The speaker turned the large hour glass upside down to begin the hour, then prepared to speak.
“(*Ahem*) Attention, please, attention please, fillies and gentlecolts, and...other such creatures…” the speaker began awkwardly.
“…Good evening, and welcome to our first weekly meeting of Ex-Evils Anonymous. Thank you very much, all of you, for responding and signing up very quickly to our membership drive. Um… clearly, this is a social topic that’s in much dire need of representation in our fair kingdom, as your eager response & attendance tonight indicates. I…use the term ‘fair’ loosely, since, as recent history has shown, uhhmmm… Equestria has…unfortunately…not been treating you very fairly at all, um, lately…”
The others seated in chairs all forming a “horseshoe-shaped” row around the room and back to the speaker's chair, listened attentively; some patiently, some impatiently, some relaxed, some figiting, some bored and resting a chin in one forelimb, some stern with their forelimbs crossed. All were not exactly sure what to expect, but likewise, all were very anxious indeed for their own turn to speak. They expected a good turnout, and to meet in some place of seclusion. They never expected it to be the sub-basement chamber of a castle. Or for that matter, the newest castle in all the land.
“As you may all know, my name is Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship. (Heh) Still not used to that, myself…” she admitted sheepishly. The others all nodded, polite but stone-faced. After an awkward pause, Twilight prompted: “SO.. um, let’s go around the circle. Come on, everypony; please introduce yourselves…”
The intros proceeded in clockwise fashion: “Hello.. my name is Discord, and… I am an Ex-Evil.”
“Princess Luna. Ex-Evil.”
“Gilda Griffon. Ex-Evil.”
“Babs Seed. Ex-Evil.”
“The Great, and Powerful…TRIXIE!! (*Ahem*) Ex-Evil.”
“Flim!” “And Flam!”
“The world-famous FLIM-FLAM BROTHERS!”
“(*Ahem*) Ex-Evils.”
The others shot cold stares at these show-offs, but said nothing. Twilight bade them: “All right, please continue…”
“(*Cough*) Lord Tirek. Ex-Evil.”
“Sunset Shimmer. Ex-Evil.”
“ … … …”
The last one didn’t seem to want to speak, but Twilight nudged her with firm hoof and a scowl.
“ Ow, hey…um... Rainbow Dash, Ex-Evil!”
At this, Dash blushed even redder than the red stripes in her rainbow mane & tail, never imagining she’d have to use the words “Rainbow Dash” and “evil” in the same line!
Upon hearing Rainbow Dash’s reluctant admission, the rest of the group applauded, following Twilight’s example.
“Zheesh…” Dash grumbled in a hush, “I don’t know why I let you drag me into this, Twilight. I’m certainly not anonymous, and I’ve never been evil before, let alone an ex-evil.”
“It’s your own fault, remember?” Twilight sternly reminded her friend. “This was the best I could to get you off. Really. Or would you rather have been banished to the outer reaches of the solar system?”
“Okay, okay, I get the point…” the now paling Dash conceded. “Let’s just get it over with.”
Twilight turned to her aide & trusty sidekick. “Getting all this, Spike?”
“Every single word.” said the little purple & green dragon, with feather quill and a long scroll of parchment.
“Right, let’s open up the floor to personal testimonies and issues!” said Twilight excitedly. "Who’d like to go first?”
“(*Ahem*) First, before we begin…” Discord interjected, “…I would just like to say, CONGRATULATIONS, Rainbow Dash! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo, I never knew you had it in you! So much chaos!” With a snap of his claw-fingers, he turned his head into a Grinch-head and started singing: "You're a mean one, Rainbow Dash..."
“DISCORD!” said Twilight sharply, “That’s not what this meeting is for! Please stick to the program!”
Discord paused, then turned his head back to normal and said: “Fine…” and with another quick snap, Twilight suddenly found herself wearing a cheeseburger costume! “Have it your way!” Discord emphasized, before turning Twilight back to normal.
“(*Ahem*) Since you’ve just now opened the talks, you go first, Discord!” All eyes focused on the impish Draconequus.
“Oh, very well…” said Discord, feigning surrender. “As you all may well know, I am the Lord of Chaos and Disharmony. Or at least, I was until our dear Princess Twilight & her friends used those infernal Elements of Harmony to seal me back into my stone prison. Then dearest Fluttershy was given the task of rrrreFORMing me…” He rolled his tongue on the words, “…by actually befriending me. (*Sniff*) Something I’d never really had before in my whole eternal omnipotent existence…a ‘true friend.’ Anyway, next I was charged with finding Lord Tirek--”
“(*Groan*) Discord..we don’t need the whole history lesson…” Twilight moderated, “we’ve only got an hour tonight, so please keep it brief and on point!"
“Tsk-tsk-tsk, picky picky…” Discord admonished. “…Anyway, now I use my powers for good instead of evil.” Here he paused dramatically. “BUT…” he strongly started again, “…thanks to a certain pre-existing record of my ‘wicked’ past deeds, and due to the stubborn insistence of certain pony employers all over the kingdoms to check them before hiring me…” he now balled up his claw-& paw fists and brought them down pounding hard in his lap: “… I CAN’T GET A JOB!!” At this, the others nodded and looked to each other, agreeing wholeheartedly. Twilight said nothing; just sat and listened attentively.
Encouraged by this, Discord now stood up, his voice now rising in anger: "I mean, can you believe it? After all my good hard work & efforts to reform, this is what I get for paying my debt to Equestrian society?" Now he turned himself into a secretary with loud eyeglasses, heavy makeup, a polka-dot dress, curly-haired wig, and a high-falsetto voice: "Thanks for saving our hides, Mr. Discord, but we're sorry; our hooves are tied and you just don't fit the profile, have a nice day?" He snapped back to normal again. "All because of a stupid record of my past that can't be sealed or expunged (or even destroyed: I’ve tried, no good, protected by magic) and SAYS NOTHING of what I’ve done since??" He then conjured a rider's helmet & polo mallet. "Horse-hockey, that’s what it is!" He conjured them away again. "I have skills, I have a resume’, I wear a clean suit to interviews..." In a flash, he wore a 2-piece man's blue suit, white collar shirt, red long tie and brown briefcase, then flashed back again. "I’m as qualified as anypony else! Twilight, Fluttershy, even Princess Celestia have all forgiven me, but they CAN'T?? Why can’t they just leave my past in the past, and just let me get to work? Hmmph!” On that last word, he folded his arms and nodded with a frown.
Applause erupted around the room! Clearly Discord was striking a chord with this disgruntled crowd. Even Sunset Shimmer (now back in her Equestrian unicorn pony form) got up, pumped a hoof in the air and started chanting: “My past is not today! MY PAST IS NOT TODAY! MY PAST IS NOT TODAY!” Soon everyone around the group circle (except Tirek) was doing the same---some even hi-hoofing each other---until Twilight had to stand up, flap her wings, and clap her forehooves together. “All right, all right, all right, everyone, that’s enough! Order! Order!!” said Twilight, but to no avail. She looked over to Princess Luna for help.
"S-I-I-I-I-I-I-LEN-N-N-C-E!!!" the Princess of the Night bellowed!!!
Wind-blown and stunned, the group at last fell silent, and returned to their seats. “(*Whew*) Thank you.” said Twilight.
(*Ahem*) Very well put, Discord. Clearly, employment discrimination against ex-evils is a major issue tonight. Spike, make a note of that. So…who wants to go next?”
CONTINUED NEXT CHAPTER....