I'm Your Biggest Fan

by CanRock


Though a Certain Somepony's Fan Is Bigger

She knocks at Fluttershy's door again.

“Fluttershy are you there?”

Through the door they faintly heard Fluttershy reply, “Come on in.”

Applejack entered looking around Fluttershy's cottage. “I hope I'm not interrupting something.”

“Oh no not at all. Is there a problem? You are normally working at this time of day.”

“I came by to talk to… your friend. I wanted to introduce him to… Whut?” Applejack looked around rapidly; Bat-Mite was not to be found.

“Where did he get to?”

Fluttershy asked, “Are you looking for an invisible friend?”

“He is not invisible nor is he a friend.”

“Oh… You are looking up. Is he a pegasus? A breezie?”

“No, a 5th dimensional imp.”

“An imp.” Fluttershy blinked. “Are you sure that he's not an invisible friend?”

Applejack glared at Fluttershy. “Yes.”

“I. I.” Fluttershy stepped back.

“Relax Shy. I won't bite.”

Fluttershy sighed softly and started to relax.

“Unless you ask me to, that is.”

“Eep.” Fluttershy looked at Applejack who was grinning from ear to ear.

Fluttershy looked left then right. She then daintily stuck out her tongue at Applejack, then lowered her head, hiding behind her hair.

Applejack chuckled, “You got me there partner. You got me good.”

Fluttershy came out from behind her hair, she was smiling shyly. “Um, would you like some tea?”

“No thank you.”

“You brought your not invisible not friend to meet somepony?”

“I didn't. He followed me here.” Applejack looked around. “I assumed that he followed me in.”

“Apparently not. So were you going to introduce him to Angel?”

“Angel? No.”

“No? Were you going to introduce him to Harry the Bear?”

“Nope.”

“Fluffykins? Mr. Nut Kicker? Thumper?”

“Nope.”

“Which friend of mine were you going to introduce him to?”

“You know which one.”

“Ummm, Nooo. I have a lot of friends here. I am only certain of who you do not want to meet. So. Mr. Nibbles? Mrs. Nibbles? Nibbles jr? Nibblette? Mini Nibbles? Nibbs? Nibby? Ibble? Ble-”

“Fine! Discord. I came to see Discord.”

“There. Was that so hard? Want a cookie?”

Applejack grunted. “No thank you.”

“It is a good thing that you said it was Discord. He was the last person I would have guessed you wanted to see.”

Applejack huffed. “He doesn't seem to be here. When do you expect him?”

“He should be here soon for Tuesday te-”

“Hell-lou! Is somepony talking about me? My ears are burning!” The draconequus called Discord was floating in mid-air. A being with a head of a pony and a body made of parts of differing animals. The most unusual thing about him was that his ears were on fire.

Fluttershy said, “Discord, your ears are on fire. My animals are not comfortable around open flames. If it's not too much trouble please put out your ears.”

“Certainly.” A large metal bucket appeared in his right hand. “Better safe than sorry. Isn't it?”

He takes the bucket and rams it down his head. His horns sticking out of the bottom of the bucket. Two seconds later the water rushed out of it.

“There all better now.” Discord's voice was hollow and metallic. He took a breath. He took another. He turned towards Applejack. “Applejack! I am not your father.”

“Thank Celestia for small favors.” Applejack said while Discord was drawing a pair of lips and eyes with long eyelashes on the bucket with a marker. The drawing moved as if they were his own.

With a hollow metallic falsetto Discord said, “Actually, I am your mother!”

Applejack rolled her eyes. “Well, mom, this daughter of yours has a little problem with a 5th dimensional imp and can use your help.”

“Did I not raise my daughter to be an independent mare? Or I would have if those two harridans had not so rudely turned me to stone.”

“So you are not willing to help me?”

Discord took off the bucket from his head. He had a serious face. He asked her, “Answer me this Applejack. Why should I? I am not your friend. At best, I am a friend of a friend.”

“I am friends with Fluttershy. Twilight has declared herself to be my friend for some reason. I play pranks alongside Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash. I regale Rarity with stories of my travels and the fashions worn by beings, who do not need clothes, that I have met. And as for you, you barely tolerate me. You only do so out of respect to Fluttershy.”

Applejack shrugged. “What can I say. I still can still be a mite stubborn.”

They both heard a soft snort followed by a cough. “Oh do excuse me. I did not mean to interrupt.” Fluttershy said, “Do go on.”

In Discord's hands a book titled 'Friendship Notes' appeared. The book opened and he took out a purple quill that served as a bookmark. “So tell me. Is my helping you a bribe for you to become my friend? Or maybe to tolerate me more?”

Applejack tensed, glared at Discord and she growled out, “Helping others is a kind thing to do.”

“Helping others is a kind thing to do?” Discord tapped his quill on his chin and repeated, “Helping others is a kind thing to do.”

He turned towards Fluttershy. “Fluttershy as the expert in kindness, is helping others really a kind thing to do?”

“Why, yes it is.”

In a booming voice Discord said, “Fluttershy has spoken. So it is; so shall it be.

He wrote in his friendship notebook while saying, “Helping others is a kind thing to do.” With a flourish he set the quill down in the book as a bookmark. With a snap of his fingers the book disappeared.

He intoned, “Thus Friendship is once again safe from commercialism. At least until the prophesied coming of the demon Hasboro.” Discord paused, pulled out a scroll and a magnifying glass and stared at it. “Or is it Hasbaro? Hasbrro? Some prophets have lousy penmanship, horrible even. Is good penmanship too much to ask for in a prophet? If one goes out of their way to warn others of future calamity. It just seems that it should be the least they can do.”

Applejack and Fluttershy stared at him.

“Tough room.” Discord clapped his hands. “So. What do you want me to do Applejack? Turn him into a frog? Or. No, wait. The punishment should fit the crime in some way. More or less. What has this fiendish imp done to you? Did he give you his name?”

“He called himself Bat-Mite.”

“That… sounds familiar.” He reached out and a book titled 'Who's Who' appeared in his paw. He flipped through the pages.

“Ah.” He turned the book towards Applejack. “Is this him?”

While there was some text in a language she didn't recognize at the bottom of the page. A drawing took up most of the upper page.

“It's close. My Bat-Mite wasn't tubby around the middle and has 5 claws at the end of his arms instead of 4 here.”

Fluttershy said, “Those are called fingers. Claws are pointier, ripier.”

“Right, fingers. His costume, while similar, has a different, if similar, color scheme. His costume fits him better; so better tailored. His belt is cut to fit and has pouches. His boots are designed differently too. Clearly made of higher quality material. Annnd...” Applejack pulled her hat over her eyes. “I have been hanging around Rarity too much.”

Fluttershy said, “Oh, there is no such thing Applejack.” Fluttershy paused. “Well maybe there is such a thing. But learning about things your friends are interested in is not a bad thing. Broadening your mind is a good… um, thing.” She retreated behind her hair.

Discord said, “However interes-thing that may be. According to this thing, Bat-Mite's thing with his costume is that it looks like that it was home made by a fan. Not a thing made by a professional.”

Applejack growled out, “Yer insulting Fluttershy.”

“I am?” He looked up thinking. “Are you saying that saying thing is not the latest thing?”

“Eyup.”

He turned to Fluttershy. “My sincerest apologies Fluttershy. I look to you for all things pony related, no pun intended. I made an error in judgment.”

“No harm done.”

“Now as I was sort of saying. Bat-Mite's costume's lack of quality is due to him wanting it to look like that it was 'hoof made' by an amateur.” I don't see him wearing something better unless… He bopped his head with his paw. “Cosplay.” He flipped a few pages of his book. “The art of costume making by amateurs has grown by leaps and bounds recently.

“Here.” He turned the book towards Applejack again. “Is this him?”

“Yes. Yes it is. Like two peas in a pod.”

He turned the book back to himself and put on some glasses to read it. “Hm. Bat-Mite DCnU dash two.” After a minute of making appreciative noises as he read, he snapped the book closed and threw it over his shoulder. The sounds of dishes breaking followed by a cat yowling was heard.

Discord took off his glasses and said, “So. I now know my opponent. Now I need to know what he did. What did he do?”

“Well, he appeared to me while I was bucking for apples. He said that he was a follower of a series that feature me and my friends, the Bearers. He called it Friendship is Magic. He is a fan and considers me to be best pony. If you can believe such a thing.”

“Hmph. Shows what little discernment imps have. It should be clear to anypony that Fluttershy is the best pony.” With a wave of a finger Fluttershy magically moved to Discord's outstretched hand. “Look at her! Is she not a Wonder to behold? Is she not Super?”

Fluttershy fidgeted in place nervously looking down.

“Even philistines must recognize that by defeating me, of all beings, with the power of kindness has earned her the spot of best pony for life!”

Applejack said, “I won't argue with you about who is best pony.”

“Wise of you. You would lose.” He set Fluttershy down gently.

“Well back to my story. He then said that he was horrified to learn that some consider me to be worst pony.”

“That's more like it.”

Applejack glared at Discord.

“I did not say that you were worst pony. I said 'more like it' as in closer to worst than Fluttershy.”

Applejack said, “I jumped to a conclusion. I apologize.”

“Think nothing of it. You were saying?”

“But he had a plan. To put me into situations where I'll shine. So that everypony would see how wonderful I am.”

Discord gasped. “Evil public relations stunt! How fiendish!”

With a snap of his fingers a billboard titled 'Top 5 Antagonists' appeared. At the top at the number 1 position, with an image 3 times bigger than the others, sat Discord. Just below at the number 2 was Tirek. Below, at the third position was Queen Chrysalis. And finally at fourth position was...

“King Sombra, you are going down a notch.” Discord took King Sombra's picture and name, and lowered them to the fifth position.

King Sombra's imaged moved and softly hissed out, “Cryssstallls.”

Discord snapped his fingers and Bat-Mite's picture and name appeared in fourth position. “There! You were saying?”

Applejack facehooved. She took a deep breath and said, “I managed to talk him out of it.”

“You did? And you still need my help?” A tub of popcorn each appeared in front of Discord and Fluttershy. He took a handful of popcorn and chewed. “Dis is gonna be good.”

“We went to Manehatten against my will.”

“You were ponynapped?” He rose up and turned towards the billboard and stopped. “No. No. Don't worry. You Sun-butt butt kicker you.” With his finger he reached out and stroked Chrysalis's image mane. She leaned into it and purred. “You are still in third place. It will take more than that to move you.”

Discord sat back down. “Sorry. You were saying?” He flicked up a kernel and caught it in his mouth.

“Fine. You made yer point. There's not much reason to act against someone who wanted to make me into Equestria's greatest hero, able to save everypony be myself.”

“Le gaaasssp!” Discord gasped. “By yourself? Why that flies in the face of the power of friendship!” He rose up and turned towards the billboard again. “Sorry Chrissy, you are going down!” With a flick of his talons Bat-Mite and Queen Chrysalis switched places.

“Don't get too comfortable Tirek! This one is an up-and-comer!” He turned back to Applejack. “So what happened next?”

“Nothin'.”

Both Discord and Fluttershy said, ““Nothing?””

“Well, I talked him out of turning me into Batmare.”

“Batmare?” Fluttershy repeated.

“A comic book type hero. He then brought us back. I came here. That's it.”

“That's it? Then why in Celestia's sunny butt did you want me to deal with that imp?”

Applejack sighed. “I was thinking to set a fox against a fox. I wanted him gone, sent home. You can do that. It did not occur to me that it might not be righteous to do that.” Applejack sighed again. “He's an annoyance. Not somepony that you break out the heavy weapons for. I apologize for wasting your time.”

“Think nothing of it. It was an entertaining waste of my time. Besides, I would not have been able to help you.”

“What?”

“Oh sure, I could have sent him packing. But you have forgotten one teensy-weensy itsy-bitsy liiitle thing. He came here on his own, which means...”

“That he can come back on his own. Dang.”

“Yes. From what I've read, it may take him 90 days to do so. But he can come back and probably will. I know I would.

“Your best option is for somepony to talk him into going home and ideally give him a reason not to come back.”

“Somepony. You mean me.”

“You can hardly ask Fluttershy to do it. She's not good with confrontations.”

“I'm not. I'm really not. Oh, I'm really really not good with confrontations.”

“As for me. If I go off to talk to him, it will probably end up with me waking up in Las Pegasus married to him. Or something like that.” He leaned in closer. “You are the one he came to see. You are the one he will listen to. You are the one most likely to be able to convince him.”

“Unfortunately, that does make a lick a sense.” She adjusted her hat. “Talk. Fine. If you would all excuse me. I have an imp to find.”

“Good luck, Applejack.”

“What she said.” He turned to Fluttershy. “Say, there's a good luck saying that goes by 'Break a leg.' Does that mean I can break her leg after saying it?”

“Um, no.”

“Darn, then it's a good thing that I asked you first.”

Shaking her head Applejack closed the door as she left.

As she crossed over the small bridge near Fluttershy's home she saw a pony sized rectangle floating in mid-air.

Applejack muttered, “Well that sure was easy.” As she walked around the rectangle she saw Bat-Mite looking at it. She stopped and said, “Hey.”

Bat-Mite jerked in surprise. He looked at Applejack, smiled, pointed at the rectangle and then said, “Hey Applejack! Finished talking with Fluttershy?”

“Yes. I was going to introduce you but you disappeared.”

“Ah. Yes, well, I did not want to get in the way of any business you two had.”

“Try again.”

Bat-Mite fidgeted. “Right, honesty. I told you that some consider you worst pony? I consider Fluttershy worst pony.”

“You consider her a bad pony?”

“Oh no! While she has her flaws. She is an awesome pony. You all are! It is just...” He struggled for words. “She is so fearful! Episode after episode, it's as if they chose to emphasize that aspect of her. It's so frustrating!”

He took a deep breath and did the Cadance maneuver. “I was afraid that I would say something inappropriate and intimidate Fluttershy. You know what she looks like. She looks like a, um, puppy waiting to be kicked.” He shivered. “Not a pretty picture. And something I wanted to avoid.”

Applejack nodded. “So you had your reason.” She moved closer and took a quick look at the floating rectangle. She did a double take and stared at what she saw. “Is that a painting of Starlight Glimmer?”

“Oh no I just paused the episode.”

“What in tarnation is going on here?”

“Well I had an idea on what to do next and I was scanning a few episodes to find out whether or not my idea has merit. The slice of life episodes were a bust. But the mission episode 'Cutie Markless' has potential.” He gestured towards the rectangle and the image started to move backwards fast. It stopped then started forward normally. “There, while you were all held prisoner, if I had weakened the door just enough so that you would have been able to break it open. You would have been the hero of the story, instead of Fluttershy.”

“You intend to go back in time to change things?”

“Oh, no. I only used that as an example. I was thinking that when the castle sends you on missions, I'll secretly follow you and subtly help you. Make you look good. I just wish that there was another mission episode so that I could see whether or not the first episode was a fluke or that there was a trend that I can exploit.”

While he was talking Applejack kept splitting her attention between the display and Bat-Mite. When he finished she focused on him.

“You want everypony to like me. I'm flattered. I really am. Answer me this. For whom do you do all this for?”

“You?”

Applejack nods. “You believe that. But did I ask you to do this? No.” She moved closer to him and stood up on her hind legs so that she can see him eye to eye. “Let me make myself clear. I have no interest in the opinion of others, that I will never meet, have of me.”

“Um. In 'Pinkie Apple Pie' you were very concerned of Pinkie's opinion of your family.”

“Right, my family not myself.”

Bat-Mite gave her a skeptical look.

“I never said I was consistent.” She lower herself down to her four hooves. “Look, when I was younger I was concerned by what others thought of me. But now, I am a darn good pony. By deeds and words being the best that I can be. Day by day; by reflection, learning and practice I become a better pony. If others have a low opinion of me, that's their problem.

“Besides, you said it yourself; Fluttershy is your worst pony and you still think that she's awesome. So it's not so bad being worst pony.”

Bat-Mite stared at her. He kept staring at her until he said, “You. Are. So. AWSOME!”

Applejack waved a hoof. “Hush now. You'll make me blush.”

Bat-Mite smirked. “I thought that you did not care what others thought of you.”

“I said others I didn't know. 'Sides emotional reactions don't care none about intellectual beliefs. They happen whether you want to or not.” Applejack tilted her hat up. “Are you still going to try to convince those poor poor folks that I'm better than they thought I was?”

Bat-Mite raised his hands palms forward and said, “You made your case. I give up.”

“Good. What now? Are you going home?”

“Home? Heck no! I have a lot of sightseeing that I want to do! And there is a certain Doctor, who is way more popular than he should be, that I want a closer look at.”

“Ah. Are you certain you want to do that?”

“Why did I just get the feeling that a cold shiver should have run up and down my spine?”

Applejack smiled. “Are you aware that Rainbow Dash is a fan of the Daring Doo series of books?” At his nod she said, “Of course you are.”

“One thing you might not know is that she hates spoilers. She doesn't want to know anything beforehoof about a story. With the possible exception of the title. She wants to read the book fresh.”

Bat-Mite nods. “I know people like that. I also know people that can not get enough information about a story beforehand.”

“Where are you on that scale?”

“Close to Rainbow Dash. I can handle a spoiler-free summary. But beyond that, I try to avoid anything that might spoil the story for me.” He put his fists on his hips. “There is a point to all this, I presume?”

“Sure 'nuff.” Applejack pointed at the display. “That adventure at Our Town was a while back. You said that it was the only mission given by the castle that you knew about. There have been others. I figure that in your sightseeing you might come across some of those spoilers that you don't like. Wreck your enjoyment of those episodes when you get back.”

Applejack looked away and muttered, “Redecorating? No way. Ah!” She grinned. “Have you heard that Babs Seed got her cutie mark?”

“Your cousin? Good for her. I know that she was looking forward to it.”

“Do you want to know how the Cutie Mark Crusaders reacted when they heard?”

Bat-Mite eyes grew wide. “That implies that they were not there. That implies that they reacted poorly. That implies that they had nightmares. That implies that it will be the basis of the long awaited Apple Bloom/Princess Luna episode! Ah! I do not want to hear anymore!” He put his hands over where his ears would be on his cowl and started singing, “Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na NAH NAH.”

Applejack rolled her eyes, reached out and tapped him. When his attention was on her, she crossed her hoof in front of her lips. He stopped that infernal na na naing and slowly removed his hands from his head.

“Ah'll take that as a no. Well, do you still want to stay and risk being exposed to spoilers?”

Bat-Mite grimaced. “I suppose that I can come back after the current season ends.” He nods. “It will reduce the number of possible spoilers and it will give me time to forget any innocent remarks.” He nods again. “It's a plan.”

He looked at Applejack. “Thank You. It has been wonderful to meet you. You have been a good sport about all this.”

She made a dismissive gesture. “I have gotten used to the unusual by now. You have a safe trip back home, y'hear!”

“I will. Oh, before I leave. Now that you go out on missions. You should learn some skills that will increase the odds of… you and your friends coming back successful, safe and sound. You are a very talented mare Applejack. But talent does not replace training. Think about it.”

She looked at him for a few seconds. “I will.”

“See ya!” He snapped his fingers and was gone.

She stared at where Bat-Mite was until she heard clapping coming from behind her.

It was Discord. “Bravo! Bravissima! You have successfully defeated your opponent using the power of honesty!” He stopped clapping. “Although what you did, did not equal to what Fluttershy had done.”

“Not everypony can defeat the top antagonist. I'll just have to be satisfied with number three.”

Applejack adjusted her hat. “Now if you'll excuse me. Things that haven't been done need doing.” She turned to leave. Paused, turned back to Discord and said, “See you later.”

Discord perked up, nodded and said, “See you later Applejack.”

Hours later, Applejack entered her room. “Whew, this has been a day and a half.”

As she put her hat on its peg she noticed something unexpected from the corner of her eye. On her bureau was the Applejack plushie she saw earlier, or its twin. She moved closer, looking at it and it's reflection in the bureau's mirror.

“Heh. He's right. You sure are cute.” She looked up. “If this is a gift, thank you kindly.”

She looked up, down, all around and said, “The story is over. So no peeking!” She left for the wash room.

SOMEWHERE ELSE

“It is not quite over Applejack. OK. Pause. Scroll back a few seconds, there! Now wait until she comes back. There she is. Wait, wait, start!”

Applejack climbs into bed and sets her head on the pillow.

“Fade to black. Start end credits.”

“There all done. Well, except for a few editing passes.”

“I wonder if I should post this in YourVid? As a newb I'll be lucky to get a dozen views.”

“Ehhh why not?”