"I'm bad. And that's good. I will never be good. And that's not bad. There is no-one I'd rather be than me."
There was a settling of chairs and hooves and various apparels as the super secret assembly took their respective seats. Discord stood behind a podium with a gavel resting at his right hand. He looked down at the small gathering of strange members, the contents of which would send Celestia into an aneurysm if she ever found out they were all meeting in secret like this.
Below the podium and to the right, stood Tirek, all four legs shackled together and an anti-magic device bolted firmly between his horns. Of all his supernaturally deviant abilities, he was reduced to simply being able to run fast. Next to him was Sombra, who even after several years still looked battered and bruised. There were patches of his coat that had never grown back, and perhaps never would, and most notably his horn was still broken off, only the sharp edges of the base remaining. Finally, next to him, on the left side, sat Gilda, who stuck up her middle claw when Discord turned his gaze at her. Classy.
Discord banged the gavel. "Settle down, all of you."
"But we weren't doing anything," Sombra said.
"I said settle down! This highly secret meeting of Villains Anonymous will come to order. The three of you have been brought here under my judgement to determine if you are yet ready to rejoin society. If you are deemed dangerous and/or unfit, there are various methods of rehabilitation available. Tirek, you have the floor first. Why don't you tell us what you've been up to?"
Tirek glared at him with contempt, and for a moment it didn't seem as if he was going to say anything. Long hours of long days spent in solitary down in Tartarus had not bode well on his mental condition, nor did he seem particularly keen on showing remorse. Finally, he spoke, in a low and quiet voice.
"I spend my days thinking about where I went wrong," he said.
Discord clapped his hands. "Wonderful! That's a wonderful start, Tirek."
"Thinking about how I failed... and how next time I will defeat and destroy that insufferable Twilight Sparkle."
"Aaaaaaaand now we're backsliding again."
Tirek ignored him. "I was so close," he said, clenching his hands into fists. "So powerful... and so close... and still she bested me. A stupid little purple pony. How did she do it? How did she win?"
"She does have a history of doing that," Discord again. "But I sense we're getting off topic here. We're trying to create a positive environment, not a negative one, so Tirek why don't you think about your answer and we'll come back to you."
Tirek grunted.
"Sombra, what have you been up to?" Discord asked, turning his attention to the center of the trio that inhabited the room below him.
"I have remained in isolation, meditating, seeking enlightenment," Sombra said. His eyes remained closed, and never opened. "When I was very young, I was infatuated with Princess Luna. I adored her, and would sleep during the day so that I could roam the city at night, hoping for even so much as a glimpse of her beauty."
"You stalked her?" Discord asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No, no, nothing like that. I stayed away from her. But I admired her," Sombra said. "When she was imprisoned, I sent letters to the moon, filled with everything from weekly updates of things that had been going on, to poems and words of encouragement. I don't know if she ever got them, but I like to think she knew."
"CoughGAYcough," Gilda hacked loudly behind a closed fist.
"Miss Gilda, kindly wait your turn. Sombra has the floor," Discord warned. Gilda stuck out her middle talon again.
Sombra continued as if he did not hear them. "Nothing ever happened between us, you understand. Celestia disapproved of me, and that black mark was as good as a restraining order. But I did meet her once or twice, and... oh, if you could have seen the way she returned my gaze, I knew she felt something." He sighed. "And then of course I got myself all tied up in politics, and that drove us further apart before I wound up doing my own term of banishment. The loneliness is inconceivable. You have no idea how it feels to be with only yourself for centuries, it's enough to drive one mad!"
"Oh, I can guess," Discord said dryly.
"In any case," Sombra continued. "In the last few years I have sought atonement, attempting to redeem myself in various ways. Hoped that Sempai Luna might notice me again. But... it's difficult. Trust lost is not easily regained."
"Just keep working at it," Discord said. "You'll get there. I'm very pleased to hear of your efforts, however. That's extremely encouraging." He turned his attention to Gilda.
"Now," he said to the gryphon. "What was so important to you that you wanted to share with the rest of us?" He asked gently.
"I think you look stupid," Gilda said.
Tirek snorted loudly and looked away with a hand over his mouth before Discord could actually scold him.
"Yes, well, that's just like, your opinion, madam," Discord said. "What have you been doing in the last few years?"
"Flying around being awesome, unlike you punks. It's like a sob fest in here. All of you just hang around and feel sorry for yourselves? That's nuts. I mean look at me, I'm awesome, I can't afford to lose any time with a pity party. I got no regrets." She crossed her front legs. "I don't consider myself someone who does bad things, you know. I don't get in the way, it's other folks who get in MY way, and I simply do not have time for that. I held a job at the post office for a few weeks, but I got fired for slacking off. Just as well, it was lame anyway. And what about you? Why aren't you involving yourself in this little redemption process?"
"Because this is a meeting for villainy," Discord said. "I am not a villain, I am an anti-hero. An antagonist, at worst."
"Sounds like you've been to Egypt," Gilda said.
"What-"
"Right. Because you're totally in de-nile," Tirek said, and both of them roared with laughter. Sombra said nothing, only continuing to look flustered. Their commotion was interrupted only by the creak of the door, and all four of them whirled around. This was supposed to be a private gathering, after all.
Fluttershy stood in the doorway, her face pale, ears flattened.
"I can come back," she said with a mild squeak.
"No, no, come in!" Discord said, and put his arm around her. "You three remember Fluttershy. She can be trusted."
"I don't care if she's the freakin' Princess of Arabia," Tirek said. "This is a meeting for VILLAINS, and she ain't no villain, so she can get the flank out."
"Oh, but I've done villainous things," Fluttershy said quietly, and scuffed her hoof at the floor. "One time I ripped the tag off my mattress, even though it said it wasn't supposed to. It was so itchy, and I couldn't sleep, and-"
"Twelve years dungeon!" Tirek roared. "No trials!"
Fluttershy burst into tears and ran from the room, the door slamming between her and the group. Discord glared at him.
"Now, was that really necessary?" He asked.
Tirek shrugged. "I don't know, but it was funny."
Discord sighed. "That's enough. Meeting adjourned, we'll meet this same time, same day next week. Hopefully you'll all come more willing to participate. Sombra, you did very well. Thank you." He turned, and ran after Fluttershy. Overall, things had at least gone better than he'd expected.