"Something about eating out."
Integrals
***
"Dreadful," Rarity mumbled. "Absolutely dreadful."
Really, how could tonight not be dreadful? Here she was eating the meal she prepared for herself and her guest while said guest was nowhere to be found.
Of course by "nowhere" we mean "a few rooms over". If you placed your ear to the door and listened, you would be able to hear several sewing machines working at once as well as a few mumbled curses directed at the occupant himself. Not that Rarity was listening in too often or anything.
"I'll just check one more time," she said to herself. Again.
So she got up from her meticulously planned dinner for two to see how number two was doing. Down the hall she walked, the sounds of rambling and sewing growing louder all the while. At least the food she left out for him was no longer sitting at the door.
Rarity knocked hesitantly. "Elusive? Are you-"
"Wait!" he shouted, interrupting her. "Don't come in!"
The mare backed away from the door, somewhat frightened. "I wouldn't dream of it, dear. I just want to make sure you're still alive. Have you eaten?"
"Eaten? Oh, um, yes! I've eaten. It was delicious. Thank you very much."
Rarity scowled at the sound of him taking what she suspected was his first bite of his salad and briefly considered saying something.
Well, I suppose I've been guilty of skipping a meal due to work as well. Still...
"You're quite welcome. Listen, are you sure you don't want any help? If you're worried about me interfering, I promise I'll be nothing more than an extra pair of hooves."
"No thank you, Rarity. I'm fine. I swear it," he said in the tone of a pony who was decidedly not fine.
Rarity's hoof hung limply against the door, a pained expression on her face.
I'd understand if he wanted to keep his vision intact, but I only want to assist with his busy work. What could be the problem? Does he think I am unfit for his work? While I admit I have not had much success in the realm of male clothing, I certainly know my way around a garment at its most basic form. Right?
Her mental questions fell on def ears seeing as her therapy mannequins were nowhere nearby. The silence did nothing for her confidence.
Fine, then. Suppose I am unskilled. He could at least stand to let me in. Am I such unpleasant company that locking himself away is the better choice?
Silence answered her again and, like the asshole it is, paid her feelings no mind.
The machines beyond the wall continued to whir, Elusive no doubt lost in his work once again. He'd likely forgotten their conversation already.
"I can tell you are very busy" she said through gritted teeth. "I won't bother you. However, keep in mind that we must see to your memories at some point. I'm told the headaches were awful."
She lingered for a moment longer, waiting for his answer. Perhaps he was concentrating or finishing a few stitches.
"Oh- of course. Of course. Thank you."
Or perhaps he hadn't heard a word she said.
His feeble reply only agitated Rarity further on her way back to her dinner for one.
Simply dreadful.
...
Ya know, this is actually goin' pretty well, AJ thought in his accent.
No terrible misfortunes found their way to our new country stallion's spot at the Apple family dinner table. No undue questioning, no beatings. Hell, he even managed to avoid a supposedly awful headache in his nap. He awoke with all sorts of memories of Applejack's family and all it cost him was a minor crick in the neck.
Don't sleep on couches.
"Hey Mr. AJ," drawled the small filly in front of him. "How come yer' eatin' so slow?"
The high pitched voice drew the stallion's attention away from his recent fortune and to the cute little pony who by all means should have been his sister. He knew better, though. Applejack was sure to explain earlier that, despite being a clone and extremely similar to his counterpart by definition, he was not related in any meaningful way to any of the Apple family. Oddly enough, that included Applejack.
AJ couldn't bring himself to be too upset about this.
"Don't you go harassin' the poor fella," the green mare at the head of the table said to her granddaughter. "Our lil' Applejack 'ere ain't bringin' home many stallions. Let's not scare this one off too soon, eh?"
"Granny!" Applejack objected.
"Why's she gotta bring home stallions, granny?" Applebloom asked while tilting her head and massive bow. "Should ah' be tryin' to bring home stallions?"
"Not yet, dearie," Granny Smith answered quickly.
"Ah' don't think ah' like any stallions," the filly thought out loud. "'cept you, Mac."
She gave AJ an inquisitive look. "Ah'm not too sure 'bout you yet."
The table broke into snickers at the filly's string of naive and blunt quips. AJ laughed along with them until he noticed the stallion little Applebloom supposedly approved of.
Big Mac, Applejack's big brother, sat stone faced in his seat. His mouth seemed only to move in order to take slow bites from his meal. This in itself wasn't alarming. AJ's copied memories rarely showed that particular stallion emoting at something as frivolous as dinner conversation. What was alarming was his blank stare.
Rather, his constant blank stare directed at AJ since he sat down.
Still, Granny went on. "Applebloom's got a point, though. You've been quiet as a jackrabbit in a funeral ever since we got here. Tell us 'bout yerself."
"Ain't much to tell," he answered with a shrug. "Been a farmer as long as ah' remember. To be honest, nothin' interestin's happened to me until ah' showed up here in Ponyville."
That's technically true, he mentally justified.
"So then ah' met Applejack here at the library. We got to talkin', she said she lives on a farm, ah' said ah' needed work, and here we are."
Also true. This is workin' out fine.
"Meanwhile," Applejack piped up. "AJ's gonna be livin' an' workin' here for a while. Anypony mind?"
Applebloom shrugged, Granny shot her eldest daughter a subtle grin, and Mac did't seem to do anything. "Seem" being the important word here.
Upon closer inspection, AJ found the rigid line that was Mac's mouth to curve ever so slightly downwards at his sister's last words.
Uh oh. Ah' don't like the look o' that.
Again, Granny seemed to know exactly when to talk to interrupt his thoughts.
"Now, why would we mind a few extra hooves? 'specially if that cutie mark o' yours means what ah' think it means."
AJ glanced down at the apples on his flank. "Ah' do know my way around an orchard, if that's what you're askin'."
Raising his gaze ever so slightly, the stallion found his little not-sister staring intently at his ass.
"Say, mister AJ?" she said. "How come you got the same cutie mark as Applejack?"
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat at the attention to his flank. His double, meanwhile, stared in disbelief at her sister's behavior.
"Applebloom! What'd ah' say 'bout boundaries?"
"C'mon! Ah' gotta learn as much as 'ah can 'bout this stuff. Maybe he can tell me how to get one like yours an' his."
AJ scrunched up his muzzle trying to think of a way to explain. " Ah' suppose there are only so many ways you can make an apple cutie mark. Could just mean ah' got the same talent as AJ."
Applebloom looked up at him hopefully, eyes as big as her bow. "Well how'd ya get it?! Did ya go on a journey to see your other family but then realize that their meals are too small and they talk funny?"
"Ya see," he started, just barely coming up with his story as he had to tell it. "Ah' don't rightly know how ah' got my cutie mark. Sorta' just popped up one day. Had to be reminded that it was there. Meanwhile, ah' already knew what ah' wanted to do by the time ah' ever saw it."
Don't ask questions! Don't ask questions! Please don't ask questions!
Applebloom's eyes somehow bulged in surprise and narrowed in anger at the same time. Multiple times she moved her mouth to speak but failed to form words. Perhaps it was a tad shocking to see somepony refer to your loftiest goal with such a cavalier attitude.
"You don't know," she mumbled to herself, plodding back to her chair. "It just showed up one day."
"Ah'm sorry?" AJ offered meekly.
"You don't know how you got your cutie mark."
"Well, ah' guess it had to be farmin' or-"
"Sorry, Mr. AJ. It's just- you don't even..." the filly kept cutting herself short, mind thoroughly boggled. "Granny, may ah' be excused?"
She didn't wait for an answer, so the table could only watch as the youngest Apple slowly walked out of the room and upstairs. Shortly after, they heard a slammed door and a single muffled word.
"HOW?!"
All eyes fell on the evening's guest of honor, who genuinely wished he could retreat into his hat right about then.
Alright, he thought. That could've gone a little better.
...
Fluttershy didn't dare to think.
Unfortunately, there was little else left to do. Despite their little excursion into the Everfree, Fluttershy and her new clone managed to finish the day's tasks in record time. Every little critter quickly found themselves with a full stomach, a clean coat, and a tidied living space thanks to one familiar and one new yellow pegasus. Said pegasi were the only ones left in need of a meal and some rest. However, Butterscotch wouldn't even let Fluttershy help with the former, making good on his earlier promise of dinner.
So there she sat, warming her still damp mane under a large blanket next to her humble fireplace. By all means, this was exactly where she wanted to be on a stormy night. It was perfect.
Much too perfect.
Where were the mishaps? The crises? The dramatic irony? She couldn't take a trip to the market without having to get an awful life lesson from a brutish minotaur. Yet here she was with a stallion in her home. A stallion that was making her dinner no less! Things like this don't happen. Not without serious repercussions to balance out her fortune. Heaven forbid Fluttershy got too happy!
The moment she thought at all about her situation, the universe would find her. It would find her and put her right back in her place because the universe is mean and not nice and-
"It's ready."
"Oh!"
Fluttershy jumped at the sound of not the deep voice of the mean universe, but the gentle whisper of the aforementioned stallion. He slowly walked to her side, laying two bowls between them and the fire.
"I'm sorry if it's not good," he said with a sheepish smile. "I don't think I'm much of a cook."
It might have been her hunger influencing her, but the soup definitely smelled like it was beyond good.
She offered him a smile of her own. "It's perfect. Won't you sit down?"
Butterscotch scanned the room for a spot but his eyes came to rest back on Fluttershy, who had already lifted the end of her blanket for him to join.
He shuffled in next to her, trying not to seem too eager to be back at her side. Soon enough, he found himself surrounded by pleasant warmth on all sides.
He waited for panic to set in for making physical contact with Fluttershy without any excuse, but nothing came. No dry mouth, no racing heart, and no embarrassed blush covering his entire face. One might even venture to call him "content".
They ate their dinner in silence, the rain outside and the crackling fire before them providing a calm soundtrack to their supper. In lieu of conversation, the two simply stole quick glances at each other. Occasionally their eyes would meet, sending both their gazes back to their emptying bowls. Their smiles, however, remained intact.
Time lost its meaning to them, their minds only vaguely aware that their fire had become embers. The stopped time did not keep them from moving, however. It did not keep her head from it's new favorite spot back on his shoulder, nor his wing from curling around her side.
"Thank you for everything today," Fluttershy murmured, Luna doing her best to claim her.
"But I didn't do anything," her clone answered just as softly. "I should be thanking you."
"Me? But you helped me with the critters and cooked for us."
"And you let me stay here and helped make me."
"Well, you stayed with the cub in the forest and tended to his leg."
"Well, you went out alone to find his mother."
"Well you..." Fluttershy pouted, failing to think of an additional deed of his for which she could be grateful. Ponies didn't usually try this hard to deflect gratitude back at her.
"Um." Butterscotch struggled as well. A pony could do only so much in a day.
"Can I at least thank you for being here?" she offered.
The stallion smiled. "As long as I can thank you for having me."
"Deal."
They returned to their fire watching. In the absence of conversation and food, both found their eyelids heavy and their seats comfortable enough to call beds for the night. Unfortunately, a thought entered Fluttershy's that prevented her from drifting off just yet.
"Butterscotch?" she asked softly.
"Hm?" Sure enough, he sounded as though he'd been dreaming already.
"I think we still have to do the memory thing."
"Oh. Right."
"Do you want to do that now?"
Butterscotch was certain he didn't want to do anything right then. He wasn't sure he'd want to do anything but lie right where he was forever.
"I guess we should," he said reluctantly. "It is getting kind of late."
"Okay. I'll show you your room," she said, equally disappointed.
"Okay."
Minutes passed without either pegasus making any attempt to rise. Not that they would know, what with time stopping and all that.
"Fluttershy?"
"Hm?"
"Can we stay here a bit longer?"
"Mhm."
...
Honestly, AJ would have preferred to do dishes. He'd offered and was more than ready to atone for the earlier cutie mark incident. However, before the table was even cleared, Big Mac excused AJ and himself to "talk".
It wasn't the awful weather that made staying indoors more appealing. Although, the black skies, pouring rain, and frequent thunder certainly would have made that understandable. Rather, it was Mac's face.
That blank stare across the dinner table had blossomed into full blown disapproval when they were out of sight of the others. It was still just a stare, mind you. No talking just yet. Only slow pacing on the porch.
"Uh, Mac?" AJ began hesitantly. "Can I call you Mac? Listen, if this is 'bout that whole cutie mark thing, ah'm mighty sorry for all that. Applejack had already told me 'bout her obsession and ah' just up and forgot. If there's anything ah' can do-"
The red stallion wordlessly silenced him with a shake of his head.
"Er, that ain't it?"
Another shake.
"Did ah' sit in your spot at the table? Now, ah' specifically asked your sister- this still ain't it, huh?"
A nod this time.
AJ growled in frustration. "Then what the hay is it?! You ain't gonna hear what you wanna hear if ah'm the only one talkin'. Spit it out."
That one elicited a full sigh. Must have hit a nerve or something to get that kind of reaction.
"Ah' can't get a read on you," he said.
AJ blinked, almost startled by his sudden speech. Still, the clone opted for a cocky attitude. "He talks! So, what? Want me to read it for ya?"
Mac continued, ignoring the quip. "Everything you said back there was true."
"Yeah?"
"But you tried real hard not to say everything."
"Heh heh," AJ laughed nervously, the tough facade dropped. "Dang. Was it that obvious?"
Although his face didn't change in the slightest, Mac suddenly seemed much more sinister. "We don't take kindly to that sort of thing here," he said.
"You think ah' enjoyed doin' that? Ah' got reasons. "
"What reasons?"
AJ opened his mouth with conviction, but found little to follow his claims. "Er, hold on. ah' know they told me why at some point."
Mac let out a breath that would have been a sigh had it had any energy whatsoever. "You're gonna have to tell me something before ah' let you any closer to this family."
The Apple Family's guest couldn't say he appreciated the distrust, but he certainly understood it. After all, without any more information, he was exactly what he had told Applejack earlier. An intruder.
"Look. ah' made a promise to your sister and her friends. Ah' ain't allowed to tell ya where ah' came from."
The larger stallion genuinely reacted to AJ for the first time that night. His brow furrowed into a more pensive position while his hooves moved to a position in which he was less able to send a pony to the hospital.
"Applejack made ya promise?"
"Eyup. And she knows the truth to begin with."
Mac stopped in his tracks at those words, his gaze turned instead to his hooves. AJ stopped with him and realized that Mac had been slowly forcing him farther and farther from the front door. To his relief, Mac began to retreat to the entrance. He beckoned for AJ to follow.
"So that's it?" AJ asked while inching close to the door.
He shrugged. "Ah' trust my sister. She seems to trust you. Outta my hooves."
"I just say her name and the talk's over?"
Evidently not. Mac thrust a hoof in front of AJ before he could reenter the house with all the witnesses.
"What is it now, big guy? It's a bit splashy out here."
The red stallion again adopted his blank stare, turning to his guest. "You sweet on her?"
Am I? he thought. Ah' mean, she's cute. And nice. And she works hard. And ah' wanna sit with her on the hill and stare at the sunset- ah'll be here all night if ah' keep this up.
"Yeah," he said after his pause. "Ah' reckon ah' am."
"You won't hurt her," he continued.
"Uh, no? Why would ah' do that?"
Mac turned back to AJ and placed a hoof on his shoulder. "No. You won't hurt her," he said, emphasizing the "won't" with a seemingly small portion of his weight on his raised hoof.
A weaker stallion would have found himself to be part of the house's foundation right then. However, thanks to inheriting the Apple family's strength, AJ avoided completely buckling under the pressure.
"Oh," he muttered, winded from the herculean effort of standing. "Wasn't a question."
"Are we clear?"
"Crystal," AJ panted. "What the hay are you eatin' to do that?"
This time, Mac stared at his guest not as if he was a threat, but a dumb ass.
"Uh, apples?"
...
Most ponies react negatively to finding their belongings not how they left them. Most ponies react even more negatively to finding their spatial reasoning questioned.
However, most ponies don't have the jaded mind of a several thousand-year-old alicorn. Most ponies also are not intimately familiar with chaos incarnate.
Celestia walked through to doorway out of her chambers expecting to see the broad hallways of her castle. She managed not to react when she found herself in the center of one of Canterlot's higher-end restaurants. She didn't even panic when she found the door through which she had entered was no longer there. She was a tad disturbed by the golden evening gown that had appeared on her back, but it did match her jewelry quite nicely.
Wait! What about my-!
Celestia whipped her right hoof to her face, but breathed a sigh of relief when she found it covered in a white stocking.
That was close. For once, I'm glad he has that obscene interest in these things. I don't need anypony seeing that just yet.
Luckily, the establishment appeared to be closed with not a single soul in the dining area and few lights to see her in the first place.
"Not even a day," Celestia said out loud. "And what do we have? Spatial distortion, abduction, and breaking and entering? The others I understand, but that last one seems far too mundane for your tastes."
A tall figure snaked its way to her side from behind her, closer than most dared to be to a princess.
"I'll have you know that my entrance involved no breaking whatsoever," the creature said. "As for the abduction, you're free to leave whenever you'd like. But won't you please stay for dinner?"
Celestia sighed. "Well, it has been a long day."
She had scarcely a moment before a floating chair swept her off her hooves and carried her to the nearest table.
"Excellent choice, my dear!" exclaimed the creature's silhouette from across the table. "What would you like?"
"Let's start with some light, hm?" Celestia waved her horn about, lighting every candle in the room with her signature pyrokinesis. Luckily, local ordinance required all self-proclaimed "Fancy" restaurants to be lit entirely by candles after seven o'clock at night.
Under the dim orange light, which was just bright enough to see the bill but not bright enough to see that your food was under cooked, the princess could finally see her surprise date.
The light hit Discord a noticeable time after the lights went on. Perhaps this was meant to give him time to set up his dashing grin or to unstraighten his bow tie. Still, no amount of extra time could make his orange suit and hat remotely acceptable.
"I like that color on you," Celestia complimented while picking up her menu. "It's a shame it clashes so much with everything."
"Oh, this old thing? I just thought I needed something new after wearing that awful gray all those years."
The princess cringed at the reminder. "Discord, I-"
"No!" he interrupted. "None of that. We are having fun tonight."
"Are you sure-"
"Tell me what you've done today aside from freeing me. Surely Equestria hasn't grown that dull in my absence, right?"
"Well, I can't speak for everypony, but my life has been fairly uneventful these past few years. When things do happen, it's usually my student Twilight that takes care of them. She and her friends handled my sister's return and your escape for the most part."
Discord uneasily felt around his newly grown horns at the mention of those little ponies. "Yes. They're a resourceful bunch, aren't they?"
"My only other story would be the changeling invasion. I tried to do my part, but I was rather out of practice with my combat magic."
"Changelings," the draconequus spat. "Why would a race so good at changing shape choose to look exactly the same all the time?"
"Odd that that's the part you object to as opposed to their siege of Canterlot."
"Hm? Oh, of course. That too," he added in a completely genuine manner.
"Anyway, how did your, er, meeting in Ponyville go?"
Discord's jaw suddenly felt out of place. "I was lucky to have caught them all in the same place. They must have been having a sleepover or whatever it is they do these days. They were not so hospitable at first, but your intervention at least stopped their yelling."
"Goodness! Were they that hurtful?"
"There was definitely some pain going around, yes."
"I can't really blame them, but I didn't think they'd resort to that."
"Yes, who would have thought? After that, they answered my offer of friendship with a polite 'not yet' and sent me on my way. Not too bad of an outcome, all things considered."
"Is that all? They yelled, partially forgave you, then you left?"
"Let me think. Oh yes! The purple one cloned everypony and the pink one threw sugarless pudding at me."
Celestia managed to blanch at what he said, despite her already white coat. "What was that first one?"
"Some other time," Discord dismissed. "We've kept our waiter waiting far too long as it is, haven't we?"
"Waiter?"
Celestia turned to see a floating tuxedo waiting by their table. Somehow, the faceless garment managed to look impatient.
"I'm sorry, sir. I would like the, um..." She trailed off, realizing she hadn't been paying attention to the menu in the slightest. How could she be expected to read at a time like this? Discord was back! They should have been catching up or talking or something.
"You know what?" she asked, tossing her menu aside. "Surprise me."
Don't ask Discord to surprise you if you aren't prepared to be thoroughly and completely surprised.
In an instant, the tuxedo was gone, as were most of the tables surrounding the party of two. Said party found themselves teleported several meters away into the center of the newly created gap.
Celestia gasped, wobbling on two hooves until a lion's paw curled around her waist to support her. "What are you-"
The sudden spotlight didn't blind her. You'd find it difficult to blind the pony that controls the sun. It was still disorienting nonetheless.
"Discord, let me dow-!"
The princess was not prepared for the dip, but her desperate attempt to clutch at her partner's neck worked well with the quick notes on a piano coming from nowhere.
Nothing else popped out of the aether, finally giving Celestia time to breathe and process the situation. Discord's misshapen head loomed above her, his smile as wild and carefree as ever. This morning, she could only have dreamed that she'd ever see her old friend again. But here he was, talking, dancing, and laughing with her as if he'd never left.
"How's that for a surprise, princess?"
A warmth she hadn't known in millennia welled up in her chest, pulsing in time with her heart. Without needing to think, pulled his head closer until they're lips finally, gloriously reunited.
Few ponies have ever seen Discord's eyes bulge in shock. Unfortunately, Celestia missed her chance to join them as her own eyes had already closed.
She broke their kiss abruptly, satisfied to find that she could still leave him gasping like a flustered teenager.
"It's a start," she whispered, smirking while she righted herself for the next step of their dance. "Shall we?"
Her partner matched her smile and pulled her closer.
"We shall."
...