//------------------------------// // Feedback // Story: Writing Club // by DouglasTrotter //------------------------------// The air remained turbulent. Clouds culminated overhead with air rushing past my silvery colored mane and tail. My companion's snow-white chest feathers blew about in the violent wind. Despite reaching the fork in the road, we were disoriented by a sudden gust of wind taking the map away. My companion retrieved it and flew back towards me. We had gone off course when the storm hit. Our makeshift camp provided little protection against the brewing storm. The day was marked by a sudden -- "Really, you call this stuff writing? You're no A.K. Yearling, that's for sure." A blue colored pegasus said to me. My head hit the table with a thud. The sound echoed inside sugar cube corner. For some idiotic reason, perhaps my own stupid reason for wanting to better myself as a writer, I came to this "workshop," get together, or whatever for writers. Princess Twilight Sparkle was here, along with what appeared to be her friends the way they casually talked with her. Lucky me, my writing is going to be "looked at" by a princess no less. I'll be the first pony thrown into the dungeon. My crime, horrible writing. "I have to say, that's some rather... interesting writing." The mare with the Stetson said. Her eyes went back and forth over the piece I had given her. "What ya going for, exactly?" "It's a little dark, isn't it." The yellow pegasus said before she shied away from me. I think my breath smells. Perhaps it stinks as bad as my writing the way these mares keep looking at me. This was a bad idea. No individual wants to help out. They all want to be captains, not soldiers. The weirdest one, this unicorn with this scaly creature fawning over her kept eying my writing. Did she care? Maybe I'm wrong. "This is atrocious. Not one sentence stands out to me in any elegant fashion." She said. Nope, I was right. She didn't care. I could drown in my sweat with how nervous I am. Princess Twilight Sparkle is the last one to look it over. "We can get to his stuff later. My story is way more awesome. Applejack, you know it's awesome." The blue colored pegasus mare said as she hovered above the table. "Rainbow Dash, be nice." Applejack said. She looked at me with those green eyes, and then turned toward her friend. "This here fellah is trying to improve himself. You ain't got no right to criticize his writing like that." Rainbow Dash huffed before she sat back down. "Well, it is... interesting to say the least." Princess Twilight Sparkle said. She levitated the paper towards me, "I'm sorry. I didn't get your name, or do you prefer a pen name?" "... Grammatical Error is fine." I said. Rainbow Dash fell to the floor clutching her midsection. Even my name sounded preposterous; it's not my real name, but it fits since I get turned away from a lot of places. "O come on Fluttershy, even Pinkie Pie would laugh at that one. Rarity. Applejack. You know it's funny. Who calls themselves 'Grammatical Error.' Hey! What ya do that for Twilight," Rainbow Dash said, being forced into her seat. She leered at her friend. "Not my fault for him coming up with a weird name." Yea, a weird name. It's just as weird as my stupid desire to be a writer. I better leave. Criticism comes with everything, yet this goes beyond criticism. When will my story be good enough? I know that perfection is a lie. Every writer knows that bit of info. Still, it would be nice to have a little bell go off when I've touched up the last sentence. "Don't worry. Your story just needs a few little snips, touch ups, and --" Rarity said. "It needs to be condemned." The scaly creature said as it tossed my work onto the table. "Spike, that's rude." Princess Twilight Sparkle said. She glanced towards me, "The story isn't bad. You've got the basic sentence structure down. Still, some might be view your work as a bit self-absorbed, ostentatious, maybe a little pompous." "Jeez Twilight, you say I'm being rude. I don't even know what those words mean, but they sound harsh if you ask me." Spike said. Sugar Cube Corner should be renamed Mortuary Corner with how silent it is in here after they speak. This was a bad idea. "I'm sorry for intruding." I said. The door closed in front of me before I could step outside. "I should leave." Rainbow Dash sighed. She flew over towards me and looked down on me. That wasn't difficult since I was only a good hoof taller than a colt. I backed up, forgetting the door was closed behind me. "Hey, I joked about your writing. I didn't say it was trash. Quit the self-pity act." Rainbow said. She snorted at me. "Jeez you're squeamish. I'm not going to hit ya." I lowered my hooves to the group looking at me. After a quick gulp I walked toward the table and took my seat. "So, how ya get your cutie mark?" Spike said to me. "Promise not to laugh?" I said. "Yea." Spike said. "I got it when I started writing this story. I've worked on it for a long time." I said. Spike flew into the air, and then stood near Princess Twilight Sparkle. The princess gave me a sheepish grin while the scaly little creature appeared to snicker at my reply. Tears started to form in Rainbow Dash's eyes. Rainbow Dash excused herself. A boisterous laugh came from Sugar Cube Corner's kitchen before she returned, wiping away a quick tear. Sure, great, a featherbrain like me gets a cutie mark for writing story, and it's crap. Well, winners are determined by losers. If there are no losers, there are no winners. That's simple logic. "How about we focus on the beginning." Rarity said. The minutes seemed to tick by while the group looked over my work. "Just a quick question." I said. "Yes?" Princess Twilight Sparkle said. "You're all friends, right?" I said while receiving a nod in return, "How come this group is so... small? With Princess Twilight Sparkle --" "Please, call me Twilight." She said. "Sorry. With Twilight organizing this event, wouldn't there be more ponies from Ponyville here?" I said. "I was curious about that as well. Spike?" Twilight said. The others looked at him. He chuckled then backed away. Spike levitated toward Twilight before he could bolt toward the door. Several annoyed eyes leered at him. "Alright, alright! I sorta... kinda... might have had a 'tiny' little sneezing fit in the castle." Spike said. Twilight placed a firm hoof on her forehead. "Darling, did you really," Rarity twirled her hoof in the air," send them off?" "Yea. The last one blew out the window." Spike said. "Just my luck." I muttered. Applejack must have heard as I soon received the same annoyed look she gave Spike. My ears went back, and I lowered my head. "I'll be quiet." My only saving grace was the small clock chiming away in the back. Four o'clock came, and with it came an end to Ponyville's first ever writer's club. Between these four mares, Princess Twilight Sparkle, and that laughter in a box Spike, I'm doomed. I should just give up on my story. "Don't worry about them. It's hard to receive criticism. It's even harder to learn from it. When you do learn from your mistakes, you will grow into a more powerful individual." Rarity said while we stepped outside. She looked at me, levitated the papers off the table, and placed them into my saddlebag. "I may have been a little 'uncouth' in my words regarding your story, but that's just criticism. I can't tell you how many times my dresses have been frowned upon, cast aside, and sometimes outright berated. When you learn to stand on your hooves and move forward, nothing can stop you." It left me speechless to see the mare smile at me like that, all the while giving those words of encouragement. "By the way," Twilight said, stopping in front of me. "The character is fleshed out rather nicely. He has strengths and weaknesses, with his companion helping to fill in the roles he cannot undertake himself. One thing you might want to do is tone down the wording a bit, so it isn't over the top. Also, try to give your protagonist some room to grow without his companion. Readers already know how vulnerable he is without her, but not how powerful he can truly be." "Thank you." I said. "My story is next. It's totally awesome. You'll learn how to be a writer in ten seconds flat with my material." Rainbow Dash said before she bolted into the sky. Fluttershy giggled while she stood next to Applejack whom whispered into the yellow pegasus pony's ear. "Don't mind Rainbow. You'll get your barings, fellah. Just have ta keep at it." Applejack said before departing with Fluttershy. Just like that, the first meeting of the Ponyville Writer's Club came to an end. Huh, maybe I should come here next week. It'll give me some time to work on my story. Four years seems like a lot to put into a story. I guess it doesn't hurt to put another week's worth of effort into it.