A Valentine Heart Turned Sour
By Queen Chrysalis
It’s the end of the first year
Since I invaded Canterlot
With my Changeling army,
And I’m still single.
I don’t know what it is
About me that drives
My boyfriends away.
It can’t be the fact that I
Go to the potion store with
My changeling drones and spend a
Disturbing amount of time
Goofing around in
The dark arts section.
Come on;
Everpony does that.
It couldn't be the reason
I had trouble with my first boyfriend
Who just so happened to cheat on me
With my three of my best friends,
Who all turned out to be
Professional boyfriend stealers.
Then again,
He was a professional boyfriend
So I shouldn't have let it hurt my feelings
As much as it did.
A changeling has to do
What she has to do
To receive the love she deserves.
It can’t be
The small detail that
I sit in the Advanced Magic
Studies section of
The Canterlot Royal Library
And read dark magic spell books
For hours on end.
That isn't enough
To do what my
Second boyfriend did;
Leave me for his one true love.
Let’s let this sink in
For a moment.
He left me…
For his ONE TRUE LOVE.
No, they weren't just ordinary lovers;
They were a hundred percent destined to be.
Just because
I go to the local Sub Hay and have
The ‘sandwich artist’
Behind the counter
Make me their favorite sub,
There is no reason to leave me
For a destined lover.
Sure; I might have kidnapped the bride,
And her bridesmaids,
And put her fiancé under a spell
So he would marry me instead,
But a changeling has to do,
What she has to do,
To receive the love she deserves.
Of course the spell was broken,
And I was left single once more.
Then there was boyfriend
Number three.
To put it simply,
He had a lying problem.
When I say lying,
I mean that he lied…
About EVERYTHING.
He even lied about being single.
He was still dating another mare,
When he chose to date me.
He made me into a cheater,
Without me even knowing it!
So what if I
Sit alone in a downtown café
Just to see if somepony
Will be curious enough
To join me at my table;
Is that enough of an excuse
To tell me I’m hot
And then date four other
Mares at the same time?
I was just part
Of his great special somepony
Collection.
I guess some stallions
Collect mares
The same way other ponies
Collect baseball cards.
I am no stallion’s
Personal belonging
So I said goodbye to
Mr. Liar and hooked
Up with a guy I met who
Was visiting from Baltimare.
I told Mr. City Stallion
(AKA Boyfriend Number Four)
That I drive to places in my chariot
I am not familiar with
Just to see if I can find
My way home.
He told me that
He listens to the radio
Just to see
If they’ll play
His favorite song.
Pretty sweet,
I thought,
I've finally met someone
Just like me;
Somepony I can relate to.
I thought that
I had found The One.
He told me a lot of things…
Especially about his last girlfriend.
About how much he missed her,
And how he was sad that she left the country,
And how I was just filling,
The empty spaces in his heart.
I was cool with it;
I mean, at least he was honest with me,
Which is more than
I can say for boyfriend
Number three.
I was honest too.
I told him that
I sing and dance
In the shower
And I don’t care
Who hears.
He laughed and told me
That he spends so much
Time on the computer
That he feels weird
When he’s not holding
The mouse or keyboard
In his hooves.
We kept up the show
For a year and a half…
Until his girlfriend
Suddenly returned from abroad
And I was dumped on the spot.
Fate can be so cruel.
I wish that long lost lover of his
Would have just stayed
With those stupid kangaroos.
I thought at the time
That it must be karma
For visiting people
I haven’t talked
To in years
Just to see if they
Remember me.
I was about to dedicate
The rest of my life
To playing online RPGs
And completely forget
About this whole dating business
When boyfriend number five
Came along.
I met him
In one of those
Online chat rooms.
Now hold on there;
Don’t give me that look.
It’s not quite as weird as
You might think.
He was a student
At Canterlot university,
A regular contributor
To the Magical Arts Club forum
Where I’d talk to him
On my lunch break.
I told him that
I read online
Journals and leave
Threatening messages
To ponies I
Barely know.
He thought that was cool;
He was a first class internet nerd,
Much like yours truly.
He told me that
He often gives away
Everything he has
Just to appreciate
The good things that
Life has given him.
I found that cool;
It was very generous of him,
Although later I found out
He wasn’t really kindhearted,
Or any other positive thing for that matter.
In fact, it so happens that
He didn't like uplifting things in the least.
We met two times
Outside of Canterlot Library
And never spoke again.
It was one of those
Mutual break-ups where
I realized that the stallion in question
Was too much like me
To enjoy any future dates
Without throwing said stallion
Outside a two story window.
I guess that said pony thought along the same lines,
Because we made a two time date agreement,
And left any future engagements on a purely,
‘My ponies will call your ponies,’
Need to know basis.
After that, I decided it is
Better to stay single.
No matter what excuses
I give for broken
Relationships it never adds up.
Sure,
I admit that
I tell people
I've just met
A little too much
About my life.
I admit that
There are times
I just can’t think of
The right words
To say.
There are moments,
That I wish I could
Tell all of this
To the ponies
In my life that
Really matter.
Is that any reason to lie,
Cheat, steal, or make me
Believe that love is nothing more
Than a valentine heart turned sour?
It’s the end of the first year
Since I invaded Canterlot
With my Changeling army,
And I’m still single.
You may think it is
Mean of me to say
That there is no such thing
As true love;
That I have never
Been happier in my entire life
Than on this day, which I have set aside to celebrate the fact
That have managed to remained faithfully
SINGLE for an entire year
But honestly,
After reviewing my track-record
On dating (or the lack thereof)
Can you really blame me
For feeling the way I do?