//------------------------------//
// The Journal of the Two Sisters: Entry Number 1986 
// Story: The Smoozidater 
// by DreamWings 
//------------------------------//

It was as normal a day as it could be today, I suppose. I don’t know what I’d expected. It wasn’t like Nocturn was my entire world—I could live without him if I tried. 
I don’t know. I suppose that just a couple of days ago I couldn’t and wouldn’t think reasonably. I thought that the entire weight of Equestria had crashed down on my shoulders and that my tears would flow on forever and ever. Luna tried to cheer me up, she really did, but there was nothing she could do. As wonderful as my little sister is, she isn’t a comedian and isn’t the most fun of company. 
Miamore would usually, as a filly, be the first point of call for fun and frivolity, but as he now lived in the Crystal Empire with his new wife, Queen Lilac, he wasn’t around to cheer me up at this moment in time and I couldn’t exactly just fly away to see him (at least I don’t think my father would be very happy if I did. There’ve been enough struggles happening within the kingdom without him having to worry about my well-being as well). 
There was no way I was going to Gallophad for help. Don’t get me wrong, I love my adopted brother just as much as any of my other siblings, but he isn’t exactly known for laughter—or fun—or anything that isn’t serious business. If somepony had just dumped him for another stallion he would have simply brushed it off and moved on. There was no time wasting sentiment on ponies that didn’t care for you, as he said, but I just couldn’t understand this reasoning. As far as I was concerned Nocturn was my one and only, my special somepony times a thousand, my best coltfriend best friend forever. I couldn’t understand that there could be others out there for me.
I even attempted at one point, in a moment of sheer desperation (knowing full well Father wouldn’t want to listen to my petty gripes) to talk to my little brother, Cedar. Of course, he understood even less that Luna and was a pointless waste of my time. I try to be as reasonable as I can to him, you know—I even get Luna to cut down on her bulling of him—but he’s not exactly the most useful of colts. Even Gallophad has got more royalty about him than my unicorn half-brother. 
After that I couldn’t figure out whom to go to. I needed somepony. I mean, I’d just lost my coltfriend of three and a half years (on and off), it was reasonable that I needed some cheer and attention. I needed somepony to hold me and tell me that I was special, that I was worth it, that anypony would be lucky to have me. I wasn’t even aware I did need these things until Nocturn had left. There’s just something about the loss of someone. As soon as you lose them you realise all of the things you took for granted—all of the things that you had missed.
And then, as if fate was smiling down on me, I ran into Diddy. He was standing staring into a pool of water in the garden, his trademark glass of chocolate milk in his claw, and jabbering to himself as if the pool was his only friend. 
I admit that I struggle with Diddy now, and it’s nothing to do with him, it’s all about me. Ever since he’d come back a few years before I’d acted differently around him—and in turn, he’d acted differently towards me. He’d started spending a lot more time alone and, unlike when we were foals, I just left him. I couldn’t look at him. Every time I did it just made me feel guilty for how much I’d missed, for how much I could have helped him with and didn’t. It made me uncomfortable to be around him...
But today, seeing him, almost felt like my saving grace. After all, there was no pony that had made me laugh more in my life than little Diddy. The only competition he’d had was my Aunt Marelin, my father’s royal advisor, and what with focusing on helping with Equestria and being well on the way to having her first child she wasn’t as fun as she had been before. Hopefully her foal would bring her smile back to her face.
I walked up to Diddy cautiously, listening intently to his conversation. Diddy had always been a good mumbler. If he didn’t want you to hear something, than you were guaranteed not to hear it, and I definitely couldn’t hear (or understand) a word he was saying to the pool. 
I was just about to tap him on the shoulder when I checked myself. Diddy had never shown any resentment towards me, of course, but did that mean that he didn’t have any? Maybe inside he hated me as much as I hated myself? Maybe he wouldn’t help me? After all, he’d never liked Nocturn. He’d warned me against him. As a foal Diddy had blamed Nocturn for the death of his best friend. After that he’d claimed that he’d never had any friends. That nopony was good enough for him—Did that include me?
I didn’t know what to do. My hoof was stuck in mid-air, saluting nothing. My mouth was wide open in concentration. I couldn’t see anything but the past in my mind. I wasn’t even sure if there was a future for us—for any of us. He’d just laugh at me, surely? Bringing pointless news that he didn’t care for from a pony he hadn’t cared about for years? Yes, he’d laugh, right? 
His mumbling stopped and he finally spoke loud enough for me to understand him. “Can I help you, Celestia?” 
His tone was sharp, taunting, the complete opposite of the Diddy that I’d loved. My heart hurt even more. I could feel it shattering and all of the pain that had been building up from the break up burst out of my chest. I broke down into sobs, sliding onto the floor and trying desperately to stop the flow. It just wouldn’t stop. I didn’t know how to stop it. And all the while Diddy was just stood, staring at me. If a stranger had peeped through the gates they wouldn’t have known what was more strange—the mismatched discord or the broken princess rolling around in the dirt.
My eyes were shut. I couldn’t keep them open. I was lying down on the floor, up to my snout in mud and grass, watering it as if a drought had hit and I was trying to save it from the heat any way that I possibly could. I felt a soft paw fall onto my back and jumped. It had been such a long time since Diddy had ever touched me that I’d forgotten what it felt like. It was a larger paw than the last time. It comforted me more. 
He didn’t seem to know what to do. It wasn’t surprising really. Diddy wasn’t exactly known for being a comforter. He was more known for making other ponies uncomfortable. Still, the fact he was trying meant more than he realised. 
“Are—Are you okay?” he asked, struggling to get the words out.
I hadn’t stopped yet, but it was getting slower the more he held me.
“Erm—What happened? Did you stand on a thorn? I know how much that hurts.”
I still hadn’t stopped.
“Tia?” he said.
I looked upwards towards his kind face. I couldn’t believe that name had come from his lips. After three years of nothing but the ever regal ‘Princess’ or, the marginally better, ‘Celestia’ (sometimes even a ‘Your Royal Highness’ came through) it felt good to hear him say his name for me again. Even though plenty of other ponies called me the same thing, when Diddy had said it it had always sounded like a special codename between the both of us (though I suppose this had more to do with the old games of Agent Tia and Agent Dandelion than anything else). 
He clicked his fingers and a sponge came out of the air and dabbed my face dry of tears. It also washed my snout for good measure. We couldn’t let anypony see their princess breaking like this, especially in front of somepony as troubled as a discord. Despite the long hours he spent beside my father, helping him plan out battles and trying to quash resistances, nopony could trust him. I suppose, until now, I hadn’t either (though I’d hate to admit that to his face). 
“Now will you tell me what’s wrong?” he asked, knelt down on the floor next to me. He clicked his claws again and a second glass of chocolate milk showed up in the air.
It floated down to me, I gave a sip and smiled. “I—I’d forgotten how good chocolate tasted.” 
“What are you talking about? You have it all the time.” He was grinning again, that long forgotten grin that paraded around my memory. It still wasn’t as large as it had been before, but at least it was a start. 
I sighed. “Yes, but it’s not the same. Nopony makes it the way you do. You never told anypony how you did it.”
“Well, they’d never be able to replicate it. It’d be too hard for their stupid little brains to comprehend.” His voice had gone rougher. He was looking up at the palace with a frown, flames circling around his irises. 
I stood up, quickly, backing away from him slightly. He looked fierce, scarily fierce.
He quickly saw what he’d done and smiled again. 
I shivered, unsure what to make of it. 
“So, will you tell me what happened then?” he said, obviously trying really hard to sound sympathetic. 
I didn’t know whether to tell him or not. In the last few seconds he had seemingly changed back into the version that I was guilty of creating. But my heart was still aching, and I knew that I had to tell somepony—somepony who would listen. Diddy would listen, even if I was worried how he would take it. 
“Noc—Nocturn broke up with me.”
Diddy’s grin grew maliciously wider. 
I took another step back.
He again checked himself and stopped grinning. “Really? Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. It was yesterday. He said he had other options he had to pursue—that he couldn’t tie himself down to one pony. Oh, Diddy, why would he say something like that?”
“Discord. I’m Discord now, remember... and honestly, I don’t know what you expect me to say. I knew he was capable of doing this already.”
“You did?” I was tearing up again and Diddy was already coming at me with the floating sponge. It felt a little rougher on my face this time, almost as if it was trying to take my coat away with it, but Diddy snapped it away just before it managed to get to my eyes. 
“Well, of course I did. He’s done it to everypony—me, Crystal, Blan...well, you know what I mean. The point is that he’s a jerk and always has been.” 
“But—what do I do without him? I—I—he’s always been here. Always. I don’t know what to do without him.” The sponge didn’t come after me this time, thankfully, although I did notice a windscreen-wiper making a brief appearance in the air. 
“You move on and aim higher. You’re a princess, for pony’s sake. Stand up for yourself. Show a little more backbone. It’ll serve you well, believe me.” A wicked glint came into his eye and I found myself moving backwards again. 
I swallowed (although I guess it was more of a gulp. I can never really tell the difference). “But I—I don’t know how to.”
“Well,” Diddy clicked his claws and turned into a bee, buzzing around my head and making me dizzy, “I always find a bit of chaos perks me up.” And then he laughed his hollow laugh. 
Despite myself and my image, I couldn’t help but laugh to. 
He turned back into his regular form, pleased with himself. “You know, if you’re really that desperate for a date, I could organise one for you. Sombra has an old friend he told me about that’s coming into town tomorrow. He’d be just the thing to get you back into the swing of things.” 
“I’m not sure,” I said. “I mean, as upset as I am, I don’t know if I can start dating again—not after Nocturn. Maybe you and I could go do something instead.” 
I suppose that was my feeble attempt to try and restore our friendship back to its fullness. I don’t know what I was thinking though. There was no way either of us could forget what had happened between us. There was no going back to the way it was.
Still, I saw a glimpse of hope in Diddy’s face. He was actually considering it, and then he looked to the pool, checked himself again and shook his head. “I’m afraid I have prior commitments, your regal highness. But I still think you should give Sombra’s friend a chance. I hear he’s a real party animal—and I think what you need right now is a bit of fun. Let your hair down, so to say.” He clicked his claws and in less than a second he was holding half of my flowing mane. “Hmm,” he said, his other hand on his chin, “you don’t really suit a buzz cut style.” 
He threw my hair into the air and it blew up into butterflies which landed on my head and turned back into my mane again.  I should have been disgusted, I should have been overjoyed that I’d got my mane back again, but I just laughed. I couldn’t help it. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed him. He might have changed, but inside he was still my Diddy somewhere. I was just sorry I wouldn’t have a chance to find him.
“A date sounds nice,” I agreed and he chuckled. I stepped closer towards him and giggled too.

I don’t know quite what I expected. Sombra was a half unicorn, half crystal pony colt that lived in the Crystal Empire and was in a close relationship with the queen’s cousin, so I suppose I thought it was somepony regal, somepony worth my status. But at the same time, Diddy had met Sombra in a mental institution, so there’s no telling what strange disorder this pony may have. If it was anything like Diddy’s and Sombra’s I thought it might just be bearable, but I’d heard stories of worse conditions in N.E.M.I. It made me regret that I’d never visited the place for myself, seen what I might be facing. Still I was hoping for the best as I waited, menu in hand, at the fancy restaurant in Canterlot that Diddy had booked for me.
My eyes shifted over the surroundings behind my menu—half torn between nerves for my actual date and who it might be, and how much I hated formal places like this one. Not to mention everypony was staring at me. In the palace I was so used to ponies just treating me as I am, that it can take a little while to get used to the idea that ponies outside are so fascinated by me. I don’t know why. I’m nothing special, really.
I instantly thought how disastrous it was going to be—I knew the moment I arrived at the restaurant that it was going to be the worst night of my life. It was like Diddy didn’t know me at all. How could he not know how much I hate formality? I have enough of that to deal with in royal balls and galas; I don’t want to have to put up with it in my free time as well. 
And to make it all worse, as soon as I entered (all eyes on me as usual), who did I see? Nocturn and his new mare friend. Equestria had only just stopped crushing me and now, here it was again, landing on top of my spine and knocking me to the floor. The table I was placed at was only a short walk away from him, so I couldn’t escape him, and unfortunately he could see every single little thing I was doing.
I tried not to look in his direction, but I just couldn’t seem to be able to help it. I mean, what was the chance that Diddy would manage to book the very restaurant that Nocturn was going to be at with his new mare? She wasn’t even a very pretty one. Okay, I know I shouldn’t say that. It isn’t exactly very ladylike, and certainly isn’t something a princess should be saying, but she was a two point five at best—and that’s out of ten. Even Nocturn seemed bored with her. He kept glancing at me as she spoke, ignoring her endless chatter completely. 
At one point he even had the audacity to smile at me. Smile at me! Why in alicorn’s name would he think that was appropriate? He’d just broken up with me, broken my heart and torn it in two, and here he was smiling at me. I had to turn away and slink back into my menu before I accidentally smiled at him too. That was the worst thing about Nocturn. His smile was as contagious as the cutiepox. 
There was a gurgling sound and a scream and I looked up to see a giant green blob staring at me with a cat grin. I hadn’t a clue what to do in this situation. My guards who’d accompanied me and where standing by the doors also seemed unsure what to do. They made a move towards me and I saw Nocturn out of the corner of my eye doing the same. So! He thought he could come to my rescue, did he? Well, we’d just see about that.
“Hello there, are you Sombra’s friend?” I asked, politely, raising a hoof to stop the guards rushing at me. They were knocking dinnerware and tables everywhere in their panic. 
The Smooze gurgled again and his grin grew larger. It was kind and welcoming—and I’ve got to admit, hilarious. I had to work really hard to prevent myself from laughing. 
“Well, won’t you take a seat then?” 
He slid up onto the seat in front of me, barely fitting and excreting ooze everywhere. 
“I’m Celestia,” I said, holding out my hoof. He attempted to reach out to it but I could see that he was struggling so I touched his ooze instead. He seemed pleased and glowed. For a second I could swear that he had grown a little bit. “And, let me see...” I reached down and looked at the piece of paper Diddy had given me about my date. “You’re 'The' Smooze, right?”
The Smooze gurgled and took hold of his fork. 
“I know, I’m quite hungry too. I wonder how the cake is in here. Do you like cake?” I motioned for the waiter to come over. They were already prepared, focusing entirely all my table above all others (rather embarrassingly, actually, but at least I had something against Nocturn, right?). 
“Yes, your highness. What can I get you?” the waiter asked.
“Some of your finest slices of cake will do, thank you,” I said, restraining myself from licking my lips. Cake was my one weakness. 
“Yes, your highness.” He looked over at my date. “Er—Would the gentleman care for another set of cutlery?” 
I turned to the Smooze’s side of the table and noticed the distinct lack of silverware, candle holders, napkins holders, salt and pepper pots and plates. The only thing left was a lonely, potless flower lying in the centre of the table. All of the while the Smooze kept smiling. He seemed to have grown a little bit more. I chose to ignore it. There was no use making a scene in front of everypony; let alone showing myself up in front of Nocturn’s new mare.  
“Er—yes, we would like that, thank you,” I said.
The waiter nodded and scurried off. I heard Nocturn’s deep, charming laugh from his table and I grimaced. I couldn’t have that. My date had to go just as well as his.
“So—how do you and Sombra know each other then? Did you go to college together?” 
The Smooze gargled and I looked down at my piece of paper. ‘He’s an old friend from Sombra’s conjuring days’, I read. 
“So—you’re a conjurer? What’s your favourite type of magic then?”
He didn’t say anything.
“Well, yes, I suppose that was a pretty silly question. You must be a great conjurer to have practiced alongside Sombra. What types of things did you conjure?” 
He gargled yet again. 
I couldn’t make heads or tails of his language so I simply smiled and laughed. “Yes, I suppose that it is a good one. I personally like amniomorphic spells. You know, like the ones that Starswhirl the Bearded used to work on.” 
Yet again he gargled. I scratched my head.
“Well, I suppose that could be a tiny bit biased, considering that my own magic teacher is the student of Clover the Clever, who in turn was taught by Starswhirl—but I’m not even sure my Aunt Marelin rates Starswhirl as highly as I do. He wasn’t exactly the best at making friends, from what I hear.” 
“Your highness, your cake,” the waiter said, laying a large slice of chocolate cake in front of me. I can’t tell you how happy I was to see it. Usually in these sorts of places I’m given the tiniest morsel of cake that barely lasts me a second and tastes of scented air. Diddy must have told them my preferences. Well, at least he remembered something about me. Our friendship was still possible, even if it was about as far away as they come. 
“And for the gentleman, extra cutlery.” The waiter laid a veritable smorgasbord of cutlery in front of the Smooze. “I’d just like to apologise for earlier. I’m afraid that our kitchen have only just found the message detailing your needs, sir. The price will reflect our mistake, of course.”
“Needs?” I said, staring at the large pile of silver dishes stacked in front of my date. 
“Yes, your highness. It was detailed to us by the pony that booked your table. I am very sorry for our mistake. I hope you enjoy your meals.” 
He walked away and I looked down at the sheet of paper again. ‘Unlike ponies, Smooze doesn’t like the taste of hay or cake or any form of pony food. He prefers to live on a diet of shiny plates, knives, forks and other such objects’, I read. I really regretted the fact that I hadn’t read the sheet before I’d come. I could’ve saved myself a bit of embarrassment if I had. Still, it felt rude to read it all now, especially when he was sat right in front of me.
“Well, let’s eat, shall we?” 
I nibbled at my cake, leaning on one hoof and drifting off into the magical world that was a proper chocolate cake. There was nothing more beautiful than the smooth lusciousness of whipped butter, sugar and chocolate squashing together layers of smooth, crumbly cake. 
Smooze was also digging into his meal. On each morsel he grew bigger and bigger, but I didn’t really notice—at least not until Nocturn decided to walk over.
He stared at the now giant green blob and then at me. As I didn’t notice him he tapped on my shoulder. I woke up and when I saw him I frowned. I couldn’t hold it for very long though and soon found myself smiling, despite myself.
“Is everything okay over here?” he asked. 
“Yes, of course. I’m just enjoying my date, that’s all,” I said, pushing my half-empty plate into the centre of the table. I didn’t want to look greedy or rude, after all.
“This thing is your date?” 
“This thing has a name. Smooze, this is Nocturn. Nocturn, Smooze.” I looked up at the Smooze and suddenly noticed how his head was almost touching the ceiling. My mouth dropped open in surprise and I glanced down at the sheet of paper again. Near the bottom it said, ‘Be careful how much he eats. He’s a growing boy’. 
“You’re not kidding,” I said, out loud—which everypony could hear—including Nocturn. His mare friend seemed agitated by his absence and was glaring at me from her seat. 
“I’m not kidding about what?” Nocturn asked, frowning. “Look, Tia, I know that it was wrong of me to break up with you, especially just before the gala, but there’s no reason you should turn to rejects like this. You can do better. In fact, I was thinking, that tomorrow, if you wanted, I could perhaps take you to that nice garden in Eastern Canterlot. You know how much you like it. You said you loved to watch the breezies jumping around at this time of year. There’s no better time to see it—together.” 
My heart melted when he smiled at me again. I could feel my cheeks turning red in pleasure. I could feel the power I had over the other mare growing. I could have everything I ever wanted; everything that she would never get. 
But then I thought of Diddy. I thought of how often he had to check himself around me because of what I’d done to him. I thought of how kind he’d been at least trying to restore a tiny bit of our friendship by setting me up with the Smooze; helping me forget Nocturn. If it hadn’t been for the fact that Diddy had accidentally booked the same restaurant as Nocturn, I wouldn’t even have had the option of getting back together with him in the first place. I couldn’t do it to Diddy. Despite all of the mistakes I’d made, I wouldn’t make this one.
I frowned at him and pushed his open hoof away. “I’m afraid I have prior commitments,” I said. “And the Smooze and I are having a wonderful time, thank you. He’s a real party animal.” I smiled at the ever-growing pile of green. He smiled back.
“What! You’ve got to be kidding. You’re seriously going to choose that thing over another chance with me? Most mares would kill for this chance, Tia. In fact, you belong with me, Tia.”
“Actually, it’s Celestia now. Princess Celestia, or Princess, or even Your Royal Highness...”
“But Tia...”
“I thank you for your time, Sir Nocturn, but I think your... erm... date is waiting for you, as is mine.”
“I’m not leaving. You’re my mare. We belong together, remember. I know that now.” 
“How odd, because I’m not sure I’ve known that for a long time.”
“Tia...”
“Goodbye, Sir Nocturn.”
Nocturn swung round to the Smooze. He glared at him fiercely, throwing his hoof in the air right in front of my (slightly bloated looking) date. “You think I don’t know what you’re up to? Oh, yes, I know what you’re up to—and I’m going to get you back for it too.” 
The Smooze gurgled and then, suddenly, burst into a lake of ooze that swept throughout the restaurant, knocking Nocturn over and sending him flying headlong into a large whirlpool of the growing green sludge. 
I laughed as I was swept off of my feet and carried out of the doors of the building, swimming through my sticky date like my days swimming in the lakes by the Everfree Forest. My knights tried desperately to follow me but they couldn’t get out of the restaurant, now shut tight with the almost glue-like substance. I laughed and laughed and laughed as I was rushed down the streets of Canterlot and out to the sides of the mountain. Ponies screamed when they saw me, riding my date like my royal carriage, and pretty soon found themselves swept away as well (though doors and buildings soon blocked their way). 
And all the while my cheeks were almost bursting from laughter. We got to the edge of the cliff and I could hear a voice appear out of nowhere. Luna, flying above, came rushing down and pulled the Smooze’s food right out of his stomach just before we oozed right over the cliff like a waterfall. The Smooze shrunk back to his original size and burped. I laughed harder.
“Celestia, what art thou doing?” Luna asked, concernedly.
“I’m on a blind date, can’t you tell?” I said, my cheeks on fire. Tears were dripping down my face, but they were a nice kind of tears—the type of tears that can only end with a smile. “Oh, Smooze, that was brilliant. Did you see the look on his face? That was priceless.”
The Smooze gurgled again, almost like he was laughing too and I noticed the confused look on my little sister’s face. I patted her on the shoulder (after my laughter had subsided a bit) and smiled. “Don’t worry, Luna, you’ll understand some day. I suppose Diddy was right, I did need a little bit of chaos in my life.”
“Maybe we should get thee home, big sister,” Luna said, wrapping her leg around my back. It was quite a hard thing for her to manage. She was little more than half my size. 
“Wait, wait, I need to do something first.” I walked over to the Smooze and patted his back. “Well, that was certainly an interesting night.” I laughed again. “And I know, I should thank you. You cheered me up more than anypony ever could, and for that I’m eternally grateful to you, I really am.” I looked at his smiling face and sighed, still grinning (I literally couldn’t stop). “But I somehow think Nocturn was right about one thing. You and I aren’t supposed to be together. Maybe we’ll find somepony, some day, but I don’t think it’s going to be this day. Would simply being friends be okay with you?”
I held out a hoof and he (appeared) to nod. His smile grew wider and he snatched at the ring around my left leg. Apparently he’d already taken the one on my right leg during the dinner. 
“Maybe I’ll see you again someday then?”
The Smooze spluttered and burped, shooting Diddy’s sheet of paper at my face. There was one last piece of information written on it. ‘He’s only here for one night and isn’t expecting a lasting relationship. Enjoy him whilst you can, Princess’.
I nodded. “Well, I still hope I’ll see you again one day. You’re a lot of fun, Mr Smooze.” 
He garbled and Luna coughed beside me. 
“Okay, okay, I’m coming. Goodbye, Mr. Smooze. I would give you a lift, but I think you've proved you can manage on your own." He pecked his lips and gave me a large kiss on the side of the face. I blushed and giggled. Luna didn't seem to know what to make of it. I then took to the sky and I laughed again as I thought about the restaurant. I wobbled in the air, trying really hard to concentrate on flying but struggling with my mirth. "The knights must be driving themselves up the wall. Oh, but if you could have seen it, Luna. If you could have seen Nocturn’s face...” I broke into a fit of giggles again. “Do you think father will let us invite Smooze to the gala? If anything needs livening up, it’s that.”
“I somehow do not believe that thy foul creature will be allowed entrance whilst father is alive, big sister,” Luna said, as we flew back to the palace. 
“No, you’re right. Oh well, maybe one day.”
I sighed as we landed in the palace gardens and walked inside. I knew, I just knew I’d have to tell our journal about this. It was genuinely the best night ever—even if old friendships hadn’t rekindled like I’d have hoped, I think I'd proved that new friends were right around the corner.