Let's keep this special going with a game called "Greatest Hits". This is for all four of you. Tweak and Silvermane are going to give us a special preview on the latest compilation album, and Firebrand and Black Gryphon are going to sing snippets of the songs they mention. Once again, with the help of Wing Maid and Terra Part!
Oh no... Why couldn't I be sitting on a stool?
Oh well. Now I'm supposed ask the audience for the theme of the album, but considering the occasion, it's only fitting that this is the "Greatest Hits of the Military"! So give us the best military-themed songs, whenever you guys are ready.
Greetings everypony! We'll be right ba--
Hey you!! That's right, you! *Gets up and walks to within inches of a camera* You miserable sacks of moldy holiday dinner leftovers sitting on your La-Z-Colts! *Jabs lens hard enough to make it crack* You better listen up! *Quickly transitions to carry on with another camera* Don't you dare lick your hooves clean of that tartar sauce and click away! 'Cause we got big news to liven up your nasty civilian lives! *Backs up to return to his stool* Tell 'em, Pops! *Lightly elbows Silvermane in his abdomen*
Oof! ...That's right. We have gathered the best songs all about the military and compiled them all onto this unforgetable CD set. 61 songs on 4 and a half CDs.
What?
You know? One of those little ones. You don't see much of them. Anyway! You'll be surprised to hear that my favourite style of music is a fairly obscure one, and it comes from a beautiful tropical paradise. I am talking about ska...
Oh, you want a "ska"? Look at this. *Lifts left front leg* Bike accident when I was six.
Oooh. That area should not be growing that much fur.
Eep! *Gasps and lowers leg*
Now this song is one I tend to listen to when I'm recalling memories of Grenada. I relate to it so much since I have never spent so much time cowering in foxholes. Let's have a listen to that ska hit: "My Rifle's Jammed".
---
*Percussion and medium-paced guitar music plays*
C'mon and SLAM!
My rifle's--
*Angrily whispers in Gryphon's ear*
Sorry...
*Song begins properly*
Oh dear, mahn! - Me gun, she won't fire!
Alls I hear is a clickin' - I think I just might die here!
They got me pinned in a hole - But I cannot call it quits
But mahn, fighting in the pits - sure is the pits
I don't know what is wrong - I cannot pull the triggah
I have to fix it now - before me problem's biggah
Me broken gun - it nearly breaks me heart
I can't even remember - how to take it apart!
I got a jam in me rifle (me rifle)
And it ain't what I spread on me toast
I got a jam in me rifle (me rifle)
I better fix it before I am toast!
I got a jam in me rifle (me rifle)
Ev-er-ypony now!
I got a jam in me rifle (me rifle)
And me pistol's empty too!
*Music ends* Oh mahn, I'm screwed...
---
Word of advice, kids: Never skip Peg Day. Now Silver... Seeing as how these are songs all about the military, naturally there has to be a few marching cadences.
Well of course! They are the first types of songs ponies think of when they think of us. I dread to think of how we would have to act to make them think of bubblegum pop.
Exactly. And for this album, how many cadences do we have?
It's either 3 or... 7.
...I see Grenada is taking its toll. *Knocks lightly on Silvermanes forehead*
I still remembered to slash your tires, didn't I? Now of course out of all the cadences we have on this CD set, we just had to go for the modern classic that's sweeping the nation, today's great marching cadence: ..."Marching Cadence"!
---
*Fast-paced snare drum and flute tune plays*
Well I-- Save it, Pretty Pink Princess! You're in my domain now!
*Wipes off spit and salutes* Yes sir!
Oh love and magic, day and night - It's time for you princesses all to fight
So forgo all your frilly things - and set aside your diamond rings
The empire needs a warrior - and it sure as hell will not be her (Hey!)
And Shining needs a lethal wife - to really spice up his sex life
You're up, Private Pink!
[Falsetto]
Oh, I don't know - what I can do
It's hard enough - just list'nin' to you
Do they not know - what my magic's for?
The ponies all know - I make love not war
March!
I make love not war
Forward!
I make love not war
About face!
I make love...
Ten hut!
Not war!
*Music ends*
---
Hmhm... At what other time is it acceptable to yell in a woman's face?
...Let alone a princess. Haha! You know, Silver? You may not believe it, but I can be quite the classy guy.
*Snickers* Oh, this I gotta hear.
No, seriously! I'll be more than happy to join you for a spot of tea... bastard. And to show you how classy I can surely be, I'll give our viewers a preview of this song which happens to be an opera.
I'll ready your earplugs when you're ready to give up.
Yeah, you do that! While I show the viewers... one of my favourite songs on this compilation... that great opera hit: ..."In The Messhall"!
---
*Heavy, medium paced piano and low, sustained cello plays*
[Baritone]
After PTeeee - I need a bite
Lunch is seeeerved - but something's not right
They're almost oooout - of the good stuff
If I'm left with sloooop - things will surely get rough
(In the messhaaaall) None of my platoon are friends
(In the messhaaaall) The struggle never ends
[Switch to tenor]
(In the messhaaaall) If you want a scrumptious delight
(In the messhaaaall) You will have to fight!
What are you looking at - you little scrub?!
There is no way - you are getting my grub
Go back to bootcamp - or else kiss the wall
'Cause things are never civil...
(In the messhaaaall) That chicken tortellini is mine
(In the messhaaaall) I'm sure your gray stuff is fine
[Back to baritone]
(In the messhaaaall) Don't try to challenge me, bud
(...The messhaaaall) Or you are asking for blood
*Music ends*
*Bzt Bzt Bzzzzttttt!!*
Alright! Nicely done! 5000 points to Gryphon and Firebrand for those performances!
*Audience cheers thunderously*
And don't go away! This special is still going full speed!