//------------------------------// // 20. Guardians of the Sparkle (S.A.S.S. part 2) // Story: Sunny, Moonie, Twily // by Jetto //------------------------------// AT LEAST HE KEEPS HIS HEAD! Sky Watcher was your typical, dark coated pegasus stallion. In the bright daylight, he was your average photographer working for 'The Daily Canter'. He was at the bottom of the hierarchy and got no respect from any of his peers; thus his destiny was to be sent everywhere and anywhere where true professionals couldn't, wouldn't or didn't want to go. Such as a pet fashion weekend in "The Tiniest Pet Shop"; or a trip to 'The Mystery Cottage' to see what new con attraction Grumpy Stunt was trying to sell. All in all, his special talent was being wasted on nothing. His special talent, you ask? Remember in the last paragraph, when we mentioned 'the bright daylight?' Sky Watcher was a very gifted photographer, but we won't blame anypony for not noticing. His day photos were okay, but there was nothing special about them. His cutie mark was a silhouette of a camera and his special talent was night photography. No matter how dark the place was, his pictures would always turn up perfectly clear. With a talent like that, his true dream was to become an investigative reporter. He could imagine himself lurking in the shadows of the criminal underground, helping the justice system clean up the streets from injustice! Maybe someday. He hoped. His latest assignment was to cover the school festival at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. This was the one time of the year where the academy not only opened its doors to the public, but the student body also prepared various forms of attractions. Haunted houses, fortune telling, food stands, games and more. As a member of the press, he spent his time walking around and shooting photos left and right. He eventually reached what was normally an economy classroom, but not today. With all the bright curtains, tables sheets and ribbons, it has been turned into a... "Welcome home, Master!" A maid cafe! He swallowed, witnessing a classroom full of young adult mares dressed in adorable, frilly, black maid outfits; walking around the place and serving tea and cake to their customers, calling them 'masters'. He didn't know who thought this was a sensible idea (Moondancer) or which teacher approved it (Princess Celestia), but the only thing he was going to complain about was the nosebleed he felt was incoming. "Hey, the seat's empty." He almost jumped when he heard somepony calling to him. He turned to see one of the maids, this one was orange coated and fiery maned. She was glaring at him menacingly. "You gonna sit down and order something, or just stand there and block the traffic?" He looked around, wondering if a nicer maid could approach him instead. As soon as the fiery one's eyes narrowed, he panicked and obediently sat down at the table. The somewhat hot but incredibly intimidating maid levitated a small, one page menu into his hooves, then stood next to him, tapping her hoof on the floor, waiting. He swallowed and concentrated on the menu, deciding quickly in hopes this would calm down the mad maid. "Uhm... coffee, please." He said meekly. She snorted, then looked at him with a deadpan glare. "Seriously? That's it? We work our asses off on a weekend and let guys like you enter and ogle pretty mares in ridiculously cute costumes, and all you can do in return is order the cheapest drink we have?" She groaned and looked away with disgust. "'Come on Sunny, it'll be fun,' she said. Just because mares have no concept of shame doesn't mean I enjoy this... humiliating, stupid frilly dress!" And then he could swear she roared, but nopony other than himself reacted. Sky Watcher swallowed. "Uhm... then maybe a latte?" Pause. "...and a strawberry shortcake?" Another pause. "Please?" 'Sunny' stood still for a few seconds, before beaming with a bright smile. "Great choice, Master!" She turned around and happily trotted away, leaving the confused pony alone. He swallowed again and wiped the sweat from his forehead. One quick glance at the menu made him notice another item at the bottom. Smile - Free! He wondered what exactly it meant and if he should risk asking 'Sunny' for it, when he overheard somepony at the table nearby ask that exact question. "Excuse me, what does it say that 'smile is for free'?" And that was the first time he saw Twilight Sparkle, wearing a maid costume, giving off the brightest, most beautiful smile he has ever seen in his entire life. While his cheeks started burning like the hot lava on a burning oven with a slice of hot peppers and a teaspoon of Tabasco, his hooves instinctively reached for a camera. Red Hope was jealous that he didn't get to experience it himself. He was busy somewhere else and had very little time to ogle mares from their class. By the time he was free, Twilight's shift was already over, much to his (and others) despair. So was Moondancer's, which explained why Con disappeared and got back to his room late, exhausted but satisfied. "Wait a moment, you took pictures?" Sky Watcher smiled smugly. "I had a press pass, I was allowed to take pictures without any problems." Receiving a nod of acknowledgement and jealousy out of the group, he asked. "Do you want to see?" They did want to see. The crowd gathered around Sky Watcher, as he produced a framed picture of sweet delight from his saddlebags. It was as epic as they imagined*. "Woah..." "It's... the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!" "Gorgeous!" "I'll give you twenty bits for it!" "No way, I'll pay fifty!" "Hundred!" "Your soul?" "Bash, get out!" "Disgusting!" Sky Watcher hid the picture back into his saddlebags and shushed the group. "Gentlecolts... and lady," he nodded with acknowledgement to Red Velvet, the sole female in their group "there is no need to fight. I have a color photocopier back in the office," he produced a large stack of identical copies "there's more than enough for everypony!" There was a lot of rejoicing. After becoming a national hero, Sky Watcher continued his story. The curse charm of the Sparkles isn't known to let go that easily. For days after the school festival, the image of a smiling purple unicorn was still fresh in his mind. The picture he took back then was the only one he didn't turn in the office and instead kept it near his bed because reasons. After few days of constant blushing, wet dreams and lack of motivation to live, he couldn't take it anymore and had to see her again. He used what little investigation skills he had to get her full name and address. He also learned the names of her two best friends (one of which was apparently Sunny) and that she liked vanilla hayshakes. He had no idea if she had a coltfriend or a marefriend (her non-Sunny friend had very little problems invading her personal space) and until he got some proof, there was no point in approaching her. He couldn't just ask her friends; 'Sunny' (real name- Sunset Shimmer) looked like she could burn him alive for no reason and the other one (Moondancer) seemed a little too suspicious. There's no way any single mare could be this friendly, not without some kind of emotional baggage later turned into psychotic tendencies. He had no other choice, but to observe her from afar, under the guise of the night, when his talent reigned supreme. Few days of observations from various rooftops, bushes and other hiding spots brought little success. He couldn't get a good angle into their dorm room, where curtains were blocking his view and there were very few good moments at night when she was outside of her room. With his camera ready in his hooves, he waited, shivering and yawning, but enduring it for the greater good. Until... FWOOSH! CRASH! "Aaah!" Sky Watcher jumped back, dropping his camera to the ground, watching as it shattered into pieces. As his heart pounded harder each second, he looked at the sharp looking sword impaled into what was left of his precious tool. He froze, then shook his head and was about to fly away, before something cold and sharp touched his neck. "I wouldn't make any sudden movements if I were you." A calm, reassuring stallion's voice said from behind. Sky Watcher tried to turn his head around, but the blade once again scratched his coat dangerously close to his skin. "Nuh-uh-uh, what did I say? Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean off blood? Pret-ty haaard." "Wh-what do you want? Y-you want money? Take it, just don't..." The voice laughed. "Money? Where did you get that silly idea from?" "T-then what...?" "Believe it or not, my little voyeur, I only want you to be safe and happy. You see..." "H-happy? What do youEEP!?" He stopped, once again feeling the cold blade on his neck. "I was about to get to that part! You see, little miss Sparkle is a dear friend of mine. And as her friend I can tell you for a fact that she does not enjoy being spied on, no matter how cute the spy is. Love your manecut, by the way." "Umm... thanks?" "Look at it that way- what I'm about to do to you pales in comparison to what her BBBFF would do, IF he ever found out." "BBBFF?" "Don't ask. I'll give you a choice. I can slit your throat right here, right now; which kinda sucks. Remember what I told you about cleaning the blood? You don't want to burden some random pony you don't know with washing it away, now do you?" Sky Watcher swallowed and gently shook his head, carefully avoiding the blade. "Or you will promise to never, ever be closer than one hundred hooves away from Miss Sparkle again, two hundred if you're holding a recording tool of any description. Sounds good?" "Y-yes sir!" "Oh, and first thing tomorrow morning, I want you to buy a one hundred page notebook." "W-why?" "So you could end each and every single day writing a full page of 'I am a good pony and not a disgusting piece of worthless crap of a peeping tom'. Do I make myself clear?" "C-crystal!" "And don't even think about skipping the city or trying to hide." He could feel the breath from the next sentence whispered in his ear. "Because I will find you!" Then all of a sudden the blade disappeared. Sky Watcher nervously turned around to find nothing and nopony. He swallowed and quickly left the rooftop and went back home, unable to fall asleep that night. Or ever again. "And that's the story," he finished, sweat pouring from his forehead in streams, perfectly complimenting tears that were gathering in his eyes. This was the part where a group hug ensued, along with words of encouragement and friendship. But unlike what happened to most other stallions that shared their stories, his was met with silence and suspicious glaring. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?" High Roller snorted. "We're all perverts and deviants of some kind, but you... you are something else!" "Shameless voyeur!" "Peeping tom!" "Disgusting!" "W-what? Guys, didn't you hear about the ninja? And the sword?" "And to think I used to look up to you!" "What a despicable freak!" "Disgusting!" His eye started twitching. "Oh come on! I thought I was gonna die! I deserve SOME pity, don't I?" "The only thing I pity, is that you turned out to be such a creep." "The worst." "Disgusting!" Sky Watcher groaned and crossed his hooves. "Bunch of great friends you turned out to be... I even shared that photo with you!" "Oh look, now he wants to bribe us!" "Is this how much our friendship is worth to you?" "Disgusting!" "Is that all you can say?" "...disgusting." Few minutes of blaming later, another member of the association spoke up. This one was a light blue earth pony with an icy blue, spiky mane resembling icicles. Until they looked closer and found out that these actually were genuine icicles. This stallion was something else. He was... COLD AS ICE! First Equestrian Bank in Canterlot saw better days. "Muahahaha!" Like the ones when it wasn't being assaulted by a light blue pony with icicle-like mane, shooting freeze beams out of his eyes everywhere. Yes, eyes, not horn. Because the super villain in question was 'Ice Cold', an earth pony with the amazing power of ice and then some. And when your life gives you superpowers that go beyond the proper, standard issue magic, you only get three choices. Either become a guinea pig for others to study; wear tight spandex and become a superhero; or become super villain (spandex optional). The pony formerly known as Mix-Up wasn't always like that. He used to be a meek, beige coated lab assistant in the Chemistry wing of 'Princess Celestia's Academy for Gifted Unicorns', but one freak lab accident later, he was new stallion; better, more powerful than a squadron of Royal Guards, able to effortlessly take whatever he wanted. He also went a little cray-cray. "What's wrong, puny guards? Not enough power to BREAK THE ICE?" Out of a squadron of a dozen, only two guards were left standing, currently hiding behind an overturned cart. The rest was frozen solid, each in a different location, in the pose they had right before getting hit with an ice beam, usually with a terrified grimace on their faces. "I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die!" Cried the black coated older officer. "It's an ice beam, Marrow, not a death ray!" Said his longmaned, younger partner. "Easy for you to say, Rigged! I have two weeks before retirement, I ain't got time for those clichés!" "Just hang on for a few more minutes. HQ is sending a group of specialists!" "Dude, which specialists can deal with THAT?" "I dunno... Power Ponies?" "They're comic book characters! They're not real!" "Tell that to that guy!" They peeked out from the cart to look at the situation. The front entrance to the bank was covered in snow and ice statues, with icicles hanging everywhere. Bags of bits were being taken away by 'Snowponies'; golems made out of snow controlled by their creator. The villain himself sat inside the bank and laughed maniacally, as he had all the rights to. "Are you all that's left?" Officers Marrow and Rigged jumped when they heard a voice behind them. They turned and almost immediately sighed with relief, seeing a white coated unicorn stallion in golden, royal guard armor. "Yeah. Are you the specialist they sent?" The stallion nodded. "The medical carts are on their way. I need you two to carry all the frozen victims there. We'll take care of the rest." "W-we?" Marrow asked, he and his partner looked around the area. "But you're the only one here!" The stallion didn't seem to hear that. He took off his helmet, letting his long, sapphire blue mane out. He threw his helmet to the two officers. "Hold this for a moment. It would only slow me down." That said, he walked towards the crime scene. It didn't take Ice Cold long to notice him. He glared at the lone Royal Guard. "Well, well, well. Looks like this city has more suicidal hero-wannabes!" The guard didn't even flinch. His eyes narrowed and he pointed his hoof at the villain. "Ice Cold, FREEZE!" "HAHA!" "You're under arrest. Surrender now, or else!" Ice Cold started laughing. "I think... NOT! Snowponies, get him!" All Snowponies dropped their bags and galloped at the lone guard, who assumed a fighting stance. Three golems lunged at him, but he was faster and jumped away, only to then lunge forward and strike each one with a solid punch, turning them into piles of snow. Two more appeared from his side and tried the same tactic, but he used the momentum from his previous move, spun on his front hooves and launched a solid buck, each hoof striking one target. Another one came at him, with a long horn made out of ice, which it swung at his direction. The guard effortlessly dodged each slash, maneuvering himself near the large pillar. Once there, he waited for another strike; this one he deflected into the pillar, making the snowpony impale its horn on the stone structure. He struck the head of the immobilized creature with a well aimed karate chop, turning it to yet another pile of snow. He took a quick glance to his left, noticing three more horned ones. He grabbed the icicle stuck in the pillar with his teeth, waited for a moment, then lunged at the Snowponies. Once on the other side, he spat out the icicle horn, as the three monsters behind him turned into proverbial dust. Ice Cold whistled. "My, my, those were some COOL moves! But I'm afraid it's not enough! It was ICE to meet you!" With a pun this bad, he shot a beam right at the guard. The unicorn jumped to his side, though not early enough, as a beam grazed what little armor he had left. He groaned at the frozen part of his breast plate, then magically took off his entire armor set, which at this point was only limiting his movement. This revealed his cutie mark: a purple shield with stars above and inside it. Very appropriate for a royal guard. "Don't look so glum!" Ice Cold said, as his eyes glowed with bright blue flash. "It COLD've been worse!" And then he shot a beam after another. The guard was nimble enough to avoid all of them, at most getting grazed by his tail or mane for no major effect. His luck ran out once he stumbled upon a frozen puddle. His hooves slipped and he couldn't jump away in time. As milliseconds passed and he couldn't make a move, his horn glowed. The beam got closer and closer, until it stopped on a suddenly materialized purple wall in the sky. Blocks of ice fell on the ground, as the guard sighed with relief. Ice Cold growled. He shot his beam once again, which hit the invisible wall once again. Except this time the beam didn't stop and kept firing, spreading the ice over the wall, which the guard soon turned into a bubble that surrounded him, which in turn was eventually entirely covered by a thick, ice shell. "Good effort, but once I get my mind on something, I only get stronger. You can say it's a... SNOWBALL effect! HAHA!" The villain laughed at his own terrible joke, before stopping and turning around, shooting a beam of ice at another unicorn, who also nimbly dodged it. This unicorn was an even brighter shade of white, with blonde mane instead. He wasn't wearing an armor either, so he could clearly see his cutie mark, which was a pair of silver swords. Only when the pony stopped moving, he noticed a pair of retractable hoofswords strapped to his front hooves. "Don't think I didn't see you sneaking around!" "Heh, I tried," The sword pony shrugged and smiled "how did you know I was there?" "Fool! I have a spatial awarness in any cold areas! I knew of your presence from the very moment you stepped on the snowy area!" The other pony blinked. "Sure..." he rolled his eyes, before jumping away from another beam. The situation was similar to the previous one, though this guard was a lot more agile and managed to get closer each time he dodged. Eventually Ice Cold had to change his tactics. His powers were not limited to freezing and golem creation, after all. And he proved it by shooting his beam at the ground. The vein of cold traveled on the ground, until it got to the sword pony, at which point a giant, spiky icicle emerged from it, narrowly missing the assailant. Soon after that, a few more icicles shot up. The pony jumped away from the first one, but he was unable to change his trajectory in mid-air. He instead sliced the other icicles with his blades before they reached him, landing further away safely. Realizing that the closer he was to the villain, the faster the icicles traveled, he opted to retreat and jumped out of the building, landing near the ice ball the other pony was trapped in. "A noble effort, but I'm afraid you're only getting a COLD shoulder from me!" "You're not even trying anymore, are you?" He shrugged. "It's not as easy as it sounds." As the two exchanged banter, the giant ice ball started glowing purple then exploded, sending shards of ice all around. The white, slightly blue-ish due to low temperature, pony shivered, welcoming the pleasant warmth of the sun. "Oh hey Shiny, good to see you again." Shiny nodded, rubbing his hooves over his body. "I-I-It's f-f-f-frickin' c-c-cold!" "Ready for round two?" "S-s-sure, j-j-just g-g-gimme a s-s-sec!" Sword pony nodded, then turned toward the overturned cart, where the two officers were hiding. "Is the area safe?" "All clear, we're the only ones remaining!" He nodded. "Good job! Did you hear that, Fire Strike?" Ice Cold raised an eyebrow. "Fire Strike? Who are you talking to?" He didn't get an immediate answer, though the smug smile he was wearing was quite unsettling. He was about to ask again, when the sword pony pointed up. The villain blinked and his eyes narrowed. It was clearly the oldest trick in the book. But at the same time he was pretty sure he could defend himself from any surprise, so he relented and looked up. All he saw was a big, burning ball of fire. Not surprising, considering it was the middle of the day. "What, the sun? Hate to brake it to you, but my powers won't be defeated by simple sun rays! Unless Princess Celestia decides to strike it in my direction." Which he knew wasn't possible for two reasons. One, that would destroy the city, which Princess Celestia isn't known to do. Two, he made sure to plan his robbery while she was on a diplomatic visit to Zebrica to apologize for some centuries old feud and wouldn't come back for a few more days. Still, he was getting hotter every second just thinking about it. The smile on the sword pony grew even wider, while the barrier user stopped shivering. Ice Cold looked at the sun once again. And then something hit him. Not literally, not yet. He looked to the sky to his left, at the sun. Then right, at the sun which grew a size. Left again at the small sun. Right again at the bigger sun. Then at the two ponies, now surrounded by a purple barrier, waving at him. Sun to the left. Sun to the right. His eye twitched as he felt like the biggest sucker in existence. "Dude, that's not coo--" And then there was a giant explosion of fiery doom, right in front of the bank entrance, melting all the snow and overturning everything that wasn't bolted to the ground. As the dust settled, the purple barrier dissolved and the two unicorns looked around the destroyed front of the bank, along with remains of carts and carriages on the streets. "Did I overdid it?" Asked an orange stallion with fiery mane, as he entered the battlefield. The other two shrugged. "Eh, the insurance will cover it, I guess." Sword pony reassured his friend. "The irony is that it probably wouldn't cover extremely cold temperatures." Shiny inspected Ice Cold. "He'll be fine!" He reassured his friends. The villain mumbled something in his sleep, confirming that with his freaky mutant ice powers he also got enough invulnerability to survive a small nuke. "But he's out cold." His friends groaned and facehooved. "...what?" Meanwhile, just a few yards away, Officer Marrow and Rigged were laying on the ground, their faces black from soot, their manes messed up. Officer Marrow coughed a few times. "I'm too old for this!" "I got better." Ice Cold happily announced to the group which, unsurprisingly, moved their chairs away and gazed at him cautiously, afraid he was going to turn them into ice statues. He rolled his eyes. "You have nothing to worry about, guys! After they detained me, they placed magical wards on my body to keep my powers sealed. At best I can freeze a glass of juice, which is mighty convenient on hot days." The group hesitated. Red Hope was the first one to... break the ice (and he felt bad, too). "So, that robbery just few months ago, it was you?" "Yep! I don't think there's another pony with my powers anywhere near Canterlot. But it's okay, I'm on probation. Turns out too much power can get over your head and turn you into a raging maniac. Who knew? They say I'm hot headed, but that day I had a massive..." "Don't say it!" "Don't you dare!" "Disgusting!" "...BRAIN FREEZE!" He was met with silence. Somepony coughed. Ice Cold snorted and crossed his hooves. "Sheesh, what an audience." "...I don't get it." After a longer pause, High Roller coughed. "Well, as long as you behave and don't cause any problems, you're welcome on S.A.S.S. meetings. You might be an evil super villain..." "Ex-super villain!" "...but at least you're not a despicable voyeur!" "OH COME ON!" Ice Cold shook his head in disgust. "Ugh, no way! I'm a villain, not a monster!" Pause. "I mean, I was. Totally not anymore." "I still don't understand one thing," Red Hope said "what does all of this have to do with Twilight Sparkle?" "Oh, that's simple. She's the reason I got like this!" "Thanks for letting me use your lab for my homework, Mix-Up!" Twilight Sparkle, now in a lab coat, thick protective goggles and hair tied in a bun (which she somehow managed to pull off!), said as she placed her notebooks and vial filled with substance of some description into her saddlebag. "After Sunset Shimmer 'accidentally' blew up our classroom I was afraid I wouldn't be able to finish it on time." "N-no, it's alright," The beige earth pony in lab coat waved his hoof, trying to hide his large blush, which she didn't notice "t-t-this is all A-A-Academy's stuff anyway. I-I-It's not even m-m-my s-s-station." He wiped his sweat, watching as Twilight was slowly turning away, almost ready to leave. It was now or never. "T-T-Twilight!" The cutest mare in the universe turned to him. "Yes?" "Ummm... d-d-d-d-o y-y-yo-yo-you..." Just ask her for the damn movies! You can do it! "d-do y-you... do you want an umbrella?" GODDAMNIT! Twilight giggled. "Nah, they didn't forecast any rain today. But thanks for the offer. See ya!" And she was gone. Mix-Up waited for a minute, hoping, praying for her to come back with no memory of their previous encounter, and somehow fall in love with him on the spot. Oh, who are you kidding, Mix-Up? There's no way she would ever notice a geek like you! He smacked his head over the table, multiple times, completely unaware of an existence of a certain vial right next to him. I wish I was cooler. At least twenty times coo-- "Mix-Up!" One professor screamed. "Get that unstable mutagen over here! And don't drop it, the results could be catastrophic!" "Huh?" Mix-Up jumped, accidentally knocking something from the table. He looked at the floor where the crash sound came from. Now there were shards of glass, along with sizzling, smoking pile of blue goo. "Oh crap!" Twilight Sparkle stopped on her track as the ground shook under her. She looked around and hummed, then shrugged. "Just my imagination." And she walked away. "And that's how I got my powers!" The room went silent for a while. Red Hope coughed. "So... basically, your story has almost nothing to do with her?" Ice Cold touched his chin and hummed, then shrugged. "Now that I think about it, yeah." "And you don't want to get revenge?" Ice Cold snickered. "For what? Transforming my old, worthless self into a super being? Nah, if anything I want to thank her!" "And you didn't try to kidnap her or force her to marry you?" "You read too much comic books. Of course not! I haven't even seen her once since my revival. I was too busy training my powers, plotting, bank robbing, jail sitting and pretending to have a change of heart so they'll let me leave on probation... uh, I mean, sorting my life out. Yeah." Pause. Everypony glared at Ice Cold. He swallowed and quickly changed the topic. "And even if I somehow managed to kidnap her then I'd have to deal with her equally overpowered friends, her royal guard brother and his cronies, not to mention those three guards that beat me last time. And that's not counting Princess Celestia (and Luna too, I guess), who's been known to care about her students a lot. I think I'll concentrate on my villain career instead... by which I mean, getting away from it and into more legitimate, honest life!" He smiled. More silence occurred. "Dude's kinda messed up!" Said Daemon Bash, earning himself a lot of confused looks. "What?" Among all the awkward silence, there was another sound coming from the crowd. The quiet, but enthusiastic clapping belonged to one known as 'Sun Praiser'. They were sure it wasn't his real name, since no sane parent would give a name like that to a blue coated unicorn with short, yellow-light blue mane resembling electric currents. Also, his cutie mark was a lightning rod surrounded by electricity. He was wearing a short, pure white coat with golden highlights, with a necklace with Celestia's cutie mark hanging from his neck. "Bravo, that's the spirit!" Sun Praiser kept clapping. "Don't let other ponies brand you as an evil pony and embrace the change! Let Celestia's light guide you to be a better pony! Praise The Sun!" Everypony in the group, Ice Cold included, groaned upon realizing who this pony was. Princess Celestia is an unquestionable ruler of Equestria, that much is a fact. She is also a being responsible for moving the sun, that was also true. What was never confirmed to be true or false, however, was her status as a deity. Every time she was asked about whether she (and Luna too, I guess) is (were) a a true goddess(es) or not, she either completely denied it, or told ponies not to think about it or outright states that she had no idea, but she wished not to be treated as such, as worshipping one pony, no matter how powerful or wise, was foolish. And stupid. Back in the day, ponies were foolish. And stupid. It started harmlessly. A shrine here, a prayer there, a chapel, then two, nothing major. Then there were radicals who thought that a part of the codex that stated 'A marriage between mare and stallion is sacred' actually said 'Burn any filly foolers for no reason whatsoever'. To be fair, same sex relationships weren't all that common back then and she made sure to rewrite that part to be more ambiguous. And then came crusades, because 'them filthy zebra scum are different so they must be evil' (she's still apologizing to this day). She got so mad, Equestria was without sun for three days. Banning religion was stupid and pointless for many reasons, so she reached a compromise with her 'worshippers'. To make the long story short, what was once an organized religion became a glorified fanclub of Princess Celestia. A big, well organized fanclub where ponies took new names (all of them sun related, obviously) and instead of preaching nonsense, burning villages and shunning those who have a different opinion, focused their efforts on charity work, amassing an impressive amounts of bits each year. In an ironic twist of fate, 'Paladins of the Sun' (don't ask) are the reason why Equestria is such a prospering kingdom with close to no poverty. Why they took a vow of celibacy is a question Princess Celestia is still afraid to ask. "I am a firm believer of turning over a new leaf. In fact, I think this is a good time to tell my story, since that was what is was about. Praise The Sun!" Red Hope sighed and shook his head. "If you must. Just a question first- are you going to say that all the time?" "Why of course! We, Paladins of the Sun, include our motto in our speech as a sign of respect and undying loyalty. Praise The Sun!" "This is gonna get old fast, isn't it?" "Disgusting!" PRAISE THE TWILIGHT! The unicorn known as Lightning Strike (born to two pegasi parents, hence the name) wasn't the greatest pony. In fact, some called him the worst. "Lightning Strike, you're the worst!" The white coated unicorn said to him, as his other friends were too busy burying their faces in their hooves, hoping that everypony in the bar wouldn't notice them. "Pfft, that's what she said... NOT!" The worst pony in question laughed, almost spilling his beer. "Come on you guys, take those sticks from yer asses and start having fun!" "I'm not sure that waitress found your pickup lines to be very 'fun'," the white coated pony remarked "last time I checked, mares don't react well to words like 'pound' and 'whorse' used in a single sentence." "Please, what's a queer like you know 'bout woo-win ladies?" "I'm pretty sure I have made more contact with them than you." Everypony at the table hissed. "Would you like some ice for your burn, cousin?" The fiery maned stallion smirked at them. "Whatever!" He crossed his hooves and turned his eyes away from his so called friends. It just so happened that their seats were right by the windows. Anywhere else and his life would have turned in a completely different direction. He would have probably become a Royal Guard, like everypony gathered at the table. And he would've grown to be the most corrupt, sleazy guard this country has ever known. But one mare changed everything. "Woah, sweet flanks at nine!" He suddenly jumped, his eyes glued to the thing he just described. Other stallions joined him and looked at the mare in question, passing by with her two friends. "By Celestia's plot..." "Ugh, I can't believe I said that!" Sun Praiser lowered his head in shame. "Praise The Sun!" "...forget that hag of a wench from before," He said, licking his lips "look at'em ripe plot here! This is what I'm talkin' about!" He turned to his friends, expecting a similar reaction, at least from his cousin. He found no appreciation or awe, but terror on most of their faces. Except one, who sat silently, his face betraying no emotion. "No? Whatevs, more for me!" "Lightning, I wouldn't..." "Of course you wouldn't, Silver, we know you go the other way, not that there's anything wrong with that, other than being weird!" Like we said, the worst. He turned to the fiery maned one. "C'mon cousin, don't tell she ain't the sexiest flank yer seen?" The other pony scratched his head. "I'm not saying she's not pretty, but..." "Yeah, that butt! Lemme tell ya what I'm gonna do!" "No, better not!" "I'ma gonna go to that !@#$ and !@#$ her !@$# with !@#$ and !@$ while !@$#..." and he kept on going, describing in great detail every single moment together with the purple coated mare, while his cousin and his gay friend's eyes went wider and jaw dropped lower and lower. The fourth pony at the table remained stoic. "Come on, what are you three so silent?" He turned to the only pony that said nothing past few minutes. "What do you think?" The saphire blue maned unicorn in question blinked. He opened his mouth, then closed it. He finally spoke. "I think... I should go to her..." "Yeah, and?" "...and protect her from creeps like you." "Pfft, what are you? Her guardian angel?" Shiny shook his head, then stretched his front hooves. "I'm her older brother." Silence. Lightning Strike blinked once. Then again. "Well, ffffffffffff--" "I woke up on the emergency ward in the nearest hospital, looking forward to get all the glass removed from my body (the one I got when I was punched through the window). That's where I met Sun Lover, my future mentor. I always thought Paladins of the Sun were just some weirdos, but for some reason, his speech spoke to me at a deeper emotional level and made me realize the error of my ways. Though in hindsight, morphine did most of the work." He shrugged. "Either way, I left the academy and joined the order. Praise The Sun!" The group hummed. It was by far not the weirdest thing they have heard today. They shrugged and started murmuring between each other, before High Roller turned to Sun Praiser. "Well, that was certainly an uplifting story. You're a living proof that anypony can change, so... Praise the Sun?" "PRAISE THE SUN!" Everypony shouted in unison. "Even if you're a super villain." "Preach on, brothers (and sister)!" Ice Cold jumped up with his hooves up. "Praise The Sun!" "PRAISE THE SUN!" "Unless you're a filthy maggot with no regards to ponies privacy. Then nothing can help you." "OH GET OVER IT ALREADY!" "...disgusting." Red Hope slapped his face with his hoof. "This place is full of idiots!" Con turned to him, smiling smugly. "And yet you're here every single time." Red Hope sighed. "Then I guess that makes me the biggest one so far..."