//------------------------------// // Can't Catch a Break // Story: A Human Gamer and a Pony Princess // by TheCrimsonDM //------------------------------// A Human Gamer and a Pony Princess Written by TheCrimsonDM It was a quiet afternoon in the suburbs with one very bored Rainbow Dash sitting in her room. The music was cranked up in her ear phones to prevent any annoying sounds from bothering her while she worked. Her work, as it were, consisted of a controller in her hands and a bag of chips along with a cup of coffee next to her. She wore a serious look on her face as she realized that she was the only one of her teammates left defending the entrance to their base. Things were looking bad for her. The little avatar on screen looked almost like her, with pale skin, and rainbow colored hair. The only real difference was that the little avatar was named, Lord Rainbow, and had black body armor, and two big silver hand cannons. She was ready to blow things up. A small device suddenly rolled across her avatars feet, and Rainbow Dash desperately mashed the square button to jump out of the way. Sadly she was too late as her screen went blindingly white. Not a second later and her avatar was killed, a few seconds after that a message scrolled across her screen. “Bad luck, noob. Love Unwarranted Nightmare.” The burning rage that Rainbow Dash felt right now couldn’t be fixed by simply quitting the game, instead she lashed out with a leg and kicked the console e with great force. Sadly the console didn’t respond too well to being abused and decided to flee as quickly as it could, into the side of the wall. It was hard to remain angry at Luna, when Rainbow Dash stared at her now completely destroyed videogame console. That was about six hundred bucks down the drain. She stared in angry silence for the longest time before it finally dawned on her that somebody was knocking on her locked door. She let out a sigh, took off her head phones, and walked to the door. She opened it just a crack, to see a tall older man, with matching hair, staring down at her judgingly. “Yeah, dad,” Rainbow Dash asked. “What was that sound?” “Um, Luna broke my system,” Rainbow Dash lied, praying that her father would believe her. “Oh, and where is she right now?” “At… her house with her big sister,” she answered quietly. After a moment she asked, “Am I grounded?” Her dad stayed silent for a minute before saying, “You are eighteen now. So no, I’m not going to ground you for breaking your own stuff. But you need to get that temper of yours under control.” “Yeah, I will…” “I’m not mad at you, actually to tell you the truth I find it kinda amusing that you broke your expensive new toy out of anger. Just please don’t take this out on Luna, she’s your friend and she doesn’t need that from you.” “Whatever,” Rainbow Dash replied while closing the door. “I’m going to get dressed in my outside clothes and then I’m going to see about getting a replacement. Thanks to Twilight, I still got a warranty.” Although it was a little difficult to hear her father through the door, she could make out him saying, “Alright, but please be home by dark.” “Kay.” *** The cashier stared at Rainbow Dash with a completely dead look in her eyes. The game box lay open on the counter with half of its contents spilling out. Rainbow Dash held her receipt and her warranty with authority, but was beginning to fear that this wouldn’t work out in her favor. “You broke it,” the purple haired woman replied flatly. “Yeah, and now I need a new one.” “I see your foot print.” “That is not my foot print… just give me a new one already, I paid for a warranty.” “I can’t return it.” Rainbow Dash stomped her foot, growled, and looked right into the cashier’s dead eyes. “I need a new console, so that I can beat the ever living crap out of Luna with it.” “Using the system as a blunt instrument is against regulations.” That was it, Rainbow was officially angry now. She took a good hard look at the cashiers name tag and grinned. “Now listen here, Maud. I don’t want to have to go to your supervisor about this, so just fix my problem and I will go away.” “I am the manager,” the woman replied without infliction. Rainbow Dash’s heart quickly sunk as she realized that she wasn’t going to get a new console today. She crammed what was left of the system into the box and turned to leave, and stopped. A bright pink, curly haired and bubbly girl stood in front of her. “Hiya, Rainbow. Oh what’s that, is it a new system, is it the new system?” Pinkie pie asked, with more excitement than is really necessary. “Yeah,” Rainbow Dash replied, downtrodden. “But it broke, and the manager won’t replace it.” “Do you have a warranty?” “Yeah, but apparently that won’t work…” Pinkie Pie walked past Rainbow Dash and up to the front desk. She stared long and hard at the manager and then smiled bright as ever. “Hey, sis. Do you think you could do me a solid, and give Rainbow Dash a new console. Just this once, please.” Maud’s expression didn’t falter, nor did her voice as she said, “Alright.” *** Now Rainbow Dash had her new console, thanks to her own awesome personality, and the fact that it turned out Pinkie’s sister ran the game store. Why somebody so boring and dull would be in charge of a game store was beyond her, but the donation jar for a collage fund had not escaped Rainbow Dash’s eyes while she was there. She couldn’t help but to hug the box to her chest tightly and snuggle her face into the top. Her fingers gripped a little tighter around the new console as she thought about how much fun she would be having when she got home and trashed Luna. But it was getting darker outside and she wasn’t exactly confident about getting home before sunset. Unlike most people’s parents, Rainbow Dash’s father was single and as far back as Rainbow Dash could remember he always had been. This probably explained how instead of getting angry whenever Rainbow Dash broke the rules, his heart would break. It would’ve been fine if he got mad at her for being out late, but seeing the sad look in his eyes destroyed Rainbow Dash, every, single, time. She quickened her pace. Worry filled Rainbow Dash’s mind, so when she crossed the street to get home, she had forgot to actually look both ways. When sound of a semi beeping exploded in her ear, she knew that she was in trouble. Her heart stopped, and her body froze as she looked to the side. Two bright lights blinded her and then suddenly something grabbed her shoulder. With tremendous force she was pulled back off the road and back onto the side walk. The semi continued driving by, a few curses were muttered her way as it left. Rainbow Dash looked up to see a really tall guy with blond hair and a piece of hay in his mouth looking down at her with a smile. She let out a sigh and tried to hug him, the box got in between the two. A little embarrassed Rainbow Dash looked away. “Thanks, Big Mac,” she said quietly. “Ayep,” he replied. *** The room was quiet, save for the noise coming from Rainbow Dash’s head phones. The lights were off, a fresh cup of coffee was at her side and finally she was in her ultimate death PJ’s. Nobody could defeat her in online gaming once she put on the pony pajama’s, although she refused to let people know that she actually had a pair of those. It was her secret weapon. With her back propped up against the side of the bed, she stretched out with a foot and pushed the power button with her big toe. That’s when the unthinkable occurred, the power went out. At first her mouth was left open as she tried to figure out what in the actual heck was going on, and then she screamed. If it wasn’t for the earth shattering sound that followed she would have continued screaming. Slowly the walls of her room began splitting open and a dim light poured through. Pieces of her ceiling began falling down and smashing into things. One chunk of ceiling was on a destined course towards her console, and she could only watch in horror the chunk of plaster, wood, and wire crushed her new console. “What the hay?” a familiar voice cried out. Rainbow Dash just sat there stunned; she couldn’t speak, move, nor think. Her bedroom door was ripped off its hinges and Rainbow Dash saw the moonlit sky pour into her room. An invisible force wrapped itself around her, squeezing the air out of her body, and then dragged her out of her bedroom and into the night sky. For a moment she flew through the night air, a pink glow surrounded her, and then the glow stopped. She hit the ground hard, and rolled a few times before stopping. Her mind simply couldn’t handle what she was looking at now, a large open field of grass surrounded her. She turned her head sharply to see where her house was, and only saw one of the walls of her hallway. The picture frame of her mom and dad stared back at her. It took a moment but she finally realized that she was looking at her bedroom, and only her bedroom. The rest of the house was gone, and to top it all off, there was no town. Only a large open field and a few colorful horses staring at her with wide open eyes. Rainbow Dash began crying. “Um, it’s okay, please don’t cry,” the voice said, it sounded an awful lot like Twilight Sparkle. “I,” sniff, ”I just,” sniff, “my videogame console is gone. I just wanted to beat the tar out of Luna,” Rainbow Dash whined. “You what? We don’t even know you,” Luna said, clearly offended. Rainbow Dash looked around her quickly, there was nobody around her save for three vary colorful horses. Sure horse’s had wings, and horns, and weird looking brands, but there was no one else, so who was talking to her? The purple horse smiled nervously and looked back at the taller blue one before opening her mouth and saying, “Luna, I think she was talking about beating you in a game. Not in real life.” Rainbow Dash froze as she stared at the purple horse. The purple horse looked back at her and smiled a little more. “Are you okay?” the horse asked in Twilight Sparkle’s voice. Several thoughts came to Rainbow Dash suddenly, one she might be dreaming, although her sides wouldn’t be in pain from the strange force that grabbed her so tightly if she was. Two she could be insane, although insane people typically didn’t realize that they were crazy, right? Or three, she had just crossed into some kind of new world, one where there were talking horses. The last option made her feel the least worried about this whole situation, so she rolled with it. “So,” Twilight horse asked nervously, “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and if I had to guess, you’re Rainbow Dash, correct?” Rainbow Dash wiped a few of the tears away from her face before nodding. It was weird that Twilight knew who she was, but then again she recognized Twilight Sparkle’s voice, so it wasn’t that weird. It took everything she had not to explode into another fit of crying but she managed to hold back the panic and ask, “What are you?” “Glad you asked,” Twilight said, with great pride. “My race are called ponies, we have earth ponies, which are like your normal horse, pegasi which have wings, and unicorns who can harness magical powers with their horns. Me and my fellow princesses here are all alicorns, we have all three traits.” Rainbow Dash looked back at the remainder of her bedroom which still stood, somehow. “I think I want to go home.” “I’d bring you home if I could, but honestly speaking, I have no idea how you got here. You kinda just fell from the sky.” With slight pain in her sides Rainbow Dash stood up, and quickly realized that she was at least a foot taller than Twilight Sparkle. “Ouch,” Rainbow Dash cried. “My side still hurts from being thrown out of my bedroom.” “Oh… that hurt you?” Twilight said apologetically. “That might have been my fault. I used magic to remove you from the building, I was afraid that you would get hurt if you stayed. I’m sorry.” Rainbow Dash reached out with a hand and patted the purple horse- er, pony, with a hand. Twilight’s very human looking hair was soft to the touch. “It’s okay, I’m sure that…” Something felt wrong. Her vision began going black and she felt dizzy. “I’m… going to sleep now.” Rainbow Dash managed to day before her the world went dark. *** “How in Equestria did a human get to… well Equestria,” Luna asked. Rainbow Dash shifted in what must have been the softest bed in the world. “That’s just it, she’s obviously not from Equestria. She also isn’t from the human world that I visited,” Twilight explained, a hint of worry in her voice. The covers on Rainbow Dash felt quite nice as well. “How do you know?” a much more mature voice asked. “This Rainbow Dash is not blue, she’s peach color. Not to mention that she smells different, isn’t wearing any cutie marked clothing, and is physically weaker. Either I missed some huge event in the past few months, or this is a new person altogether.” Rainbow Dash stretched out and reached over to her side. She was too tired to open her eyes yet, but she did wonder why her friends were in her room. Rainbow Dash felt some hair and brushed by it to find something soft, fuzzy, and squishy. She couldn’t help but to squeeze it. After hearing a surprised yelp, Rainbow Dash decided to open her eyes and see what she was grabbing at, because it certainly wasn’t the light switch. Her hand was grabbing a perfect heart shaped purple booty, complete with a long tail reaching down. A very surprised looking Twilight Sparkle was staring right at her. “Um… that’s not a light switch,” Rainbow Dash said. “No, it’s not,” Twilight replied. They stared at each other in silence for a moment. “You can let go now.” Rainbow Dash suddenly released the purple cheek and quickly rolled away. After hiding her head under the covers she squeaked, “Sorry.” “Are humans usually so grabby,” Luna asked. “That was clearly an accident,” the mature voice answered for Twilight. The room became awkwardly silent after that for what felt like forever. Rainbow Dash refused to poke her head above the covers for fear of having to look into Twilight’s face. The last thing she had wanted to do was grab a talking pony’s butt, especially one that was the alternate universes version of one of her closest friends. “So what are you going to do with the human?” Luna asked. Rainbow Dash peaked above the covers and stared at the blue alicorn, the taller white one was giving the blue one a dirty look. Twilight was facing away from Rainbow Dash, and unfortunately Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but glance at the purple bottom she had recently grabbed. “First off, this is Rainbow Dash, even if she is from another world, she is still my friend. Secondly she will stay with me until I find a way home for her,” Twilight Sparkle defended. Suddenly it dawned on Rainbow Dash who the tall white pony was, it must have been Luna’s big sister, Celestia. Rainbow Dash pushed herself out of bed and ignored the slight pain in her sides. “Hi, Tia… um,” suddenly she felt guilty for not having properly introduced herself earlier. “I know that you don’t really know me, none of you do, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m not a bad person. I’m just… I don’t know what I am right now.” Celestia gave a kind smile to Rainbow Dash and said, “Everything is fine. I’m sure that you’re scared; this is a strange world with no humans in it after all. I bet that you don’t know what to do.” “No, I really don’t,” Rainbow Dash admitted. “I was at home with dad, playing video games, and now I’m here and… wait there aren’t any other humans? No one came with me, I was all alone?” Celestia gave a look at Luna and said, “We should leave you two alone for a while.” Luna frowned. “Shall we go see what is left in the kitchen?” The two alicorns left the room. Twilight called after them, “Don’t eat all my food again. It’s expensive to replace that much food!” Twilight then looked at Rainbow Dash with a sad look in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Rainbow. You were the only one that came here like you did. I… don’t want to make things worse, but I have no idea where you came from, and so getting you home may be impossible.” Something broke inside Rainbow Dash’s heart and tears began to run down her face. She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around herself as she shook. “I won’t get to see my friends? My dad?” “I’m sorry.” A soft cry escaped Rainbow Dash’s lips as it felt like her entire world was collapsing in on itself. “I don’t want to be alone. Please don’t make me be all alone.” A soft pair of wings wrapped themselves around Rainbow Dash’s shoulders. Twilight crawled into the bed next to Rainbow Dash and held her tightly. It didn’t take any more convincing than that for Rainbow Dash to wrap her arms around the alicorn’s neck and planting her face against Twilight’s soft fur. “I won’t leave you alone, I can promise you that,” Twilight said kindly. When Rainbow Dash pulled away she saw the pony version of her friend staring back at her. She looked past the pony exterior and caught a glimpse at her old friend behind those loving eyes. Twilight’s cheeks became slightly pink as she stared back. For a moment nothing happened and then without warning Twilight leaned in and her lips pressed against Rainbow Dash’s. For a moment Rainbow Dash froze, and then she put her hands against Twilight’s chest and pushed the princess back. Twilight stared at Rainbow Dash in horror for a moment before looking away shamefully. Something stirred inside Rainbow Dash after the kiss, and she liked it. With even greater force Rainbow Dash leaned in and kissed Twilight right back. After they pulled away Twilight stared in shock at Rainbow Dash. “I uh, I thought that maybe you didn’t like that. I mean, just because I have a thing for humans, doesn’t mean that you feel the same about ponies…” Rainbow Dash couldn’t help but smile as she stared at the pony in her arms. “Yeah, I can’t lie, this is totally weird. Heck on my world they would call this bestiality, but there’s something about you, something that I like.” With a gentle hoof Twilight pushed Rainbow Dash onto her back and said, “This is going to get all kinds of weird before we’re done.” Twilight leaned in and kissed Rainbow Dash again, this time she slipped her tongue inside Rainbow Dash’s mouth. Although a little awkward, Rainbow Dash did her best to work with the situation. Rainbow’s heart was racing, and her body was heating up. They continued to kiss passionately for the better part of a few minutes. Without warning they heard Luna at the door. “Hey, Twilight, do you have anymore marshmallows…” Rainbow Dash and Twilight both nervously looked at the open doorway and stared at the shocked alicorn. Twilight cleared her throat and said, “Yeah, um, check underneath the sink. Spike has a candy horde underneath there.” “Okay, thanks,” Luna said. Luna turned away and trotted down the hallway, and in an incredibly loud voice she shouted, “OH DEAR SISTER OF MINE, I JUST FOUND YOUR STUDENT COMMITTING THE ACT OF BESTIALITY WITH THE HUMAN!” Celestia shouted back, “THAT DOESN’T SURPRSIE ME!” Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash, her face was as red a cherry. “Maybe I should have shut the door…” “Yeah…” Rainbow Dash replied. Suddenly a new question hit her, “Oh hey, did you bring my stuff here?” “Yeah I actually brought your entire room to the castle… I didn’t want to leave it behind.” “Cool, cool. Should we continue?” Rainbow Dash asked, while her hand found something nice to squeeze. Twilight squeaked. “Um, well they already know what we were up to…” Twilight said, embarrassed.