Twilight took a deep breath, savoring the smell of the fresh air. Now that they were away from Roads Crossed, and the smell of the battle that had taken place there, she was able to recognize the scents of flowers, grass, and good old-fashioned sunshine. She was even starting to wonder why she’d spent so much time cooped up in her crystal tower in recent times.
“Ow! Watch it!”
“Ah am! Watch it yourself!”
“We agreed on this! So long as you stay on that side of the path, there’s no way for either of us to hit each other.”
“Ah am on that side of th’ path. Ya’ll just wandered over here like a hog chasin’ after mushrooms.”
Twilight sighed, her good mood falling as the volume of the voices rose. Oh yeah, she thought. That’s why.
Wits End rolled his eyes, trotting behind the purple alicorn. “How terrible of a pig do you have to be to have to chase mushrooms?”
“‘Bout as terrible as a pony who can’t keep to his side of th’ path,” Applejack snorted, easily keeping pace with the other two ponies, despite the cartload she was pulling.
“That sounds about ri- Hey!”
“Would you two knock it off?” Twilight groaned, looking over her shoulder at the two bickering ponies.
“She started it,” Wits End said reflexively.
“Ah did not!” Applejack replied.
“I don’t care!” Twilight shouted, coming to a stop. “No-pony cares! Literally, no-pony is around to care!” She motioned toward the empty landscape around them. “We’re the only living things on this path for miles! Why are you two so fixated on who’s on whose imaginary side?”
The two ponies looked down at their hooves for a second. “We’re bored,” Applejack finally said.
“Really bored,” Wits End agreed. “Like, really super bored.”
“We’ve been walkin’ for hours, Twilight,” Applejack continued. “An’ it’s like ya said, there ain’t no-pony ‘round for miles. Ya’ll have been enjoyin’ nature or whatever, an’ the two of us ain’t got nothin’ in common to talk ‘bout.”
“So we decided to argue,” Wits End said, picking a stalk of grass with his magic. “Passes the time without needing any common interests.”
Twilight stared at the two in silence. “That has to be in the top twenty silliest things I’ve ever heard come out of your mouths.”
“Boredom does strange things t’ponies,” Applejack said with a shrug.
“Hang on.” Wits End tilted his head, looking at Twilight. “You already have a list of stupid stuff I’ve said?”
Twilight turned around and started walking again. “Oh, she makes lists for everythin,” Applejack said. “Why, one time she stopped by the farm with a stack of papers as tall as you are.”
One side of Wits End’s mouth turned downward. “That small, huh?”
“Applejack,” Twilight said, “he doesn’t really need to-”
“An’ when me and my brother started lookin’ through them, it turned out she’d developed a sortin’ list for all th’ different kinds of apple seeds we had!” Applejack chuckled. “Sorted’m by flavor, name, color, an’ texture. We’d never seen anythin’ like it!”
“Ha.” Twilight had a forced smile on her face, deliberately avoiding Wits End’s raised eyebrow. “Ha. Ha. Really funny, Applejack. Wits End, that was-”
“What kind of sorting algorithm was it?” the mint-colored unicorn asked without a shred of sarcasm.
Twilight and Applejack blinked, staring at the unicorn in confusion. “What?” Twilight finally managed.
“The sorting list.” Wits End seemed genuinely interested; the first genuine thing either pony had seen him do. “What was it? Bubble sort? Radix? Quicksort?”
“Um.” Twilight struggled to mentally adapt to the sudden change. “It was a quicksort algorithm, actually. How did you know about those things?”
Now it was Wits End’s turn to freeze. Crap, he thought, his mind racing. I totally geeked out there. I can’t say I’m a programmer; they don’t have computers in Equestria. Well, unless the equipment Twilight used in that Pinkie Sense episode is a computer. But there’s no way to be sure. But there’s also no other way to explain it. He swallowed hard, trying to force his panic down. Maybe I can bluff my way out of this; get one of them to explain it for me. “Well, I-”
“Wait,” Twilight interrupted, her eyes lighting up in excitement. “Do you use a PONIAC?”
Wits End blinked. “A Pone- what?”
“A PONIAC? Personally Operated Numerical Integrator And Computer? I used them all the time when I was studying in Canterlot. I even managed to bring a set to Ponyville.” Twilight had a massive smile on her face. “Of course, it got blown up by Tirek, but as a Princess, I was able to order the latest model for super cheap.”
Wits End’s mouth worked silently as in his mind, a stern-looking pony was throwing a large set of carefully prepared documents into the air. “Y-yes, that,” he managed to say, starting to walk again. “Exactly, PONIAC. I’m actually studying how to program them at university.” He frowned, considering his current situation. “Well, I was. I had six months left before graduation, and then this whole Discord shenanigan got started. At this point, I’ll be happy to get back alive.”
“Ah’m sure Discord wouldn’t do anythin’ too bad,” Applejack said, happy to direct the conversation toward something she could actually understand.
“In my experience,” Wits End said, “there are times when the dice don’t care what the DM wants.” He sighed, picking up the pace. “The sooner we can get to the library of whatever, the better.”
“Library of the Eternal Eclipse,” Twilight corrected, pulling a note out of one of her pouches. She’d gotten the information from a traveller in the inn at Roads Crossed. “Rumors say that it was founded by a group of alicorn scholars who worshipped a pair of sister goddesses.” She looked up from the note. “Do you think they could be Princess Celestia and Luna?”
Wits End shrugged. “Possibly. I wouldn’t put it past Discord to troll us, though.”
“Well,” Applejack said, adjusting her saddle, “the sooner we get there, the sooner ya’ll can puzzle that out.” She smiled wryly, looking at the two ponies walking side by side. “Unless ya’ll get too busy mashin’ your faces together.”
Wits End rolled his eyes. “Are we seriously not over this yet? There was not, is not, and likely will not be anything between us.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “What?” She put on her best Rarity impression, pursing her lips. “Do you not find me attractive?”
Wits End’s face went blank as he stared at her. The three ponies stood in complete silence for several seconds before the two mares broke into giggles. “That’s unfair,” he said plainly. “If we can stop failing the Bechdel Test, lets get to this stupid library.” In a huff, he trotted ahead of the giggling ponies.
“He’s right,” Applejack said, wiping a tear of joy from her eye. “Let’s get this show back on th’ road.”
“Applejack, wait.” Twilight moved closer, her expression serious. “I need to talk to you about something.”
Applejack stopped, turning back. “What is it, Twi?”
Twilight leaned in, glancing at Wits End. “Haven’t you noticed something a bit… odd about him?”
“What’d you mean?” Applejack raised an eyebrow to Twilight. “Twi, Ah thought ya were over that whole suspicion thing.”
“What? No, that’s not it. I’m talking about his cutie mark.”
Applejack glanced at the retreating unicorn. His cloak was draped over his hindquarters. “Ah don’t recall what it was.”
“Exactly. Applejack… I don’t think he was one.”
“What?”
Twilight nodded. “I noticed it when we were fighting that bandit chief. Every time his cloak lifted up, there was just a blank flank.”
Applejack’s eyebrow raised further. “Ya’ll were checkin’ out his flank?”
“AJ, focus, please. I meant to ask Fluttershy and Pinkie about it before we split up, but we all got so wrapped up in reconnecting that I completely forgot about it.” The purple alicorn thought for a moment. “Come to think of it, Purple Heart didn’t have one either.”
Applejack shrugged. “Light Patch was a blank flank too. Me an’ Rarity had to help’m check.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “You were checking out his flank?”
“Twi, focus, please.”
“My point,” Twilight continued, “is that isn’t is kinda odd that a fully grown stallion is a blank flank?”
“Ah hadn’t really thought about it…” Applejack frowned. “Ah guess dealin’ with Apple Bloom an’ her friends for so long, Ah stop payin’ attention t’ that.”
“Not only that, but I’m pretty sure he’s hiding something.” Twilight looked unsure for a moment. “Is that just me being paranoid again?”
Applejack snorted. “Sugarcube, do ya think I’d be th’ element of Honesty if Ah couldn’t tell when somepony’s hidin’ somethin’? That boy’s got a secret, an’ he ain’t too good at hidin’ it. Do ya’ll think he’s hidin’ his lack of a cutie mark?”
“I don’t know,” Twilight sighed. “But I do think it’s something we should try and figure out. Subtlely.” She added the last part with a pointed glance at the earth pony.
“Hey! Ah can be sneaky!”
“You just said you were the element of Honesty.”
“Ah honestly can be sneaky!”
“Oye!” Wits End stood at the top of a hill, glaring down at the whispering ponies. “Unless you’re planning some sort of birthday party, you’re gonna want to get a move on!”
With a shared meaningful look, the two mares crested the hill. Twilight came to a stop next to the mint-colored unicorn. “What’re you so impatient abou- Oh.”
Wits End gestured toward a dome-shaped building towering over the treetops. “In point-five miles, turn right into Library of the Eternal Eclipse. You have reached your destination.”
* * *
“It’s…” Wits End stood at the entrance to the dome-shaped building, his mouth slack as he stared through the open doors.
“Really…” Twilight stood by the stallion, a similar expression on her face.
“Big,” Applejack finished, wheeling the wagon through the doorway into the lobby. Floor upon floor rose up to the ceiling, which was painted with a mural of the sky; the highest point had a massive eclipse, with rays extending in all directions. “We can set up here.”
“Great. I need to check on the others before we get started.” Twilight closed her eyes, a look of concentration crossing her face. “Rarity? Are you there?”
“Yes, dear. I am here.”
“Excellent. How is your group doing?”
“We’re fine,” the fashionista replied. “We fought some creatures and gained the experience that Purple Heart sought. I think something’s wrong though.”
“What do you mean?”
“Purple Heart’s congestion is getting worse,” Rarity explained. “It’s bothering him a great deal.”
Twilight sighed. “Who’d have thought that colt would have such a bad immune system?”
“He seems to be blaming his discomfort on an allergy or something he ate last night,” Rarity continued. “Fluttershy and I are going to confront him in a moment to get an explanation from him.”
“Good luck. If he gets any worse, let me know. I read a book by this horticulturist who described over a thousand different plants that can help with allergies. Do you know if there’s any-”
“Darling, I’m sure that’s fascinating, but I don’t think we’ll have time to search for a remedy. We’re confronting him now.”
“Alright. I’ll check in again tomorrow. Let me know if there’s anything wrong with him.” Twilight thought for a moment. “Well, more than what we already know is wrong.”
“I will,” Rarity replied. “Talk to you tomorrow… Oh, did you find the library?”
“We did! This place is huge! I’ll let you know if I find anything interesting. Good night, Rarity.”
“Good night, Twi.”
After speaking with the dressmaking pony, she turned her focus toward Pinkie Pie. “Are you there, Pinkie?”
“Ooh. Hi Twilight! Are you using the mental thingy?” Pinkie responded. “Or are you actually right next to me? In fact, without even being able to see you, how do I really know it’s you?”
“...Pinkie, do you know any other ponies who can speak directly into your brain?” Twilight asked, hoping she didn’t pull any weird stunts. There were so many books to read, and not enough time to read them all.
“Oh, uh… Nope, okay, I guess you pass this time and OOOH!” Pinkie somehow exclaimed in her thoughts. “Wild onions! These will go good tonight. Anywho, whatcha’ calling about, Twilight?”
“I was just checking to see how your group was doing. Anything happen I should know about?”
“Well, first Light Patch went and explained about that stallion named Murphy- Murphy, Murphy, Murphy. Such a weird name right?” Pinkie Pie began to motor-think. “Oh wow, who knew tomatoes could grow wild! These will definitely be eaten tonight. Anyway, so he explained all about this Murphy and the laws under which Murphy works, to which I responded-”
“Great!” Twilight interrupted. “Well, I gotta go. Wits End is, uh, trying to conquer the fiction section with a spoon. I’ll check in tomorrow. Bye!” She closed the connection before the pink pony could continue rambling. After a moment, she sighed. “Well, they’re all alive, at least. It seems like they’ve both got their own problems to deal with.”
“Discord’s probably got sidequests planned for them too,” Wits End said, scanning the closest bookshelf. “This library’s probably ours. Splitting up gives us some leeway to- Here we go.” He pulled a large tome out, dusting off the cover with a hoof. “A Brief, Abridged History of Everything. I’ll give Discord one thing; he knows how to work the acceptable breaks from realism.” He took a seat and flipped open to the first page.
“Terrific. Bye.” Twilight took off like a shot, disappearing into the forest of books.
Applejack stared at the mint-colored unicorn lost in his reading, with the sounds of an excited alicorn gathering books echoing throughout the library. “Well, alrighty,” she muttered to herself. “Ah guess Ah’ll set up camp on my own then.”