I flipped through the grimoire, perusing its contents. I could definitely see why I had jumped at the chance to buy the volume, despite its high price tag and the seller's shiftiness.
Not only were the pages made of high-quality paper, with a thickness that made sure they wouldn't rip easily, the leather binding was also extremely well done. It was obvious that the book had been hand-crafted, eschewing the usual practice of gluing the pages together and instead going with the old-fashioned method of sewing the pages to each other and the covers with a thick and durable thread. The red leather covers had intricate gold and brass leafing around them in Japanese lettering, as well as various arcane symbols.
That alone would've convinced me to buy the supposed 'fanbook.' However, it was the interior that was the clincher for me. Unlike the original Grimoire of Marisa, with its various screenshots and glossy pictures of the game, this book had delicate hand-drawings of the characters, illustrated in such a way that it looked more like an actual journal written by Marisa Kirisame herself .
And for all I knew, it might actually be.
Each section had a few character sketches, along with detailed drawings of the runes associated with each spell card and their basic pattern and notes jotted down in a tight if somewhat uncultured writing style. There were numerous notes written in the margins, making it look like the author kept finding new things to elucidate about each spell and its user.
You had to give Marisa this - she might've been an unrepentant thief and all-around violent maniac, but she took her magic seriously. I'd expect nothing less from the girl that reverse-engineered spells originally created by youkai hundreds (possibly thousands) of years olds.
I turned the page, coming to the section focused on Wriggle Nightbug. Strange, this spell card wasn't supposed to be here. The author of this version was a lot more thorough than the creator of the real fanb-
I hissed and jerked my hand back, a thin bead of blood dripping from the deep cut on my thumb. When turning the page, I had sliced it along the paper and received a runner for the world's nastiest paper cut.
Sticking my thumb in my mouth, I held back the urge to cry as a couple dollops of blood fell onto the grimoire's pages. Dang it, I had just gotten the thing and I'd already ruined it!
I looked around, hoping to find something to maybe blot out the blood before it stained, but stopped in my tracks when the book started to glow. The droplets of blood condensed and rolled along the paper to the part where an illustration of one of Wriggle's spell card was. The drawing glowed red before it greedily sucked the blood in.
...well, that was unusual. I mean, it was a magic book, but I didn't think Marisa was one for blood magic. Still, this did bear further study...
I drew my thumb from my mouth. The cut was deep enough that it was still bleeding steadily. I looked at the new line of blood, the still glowing page, and back at my thumb. Slowly, cautiously, I drew my thumb across the page, smearing it.
The page sucked up the liquid like a man dying of thirst. When it was clean, the glow changed to a dark blue, and something poked its way out of the picture. It looked like a small slip of paper with some lines and various shapes crisscrossing across it.
With no small amount of trepidation and curiosity, I gently plucked the slip from the book and turned it around to look at it. At the top was an exact match for the symbol on Wriggle's spell card, and written vertically down its middle was...
I stopped. Holy crud, I had Wriggle Nightbug's spell card on me, like literally in my hands. Immediately I flipped the pages of the grimoire, finding more and more examples of the same thing, the illustration of each spell pulsing that same color and intensity.
I couldn't believe it. I had access to each and every Touhou spell card in Marisa's grimoire. This was... this was...
Oh, wow, I was feeling a bit dizzy. If I was standing, I think I might've collapsed. The knowledge that I had access to such a power was both giddy and sobering. If I had the ability to fight with danmaku, then what would it mean to fight with real-life spell cards? Some of them were insane to actually use!
This was a responsibility I was not prepared for, but it was one I had to bear with at least a modicum of dignity and respect.
The blaring of Solana from Star Swirl's parlor reached my ears. I was currently hiding in his private study, taking the time to go over what few possessions I had. Hearing her demand to see me so that she may rid Star Swirl of my corruptive force got me to thinking.
I looked at the spell card. An evil idea came to mind. I didn't know if Solana was afraid of such things, or if the spell card would actually work the way I intended, but it would be hilarious either way. I got up to my feet, the spell card loosely clutched in my hand.
Oh Solana...! I had a present for you...!
The shards of light around me coalesced into kanji for the word 'bullet' before zooming in on Celestia. She responded by taking flight and leaping over them, allowing them to continue on their warpath towards the young mares and dragon behind her. They screamed in fright and surprise, which morphed into mild awe as the bullets harmlessly dispersed on them, turning into bright sparks of light.
Well yeah, what did you expect from a game where each side threw what were literally shaped balls of light at the other? No heat, no harmful radiation, just light given form. Besides, the Rules wouldn't allow non-participants to be harmed; it would desecrate the sanctity of the duel. Spell card battles were a very cerebral and aesthetic-based type of combat, where the one who won was the one who fought more beautifully while also beating the spiritual crap of their opponent.
Emphasis on the latter. Speaking of which...
I dodged out of the way of Celestia's return volley, skimming backwards along the ground as (relatively) tiny stars scorched each spot I'd just been in. Every spell card combatant had a personal twist to the way their danmaku worked - mine were words, Celestia chucked miniature suns. Even though I knew injuries from battles weren't permanent, it still annoyed me how OP'ed her normal attacks were.
I jumped up as a large clump of danmaku came my way only to find myself facing another barrage Celestia had led me into. I barely had enough time to yelp, "Shield!" before they crashed into me, exploding on contact.
I peeked out from the rapidly disintegrating shield. Celestia was hovering in the air, danmaku swirling around her. She flung her mane over her shoulder.
"For someone who challenged me to a fight, you haven't done that well so far."
"I'm a little rusty, k?"
She scowled. "You're also facing off against someone with several centuries of fighting experience. The Discordian era and subsequent Warring Races period taught me very well when and where to strike. I have only been getting stronger since you were sealed. Do you really think you stand a chance?"
"Pony, please," I said. "You should know very well that the Rules are the greatest equalizer. Even if I'm still only level fifty and you're a hundred, in a spell card battle that gap is much smaller. You've only made me stronger."
"Then you won't see the folly of your ways and surrender peacefully?"
I barked out a laugh. "Celestia, I've been waiting too long for this. This battle ain't over ‘til one of us is black and blue all over."
"As you wish." The danmaku swirled faster and then suddenly froze, elongating as they turned into lasers beams. "Then I will put forth all my effort to defeat you. Prepare yourself."
"Allow me to show you my appreciation with a naval twenty-one gun salute!" Twenty-one 50 mm ship cannons appeared around me, the barrels glowing. Celestia's face paled at the sudden blitz. I grinned widely and threw my arm down. "Fire!"
The cannons roared in honor of the princess, unleashing a volley of 'shell' kanji danmaku. Celestia returned fire, the lasers stretching out until they were more line than cylinder.
When the two hit each other, the resulting explosion and concussive blast flung the pews aside and shattered the rest of the stained-glass windows (hey, structural collateral damage was perfectly acceptable, even expected).
But, wait... Aww... Twilight's commendation award was there... I was going to have to find a way to make up for that. I wonder if I could just commission a piece of her and leave the rest of the Elements out of the picture, or maybe just give them a corner in the picture (a small one). Food for thought.
Before the smoke even cleared, I was already flying towards Celestia, arm cocked backward. "Claymore!"
The spoken sword rebounded uselessly against the shield she'd put up. I smiled at her expression of consternation. "Don't underestimate me, Celestia. You may have years of experience on me, but that was normal combat. In a spell card battle, the rules change."
"Rules may change, but you're still weaker than me. You cannot hope to beat me."
"You silly nag." Her face darkened at the insult. "You only fought me a few times using spell card Rules. I have more than sixty years experience fighting people like this. Against a millennium's worth of life-and-death combat it may not be much, but when you're the only one consistently fighting this way, you learn a few things."
"Like what?" The confidence in her eyes only grew at my futile attempts to break through her shield with the sword.
"That danmaku can be anything." I let go of the claymore. "And there are two types of claymores. Burst."
The sword shattered into a spray of shrapnel and ball bearings you'd find in an anti-personnel mine and peppered Celestia's shield. Unable to keep up with the assault, her shield did the only thing any kind of spell that was overly used and/or damaged did in spell card battles - it broke.
Celestia cried out as the shield puffed out of being, the last few danmaku spraying her, and I took the opportunity to do what I'd been waiting to do ever since I saw her mug.
I slugged her right in the muzzle.
Celestia's head snapped back, and I grinned in victory right before it morphed into a grimace of pain. I cradled my now throbbing fist. "Oww! Oh ZUN, what is your head made of, granite? I think I broke my hand!"
Celestia looked at me out of the corner of her eye, spat out a globule of blood, and licked up the blood trail leaking out of her lips. "Enjoy that small triumph. It is the only one you will get."
"Holy hell, I think your head's gotten even harder!" I shook my hand. "Have you somehow gotten even denser since I last saw you? How many walls have you destroyed banging your skull against?"
Any veneer of nobility left her demeanor. She shrieked in fierce rage and mad annoyance. "Buck it, that's final! I'm gonna kick your plot, you monkey!"
"Bring it on, cakebutt!"
Yeah, not exactly ballad-worthy words, but by this point, we were less ancient foes duking it out and more childhood rivals rolling around in the dirt. I was surprised we didn't resort to hair-pulling and shin-kicking.
No, wait, we totally did that.
The next few minutes were a bit of a blur. I couldn't rightly explain to you how the battle went, other than we completely tore up the reception hall. Touhou was called a 'bullet hell' game for good reason - there was so much going on screen, trying to keep track of everything would drive a person insane, and that was on 'easy' mode.
Unlike normal combat, where you tried to predict your enemy's movement and retaliate in turn, danmaku battles tended to be much more short-term than that - you avoided the bullets in your immediate proximity and blasted your opponent when you weren't dodging for your life. Given that Celestia had enough firepower under her mane to level a small country, I was too busy twirling, diving, and twisting through the veritable labyrinth of danmaku she sent my way to really formulate any plan beyond figuring out the basic patterns that were inherent to every danmaku attack spell.
Of course, that didn't mean I didn't counterattack when I had the chance. Sixty years of spell card battles did give me the chance to polish my own fighting style. That style?
Create and throw everything (including the kitchen sink) at my target. I had the ability to create anything as long as I verbally described it; that meant access to every single weapon and projectile in existence. And what did I do with an ability that any arms master would kill to have?
I used legendary weapons like cheap throwing knives, and if that didn't work, their nature as danmaku bombs gave a little extra 'oomph.' Some might say I should've used my sixty years wandering the world to get some fighting skills and become some insanely powerful swordmaster, and I had learned some weapons-work - but only enough to know how to stick the pointy end into others and not myself. I had more important things to do, like 'borrow' every piece of the written word ever (ironically, that included weapon and martial-art training manuals).
You have your priorities, and I have mine.
What should have been an epic battle for the ages looked like two kids chucking snowballs at each other. Snowballs made out of pure energy and sharpened steel, granted, but the effect was still the same.
At some point, we took the battle out to the royal gardens. The reception hall, while huge, was still not big enough for either of us to fully use the extent of our abilities. In the open space, it was much easier for both of us to fight to our highest level.
It was too bad that the gardens had to suffer for it. The castle's gardeners were going to have an apoplexy from the way we were slashing and burning the beautiful flower beds and topiary.
It was after the fifth rose bush met a fiery end that we finally separated from each other and landed a dozen or so meters apart, Celestia looking down on me from the air while I hovered just above the ground. Fighting her brought back so many memories of previous fights I'd had with her before I was sealed. Even though her technique had improved, as was expected given her age, she still mainly fought in the same manner as I remembered - shove as much power into the spell as possible and chuck it. No subtlety, no skill; just raw, overwhelming power.
Luna always was the better magic user, as even though she couldn't hold a candle to her sister's god-like magical strength, her skilled touch made her so much more dangerous. It was probably why I never liked getting into fights with the moon pony - she cheated, used everything to her advantage, and preferred it that way.
With Celestia, although her danmaku attacks nearly blanketed everything and could incinerate almost anything with a slight touch, it was pretty much child's play to avoid her attacks. She was strong (so ridiculously strong), but predictable.
And danmaku battles thrived on exploiting that predictability.
As such, in my own eyes at least, I was ahead in the fight - I had yet to be hit once since that first exchange, and Celestia had been hit many times since, even if they were only glancing blows with merely a fraction of her own power.
I crossed my arms, my scarf gentling swaying in the breeze caused by the heat updrafts. "Ready to give up yet?"
She narrowed her eyes. "You have only begun to see the true breadth of my powers."
"Really? What, you holding back a trump card or something?"
She faltered. "Of course! There is no way I would be outwitted by the likes of you."
"Celestia, cakebutt, you have no idea what you're doing, do you?"
"I know exactly what I'm doing! I just haven't felt the need to unleash my real power on such an insignificant bug like yourself."
I put a hand over my face. "ZUN, it's like you're a teenager all over again."
Hadn't she become some master manipulator by the time the series began? Looking at her now, with all her emotions on her sleeve (foreleg?), the mare couldn't bluff her way out a paper bag. I think being exposed to me was slowly regressing her mental state back to when we periodically got into scuffles. I don't know, I was just getting used to how immortals thought.
However, that did give me an idea - a wonderfully, awfully, sinfully, wicked idea... I knew something about her that most ponies probably didn't... and I was gonna abuse the Tartarus out of it.
"Do you even remember how to do anything other than chuck your mini-suns at me? You're getting on in your years, I'd understand if you were getting forgetful."
"Do not even think to presume that I would forget something as simple as that!" She snorted. "Besides, if we are talking about age, it is you who are the old man."
"Sorry, years in stone don't count," I snarked. "It's in the rules on old nags who don't know how to act their age."
Her cheeks flushed with anger. "I will revel in grinding your face under my hooves."
"You'll have to catch me first." I gestured. "Though with that plot, I doubt you'd be able to keep up. Looks like that's the only part of you that's actually grown."
Her flush growing darker, Celestia's body erupted with dozens of danmaku, all aimed at me. Her enraged howl had enough volume to strip any nearby plants and flowers of their leaves and petals. "Booker! I am not the child I was when I first met you! I have grown in many ways, and you will see just how!"
She let the danmaku loose, staying in place to act as an anchor for the onslaught.
Gotcha.
I pulled a strip of paper from my shirt and held it aloft. It caught fire and turned to nothing.
A runic circle spun behind me. The image of a green-haired girl with bug antennae, poofy shorts, and a small cape faded into sight. She spread her arms and then grinned malevolently. Words appeared around the circle.
[Lamp Sign "Firefly Phenomenon"]
The circle glowed green. It suddenly expanded outward before collapsing in on itself. As it did, all of Celestia's danmaku were sucked into the circle. A wave of beads of light appeared behind the girl before crashing down on her and scattering both of them. Four smaller versions of the original circle emerged and began to revolve around the larger one. They, too, began to glow.
From out of the circles crawled fireflies, dozens of them, each shimmering a pale green. They took flight, forming concentric rings around me that moved in opposite directions. I waited to see Celestia's reaction. I knew how she acted around bugs when she younger. It was my main source of entertainment to mess with her that way.
The results were… less than satisfactory. She harrumphed. "Did you really think that those would frighten me? Like I said, I have grown, Booker. A simple childhood fear no longer has any sway over me." She eyed the bugs buzzing about. "I recognized that evocation the second you activated it, and it is useless. Your puerile attempt to catch me off guard has failed." She allowed a smirk to rise to her lips. "Is that the best you can do?"
"You never outgrow childhood emotions, Celestia. Those kind of things stay with you forever. Besides, who said it was over?"
She hesitated. "What?"
"I've grown as well, including what I can do with my abilities. What I once showed you was 'Easy Mode.'" My grin grew sadistic as the center of the circles suddenly bulged, looking fit to burst. "Welcome to Lunatic."
The main horde exploded outward. The air was choked full of flashing, glowing insects. As one, their sights alighted on the alicorn.
The sound she gave, a slight whimper of muted horror, was glorious.
The rings of fireflies rapidly expanded outward, only to be replaced by new ones periodically, while a literal geyser of danmaku bugs sprayed in her direction. Celestia gave a girly shriek of fright as the tidal wave crashed down on her. The bugs split around her, divided by the triangular shield she used as a plow.
However, she'd learned her lesson the first time, abandoning the shield before it could break and leave her vulnerable. Celestia swerved through the air, deftly avoiding the slightly-homing fireflies while also dodging around the common if thick attack patterns of the rings.
She jacked, she juked, she shot incoming danmaku out of the sky like it was a game, but in the end, there were too many for her to deal with. Already there were multiple little bruises on her from the tiny explosions the bugs made on impact. I very much doubted it would be enough to beat her (it was only a Stage 1 card, after all), but the openings the attack gave were worth it.
Celestia panted, her eyes wide, her mouth frothing a bit. It probably wasn't the exhaustion so much as it was her old fear resurfacing. When I sent another flurry of fireflies at her, her pupils somehow shrank even more and she extended her wings to their full length. Something behind her shimmered into view.
A runic circle much like mine, only burnt orange, swelled up. A morning sun rose up over the horizon, highlighted by a pair of flaming bird wings. Rays of light emitted from the circle. Like before, it sucked up the close-by danmaku.
[Morning Sign "Dawn Starling"]
Little egg-shaped suns lazily floated from out of the circle. With a cracking noise, they split open and small birds made of pure flames flew out, a musical trilling accompanying them. In their wake trailed ribbons of fire, fluttering up and down, over and across in the breeze. The ribbons didn't obey the gravity, instead moving as if by their own will. Even so, it wasn't the animated ribbons that rattled me so much as the birds' actions.
They were eating the fireflies.
It was completely nonsensical. The fire birds swooped in and gobbled the bugs up, their tail-ribbons growing longer with each bunch eaten like some beautifully demented version of ‘Snake’. How was that even possible? Both of them, the 'fireflies' and the ‘starlings’, were just magical constructs crafted to give the battle a more artistic flair. How could they-
I stopped, then sighed internally. Chaos magic. Right.
I was going to have to research what the side-effects were before I got into any more fights. But right now, I had more pressing matters to attend to - like how my spell card was currently turning into an afternoon snack for baby phoenixes.
Seeing no point in keeping the spell active when it was just buffing up Celestia's, I cancelled the card, the fireflies bursting into sparkles when it ended. Now able to move more freely, I found myself on the receiving end of the attack and quickly took to dodging.
Which wasn't exactly easy, mind you. Not only did I have to contend with the usual array of danmaku shooting at me, I also had to avoid the maze of flames the birds left behind as they divebombed me. It was clear this spell card was more of an entrapping-type than a full-on attack (weird for a magical meat-head like Celestia).
Recovering her cool, Celedtia started shouting disparaging comments at me, no doubt about my general way of life and self-focused mating habits, but I paid her no mind while I wound in and out of the minefield. I'd already learned firsthand how not to get distracted when fighting a spell card battle - as multiple injuries and several mysteriously broken keyboards and mice could attest to.
Eventually I managed to dodge the spell card long enough that it timed-out. Once again we faced off some distance apart, both a little worse for wear - Celestia with her piddling if numerous injuries, and I with multiple burns from where my clothes had brushed against the ribbons and birds. Honestly, if anything, I was still ahead, as my spirit core hadn't been hit once and I was certain Celestia's had been at least half-a-dozen times.
That was another disadvantage to the alicorn's fighting style. She was probably used to weathering attacks due to her godly stamina, but in a spell card battle, defense meant nothing. You either got hit and taken out, or you got out of the way. My natural agility and quick reaction time pretty much meant all the cards were stacked for me.
And I was loving every moment of it.
I nonchalantly raised my arms over my head, stretching briefly. "So, who's the rusty one again? You seem pretty winded there yourself."
Celestia stood there, her only movement the heaving of her chest. A thin sheen of sweat glistened on her fur. She looked at me, unfamiliar emotions flitting through her eyes. "Why are you..."
"Hmm? What was that?" I leaned forward, hand cupped to my ear. "Why are you getting your rear end handed to you?"
"Why..." She trailed off again.
"Speak up, Solana!" There was no one around, so I had no problem using her real name. "You were never known to be soft-spoken, especially when it came to denigrating me. So? What new insult do you have? Go!"
"Why are you doing this, Booker?"
My attitude dropped at the lost tone in her voice. Always the victim, never the culprit - poor, pitiful Solana.
"I thought we went over this," I said, my disgust clear. "You hurt me. I've come to collect my due."
"Then why bring anypony else into it? This is something between just you and me."
"A means to an end. Nothing more."
"You'd threaten my citizens for that?"
"Don't pretend you're innocent of using others for your own means!" I clenched my fists and ground my teeth. "You never cared if someone got hurt or embarrassed as long as you got what you wanted."
"That's not true!"
"Tell me, then, did you ever apologize to Clover for what you did, what you tried to do?"
She snapped her mouth shut, her eyes suddenly on the ground. Yeah, that's what I thought. Like a child demanding another's toy... still the same selfish brat. She never could match up to Clover, whether it be in magical research, diplomacy, or love.
"...and what of you? Do you desire me to bow to you, to beg for your forgiveness?"
"Desire? I deserve an apology after what you did to me." My hand trembled, my chest itched, my mind twitched as I remembered the sensation of being ripped into an endless amount of pieces, my mind and soul shattered beyond repair. "But desire?"
I shook my head. "I lost that desire long, long ago, Solana. Perhaps I did have it once, but… when did I stop caring after you refused to show even the smallest bit of remorse? The two hundred fifty years after my sealing? The hundred years after Star Swirl vanished? The Discordian era? The last five hundred?"
"Booker..." Those same, unfamiliar emotions on her face.
"What's wrong, Celestia?" Her new name tasted like poison on my lips. Her eyes... there was something about her eyes that deeply unnerved me. "Cat got your tongue? Or are you so pure now you can't even tell me how much you despise me?"
"I..."
"Spit it out!"
"I'm s-"
"Princess Celestia!"
I looked away from Celestia, who swallowed up whatever insult she was about to send my way, to see that Twilight and her friends had arrived at the scene. I wasn't surprised. Despite the amount of combat we'd been in, not even ten minutes had passed since the fight had begun; it should've been easy for them to catch up.
"Princess Celestia, are you alright?" Twilight was at the forefront of the pack, galloping with all her might towards us.
I put on a sad face. "Aw, Sparky, ain't you worried about me at all?"
Her head whipped between Celestia and me, taking in both of our disheveled forms. "Mr. Wordsworth-! But I-! Celestia-! I didn't, I mean, she, you, we-!" She started prancing in place, a helplessly confused and torn look on her. Oh, she was just too precious!
"Hey! Don't be tripping Twilight up now!" came the southern drawl of apple pony. I glanced at her and couldn't help but be amused at the sight. Fluttershy was strapped to the hardy earth pony's back with a length of rope, her wings locked at full-mast. Apple pony didn't take my mirth at the situation all that well by the scowl she had for me. "Princess, this varmint didn't hurt you none, did he? Cause iffn' he did..."
"He didn't hurt me at all, Applejack," Celestia said, her motherly mask firmly set back on. "There's no need to worry."
"I'll have you know I've been kicking her plot up and down the castle grounds the entire time," I interjected.
"You rapscallion!" Rarity gasped. "How dare you do so to royalty!"
"Please, it's not like I'm trying to kill her." I paused and chewed my lip. "Just make her wish I did." I gestured at the group. "Besides, it's only a little more extreme than the scuffles the farmer and jock have gotten into."
"How do you know what we get into?" Applejack squawked.
"I've been reading your mail to the princess for the last year."
"What?!"
"Mr. Wordsworth!"
"Booker!"
"What? You know how boring it is to be stuck in stone? Besides, ever since you stashed Sparky in Ponyville, I haven't seen her..." My eyes narrowed as I noticed a member of their party was missing. "Wait... where's the blue one?"
"Sister!"
Ah, tattling. Of course.
The space near the Elements distorted as a pitch-black orb with stars dotting it popped into existence. It grew, than shrank quickly to a pinprick and vanished, leaving behind two mares. One was a Rainbow Dash, who looked both very smug and very ill at the same time. The other was an alicorn slightly smaller than Celestia, her dark-blue fur and mane almost completely covered in obsidian-like armor. The air around her crackled with charged energy.
Prince Luna had come prepped for war. I felt flattered.
"Sister, art thou safe?" Her eyes slid over her multiple minor wounds and then fixated on me. In one smooth movement, she drew a silver glaive from her back and pointed it at me. "You!"
I stuck my finger in my ear as the full force of the Royal Canterlot Voice rolled over me. "Hello, Luna. You're a lot louder than I remember."
"Black-hearted fiend!" she blared again. ZUN, inside voice, little lady! "What vile deeds hast thou done to mine sister?"
Still was just as big a sis-con, though. She always did tend to go off the deep-end if Celestia was involved. I'm convinced the only reason she didn't try to gut me after my first run-in with Celestia was because she wouldn't be able to silence Star Swirl if she murdered me right in front of him.
"We're just having a little match," I said. "Besides, I don't really think it's any of your business."
"I shalt make it mine business!" The face guard on her helmet snapped shut, her legs tensing up. "En garde!" She charged.
As Luna ran towards me, glaive poised to slash me in half, I only had two thoughts in my head. One was when Luna had taken up a code of chivalry by openly facing me, because the one I remembered was more prone to slip through a shadow and stab you in the back. Y'know, ninja-like. Maybe Celestia's bullheadedness had rubbed off on her?
The second line of thought was why I was hearing her speak in really bad 'Ye Olde' English. I mean, magic translated speech for me, and I had been transported to Equestria a long time ago and the ponies then didn't speaking like Luna. So why did she sound like an extra in a school rendition of Shakespeare?
...if the answer was 'chaos magic,' I was going to scream, and a kotodama screaming does not end well for anyone.
You might be wondering why neither of those thoughts was about the half-ton of angry, armored alicorn murder bearing down on me. Well...
Not even a foot from me, Luna suddenly swerved to the right and crashed headlong into an oak tree, her momentum knocking it right over.
...that's why.
Luna kicked her way out of the foliage, opening up her helmet and spitting out some leaves and twigs. "I hath forgotten about thy magick's troublesome geas."
"Wait, why didn't the princess just kick his butt? She totally choked!"
"She didn't 'choke,' Rainbow," Twilight said tiredly. "She's under a geas."
"What's a geas?" Pinkied pronked. "Doesn't sound very fun."
"It's a magical compulsion imposed on a pony that either forces them to do something or prohibits them from doing something specific," Twilight dutifully explained. "Normally breaking it can have dire consequences, but it appears this one is all-powerful so nothing can actually overcome it."
"Okie dokie loki!"
"...you have no idea what I just said, do you?"
"Anopee artichokee!"
Twilight sighed, hoof to muzzle. "It's like a super-duper Pinkie Promise."
Over the baker's exaggerated gasp, I said, "Look, it's a safety feature of the Rules to make sure some random third-party doesn't jump in and take out either or both sides unaware."
"But we're not some 'third-party,' we're with the princess!"
Yeah, and the Rules were also there to make sure things didn't get too one-sided. It wouldn't do to equalize the playing field only to have reinforcements tip the balance. Well, there were ways to have more than one combatant on either side but neither possibility was likely to happen right now.
After all, I wasn't planning on accepting another challenger, and, well...
Putting yourself on a pedestal made it difficult for anyone else to even consider fighting on the same level alongside you. Flew too high there, didn't you, Solana?
"Can I just go back to beating Celestia up now?" I said sullenly. "I was having fun with that."
"Why you no good, low-down..." Applejack tried to move forward but was held back by an armored foreleg. "Princess Luna?"
"Nay, Honesty," the dark-blue alicorn said. "Do not trouble thyself any further. Tis a futile endeavor. Booker's magicks shant allow any intruders." Applejack made to say something, but she continued. "However, simply because thou art not at her side in pony doth not mean thou can't be in spirit."
Luna turned to Celestia. "Sister." She nodded firmly. "Strike him down with the force of a thousand suns. We... We believe in thee."
Her words broke the floodgates for the others. Soon they were showering Celestia with cheers and positive phrases like a Hallmark commercial. At one point Twilight looked like she was going to say something to me, but she bowed her head and just encouraged Celestia harder.
Well, that was sweet. It hurt that Twilight didn't even try to cheer me on, but what did I expect with her hero worship of Celestia? Still, it did prove that the Elements and co. really were just a bunch of good kids, if a bit sappy. Even so, it wasn't like a few heartfelt words of encouragement would really turn the tide, ri-
I didn't finish that sentence! It doesn't count!
[Light Sign "Temple of Harmony"]
Ponyfeathers.
Multiple rings of light appeared behind Celestia, illuminating her in their radiant glow and giving her a heavenly aurora like she was a bloody bodhisattva. At equidistant points around the outermost ring, six orbs appeared, each a different color - red, yellow, green, blue, indigo, and violet. The ring slowly rotated along its x-axis until it was parallel to the ground and began to spin. After several rotations, each one faster than the last, the ring fractured and sent the orbs flying in different directions.
I cautiously observed the green orb closest to me that was hovering a dozen or so feet up, ready to run if something happened. Barely a second passed before I had to throw myself out of the way as the orb flashed and released a brilliant green pillar of light at the ground. The impact site exploded like a fragmentation grenade, propelling danmaku of the same color every which way.
As I vaulted through the few, small gaps in the attack, I noted similar light pillars and explosions coming from the other orbs. The orbs started to move in a circular pattern around the area, the meter-wide lasers following while randomly turning on and off.
"Oh, come on! You're ripping off Shou now?!"
"I don't know who that pony is!"
I dove through a narrow opening in the pattern, barely grazing the blue laser. I supposed I should've been grateful that her spell card wasn't a total knock-off of Shou's. I don't think I could've dealt with Celestia having curving lasers.
Regardless of the absence of cheating tigers, the spell card was nevertheless a heck of a doozy. Unlike the previous one, Celestia's new spell had a much denser pattern with fewer avenues of escape. I didn't think my skills were back up enough to snuff so soon after my unsealing to be able to dodge long enough for a time-out.
Which meant I had to use another spell card to cancel hers out. Only problem was, this battle's Rules only allowed for three on either side (the amount I'd managed to create in the past three days). Consequently, Celestia's last spell card would no doubt be her strongest if the usual pattern persisted. So I'd want to keep my ace in the hole ready to counter it, which only left...
Huh, never thought I'd test out my new, original spell card so soon. Well, they do say fortune favors the bold, so... good luck me!
I drew a blank slip of paper and pushed it between my lips, making sure it was firmly in contact with my tongue and the tattoo on its tip. I flipped backwards from a danmaku spray and began.
["She woke up to a bright morning that day."]
I rolled past two crisscrossing danmaku strings.
["For her, it was a boring, mundane morning like any other she'd woken up to before."]
I twisted to the right to avoid the incoming red laser and while also shooting up at an angle to keep ahead of the inevitable danmaku explosion only to have to dodge the stream of bullets Celestia'd aimed at me.
["She'd go outside, greet her family and friends with a smile, and face the challenge of a brand new day with a joyous heart and spring in her step."]
I chanced a glance at Celestia and was pleased to see that all her attention was on me. I quickly paid for the short lapse when several danmaku that should've been in my peripheral vision and therefore evadable hit me in the side. I winced at the burns but pushed my way through the pain.
["But what she didn't know was that that particular day was different."]
Knocked off balance, more danmaku hit me, one managing to strike my spiritual core. Phantom ice raced through my veins.
["A difference that would change her life forever."]
I smacked the ground, tumbled, and sprang up, my teeth almost tearing through the paper.
["For on that day, when the sun was high above in the sky, she would have a fateful encounter..."]
A new circle appeared behind Celestia. With her eyes on me, she didn't even notice. Not true for the others.
"Sister!"
"Princess!"
Too late.
["With the 4:30 eastbound express to downtown!"]
[Power Word "Creation Story"]
There was the shrill cry of a steam whistle, and then a ten-car locomotive emerged from the circle and slammed into Celestia. Several hundred tons of steel and reinforced lumber drove the alicorn into the ground, creating a furrow in the garden tens of meters long. The runaway freight train knocked aside or simply ran over bushes, trees, marble busts, and a fountain with a peeing pony cherub (or it might've just been a really chubby pegasus, I didn't know).
Since she’d taken a direct hit, Celestia's spell card broke. The danmaku mere inches from pummeling me vanished into a collection of sparkles.
I breathed a sigh of a relief as I picked myself off the ground. I looked at where I assumed Celestia was, buried underneath the train engine. It whistled weakly, the wheels still spinning slowly as steam poured out from its hydraulics. Good thing injuries sustained during spell card battles were greatly lessened after they were over; she still was gonna feel it in the morning, though.
Considering I hadn't been declared the winner yet, I knew Celestia was still in the fight, but at least I now had another breather. That was the thing about danmaku battles in general - they didn't last long, but boy were they exhausting.
I waved at the shell-shocked audience. "How's about that? Force of a thousand suns, my right buttock!"
"Mr. Wordsworth!" Twilight cried out. "What have you done? You squished Princess Celestia!"
"Sister! Art thou whole?!" Luna shouted. She tried to levitate the piled-up train off of Celestia but failed because it would count as interference. "You knave!" she directed at me. "Remove thy automaton from mine sister's bulk at once!"
"Ah, you're blowing it out of proportions," I waved off. "She's taken worse hits before."
There was a series of pained gurgles from underneath the still-chugging engine.
"See? She's fine!"
"Mr. Wordsworth!" I flinched at the steel in Twilight's voice. She marched up to and jabbed a foreleg at me. "You will stop being such a bad Mr. Wordsworth this instant and stop fighting the princess! This madness must end!"
I was so tempted to just give in, you had no idea. There was just something about the adorable combination of commanding frown and childish pout on her that I wanted to just break down and squeeze her. But I stayed strong! I wasn't going to obey my godchild just because she demanded it.
It was going to take a lot more cuddle-bribes than that.
"Sparky, it's fine. This is how we've always acted towards each other."
"But it's illogical! And stupid! And, and... and insane!"
"Would it make you feel better if I told you that during our first encounter I broke a staff over her head and she tossed me through a wall?"
"No!"
"...what about the time we nearly destroyed the Everfree?"
"Mr. Wordsworth!" She fruitlessly slapped at me with her hooves, her whining tone and 'assault' seriously starting to erode my resolve.
"That. Is. Enough!"
I turned around just in time to see the front-half of the train be incinerated by a gout of flame, the rest of the undamaged cars bursting into danmaku and fading away. Celestia stood where the engine had once been, surrounded by blue flames, her mane and tail a blazing nimbus. The ground around her blackened and charred, and things in her general proximity started to catch fire. The Elements eeped as a bush trimmed to look like a unicorn on its hind legs next to them burst into flames, but they were completely untouched. The Rules on 'no interference' worked both ways, after all.
"Hey, Celestia, so ya finally got-"
Anything else I might've said was cut short as Celestia moved so quickly she might as well teleported and tackled me right in my center mass. This time I was the one to do some amateur landscaping as she plowed the ground with me. We eventually came to a halt a few meters back, my now smoking form flambéed to a light crisp.
Ow, my spirit core. I think that one brute-force attack dealt as much damage to me as anything I'd hit her with the entire battle. Why'd she have to be so stupid strong? Getting out of shape, my left buttock. Some certain gossipy maids were going to find some mysterious deductions in their next few paychecks.
I coughed, a puff of smoke coming out. "Fi-finally taking this... seriously?"
She stomped lightly on my shoulder. I held back a yelp. She grimaced. "Is this a game to you, Booker?"
"All of life is a game. The only difference is whether you accept you're a player or not."
"I see that you cannot be reasoned with. Very well, if you will only treat this as a game, then I will win it." Danmaku manifested around her, surrounding me completely. She leaned down, her eyes level with mine. "Have you any last words?"
"Funny you should say that..."
And that's when my grimoire jumped from off my chest and clobbered her right in the chin. Her head snapped back, and her hooves temporarily left my chest and shoulder. I took the brief window of opportunity to activate my escape skill, my vision once again morphing into a kaleidoscope as I slipped through the danmaku field.
Reforming in the air, I gazed down as Celestia rubbed at the rawness under her chin. She snorted. "I had wondered where that book of yours was."
"Never leave home without it," I grinned.
My grimoire danced merrily at the end of the cord I had looped around my neck. It was in a more compact form, now barely larger than the palm of my hand. I fingered the fine silver filigree of the metal holster it fit snugly into. Velvet was such a sweetheart buying it for me, saying it had to be trouble lugging it around in its true form. Really had to pay her back (and spoil her even more, of course).
"Besides," I said, new danmaku forming around me. "You really think I'd hobble myself if I was planning on fighting you?"
"I was hoping you'd show your classic lack of foresight, yes. I'd expect nothing less from the being that made himself an entire race's number one foe back then."
"You try to steal from one dragon..." Granted, it was a queen, but still! I scratched my head and huffed through my nose. "Still, I'm disappointed. Even when you say you will, you don't play to win. Tell me, am I still not that big of a threat to you?"
"You wanted a battle, and I gave it to you. How I perform was not part of the deal."
Wow, she was really taking me lightly. I had to remedy that. It wouldn't do to have the pony that was supposed to be on the ropes start calling all the shots, now would it? The fact that the battle song was on its fourth repetition (and was not supposed to loop this long) had nothing to do with it. "And the bomb? Not too worried about that?"
She scoffed, somehow managing to fling her flaming mane of her withers. "All I have to do is defeat you, correct? Once you are knocked out, the device should dissipate just like all of your other phantasms."
"You think you can beat me so easily?"
She narrowed her eyes and gestured at me. My clothes had nearly burned all the way off, the chest area of my shirt missing entirely and leaving only the collar, back, and sleeves. Parts of my flesh were blackened with severe burns, and I was pretty sure my eyebrows had been seared off. All in all, I was a sorry sight to see.
Did I mention that it hurt like the Dickens? ‘Cause it did; it really, really did.
"You can barely stand, and I'm certain that last attack severely damaged you to the point that you are a hair's breadth away from losing. Defeating you now will be foal's play."
I grinned, my teeth clearly showing, the only thing about me not damaged in anyway. I licked them, traces of blood from my nipped tongue smearing across them. "Can you do that in the next five minutes?"
"What?"
"You silly cow, don't you see? The countdown never ended." I made a flourish towards the Elements. "Give me five more minutes on the clock!"
There was a small beep, barely heard, and yet it ripped through the air like a gunshot.
Celestia whipped her head over. "Twilight!"
"Princess, another timer showed up! There's no dial on this one! It's just numbers counting down!"
As she looked back at me, I bowed slightly. "Sorry, no easy way of stopping that one." I raised a finger. "Also, don't think the Rules will stop it; it was originally an outside device, after all."
"Booker, I swear I'll...!"
"Come one, Celestia! Get angry! Get righteous!" I laughed harshly as I flew up through the air, twisting like a corkscrew. Celestia followed after me. I summoned a line of swords and chucked them at her. She batted them aside like they were nothing, the weapons shattering into danmaku and pelting her.
She took no notice of it, returning a volley of her own that didn't come close to hitting me. She was just shooting wildly now.
My grin grew deeper, and I increased my speed. "Smite the villain right in front of you! Otherwise things will end rather badly for everyone!"
"Booker...!" She didn't even bother ordering me to stop, her wrath coalescing into a physical form as her main and tail began to give off a shining corona.
The air around her wavered from the heat she emitted. Another wave of weapons, hammers this time, flew at her, but they didn't so much break as simply melt from the intense heat she now projected.
I dived at the ground and pulled up at the last second as she got closer and closer. She just smashed the ground with a force that cracked the earth and glassed everything in a meter radius before taking off after me again.
"Let's go, ruler of the sun! You're only wasting time playing this game of cat-and-mouse! You'll have to do better than that!"
Celestia gave an incoherent roar of celestial fury.
[Sun Sign "Heavenly Revolution"]
The corona around Celestia boosted, creating a massive aura that that bathed everything in blinding light. Everything, no matter how small or thin, suddenly had its own extremely fine and detailed shadow. I had to force myself to look out of the corners of my eyes, lest I lose my vision completely.
The brightness faded until it was merely painful to look at rather than cornea-melting. As my eyes adjusted, my mouth opened of its own volition. Celestia was rooted in place, steam cascading off her in thick drifts. Her eyes had been completely taken over by a blazing pink with no distinction between sclera, iris, or pupil. She looked like a vengeful goddess ready to unleash an unholy beatdown on the forsaken heretic who had unwisely blasphemed against her.
To assist her in this most sacred of curbstomps, ten danmaku the size of Volkswagens revolved around her like electrons around a nucleus. Even from a distance, the heat they radiated singed the small hairs on my limbs.
"Have you anything to say before I burn away you and your sins?" Celestia boomed, an unearthly reverberation to her voice.
Faced with such an overwhelming display of power, there was only one thing I could say.
"Utsuho copy-cat! You totally stole that from 'Ten Evil Stars!'"
Thus having accepted my final word and testament, the danmaku unloaded their payloads in all directions, turning the sky and earth into a veritable Hell of Burning Fires.
I didn't even try to make any snappy remarks as I frantically dodged the never-ending danmaku rampage. It would just be breath and attention wasted. Better to use my energy to avoid being immolated by the sky-blotting attack. Even trying to summon shields and other barriers amounted to pretty much nothing as the spell-card ripped through them like tissue paper. Soon I didn't bother opening my mouth at all.
It wasn't just the ridiculous host of danmaku in the field - the mini-suns orbiting Celestia offered a fresh, new difficulty to this bullet hell. As they revolved around her, their ellipticals would seemingly change at random - growing wider or narrower at a moment's notice, or instantly swerving on their axises to move on a different curve, each change forcing me to abort one path to choose another only to immediately have to try something else!
If that wasn't enough, every time two hit each other (and with their constantly changing orbits, it was way too often), an extra large danmaku burst would explode, covering the sky in burning embers. By that point, it had ceased to be fun and was well on its way into 'keyboard breaking' territory. This was Phantasm-Stage levels of ‘taurshit here!
Which meant that I had no choice but to use my trump card. I had been hoping to use it as a way to rub Celestia's nose in her own alicorn pie, but preventing myself from getting beaten to a fine and charred paste worked just as well.
Plus, if the chaos magic was doing freaky things to the spell card battles, this was actually the perfect card to use on such an attack.
My spell card disintegrated even as I pulled it out. My aura seeped outward with a purplish glow. Behind me, another young woman appeared. She was a raven-haired-and-winged beauty, a hexagonal rod replacing her right forearm and hand and a block of cement encasing her right foot and ankle. In the center of her chest, emerging from her green dress, was a crimson gem larger than two fists put together and with a slit-like pupil in the middle.
The girl raised her rod-arm above her head, as if calling something. Small danmaku popped up around her. The gem flashed, the 'pupil' growing and then shrinking to a fine line. Then... it winked. The danmaku rushed up to a point just above her arm.
["Subterranean Sun"]
I looked above to see the ultimate spell card of a Stage 6 boss. I blanched. The 'sun' was barely the size of a soccer ball. Oh ZUN, had I left it on Easy Mode?!
As if sensing my weakness, Celestia's danmaku shot at me from all sides. Without being able to move, there was no way to avoid this many, and I wouldn't have enough time to cancel and dodge anyway. I didn't bother to close my eyes, choosing instead to face my defeat like a man.
Damn it, this blew a big one.
To my surprise, however, I was not beaten to a slushy and slaggy pulp by millions of fiery danmaku. The instant they got within a couple feet of me, they all curved sharply to be sucked into the miniature sun.
I looked around me. Every danmaku in the vicinity was swirling into the spell card sun. Obviously it was exerting some kind of immense gravitational pull, though I wasn't experiencing it. The weight of the thing, barely a feather up until now, easily multiplied tenfold. I glanced up at it - it had now reached the size of a medicine ball and was still absorbing the incoming danmaku without end.
My eyes slid over to Celestia. She had begun to flap her wings as if to back-pedal, the pull of my spell card affecting her as well. Bits and pieces of her revolving danmaku were breaking off and getting vacuumed into the one over me. Slowly but surely, new danmaku appeared all around us, each swirling around me like they were caught in a whirlpool before reaching the center and disappearing to feed the core.
The core sun danmaku swelled in size again, this time growing as large as one of those novelty beach balls. I could actually begin to feel the thing weighing down on me. The danmaku circling me grew thicker and faster, and Celestia had to flap her wings harder to stay in place while also evading the usual stream of danmaku that cycled around the sun like a pinwheel.
Something shot up from below me. I looked down to see pieces of debris and broken foliage from the fight lifting off the ground and floating into the sun. The star-blasted thing actually did have its own gravity well - it was sucking up anything that wasn't nailed down! I quickly extended my perception to see if Twilight was okay.
No worries - the Rules were excluding her and the others from being effected by the gravitational pull.
The sun danmaku grew again. This time it was as big as an SUV. Everything began to swirl faster. I could feel a warmth I didn't notice before from above me.
It had grown. Again. Now it was the size of a small tool shed. The temperature leaped up ten degrees. Celestia's wings moved so fast and strongly that I could actually feel the gusts coming from their flaps. The look in her eyes, even through the pink glint, showed she was scared. She should’ve been.
"Booker, you've made your point!" Celestia threw her head back, sweat glistening on her neck and flanks before it dripped off and flew into the danmaku. "Will you stop that thing already?"
"What's wrong?" I said with bravado. "Feeling inferior cause I can make a better sun than you?"
And it grew yet again. Now it was the size of a garage. The temperature jumped higher still. My shoulders actually began to buckle from the weight. Actually, maybe I should be scared now. This wasn't turning out the way I thought it would, and the thing was still absorbing her danmaku like a starving pony at an all-you-can-eat salad bar!
"That's not it! If you keep letting it grow, it will-"
"C'mon, Celestia! Don't chicken out on me now!"
Now it was as large as a small house. I could feel the back of my neck blistering from the heat, and my knees bent as the weight pushed me down. Hey, hey! You can stop now, card! I think you made my point already!
Celestia finally canceled her own spell card, her mane and tail turning back to their multicolored shine and her eyes losing their glow. Her danmaku disappeared, but instead of fading away like usual, the residual energy was sucked into the ever-growing sun. "Booker! Stop!"
I chuckled humorlessly. "Uhhh... not quite sure I can." Well, I could, but then I'd leave myself open to her counterattack and no way was I going to let that happen. Though maybe if my spell card could slow down, just a bit-?
The size of a large house. This wasn't going to stop anytime soon, was it? Not unless the thing grew too fast for its aether matrix to sustain and it destabilized into-
I could feel the thing wobble as the cascade-failure took place. Aw, horseapples.
With a deafening boom, the danmaku exploded, expunging smoke and randomly-sized danmaku everywhere. At ground zero, I was knocked away from sheer air pressure but was pretty much none the worse for wear other than painfully popped eardrums and feeling like I'd just been sacked by the entire Wonderlands hoofball team. Celestia, however, was knocked clear out of the sky, impacting the ground and coughing from all the smoke she'd inhaled.
Not one to lose an opportunity laid out at my feet, I spread my arms out in the still-thick cloud of smoke all over the area. "Hey, Celestia!" I shouted over the sound of crackling wood and muted thuds. "You know how I'm going to celebrate the glorious occasion of me handing you your rear end?"
Just as the smoke cleared, I caught Celestia looking up in my direction and ready to shoot me down. It was too late.
"A twenty-tier round cake with lots of cream!"
A shadow popped up around Celestia. She looked straight up only to have her pupils widen in awe. She mouthed, "It's beautiful."
Three hundred and fifty pounds of baked goodness plummeted onto her. The fifty-inch wide and nearly three meter tall confection split open, and cake and icing splattered all over the grounds, completely bathing everything. Twilight and the others disappeared underneath the cake tsunami, only to resurface a few seconds later a lot stickier. Even I got a little on me floating up high above, bits of frosting flecking my pants, shirt, and face.
Eventually Celestia breached the impact zone, spitting out globs of dessert. "It tastes like soggy newspapers..." she moaned.
"Yeah, funny thing about ‘cake’." I scratched the back of my head. "That's not actually a flavor. You have vanilla cake, chocolate cake, red velvet cake, but not 'cake' cake. So, Celestia..." I leaned down, my smile brutal. "How does it taste, knowing the very nature of cake is a lie? "
I could actually see the tears well up in her eyes. "You've become a monster."
"You made me this way."
Interrupting that pointless if hilarious bit of melodrama, Twilight shouted, "Princess! There's no time left!"
Celestia looked at me - pleadingly, imploringly. "Please, Booker." Her head bowed, ever so slightly. "Please don't do this. Please surrender. Please don't hurt my little ponies."
"Aw, Celestia, where's the fire in your heart?"
She shook her head. "That doesn't matter. All that does is that my citizens are not harmed. Please, Booker, find it in whatever heart you have left to give up this grudge of yours. I beg of you."
I tilted my head and tapped a finger to my mouth. "Okay."
[BATTLE CONCLUDED]
[WINNER: CELESTIA]
Celestia's mouth hung open at my unexpected surrender as the battle music came to a sudden stop (thank ZUN) somewhere near the end of its fifth repetition. My mouth grew toothy again. "And now, to commemorate your victory against the dreaded youkai scourge..." I snapped my fingers. "Burst."
Fluttershy squeaked as the bomb in her legs suddenly glowed brightly before it contracted into a ball of light and rocketed up into the sky. Once it was high up enough for the entire city to be able to see it, it exploded into a variety of shapes formed out of danmaku, from the normal geometric shapes to caricatures of the Elements to a crude drawing of me kicking Celestia right in the plot.
As the flashy light show continued, the others looked between me and the supposedly deadly attack I'd promised. I let out a smirk, but grabbed my scarf to cover it.
"What?" I said innocently. "I said it was fireworks."