//------------------------------// // AXE COP (Part 4) // Story: Axequestria // by Emtu //------------------------------// The Purple One strained as her magic surrounded an apple, stretching and distorting its shape. With little else to do, I knew Ponyville was frequently the origin of the disasters that befell the Element bearers, so Changeling Soldier and I sat nearby, observing. As she relaxed and her horn went out, the apple snapped back to its original shape. “Try it again, Twilight! You can do it!” Spike encouraged. She wiped her forehead with a hoof. “Phew! This spell’s a toughie! But I feel lucky this time! One, two–” “–HIIIIII!” The Pink One came barreling in and caught her in a tackle hug, causing her magic to misfire and start to ricochet off of several surfaces. I quickly stood and drew my crystal axe, holding it up to deflect the errant magic back to its original target of the apple, which promptly transformed into an orange. Twilight groaned. “Pinkie! Why’d you do that?” “‘Cause hugs are funneriffic, especially when you throw one around a friend.” She wrapped her forelimbs around her own body in an impossibly elastic fashion. “Whatcha doin’?” “Trying to turn that apple into an orange!” Igor spoke up. “But you kinda threw her aim... off...” The diminutive dragon trailed off as he looked back to the toadstool table to see the apple had apparently turned into an orange, despite the misaimed spell. “Hehe! Sure looks like an orange to me! Can I have a piece?” Egghead looked confused. “Um, sure? Axel, could you...?” I nodded, and with two quick chops of my axe, the orange was quartered... only to reveal that the inside, instead of being segmented and pulpy, was solid and whitish. “Huh, I wonder why only the outside changed.” “Could it be because I deflected the spell with my axe?” I asked. Pinkie snatched up a piece of the apple-orange in her mouth and began to chew. “Mmm! Juicy! Tastes like eating an apple and an orange at the same time! Do me next, Twilight! Do me! Do me!” she said, as she began to pronk away. “Possibly. Crystal Empire crystals may have some unusual magical properties, would you mind if I borrowed your axe for a while to examine it?” “Not at all, go ahead. Just don’t damage it.” I laid the axe on the table and pulled my regular axe out of my backpack. She nodded, and lit her horn to move the axe to the side. With a *doing* sound, Ponka collided with the White One, who happened to be walking nearby. “Ooooh, Rarity, wanna see Twilight turn me into an orange? It's gonna be funna-fun-fuuun!” With a flourish of her blue magic, she removed the cloak she was wearing to reveal an elegant dress underneath. “As fun as creating this haute couture ensemble that I just finished making? Delightful, non?” Songsmile gasped and put her forehooves to the sides of her face in surprise. “This is terrible!” “I admit it's perhaps not my finest work, but I–” She was interrupted by a pink snoot being mashed up against her own. “You had total-awesome-amazing fun and missed out on it?! Neh! Wait!” She bounced back over to Purple Smart and Junior, and began to bounce and prance around them. “What if there's more awesome amazing fun with friends happening somewhere in Ponyville right now that I'm missing out on too?!” She dashed off in a streak of pink. “We weren’t gonna turn her into an orange! I swear!” Spike said to Rarara. She gave him a warm smile and continued on her way. At that point I realized what episode was next after the Crystal Empire, and after I thought about it for a minute, I realized I should be fine here until Pinkie comes back. Twi started to study her notes again, and with a flash of golden light, Changeling Soldier summoned her lyre. As it floated in front of her, I noticed a quick flash of golden flame around her front hooves, followed immediately by a more typical golden magic aura. I cocked an eyebrow at her, and she responded with a smirk as she brought one hoof up to the lyre and moved it across the strings, strumming it with more dexterity than she had before. She beckoned me to come closer, then she leaned over and whispered, “I transformed by hooves into hands, then cast a simple illusion to make them look normal. It lets me play my lyre with much more precision!” I gave her an approving nod and leaned back on the bench next to her. She sat back in her usual odd position, levitated the lyre closer, and began to play a soft, relaxing tune. I noticed almost immediately the effect it had on everyone nearby; ears rotated instantly to point at her, walking ponies quickly shifted their gait to match the rhythm of the song, and many ponies swayed and/or bopped to the music. I wasn’t even immune. She continued with the soothing music while Twi retried her spell. “One, two–” I got a terrible sense of deja vu as that pink blur flew towards her, this time bouncing right off of her back, once again causing the spell to misfire. The surprise caused Changeling Soldier to drop her lyre, and it disappeared in a *POP* of golden magic. I didn’t have my crystal axe on me this time, and I was too relaxed to try to stop it anyway, so the spell rebounded off of a tree branch and towards a nearby pond to create the world’s first orangephibian. It croaked and hopped into the water. The pink blur came back the other direction, knocking over the table and causing the apple to roll across the ground, but this time Dr. Purple called out to stop her. “Pinkie!” The blur skidded to a stop, leaving a large rut in the ground with Pinkabetes sitting in it. “What in the wide, wide world of Equestria are you doing now?” She bounced out of the hole and up to Sparklebutt and Minion. “Timing myself galloping back and forth between the swimming hole and Sweet Apple Acres.” Bouncing around the two in a circle, she continued. “I'm trying to cut down my time so if Rainbow Dash dives off the swing, I can get to Sweet Apple Acres to help with the barn raising,” The bouncing stopped, and she stood in front of them as she finished, “And then be back in time to see Rainbow Dash hit the water after doing a double flip!” She took a deep breath and sighed, then held up the stopwatch hanging around her neck. “If I can cut my time by only twenty minutes, I'm good.” Twi laughed. “Oh, Pinkie. I'm afraid no matter how hard you try, the only way to pull something like that off is if there's more of you to go around.” She picked the table back up, and returned the apple to its position. Pinkie’s head rotated jerkily in the completely wrong direction and made ticking sounds, then snapped back to its original position with the sound of a timer bell going off. “That’s it, Twilight!” She dashed up to the Purple One, knocking over not only her, but also the table again. “The Legend of the Mirror Pool!” Then she promptly dashed off towards the Everfree Forest. “Legend of the who what now? Pinkie!? I’m familiar with loads of legends, and I never heard of–” Junior interrupted. “Does this mean practice is over?” “Of course not, back to work.” Having recovered from the surprise that snapped me out of the relaxation, I spoke up. “Hey Purp– uh, Twi. Do you think it would be possible for you to enchant that crystal axe with a spell that would be cast when I hit something with it?” She put a hoof to her chin, thinking for a minute. “It would depend on the thaumic malleability of the material, but it’s probable, considering the way you deflected my errant spell with it before.” “Could you get it ready as soon as possible? I can’t tell you what I want on it yet because you don’t know the spell yet.” She looked thoroughly confused. “What? How can you know I don’t know the spell you want me to enchant into it?” “Can’t say. Pinkie Promise.” I held my left hand up over the left lens of my shades. “...Alright. Enchanting is tricky, I can only wait so long for the spell to add to it without restarting the entire process, and I have to do a quick analysis of it first. So... if you can get back to me at the library with the spell you need in no more than four hours, then there won’t be a delay before I can put it on.” I tapped my chin as I thought for a minute about the sequence of events in this episode. “Hmmm, yeah I should be able to manage four hours. Right now, I need to find a place to get a hair clip, like a pony might wear in their tail.” I held up a hand to preemptively stop her questioning. “It’s a gift, that’s all I can say.” She nodded in understanding. “Well, I trim my own mane and tail, but I think most ponies get theirs styled at the spa, and Rarity sells a few accessories.” Marshmallow Pone, I should have known. “Okay, thanks. I need to get going now, time is of the essence. I’ll be sure to get back to you in that time limit. Come on Ly–” I coughed a bit. “Chan–” I shook my head vigorously and quickly said with emphasis, “Lyra, let’s get going, we need to go to the Carousel Boutique.” She smiled at my use of her actual name, though I hope she doesn’t get used to it, that was difficult to get right. “Alright, just let me dismiss this.” She clapped her forehooves together, and rather than the usual clop sound, there was a slap sound of skin on skin. She caused a quick flash of both golden flames and magic around her hooves, then clapped them together again to hear the expected clop sound, then she stood up and we headed across town. As we stood outside of Rarity’s front door, I turned to Changeling Soldier. “Before we go in, I need to ask you two things.” She nodded and tilted her head inquisitively. “First, I’m going to need to buy something in here, but I still don’t have any money. What I need shouldn’t be too expensive, I hope.” “Alright, that’s fine, I have plenty of bits and I can always busk a bit if we need more. What’s the other thing?” “Well... this is both her place of business and her residence. Do we just walk in, or knock first?” She pointed at the sign in the window. “If it says ‘open’, you just walk in. I guess not many humans live at their places of business, huh?” “Not really,” I said as I pushed the door open, which rang the bell. “Coming! Welcome to Carousel Boutique, where every garment is chic, unique, and magnifique!” As the White One came around a corner, a look of surprise appeared on her face. “Axel! Lyra! I hadn’t expected to see the two of you here! Did you come by to have a change of clothes made? I don’t think I have seen you wear anything else since we first saw you at the wedding.” “More clothes, huh? Might not be a bad idea at some point, but not right now. I need to get a small gift for P-Pinkie, and I need it quickly. I was thinking something like a hair clip, maybe?” She pursed her lips a bit. “I don’t think a hair clip would work very well for Pinkie, considering her... active lifestyle, shall we say. Perhaps you might be interested in a tail wrap instead? Some of them are used for wrapping up the entire tail, for ponies who don’t want to cut it, but there are smaller, decorative ones that are worn just below the dock, and they stay in place much more securely than a mere hair clip. They’re fairly uncommon, but they can still be fashionable.” I looked to Changeling Soldier. “She's got a good point, Pinkie is as hyperactive as a filly that ate an entire candy shop, and anything simply clipped to her mane or tail probably wouldn’t stay there very well.” “That actually happened once, you know,” she informed me with a smirk. “As far as I know, Pinkie's still paying off her debt to Bon Bon.” Rarara spoke up. “That’s what I said, dear. I have a few designs here that you can choose from, and I have a spell that will let me make them any color you desire, though I would recommend a sky blue, something like the color of Rainbow Dash’s coat, for Pinkie.” “Sounds good to me. Just give me the one that would be simplest for me to put on her. How much?” “For you, and since it’s a gift for Pinkie, no charge.” I started to protest, but she pressed the wrap into my hands and interrupted. “Ah-ah-ah-ah I won’t take no for an answer. I may find you... unusual, but after the things you’ve done for us, I consider you a friend, and friends do things for each other.” With a smile, I bowed to her. “Why thank you Miss Ra-Rarity. I appreciate it. I really do need to be going now, thank you again!” I all but sprinted out the door, Changeling Soldier in tow. “Where are we going?” she asked. “We need to get to the big clearing by the Everfree Forest, and fast. I hope we’re not too late.” We arrived to the clearing just in time to see The Pink One standing next to an easel in front of a group of other Ponka Pos. She tapped the easel with her hoof, and the group said, “Pinkie Pie!” “Excellent! Okay, let’s get on with this, folks. Fan out on three. One–” Every pony in the crowd, save the one standing next to the easel, took off in a series of cartoonish pink streaks. “Eh, good enough.” She began to pronk away. “La-la-la la-la-la-la!” I ran up to her and tried to catch my breath from the long run. “Pink!” I gasped out. “Oh, hey Axel, what’s up?” She continued to bounce in place. Still breathing heavily, I gasped out. “Got... a gift... for you.” I held out the tail wrap. “It’s really important that you wear it.” She immediately stopped bouncing and got a serious look on her face. “If you say it’s really important that I do this, then I believe you. What is it? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything like it before.” “It’s a tail wrap,” I explained. “You wear it around the base of your tail.” “It’s really important that I wear this? If you say so. Put it on me!” She turned sideways in front of me and scooted close. Leaning over carefully, I wrapped it around the base of her tail and secured it snugly. She stepped away and wagged her tail around a few times. “I like it! Thanks, Axey! See you later!” She pronked off back towards Ponyville. I turned my attention back to Changeling Soldier, to find her head down with one hoof on her forehead. “Please tell me I didn’t see what I just thought I saw when we got here. Please,” she said. “Assuming you saw a mob of pink ponies that quickly dispersed, you saw exactly what you thought you saw,” I confirmed. “They’re going to wreck Ponyville!” she exclaimed, waving her arms over her head. “Ponyville itself, not really. They’ll just make a mess. Can you play your lyre while walking, and do you know a song that might attract the clones to follow you?” She calmed down a bit and thought for a moment. “I do know a song, but I’ll need to practice playing while walking. The trip back to Ponyville should be enough.” She transformed into her semi-human bipedal form, summoned up her lyre, and started playing a familiar song as she marched back towards Ponyville. I got the biggest grin on my face and started marching alongside her, pumping my axe in the air like the leader of a marching band. Once we reached the edge of Ponyville, I stopped pumping my axe and tossed it in my backpack, but continued to walk alongside Changeling Soldier. “Keep marching around Ponyville, see if you can get all the Pinks to follow you. I need to hurry to the library.” She nodded and kept marching along. It only took me a couple minutes to reach the library. I threw the door open and yelled, “Egghead!” She was standing in the middle of the room, holding a book in her magic, and she turned to face me in surprise. I pointed at the book and declared, “That spell, right there. The one you have that book open to, that’s the one I want you to put on my crystal axe. Am I back in time?” Looking back and forth between me and the book, she stammered. “But– How– You– What? Yes, you’re back in plenty of time but how could you possibly have known– You know what, I’m done asking. You’re as bad as Pinkie Pie, and that’s saying something.” She walked up to the table, which had my axe laying on it, and cast a quick spell at it. “There, there’s your enchanted axe. Now take it and go do whatever you’re going to do.” She levitated the axe towards me. I grabbed the axe out of the air and hung it from my backpack. “Thanks, Dr. Purple! Any idea where I might find Renbow Dosh?” She rolled her eyes at me. “Probably sleeping on a cloud, as usual.” I nodded and headed back outside, looking up in the sky for conspicuous clouds. Spotting one, I picked up a small pebble and whipped it at the cloud. “Owww, what the hay?” A rainbow-maned head poked over the side. “What’d you do that for?” “Dash, I have an important mission for you. I need you to find the Pinkie wearing a blue tail wrap, bring her someplace safe, then tell me when you have. While you’re looking, tell everyone else to get inside and take shelter. Once you do I’ll take care of the clones.” She flew up from the cloud and saluted. “Anything for my friends!” she exclaimed, then flew off. I waited in front of the library for a few minutes, during which Squggletail, Yellowquiet, and Treekicker went in to check if Purple Smart had found a way to fix things. Not long after, Blue Fast returned, breathing heavily and hauling The Pink One along. “Found... her...” She dropped Pinks in my arms, falling to the ground herself only seconds later. I set her down and checked her tail, to find the same blue tail wrap I had put on it only a short time earlier. “Good job, Speedycloud!” I said. She waved a hoof at me from her position on the ground. “Perky Pup, I need you to listen to me. You need to take RD here, go in the library, and don’t leave until I come and get you.” “Not to leave the library, even if you come and get me.” She nodded. “No, no. Until I come and get you.” I facepalmed. “Not the time! Just take her and get in!” She grinned and giggled as she picked up the Blue One and carried her inside, closing the door behind them. Once they were gone, I noticed Ponyville had become mostly quieter than usual, outside of the approaching sound of a lyre accompanied by a chorus of “Fun! Fun! Fun!” I drew my crystal axe and headed for the sound. As I got nearer, Changeling Soldier called out, “I think I got them all! Whatever you’re doing, do it quick, I can’t keep this up much longer!” With a nod, I dashed past her into the mass of Pink. With a cry of, “I’LL CHOP ALL YOUR HEADS OFF!” I started swinging, and every clone I decapitated burst into a swirl of energy and flew off towards the Everfree Forest. Once the dust cleared, I saw Changeling Soldier had dived to the ground, covering her head with her hands. Slowly she uncovered her head, shifted back to her normal pony form, and turned to look at me. “Could you warn me next time when you’re going to do something like that? Geez.” I just shrugged noncommittally at her as she clambered to her hooves. I headed back to the library to check on the girls. I found them in a big group hug with Pinkie in the middle. Twi looked up at me and said, “Axel! I may not approve of your methods, but even I can’t deny you get results. How did you know what you knew, though?” I looked to The Pink One, who gazed back at me with a serious look. “Is it alright if I tell everypony the how, but not the what?” She got a thoughtful look for a moment, then nodded. “Alright, you should all brace yourselves for this, because it’s kind of a doozy. In the world I come from, this entire world is fictional. It’s like... hmm, what would be an appropriate analogy... short movies intended for children, that have gained an adult audience as well. I have seen it myself, and while there wasn’t really a clear timetable, I have seen major events in what I assume is a couple years into your futures. I did Pinkie Promise not to tell anyone spoilers, though I can help out. This character I have become, Axe Cop, is fictional in my world as well. I don’t know how it happened, but I will use my strange powers and abilities to help out as much as I can. It is messing with my head a bit though... some of you may have noticed me using odd names for you, that’s part of it. Sorry if it bothers you, it takes an effort to intentionally use correct names.” Dr. Purple looked up at me. “This is a lot to take in, but I for one believe it. The ‘strangeness’ that permeates things that occur around you as well as the data I’ve gathered from both the crystal axe and your regular axe, while you had abandoned it in the Crystal Empire, backs it up. As for the names,” she waved a hoof at me, “I’m sure we can all learn to deal with it.” The rest of them nodded, in varying levels of enthusiasm. “Is that why you always call me Changeling Soldier?” Changeling Soldier asked. I only nodded in reply. She shrugged. “Now that I know, it won’t bother me so much, and I’ll know it’s something important when you go to the effort of using my real name.” Pinkie spoke up. “Spike, take a letter.” Junior ran over to the desk and grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill. “Dear Princess Celestia, It’s great to have fun, but it’s even greater to have great friends, even if they’re not all ponies. And having lots of friends means that you sometimes have to make choices as to who you'll spend your time with. But that's okay, because good friends will always give you lots of opportunities to have fun. So even if you're missing out, it's never for long. Respectfully yours, Pinkie Pie.” With a puff of green fire, the letter was incinerated and sent on its way. “Ahh, now that that’s done, there’s just one thing I wanna do.” “What’s that?” asked Flutterbutt. Ponka flopped over backwards on the ground, sighed, and started snoring, all the girls laughing quietly in response. “That looks like fun.”