//------------------------------// // For a 5th Dimensional Imp. // Story: I'm Your Biggest Fan // by CanRock //------------------------------// It is a nice sunny day at Sweet Apple Acres. Where out in the fields Applejack is bucking for Apples. Applejack was signing softly as she worked. “Apples “cool, sweet, apples” She bucked a tree. Apples fell down into the waiting baskets. “WOW! It is just like the intro!” A squeaky voice said. “What! Who?” Applejack quickly looked around until she looked up and saw floating on thin air, a small human-like being wearing a blue and gray superhero costume. His cape ruffled in the breeze. “You look even better in real life! I can actually see the hairs on your coat! The loss of resolution in viewing across dimensions should be a crime. I tells ya!” He suddenly appeared next to her hindquarter. A magnifying glass in his hand, he stared at her cutie mark. With the fingers of his free hand he rubbed her cutie mark. Applejack tried moving away from him. But he stayed in the same position relative to her. “Wow! It is not the skin that is colored. It is each individual hair on your coat. Cutie marks are a hairy form of pointillism! Take that Butt Tattoo partisans!” Applejack was getting annoyed. Even back flips had not dislodging that floating pest. “Consarn it! Will you stop that! Touching a cutie mark like that is rude!” “Oh!” He floated away from her. “I am so sorry! I did not mean to be rude! I... sorry.” He slumped in mid air. “Discord if that's you. If this is one of your stupid pranks. Ah swear I'll buck you into next week!” “Oh no! I'm not Discord! Let me prove it to you! I am not Discord! Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” He moved his fist away from his eye, smiled and then squealed, “Eeeee! I used a Pinkie Promise in context!” Applejack facehooved. “Ifin you're not Discord. Who are you? Better yet, what are you?” He straightened up and with a more sophisticated squeak said, “I, am a 5th dimensional Imp and I am your biggest fan! Call me Bat-Mite,” he bowed. “Call you Bat-Mite? It's not your name then.” “Well... us 5th dimensional Imps do not use sound for our names. Translating them into words is... awkward at best. So I named myself after my hero Batman.” “Batman. Sounds like a superhero name, like that costume you're wearing. Are you sure you are my biggest fan short stuff?” “Heh. You got me. I knew I should have come here wearing only a stetson. “Normally I am Batman's biggest fan. But lately, with the two month long Crisis For More Cash and that bat-bunny suit he has been wearing. I have been... disappointed. I was going to wait out the slump when a friend introduced me to Friendship Is Magic! “I was blown away! I'm not part of the intended demographic. But it is really really good. Not perfect mind you. But it is still really really good. “I have seen all 91 episodes of the first 4 seasons and the season 5 opener. Let me tell you. Out of the Mane 6 you are my favorite pony.” “Are you telling me that the lives of me and my friends is told in some sort of movie serial?” “That is not the analogy I would...” Bat-Mite paused. “You know, Since you do not have television. That is probably the best analogy you can use.” “Don't you Imps know the concept of privacy!” “Sure. We just do not apply it to lower… er, 3rd dimensional beings like yourself.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Why. Are. You. Here.” “Well, after watching all the episodes, so far. I got into the fandom. I was surprised by how big it was: The forums, fanart, fanfiction, episode commentaries, pony music videos and more. All that is nothing compared to the merchandizing. I even broke down and bought myself an Applejack plushie.” It appeared in his hands. Hugging and cuddling it he said, “Is it not cuuute?” In a monotone, “Yeah. Cute.” Bat-Mite petted the plushie twice before making it disappear. “Well, in surfing the fandom, I found out something horrible. I found out that some people consider you to be the worst pony!” “Huh, that little tidbit brings you here, why?” “Why to prove to every body that you are not worst pony!” “How?” “By putting you into situations where you show off how awesome you are!” “By what? By making me Climb some impossibly high mountain? By going into some jungle and finding a lost civilization?” “No, by being heroic and saving somebody!” “Already done that.” “What? Oh yeah. Spike in 'Spike at Your Service'. I meant somepony!” “Also done that.” “What? Who?” “Granny Smith is the most recent one.” “Oh, yeah. Leap of Faith. Save somepony from a monster. Timber Wolves do not count!” “Do Chimeras?” “Ahhh! 'Somepony to Watch Over Me.' I really have to watch all those episodes a few more times. So I don't need to think to remember. OK! A group of someponies!” “Done.” “How?” “Stopped a carriage from going over a cliff.” Bat-Mite thought for a few seconds. “As Mare Do Well in 'The Mysterious Mare Do Well.' OK! Save a town, by yourself!” Applejack opened her mouth. Bat-Mite cried out, “Oh come on! From what?” “A stampede.” Bat-Mite groaned out, “Applebuck Season.” He looked to the sky and cried, “HOW!? How can anybody think that she is worst pony!?” He turned to look at Applejack. “OK, save Equestria by yourself.” “Now wait just a cotton pickin' minute. Nopony can save Equestria by their lonesome. With the exception of Princesses Celestia and Luna. Why when I saved Equestria before, I had the help of my friends. Needed it too. And if I ever get into a situation where I have to save Equestria again. Those lovable scamps will insist on helping me again.” Bat-Mite frowned, thinking. Applejack added, “Ifin you're thinking of locking them away to prevent them from helping me. Don't. Are you really prepared to take responsibility for all the death and destruction should I fail to save the day?” “I have faith in you Applejack.” “So did Snips and Snails with Trixie. Do you know what happened?” Bat-Mite grimaced. “Right, not a pretty picture is it?” “No.” “So you can give up on trying to have me save Equestria by my lonesome. I'm not powerful enough.” “It's not about power. It's about intelligence, cunning, preparedness, skill, resources and drive. Batman is not powerful. He could save Equestria by himself if he wanted.” After a moment Bat-Mite smiled and turned towards Applejack. “Uhh… Now hold on.” Bat-Mite snapped both his fingers. They both disappeared in a flash. They appeared on a rooftop. Through the darkening skies Applejack saw skyscrapers. “Is this Manehatten?” Snap “What in the hay?” She looked down at herself. “Why am I wearing a copy of your costume or is it Batmon's?” “Man. You are wearing a Ba- No, you are a mare. You are wearing a Batmare costume.” Bat-Mite looked at the costume. “Mmm. Just one change.” With a snap of his fingers a bat silhouette appeared on the grey costume over her hindquarters. “Everypony would be looking there for the bat logo.” A trifold mirror appeared before Applejack. “Do you like what you see?” “Mah hat!” Applejack twirled and stalked towards Bat-Mite. “Were. Is. Mah. Hat!” The last word was said right in his face. “Ah, heh. Relax Applejack. It is resting on its peg in your room.” Applejack stared at him for several seconds before backing off. “Fine.” She turned away and looked at her reflection in the mirrors. “Why did you bring me here and put me in these here fancy duds?” “Is it not obvious? I am going to train you to be this Earth's Batma- re. In a few months you will be able to take on and prevail against any foe! You will be Equestria's greatest hero! Then there will be no way that you will be called worst pony!” “Now see here. If you think I'll-” Applejack stopped, took a deep breath and released it. “That calming technique introduced by Princess Cadance sure is popular. Is it that good?” “It has come in handy a time or two.” She stared at Bat-Mite. “Let me ask a question or two before you try training me.” “Sure.” “This 'Friendship is Magic' thing of yours is very popular among you 5 dimensional imps, right? “Wellll, it is very popular among among those who know about it.” “Good, this thing is about me and my friends, the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony right?” “Mostly, yes.” “Mostly?” “A few episodes feature the Cutie Mark Crusaders.” Applejack didn't react for a few seconds until, “Nope, ah'm not going to ask. One more question. These fans of ours, how will they react when they find out that I'm no longer a part of Friendship is Magic?” “What do you mean, no longer a part of Friendship is Magic?” “Well, you said that I'll be training for a few months. Since you brought me here to Manehatten, I assume that this here will be where the training will take place. Since my friends are halfway across the country, I won't be with them in them there episodes. These 5 dimensional fans will be bound to notice that I'm not with my friends. “Sooo, I'm wondering. How will they react when they find out that you interfered with their beloved entertainment?” “But. I'm not. There is...” Bat-Mite became very still. His eyes grew wide. He gulped and let out a muffled whimper. With a groan he snapped his fingers. They appeared back at Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack looked down at herself. Pleased that she was no longer wearing that ridiculous costume. A few second later her hat softly plopped on her head. Applejack reached up and set her hat in its place. She looked at Bat-Mite hanging limply in mid air. “How are you doing?” Lethargicly he said, “I am doing fine. Just super. Keen with a side order of swell.” “That's… good to hear. Now if you'll excuse me, I got things that need doing.” She picked up the baskets full of apples, put them on her cart and brought them to the barn. After she set everything away she left Sweet Apple Acres. She stopped when she reached the road. She looked right and left, sighed, then turned right. A few minutes later as Applejack was walking she heard, “Hi!” She jerked. “Jeez. Don't startle a pony like that Bat-Mite!” “Sorry.” “All righty then.” She looked at him as she walked. “Feeling better?” “Yes I am! All I had to do was ask, 'Would Batman give up?' Heck, no he would not! He would think of something and so will I!” Applejack grimaced. “Yes, stick-to-iveness is a quality I normally admire in a pony.” “Of course you would!” They continued on in silence. Breaking the silence Bat-Mite asked, “So, this is 3 dimensional nature.” “Yes it is. Don't you have nature back home?” “Well yes. But it is not as fractally as it is here.” “Fracta what now?” “Fractal. It's a fancy mathematics term.” “Wha- How can you use fancy mathematics to describe nature?” “Mathematics is the fundamental language of the universe. With it you can explain the interaction between structure, quantities, variables and change. Which is practically everything.” “Huh. You seem to be telling the truth. But I don't know if I can tell if a mask wearing imp is telling the truth or not.” “Pinkie Pie is the normal one in your group.” “Now I know. Thank you kindly.” “You're quite welcome.” Applejack looks at the trees and plants around herself. “Mathematics. Well don't that beat all.” They continued on for a while when Applejack asked, “Something been bothering me. You said that there was almost a hundred episodes about me and my friends.” “Yes?” “I don't see how there can be that many. We've had more than our fair share of adventures. But I don't see how there are enough stories to fill even a quarter of those.” “Welll, there a handful of two-parters, but most of the shows are what are called slice-of-life comedies. Like in 'Maud Pie' where you all met Pinkie's sister. Or, 'Filli Vanilli' where Big Mac got laryngitis and Fluttershy secretly filled in for him in that musical quartet that he is in. Or in 'Pinkie Apple Pie' where you find out that Pinkie Pie might be an Apple and you and your family went on a road trip to find out if she really was.” Applejack shivered. “I don't know about you, but finding out that beings know that much about my life to be three kinds of creepy.” “It's not as bad as you think. Most of the time you are only watched by recording daemons. Let me assure you they are not alive. It is only when the predictive algorithms predict something interesting will happen or when the daemons notice something that match a preset condition. Like Twilight sending a letter to Princess Celestia. Which will cause live breathing people to watch what is happening. If it is interesting, the recordings will be edited together into a cohesive story. Then broadcast and sold. “All told, 93 episodes at 22 minutes each equal just over 34 hours. Most people have seen less than two days worth of your lives. Not that bad I think.” “What of the stuff not shown?” “A good sized chunk is deleted. Like who needs a recording of you sleeping for several hours a night? The rest is held in a secure archive in case there is a need for a flashback. Let me assure you that by law, that archive must be deleted if the show stops production or a year has passed since the last broadcast, whichever comes first.” “You sure are well informed on the behind the curtain stuff.” “I could hardly call myself a big fan if I did not.” “Heh. Well, I suppose I can live with all that. It's not like I can stop what is happening. They don't interfere to make things more interesting, are they?” “I can assure you that My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is a documentary. The producers are reputed professionals who would not dream of interfering with your lives. Not to mention the law that prohibits in interfering in the lives of… beings like you for profit.” “Let me guess. That law doesn't prevent beings like you from interfering with beings like me for the giggles.” “Eheh. I would not say giggles. But yes, as long as I do not profit from it in some way I can do pretty much what I want.” They continued walking in silence. Until Bat-Mite rose up higher and called down. “Is that Fluttershy's home? Are you visiting her?” “Eyup. Got a problem with that?” He lowered to usual level. “Not at all. I would not dream of interfering with your friendships.” As they approached the front door Applejack turned to Bat-Mite and said, “Please be on your best behavior.” Bat-Mite sniffed. “I am always at my best behavior.” Applejack raised an eyebrow at him. “I always try to be at my best behavior.” Applejack noded. “Good enough.” She knocked on Fluttershy's door.