“Discord Steals Bob Barker’s Microphone”
By TwilightSparkle3562
Ever since he had retired from hosting “The Price is Right,” Bob Barker was a man who was always looking forward to a well-deserved retirement. He had been in front of the television cameras for over 50 years and had made plenty of friends and plenty of enemies. But with all the awards he had accomplished over the years, nothing meant of more value to him than his beloved microphone, which he had always used while hosting “The Price is Right.”
One day, however, he was doing what most people his age would do and that was staying low and reflecting on the good times, although he would normally make public appearances every now and then. It was morning when he noticed something was missing from his living room.
“Who took my microphone?” he cried, looking up at the mantel where he kept all his awards and memorabilia. “If it was those goons from the neighborhood, I outta…”
Suddenly, he noticed what appeared to be a blue portal and a strange looking creature dressed in an orange tuxedo and top hat on the other side, with a green pony wearing a pink flower child dress being held in the air by a strange vortex. Bob walked over to the portal and saw the creature with a long stick in his hand, speaking into it to a group of other ponies.
“I'm doing her a favor, Fluttershy!” said the creature. “It's a lovely dimension! White sand beaches, attentive wait staff... I mean, okay, the humidity isn't great, but where that isn’t the case these days?”
Bob took a closer look at the stick and suddenly began to grow cross upon further examination. He realized that the creature had his microphone and knew that he had to get it back.
“Good thing I still have my fighting skills,” Bob thought to himself as he slowly began to walk towards the vortex as another pony who was yellow with pink hair and wearing a dark green dress flew up to the creature staring at him right in the face.
“I don't understand why you're doing this! We were all getting along so well!” cried the pony, with a look of disgust on her face.
“As well as we could, considering you've already stomped all over our friendship by inviting her to the biggest night of the year as if I didn't matter at all!” retorted the strange creature as Bob stepped into the portal and found himself on the floor of a large ballroom while the argument continued between the strange creature and the flying yellow pony.
“Did you really think I'd abandon you just because I have a new friend?!”
“Yes, because that's what you did!”
“No, Discord! I invited a friend to a party! I didn't abandon you! What if you had a friend that you could discuss chaos-based magic with? Would that mean we weren't friends anymore?!”
The creature then realized the strange error he had caused and apologized to the yellow pony and her friend for his behavior. Knowing that he had to get his microphone back, Bob waited for the moment when the creature was distracted. However, before he could take another step, Bob felt himself on all fours and when he tried to get on two legs, he couldn’t.
“That’s funny,” Bob whispered to himself. “Did I become one of them?”
Bob then walked over to a window and looked at himself to reveal that he had become a pony with brown coating and was dressed in a suit jacket, white shirt and red tie, much like what he wore when hosting “The Price is Right.”
“For a pony, I don’t look half bad,” he remarked, quietly and as the music played, he got towards the dance floor where he saw a pink pony dancing with a large green blob wearing a blue top hat and red tie. “Now, for that creature.”
Bob carefully walked over onto the dance floor and when Discord produced the microphone again, he got himself in view and called out to the creature.
“That’s my microphone you got there!” shouted Bob as the entire gala fell silent. “I want it back and I want it now!”
All the ponies turned their attention towards Bob with questionable glares, including Twilight and Princess Celestia who both looked at each other with confused glances.
“I don’t think we invited him,” said Twilight. “Do you know him, Princess Celestia?”
“I’m afraid not,” replied Celestia. “But, let’s see who he is and what he is up to.”
As the Princesses of the sun and friendship watched from the sidelines, Bob walked towards Discord, struggling to walk straight because of his age. However, he managed to get up towards Discord and look up to him with a glare.
“Who are you and what do you want with this microphone?” asked Discord, twirling it around in the air.
“I’m Bob Barker, and that happens to be my microphone,” replied Bob, sharply. “I was host of a television show called ‘The Price is Right,’ and that microphone is what I used for 35 years.”
Discord pondered the microphone for a second and continued twirling it around which angered Bob even further.
“Sorry, why don’t I use it from now on?” laughed Discord. “If you aren’t doing anything, then why do you value it so?”
“Because it is a reminder of who I am,” replied Bob. “Now, give it back to me before I show off my dark side.”
Bob then looked up at the microphone and tried to jump up to get it, but he realized that he was 91 years old and couldn’t jump at all like he used to.
“I will send you to Drew Carey and have him use you as a Plinko stick if you don’t give me back that microphone,” snarled Bob.
“Who’s Drew Carey?” asked Discord. “Is he a friend of yours? Tell me, does he know Princess Twilight, whom I can still fly better than?”
“Hey!” remarked Twilight as Celestia let out a small giggle, finding the remark funny. Bob didn’t find it funny and using whatever strength he had, jumped up and grabbed the microphone rudely from Discord’s grip. This caused Discord to get cross and want to get even with this pony who was ruining his fun.
“Oh, it’s on now,” snapped Discord and punched Bob in the face, causing the crowd to jump into a chorus of gasps and cries of shock. “You like that, old pal? You want a piece of me?”
“I don’t want a piece of you,” groaned Bob, getting to his hooves. “I want the whole thing!”
And Bob continuously punched Discord seven times in the face with his front left hoof, showing off his old karate skills that Chuck Norris had taught him when he approaching the age of seniority. The seventh punch put Discord down onto the gala floor, causing the ponies to step back and allow the brawl to take place.
“Shouldn’t we do something, Princess?” cried Twilight, who was worriedly for the safety of all the ponies in attendance. “Somepony’s going to get hurt!”
But, although it was against her better judgment, Celestia decided to allow the fight to continue as Discord got to his feet.
“Now you’re gonna get it, Bobby!” he cried, transforming his clothes into the clothes Adam Sandler wore in “Happy Gilmore,” where Bob and him had a similar fight.
Discord charged towards the old pony and tried to lay a claw on him, but Bob countered and threw him to the gala floor as the ponies watched with some wanting intervention while others including Pinkie Pie cheered for the entertainment that was taking place before their eyes.
“Come on, Discord!” cried Pinkie Pie while her sister, Maud, watched with non-interest. “Teach that crazy old colt who is best pony!”
“Yay,” said Maud, flatly, clearly not interest in the war that was going on.
Just then, Discord pushed Bob and the two of them rolled on the floor, crashing into tables and decorations before they broke a window and rolled down a hill towards the royal Canterlot gardens where Discord had spent his days in a stone prison. The battle continued for a few more minutes, until Discord had gotten Bob onto his back and banged his chin against the top of his head, knocking Bob out cold.
“It’s like I always say,” laughed Discord as he stared down at the knocked out ex-game show host. “The price is wrong…”
But before Discord could say another word, Bob grabbed Discord with his right hoof and opened his eyes, giving Discord a glare before using his left hoof to continuously punch Discord in the stomach, causing him to lose the microphone which he was keeping in his magic. The microphone landed on the grass and when Bob punched Discord in the face and sending him to the ground, Bob picked up his microphone and started to leave.
“I think you’ve had enough,” he remarked and just as he started to turn, Discord tried to get back to his feet. “No?”
Bob then kicked Discord in the chin again and the creature of chaos fell back onto the grass, knocked out onto the ground.
“Now you’ve had enough, show off,” said Bob, quietly as he left Discord down on the grass, making his way back to the portal while all the ponies watched and followed him with aghast and surprised looks on their faces. Discord struggled to get back to his feet as Fluttershy flew down and checked on his injuries.
“Discord, are you hurt?” cried Fluttershy, looking at the bruises and beatings that her chaotic friend had taken. But, all Discord could do was utter a word of pain and fell unconscious, learning now that he should never take things without asking.
Meanwhile, Bob found himself back at the portal in the ballroom and turned back towards the ponies as they all watched him prepare to step through the portal.
“Before I go,” he said, with his microphone in his hoof. “I would like to remind you all to help control the pet population. Have your pets spade or neutered. Goodbye, everybody!”
So, they all watched as Bob stepped through the portal before resuming the Grand Galloping Gala. But not before reacting to what happened in front of them.
“This turned out to be the weirdest gala I’ve ever been to,” remarked Applejack, as she walked with Rainbow Dash onto the dance floor.
“You’re telling me,” added Rainbow Dash. “I’m up for rough and tumble action, but this was kind of 20% ridiculous.”
“What did he mean by getting pets ‘spade and neutered’?” said Applejack. “I wouldn’t even do such a thing to Winona. She’s perfectly fine!”
“Let’s just hope we never find out what those words mean,” added Rainbow Dash as the ponies resumed their night at the Gala while Discord was helped into the ballroom by Fluttershy, determined to enjoy the night despite what he had just endured.
Meanwhile, Bob found himself back in his house with his microphone in his hand, smiling to himself as he placed the microphone back on the mantel.
“I hope that creature learned one thing,” Bob said to himself as he looked at his prized microphone on the mantel. “Never mess with Robert William Barker.”