hoof, and both of them set themselves up to begin their hoof-wrestle. Or hoof-wrassle. They were still going to disagree on that, for the time being.
“Alright,” said Rainbow Dash. The muscles in her arm tensed, and Big Macintosh couldn’t help but think of how small she seemed, compared to him. “On the count of three! One! Two! Th—”
Thud.
Rainbow Dash was almost thrown sideways by the force of Big Macintosh’s arm. Her arm was pinned, neatly and suddenly, to the table. She struggled at it. And struggled, and struggled, and struggled, but Big Macintosh’s hoof would not budge.
“Ah think Ah win,” said Big Macintosh.
“Grr…” Rainbow Dash struggled some more, but relented. “Okay, fine. You win this round.” She looked at him. “Think you could let my hoof go?”
Big Macintosh lifted his hoof slightly, and Rainbow Dash slipped out. “Next round.”
***
Big Macintosh found himself keeping up with her better than he had thought. True, he lost the barrel run, having knocked over every single barrel he was supposed to run around, but he set the Ponyville record for the caber toss, which left Rainbow Dash at a loss for words.
Finally it came down to the obstacle course that apparently Pinkie Pie had helped set up. Big Macintosh looked up at it, and a bizarre tingling of dread crept into his mind.
“So, it’s pretty simple,” said Rainbow Dash, heading over to two poles, both of which had a large stopwatch attached to them. “You climb up the rope ladder, then across the monkey bars, then down the zipline, through the mud pool, over the rope pit, then you have to stay on the ball-bearing platforms without falling into the river, then take the rope ladder, then the upside-down rock-climbing wall, then hitch a ride on the albatross to the Old Everfree Redwood.”
“And is that it?” asked Big Macintosh.
“No,” said Rainbow Dash. “Then you have to find the secret map. And the pony to reach the hidden treasure in the shortest amount of time wins!”
“How do we—”
“Zecora’s keeping score.”
Big Macintosh blinked. That did not answer his question. It did not answer any of his questions. However, before he could protest further, he found that Rainbow Dash had hit the button on a giant stopwatch on a pole and then sped off up the rope ladder.
“See you at the hidden treasure!” she called.
Big Macintosh watched as she zipped through the obstacles, before he looked at his own stopwatch.
If I married her, he thought, I don’t know I’d survive my honeymoon.
***
Rainbow Dash, cool as a cucumber, stood by a large wooden marker. Zecora stood a little off to the side, looking worriedly around them.
“Big Macintosh, it seems, is not yet here,” said Zecora. “He may have gotten lost, I fear.”
“Oh boy…” said Rainbow Dash. “He sure is taking his time. He must’ve read too many of those ‘slow and steady wins the race books’ as a foal. Fairy tales always give ponies the wrong idea, let me tell you.”
She could hear the heavy, plodding footsteps before Big Macintosh appeared. Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened as she watched him, scraggly and disheveled, with more than a few bits of wood in his mane.
“Woah,” said Rainbow Dash. “What happened to you?”
Big Macintosh silently walked up to them. He swayed a little. “Ah think Ah owe you a new obstacle course…” He said.
Rainbow Dash and Zecora exchanged a look.
“I think I win,” said Rainbow Dash.