Everypony Uses SAT Words and Twilight Overreacts

by CaDragon1

Try to Mitigate Damage

            “Spike, I’m going out!”

                Twilight heard Spike’s grunt of acknowledgement as she headed out the door. The day’s prospects caused her to smile, but she frowned as an image of her assistant reading his comic books instead of doing his chores flitted inside her head. “Spike, No comic books until your chores are done!” she yelled over her shoulder.

                She stifled a giggle as she heard the little dragon groan. “Fiiiiine, but I hope you realize that chores are pretty much useless. I mean, a cleaning job is pretty ephemeral. Yeesh…”

                Twilight shut the door behind her as she left. I’m glad he’s using the thesaurus I got him for his birthday. He really did need to expand his vocabulary, she thought with a chuckle. I guess I should go check up on Rarity and see if I can lend a helping hoof.

                Mind made up, she trotted in the direction of the Carousel Boutique, Rarity’s clothing business. As she entered the town square, she caught the usual babble of the town, but it somehow seemed much more… intelligent, she supposed, than the usual talk. She slowed down enough to catch snippets of various conversations.

                “…so I asked the mailmare what she thought about the new muffin bakery, and she claimed it was paramount that they learned how to make banana nut. She was pretty tacit that the credibility of a bakery that can’t make banana nut muffins is next to none…”

                “…I didn’t buy it because of how rapacious the shop owner was. It was even on sale, but he…”

                “…found it feasible that Fluttershy’s benign attitude could make any stallion weak in the knees…”

                Twilight blinked. There was something off, and she couldn’t put her hoof on it. She stopped and loitered near a young, brown-coated colt with a propeller beanie who was having a rather animated (and one-sided) discussion with a stallion that had fallen asleep across the table.

                “Yeah, so the claims of Hoof-Life 3 coming out soon are extremely dubious, I personally don’t think that they will ever release it. I mean, really…”

                Twilight’s brow furrowed slightly and she chewed her cheek as she mused over what was so odd about the conversations. A few ideas bounced around in her head when it clicked. Everypony was using SAT words in casual conversation, when just the day before they had just been using much simpler synonyms! This was all very confusing to her, but since it wasn’t actively harming anything... I might as well try to ignore it.

                She finished the journey to Rarity’s place and knocked. After a rather sophisticated “Come in!” was heard, she entered to see Rarity putting up various decorations. There were many flashy ornaments and shiny baubles hanging about, and it looked almost like she was preparing for a party of sorts. Within her magic was a bright, silvery ribbon that she was fussing over. Twilight, confused about the whole thing, greeted Rarity. “Hey, Rarity, whatcha doing?”

After a thought-laden pause, Rarity draped the ribbon around the room and turned to Twilight. “Well, darling, I made a very important sale to a very important client and Pinkie decided we should have a party. I would prefer not to have a party with an alligator reprehensibly swimming in the drink, so I insisted upon a more resplendent, slightly more formal party.”

                Twilight blinked as she processed Rarity’s speech. Two more SAT words. However, considering this was Rarity, that could easily be just her naturally more eloquent vocabulary. She tuned back in as Rarity continued.

                “Anyways, Pinkie ran off to get some more decorations to adorn the boutique because the existing supplies couldn’t appease her, and I stayed here to improve the aesthetic. I am ever so glad I did, because this ribbon just spoke to me and I had to use it to its full potential. You don’t think it is too ostentatious, do you?”

                With an audible sproing, a lock of the bookish alicorn’s mane jumped up, and a rather frazzled Twilight stuttered “Y-yeah, uh, no I don’t. It looks lovely.”

                Rarity beamed. “Why, thank you, Darling! I am ever so glad that you could alleviate my concerns, I feel like I sometimes am far too pedantic for my own good.”

                Twilight’s eye twitched and she gave a crazed giggle. “Rarity? Uh, heh, Are you doing this on purpose?”

                Rarity blinked and realized that Twilight looked as if she were a rather manic meerkat that just finished a marathon.

                Rarity (understandably, meerkats have been known to be rather vicious) took a cautious step backwards. “Why, whatever are you talking about? Dear, you are looking frazzled. Are you well?”

                “You… You keep… Rarity, what is going on? I walk around and I hear everyone spouting vocabulary words all over the place like a bunch of walking thesaurai!”

                “Twilight, please. I don’t mean for it to become a platitude, but are you sure you are all right?”

                “I’m fine, Rarity, toootally fine! Why wouldn’t I be fine? I’m perfectly fine! What are you talking about?”

                Rarity stepped back once more. “Twilight, perhaps you should go to the spa. You look to be a teeny bit out of sorts.”

                By this point, the meerkat had developed a rather violent tic in one eye and was sporting a hairdo so out-of-place it formed a rather decent sculpture of Discord. With what sounded like a whimper and a growl at the same time, Twilight vanished in a massive magical flash of blinding lavender light.

Twilight Sparkle ended up teleporting to the field that her athletic pegasus friend, Rainbow Dash, could often be found practicing in. She blinked to clear her vision after the spell completed and, because of this, didn’t notice the chromatic pegasus barreling into her, disoriented from the flash Twilight had made when teleporting. After a rather painful moment of the world tumbling, Twilight lay spread-eagled on the ground with a dazed Rainbow Dash somehow standing on her chest.

Rainbow mumbled “My name’s T-I-double-guh…” before she quickly shook her head and blinked.

“Twilight? Why did you teleport here while I was practicing? I’ve told you like, a billion times not to!”

Twilight pushed her friend off of her barrel and rolled to her hooves. “Sorry, sorry, sorry! I’m just… UGH! What the hay is going on?”

Rainbow Dash shrugged. “All I know is that I was trying to pull an awesome trick when you, with your fantastic acuity, just showed up and make me crash.” She huffed. “I gotta keep practicing, see you in the cloudline.”

The angry meerkat’s eye gave a huge twitch as Rainbow started flying away. That day, it was determined that meerkats could, in fact, trigger the Royal Canterlot Caps-Lock as Twilight growled and shouted “RAINBOW DASH, YOU GET YOUR FEATHERED FLANK BACK HERE!”

An instant later, a startled pegasus sat in front of her in a flurry of feathers. As the pegasus in question calmed down, she started looking irritated. “Jeez, Twilight, what’s gotten your tail in a twist?”

Twilight blinked. “Have you not NOTICED? Everypony in Ponyville is speaking oh-so-naturally using words I’m certain that yesterday many of them didn’t even KNOW! I just know something suspicious is happening, but I just. Don’t. Know. Even you are using them, Rainbow!”

                The corner of Rainbow’s mouth twitched upwards. “Wow, you really think you have substantiated proof of something so silly? Maybe you just never noticed!” She ended with a snrk that ended up as a full-blown giggle.

                Twilight ‘The Meerkat’ Sparkle practically growled. “Rainbow Dash, there’s no need to be facetious about such a serious matter! So what if I’m a little obstinate? I have a feeling that—“

Twilight broke off and her pupils contracted as a frightening thought ran through her brain. Rainbow, still giggling, said to her now frozen friend. “Hey, Twi? You okay?”

                Twilight started shaking. The once rampaging meerkat had become a paranoid, shocked meerkat instead. “It’s contagious,” she whispered.

Rainbow, done giggling, hesitated before saying, “What was that, Twi?”

Twilight turned her head to meet Rainbow’s gaze. “It’s an epidemic. The whole town is probably sick by now by this magical malady or something. It’s the only explanation for why everypony just started using SAT words! I need to get to the library—er, castle—before it gets worse and contact Princess Celestia!”

Rainbow yelped, “Wait!” but it was too late. Twilight had pulled another teleportation spell back to her new castle. Rainbow cringed and said to herself, “Well, I’m not following her to that ugly new castle. It could really use some remodeling…”


                In Canterlot Castle…

                Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria for over a thousand years and one of the wisest ponies alive, had dealt with many tragedies, serious issues, and tense politics several times over her long and serious life. Right now, she was rolling around in the middle of her bedchambers, giggling like a madmare. In front of her was a letter from her former student in Ponyville. Her door creaked open to reveal her sister and fellow princess, Luna. The indigo-coated diarch of Equestria made her way to her sister and glanced at the letter held in Celestia’s telekinesis. “Pray tell, my sister, what is this?”

                Celestia, still laughing her alabaster hindquarters off, choked out “She- she wants *snrk* t-to quarantine the entire town!” This was followed by another wave of strangely mischievous peals of laughter.

Luna raised an eyebrow and asked “Is this, by any chance, related to the many flyers thou hast copied with vocabulary terms upon it and the ‘incognito’ trip that you made to Ponyville?”

                Celestia simply nodded, giggling, as Luna continued with a wry smile. “I seem to recall the exact words ‘do not tell Princess Twilight or risk trial for treason’ upon that paper. Was this day-long prank worth the abuse of thy position?”

                With tears of sheer mirth shining in her eyes, Celestia nodded again as her grin grew even larger, taking up most of her muzzle. Luna calmly stated “Very well” and turned to leave. As the door closed, the prankster heard her sister softly start chuckling. There was an audible click, leaving the victor laying upon the carpet, enjoying the spoils of the prank and the potential of another great royal prank war.