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// Chapter 4: I Lost Everything and I Did Not Die 
// Story: Actually, I'm Dead 
// by Magenta Cat 
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“Well, this is awkward,” said Trixie while the nurse finished applying the iodine. Although her hoof was still mostly numb, she could feel a very faint sting.

“There,” Nurse Redheart as she finished tying the bandage around Trixie’s elbow. “Now Miss, please be more careful in the future.” She wiped some sweat from her forehead. Before Trixie could say so much as ‘thanks’, Redheart was already out of the room.

Trixie was sitting in the same bed where she awoke. Once the general panic of the first impression had passed, Trixie was finally allowed to use the shower and wash herself off. She had cleaned up easily enough except for her coat. No matter what she did, she could not get her brilliant azure coat to regain its luster. After the second time nurse Redheart knocked the door and asked of Trixie was alright in there, she just gave up and resigned herself to looking pale as a bone.

The wound on her leg had never stop bleeding, one small drop after another. With all the lights on and without the initial shock clouding her mind, Trixie finally realized that her blood was also not in its usual color. Instead of the scarlet tone she expected, Trixie found with no little amount of fear that the liquid leaving her body was far darker, and not even a tone of red, but a sickening dark green that verged almost on black. For Trixie, it resembled axle grease more than anything else. 

Surprisingly, she was thankful this time she couldn’t cry.

Now here she was, sitting in front of seven ponies she barely knew. She was sure that at least four of them despised her, and she wasn’t really excited with them either. The fifth was a yellow pegasus she had seen around them and knew was their friend, but she didn’t matter to Trixie one way or the other. And then was the one that made Trixie’s life a living hell. With such company, Trixie would have closed the door on sight, but it was the seventh pony present who prevented her from doing so; her Majesty, Princess Celestia. Trixie could only gaze in awe at the only pony she never dared to compare herself with.

“Your Majesty,” Trixie boldly dared to break the silence. “Although Trixie is more than honored to be in your presence, she profoundly laments that it took events such as these for us to finally meet.” Everypony in the room tilted their heads and looked at Trixie as if looking like a living corpse was now the least strange thing about her.

“No need to apologize, for you’re not to blame for this situation,” Princess Celestia insisted, keeping her composure. As usual, she spoke softly and calmly. “Although I admire your bravery, my faithful subject, you have every right to be scared and I understand that.” A warm smile adorned her regal face.

Trixie looked back at her, trying to imitate the smile but ultimately failing.“Must be the numbness.” Instead, Trixie did the only thing left to do in a situation like this one. The show must go on and she has a role to play; the act.

"Thank you for your concern, your Majesty. But Trixie is certain that in due time this unfortunate situation can be set right." Even through the numbness, the smile she finally managed felt wooden.

It was not helped by The Princess' next words. "I'm afraid that may not be possible, my little pony." 

After that, she politely asked Twilight and her friends to give her and Trixie some privacy. Although Twilight objected, and some of her friends did as well, Celestia’s calm and resolution won out. After a final assurance to her faithful student that she would be safe alone with Trixie, the Princess returned to her seat opposite the showmare.

With the patience and practice of a pony who had ruled a thousand years and had more than her fair share of experience with breaking bad news to unfortunate ponies, Princess Celestia explained to Trixie everything that she had explained to Twilight and her five friends earlier. Through it all, Trixie couldn't help but see the look of infinite sorrow in the Princess' deep purple eyes, as though the alicorn herself where personally responsible for Trixie's situation.

And yet, Trixie resisted.

Trixie resisted while the Princess told her that the dark liquid inside her wasn’t blood, but something way more sinister known as necroplasm. Liquefied dark magic. Trixie resisted too after hearing that since the necroplasm was supplying the energy to keep her going, most of her organs were now useless and would eventually atrophy. Trixie kept resisting when it was explained to her that her heart wasn’t beating anymore, but instead it was the Alicorn Amulet what was keeping her going.

Trixie’s willpower was tested when Celestia said, with tears in her eyes, that she was dead.

In the end though, it all came down to a final question, one that Trixie had been subconsciously dreading since she had first seen herself in the mirror.

“Why is there a restraining ring on Trixie’s horn?”

“The Alicorn Amulet's corruption works through the wearer's magic,” Celestia replied, refusing to even blink. “The only way to keep that corruption from progressing further is to block that magic." Celestia the mage, not the Princess, hesitated. It was clear to Trixie how much this was paining her as a fellow magic user. “Without it, there would be nothing to stop the Amulet from completely corrupting you.”

The room was dead silent, the only sounds those that drifted in faintly from beyond the closed door.

Even though she had been expecting it, even though she had been dreading it, part of her had to ask, “Does that means that I can never…”

“I’m truly, truly sorry.”

Trixie couldn’t resist anymore.




The rest of the night was mostly uneventful, or at least its events meant little to Trixie. Celestia tried to reassure her, telling her not to give up all hope, before finally taking her leave. Trixie had answered some more questions for the doctors before they departed again. Even Sparkle had poked her head back in, telling Trixie that she would be back in the morning and that she was determined to help.

“Help. From that mare.” In another time, the sole thought would have amused Trixie. In another life.

Trixie tried to sleep but to no avail. Whatever that ‘necroplasm’ was doing to her it clearly prevented her from feeling tired. Even if it wasn’t for that, she guessed she wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep. There was too much else on her mind.

Her entire life revolved around only two things; Magic and The Show. Or at least it had since she found her purpose in life, years ago with her masters in Neigh Orleans. She had clashed one too many times with her teachers at Celestia’s school, finally striking out on her own, making it as far south as that great old city on the bayou, before her path crossed with the first of them. They had taught her things those stuffy professors back at the school never could. They had shown her the true magic behind life and and changed hers forever.

She had never lost the thrill of The Show, not until she had come to Ponyville that first time. With that loss came the loss of everything else. That one boastful show had cost her everything.

“Why does it all have to be taken away from me?”

It wasn’t only her magic, that was just the worst of it. Trixie was now an horrorshow with hooves. She could see it in the doctors, she could see it in those six ponies. Trixie saw the fear in their eyes, the disgust that the mere sight of Trixie’s body-- no, of Trixie’s corpse. It wasn’t a body anymore, it was a corpse. Trixie wasn’t alive anymore, she was dead.

And, to add insult to injury, it had rendered her powerless.

It wasn’t just the magic itself or her tool of work that had been taken from her. No, it was much, much more than that. 

It was her everything.

For Trixie, her magic was an extension of who she was. As far as Trixie was concerned, her magic was as much of her as her four hooves. Her very essence was taken away from her and without it, she might as well be truly dead. Yes, she still moved, she still thought. Somehow, even if technically dead, Trixie still lived. But to be without her power? What good was a unicorn without their magic? Now her magic was locked inside her, with the knowledge that if she ever tried to take it back out, it would also free the very thing that condemned her. 

Lying on her back on the bed, Trixie raised her left foreleg, examining the bandage around her elbow. Hesitantly, she drew her hoof tip closer to her chest, where the object of her misery had taken her. She was afraid, very afraid, but a morbid sense of curiosity drove her to lower her hoof more.

Carefully, very carefully, she touched the red gem in the middle of the amulet. Unlike she expected, it was warm to the touch. In fact, it must have been very hot if Trixie’s numb hoof could feel it without problems. She slipped her hoof over the Amulet’s surface to its edge, where her own flesh and skin started. Again, the Amulet defied Trixie’s expectations. She was expecting to find badly healed scars around the Amulet but instead, skin, flesh and bones seemed to have fused with the unlucky charm, as if it has been part of her the whole time.

“I’ll be free,” she whispered. “I’ll be free from this, somehow.” Trixie closed her eyes, not to sleep, but to avoid seeing the reality in front of her.

She was glad that the tears couldn’t come any more.