//------------------------------// // January 29: Never give Myst a Soapbox // Story: Equestrian Legends Online: Tale of the Misfits // by bluemoon1996 //------------------------------// "Buttshit," I said flatly, "there's no way you haven't seen them!" Myst shook his head, "nope, I haven't seen a single Lord of the Rings movie. Not even the Hobbit ones." "Ehh, those were terrible anyways," I shrugged, "too much CGI for my tastes." There was just some stuff that computer graphics couldn't replace. "But seriously, Fellowship is like twenty years old now and you still haven't watched it?" He shook his head. "But your name is flippin' Rohan Myst! How could you not!?!" I could already feel my eye starting to twitch. Yep, this argument was spawned because I finally learned Myst's actual name. To pass the time, the two of us were asking each other questions about whatever had come to mind: movies, video games, stuff we did outside. ELO definitely had amazing views but I always preferred talking to staring out windows during long car rides and this was no exception. "You know what: your turn," I groaned. My mind needed a minute to comprehend the stupid I just heard; seriously, how in the hell has Myst never seen the movies despite being named Rohan?? "Hmm... Do you have a special somepony outside?" I blinked in surprise; okay, I was not expecting that question. "I..... Ummmm...." I can't let him know that yet; time to change the subject now! "Don't say that?" I quickly replied. "Say what?" "We've been here less than a month and you're already going native Myst." "And that's a problem?" Yes! Operation: Change The Subject is a resounding success! "Yeah it is, you're not a pony! You're a human trapped in the body of a pony! I know when in Rome is a thing but you're still a man Myst!" Please don't realize that I'm trying to change the subject; please please please don't realize! "What is a human? Is a human solely the most intelligent hominid? Are you required to have hands, feet, fingers, toes and a lack of fur? Isn't it considered 'humane' to treat animals nicely? Don't we have what we call 'crimes against humanity', and don't we call the most cruel and perverse of our criminals 'inhumane'? Humanity isn't a physical thing. It's a complex result of social interactions, outlooks, beliefs, standards and abstract ideals we all instinctively hold to. Some truly are born from only instinct, others are handed down from one generation to another by observation and tutelage from mentor figures. " "Umm... Wat?" Great, I've caused a philosophical rant. "No, my dear Cass, Humanity is not the form or body you are in. Humanity is a state of mind. You think humanity is such a weak thing than using a few terms, little more than monikers and titles, will erode it? I might be a pony outside, but I'm a human where it counts." He tapped his temple. "I'm a human up here. A Russian uses different language and slangs from a Chinese man. Even Canadians and Americans have that difference. And don't tell me a Texan and a New Yorker are the same. But aren't they all humans?" I groaned, nodding, "can you shut it with the philosophy now? Seriously, you're sounding like my uncle more than anything else!" "And even if we take on a few things like words or habits that fit our bodies, it won't change the fact that we are humans." Great, he's not shutting up. "Humanity isn't a physical thing, it's an abstract, yet concrete, commonality that we all share, something we were born and raised into. No matter how long we are stuck in here for, no matter what we go there, in the end we are still going to be human." Oh, is he going to stop soon? "I've got these hooves, these wings, this tail. It's mine right now. Hay, it's more 'mine' than what I was born with. I designed this to be the way I wanted it to be." I'll take that as a no. "But it's just a physical shell for my mind. And that is, and always will be human. Barring some mental snap if I got all omnicidal and turn my back on everything that it does mean to be human. But just changing the body and form isn't going to do that. You can be a pony and still be a Human. Consider it a conundrum born of language. outside this world, or bodies are homo sapiens. We were Human, and also sapiens. In here? We are Human and ponies. "The Human is the mind and outlook. The body is different. It's a challenge of thinking born from the fact that we never really had to think about who were were outside of our physical forms before. Does a war vet who returns after losing his hands and feet to a car bombing stop being Human if he starts using prosthetics and says 'hook me that cup'? If you can't tell him to his face that being disabled, that distorting or losing the body he had made him lose the right to be human, you can't claim I'm denying my Humanity just because I switch to ponyisms." With that, Myst stopped his existential rant and gave me a smug grin. "Are you done now Socrates," I asked dryly, eyeing the ground below as forest started stretching about before us, "I'll admit... that is not what I was expecting... " Great, a distraction got me a speech about what it means to be human. "You wanted philosophy so I gave you what you wanted," he replied simply. "No, that isn't what I-" Wait a tick, I stopped and opened up my map. "We can hold the philosophical debates for later, we're here," I said, closing my map and looking down at the road below us. And sure enough, there was what looked like wagons on the road below us. The two of us started to descend a bit and I couldn't help but examine the scenery as we did so. I'm no Sun Tzu but this stretch of road was utterly perfect for an ambush. Trees on both sides of the road with canopies so thick you could only see green and only a rutted track of dirt serving as the road. "Alright, I'll take the front and you take the back Sarge," Myst said and I nodded, "I'll see if there is some stuff to loot too." No need not to argue when it's just an in and out operation, besides free stuff is the best stuff. We both touched down at the front of the abandoned caravan and I immediately started making my way back to the rear wagon. In all there were six wagons and thanks to video game logic all of them were in nearly perfect condition. Jeeze Devs, I know this was supposed to a T rated game but you could have at least had some smashed wagons? The contents of the wagons were thrown all over the road at least so there was that. Trotting over to one of the crates, I cracked the lid open only for a menu to pop up in my face. Only to see that the crate had a loaf of moldy bread, a broom, a bit, and a sweet roll of all things. I quickly pocketed the bit and sweet roll before an idea popped into my head. Mold was used to make medicine does that mean that bread is actually of some worth? "Hey Myst!" "Yeah Sarge!" I heard him yell back at me from... Wherever he was. "Is moldy bread an alchemy ingredient! I found some in a box back here!" "I dunno! Take it anyways!" I did as our budding alchemist asked of me before moving onto the next crate and opening it up. ...... "We've been here for about fifteen minutes and we've found no evidence of anything at the moment," I said aloud as I sat on the top of one taller crates, allowing the speech to text software to clearly hear everything. Apparently that's what that little mic button on the PM keyboard did; I kinda feel like an idiot for never checking out what that button did in the first place. "I'm currently performing overwatch, otherwise known as having my ass be the biggest target, while Myst keeps on with the search. This is the site of an ambush so it's best to be safe rather than sorry and I could hit them before him. On the bright side, we seem to have found some alright loot with about two hundred gold and various other crap we can see when we get back to Canterlot later." I let out a sigh as looked about at the woodland around us; it was peaceful, reminding me a bit of the campgrounds mom used to take us to back as a kid. I couldn't help but frown a little at that; "this place... This place is reminding me of mom Bro. More specifically those camping trips she used to take us on back when I was a kid," I let out a small nostalgic chuckle, "all those summer nights me, you and Danny would get eaten alive by mosquitoes; the rather hands on approach you guys had to teaching me how to swim and mom flipping her lid at ya'll for 'trying to drown me' as she put I-" "Hey Sarge, did you do any hunting on the outside?!" Myst suddenly called out. "Yeah, a little bit," I holler back, "did you find something?" "Just come here." And with that, I minimized the PM screen but left it running as I made my way over to our resident Canadian. He was standing next to the a rather large crate that had been knocked over and bashed to pieces. He waved me over when he saw that I was close and pointed at the ground and I blinked in surprise. It was an animal track, cleanly imprinted in some flour that had been spilled on the ground. And how could I not know what that track was, it was the only animal that I had actually ever hunted, "De-" *twang* "PONY FEATHERS!" Myst let out a sharp scream of pain as an arrow embedded itself in his neck; his health dropping by a quarter. Shit! Shit! Shit! Where did that shot come from! We both dived behind two of the closest crates as more arrows whistled through the air towards where we were not a moment earlier. "Shit shit! shit! Where the hell did that shot come from! Myst! Are you okay!" I looked over at him just in time to see the arrow in his next explode into code but leave a ugly red line of code on his coat. "Yeah I'm fine," he groaned, rubbing his neck with a hoof, "that hurt like hell, a tenth of the real pain my flank," he grumbled. "Okay Myst, I have an ide-" *thunk* An arrow slammed into the crate not an inch from my snout and my blood ran cold, "Fucking shit! They're behind us too, Myst! We need to get out of here NOW! Jesus Christ! I almost got shot in the face!!" If that hit me in the head, I'd be dead!!! "Damn it! We need to get outta here NOW!" In an instant, I spread my wings and gave a powerful flap; sending myself into the sky. I looked down long enough to see Myst getting airborne before I heard an arrow whizz by my ear. Fuck we need to leave now! I started flapping my wings as hard as I aimed myself skyward "SARG-" I stopped and spun around on a dime and my eyes widened. Maybe a good ten yards away, Myst was falling back down to the ground frozen like a statue! I immediately started diving down after him; Damn it these cheeky dickwaffles must have paralyzing poison or something like that! I ain't letting them get Mys- I let out a pained yelp as something stabbed into my flank and I glanced at my backside to see an arrow sticking out of my flank, right in the middle of the wreath. "No way, no goddamn way! These bastards sho-" I never got to finish that sentence as a yellow lightning bolt appeared above my health bar and I stiffened up like a deer in headlights. And I was falling to the ground face first.... This is goi- *WHACK* I let out a pained groan as I found my face in the ditch and my mouth once again full of dirt. A quick glance down at my health bar saw it down at a half. Thank god Phoe- You know what, I'm going to beat the ever living shit out Phoenix the next time I see him! Maybe bust those damn teeth of his in too! He'll rue the day he se- Something behind me grabbed ahold of my right wing and I let out a muffled scream as I felt something slowly start slicing into my damn wing! "Ohtar!," a woman's voice snapped from somewhere behind me, "there is no need to torture the prisoner. Just hack it off and be done with it." "Yes ma'am," a voice, directly over me replied and I let out another yelp of pain as the deed was finished and a red X appeared next to the lightning bolt above my name. Before I could even react, the same was done to my other wing. "All done ma'am," the voice above me said in an almost happy tone, "what do you want me to do with the pony now?" "Don't kill him," the woman's voice said, "Lord Aran wants the ponies taken alive. Am I clear?" "Crystal," he replied, and that was the last thing I heard before everything went black.