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A Push in the Right Direction
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“Come again?” Chet asked, giving the two standing in front of him in his kitchen a rather panicked look, as Alex exhaled and repeated himself.
“I think you should come see this world I’ve been living in- Equestria.” Alex said, just as clearly as he had the first time, “It’s a huge part of my life right now, and realistically, I’ll be getting married there. So, I think it makes sense that I share it with the only real family I have left, so you could be there on that day.”
“You’ve got plenty of family, Alex.” Chet said, trying to change the topic, “I mean, when was the last time you saw your Aunt Gwen?”
“That’s not what I meant,” Alex said, shaking his head at his uncles dodges, “Mom’s sister moved away a long time ago. I haven’t seen her in ten years.”
“She left seven years ago,” Chet corrected, still trying to keep the topic avoided.
“Different flow of time,” Alex shot back, a smile on his face, “The last year and a bit, has been four years for me. Don’t forget, I’m twenty-two now.”
“Jesus, I almost forgot that…” Chet said, wondering if it was strange for Alex to be so long without seeing him, “Twenty-two? You’d better not be expecting four years of gifts.”
“Come to Equestria with us when we head back, and I’ll call it even,” Alex said, laughing at Chet’s rolled eyes, “Seriously, I think you’d have a great time.”
“And what’s so amazing about the cartoon world? From what you tell me, it sounds like you get cut, and stabbed a whole lot over there.” Chet said, pointing to the small scar on Alex’s cheek, “How fast will I get one of those?”
Alex brushed the deformed skin on his cheek with his hand, fondly remembering the spectating that led to its creation, “I’ve only come close to death like… seven times? That’s not so bad for a four year period.”
“My ass!” Chet said, looking to the silent Rainbow Dash for some kind of support, “I know which way is up here! I don’t need to go to some ass backward cartoon world, where I could get exploded by some magic spell at any moment!”
“…Are you scared?” Alex asked, raising an eyebrow, “Because… that would be hilarious.”
Chet only frowned. He had no response, aside from ‘yes.’
“Look, I plan on taking you to the safest place in Equestria.” Alex said, raising his hands, “From there, from there, I’ll introduce you to the Canterlot royalty, Celestia and Luna.”
“R-Royalty?” He stammered, “I’m just a half-assed farmer that lives off of inheritance! I’m not the kind of guy that meets the Queen of England!”
“The Princesses are really laid back,” Dash spoke up, “I was a lousy weather worker when I first met them, and they treated me like an equal. They’re not snooty at all.”
Chet scratched his ear nervously, “W-well…”
“And after that, I can show you my- well, our home,” Alex said, stepping back and wrapping his arm around Dash’s shoulder.
Dash cleared her throat, and gestured for Alex to lean down, as she whispered in his ear.
“Oh… right.” Alex said, looking up and laughing, “I can show you if you have wings.”
“If I have wings?” He asked, exhaling at all the massive changes that would probably come along with this trip, “Are you sure you want this? I mean, I’ll go. I will! I just want to make sure you’re okay with the pants shitting that I’ll be doing.”
“I shit my pants for days after I went there,” Alex said, “But you get used to—“
“Wait… speaking of shit, do you just go in the grass?!” Chet asked, looking between the two quickly, “Because I’m all for a good leak outside, but I’m not your dad, Alex. Number two is reserved for indoors!”
“We use toilets,” Dash said frankly, “They’re a little different from the ones you use here, but the system is more or less the same.”
“Well… how do you wipe without hands?” He asked next, shocked at how many questions there were to answer about this world still, “Do you just wrap the paper around your hoof and jam it in there?”
Alex closed his eyes and exhaled, as Dash laughed out loud.
“Of course not!” She cackled, “What? You think we just hoof ourselves?!”
“Well-“
Dash’s obnoxious laughter cut him off, as he grumbled to himself.
“I’ll make sure to explain all of the aspects of bathroom use, when we get there, okay?” Alex asked, understanding where he was coming from, as far as confusion went, but he also knew Dash would do this. Crude things like this could really be a weak point of hers.
“Well, okay.” Chet said, clearing his throat awkwardly, “So… when are you guys going to be headed back?”
“Well, we were originally planning on staying for a couple weeks, but that was just so I could spend time with you. But, if you came with us, we could go back in a few days. I mean, once I take Dash and Twilight shopping, and to a movie… maybe the theme park in the city, there won’t be much left to do around here.”
“You could get that all done in a day if you want,” Chet said, “Why not tomorrow?”
“Well, I’d like to spend some more time here,” Alex said, shrugging, “I miss the way the sun feels here.”
“It feels different?” Chet asked, as Dash and Alex both nodded to him.
“I can’t really explain it,” Alex said, “It just seems like I can feel it way more here.”
“Well,” Dash nodded along with him, “That’s because we don’t have our coats. If you had bare skin in Equestria, I think it’d feel the same.”
“Oh yeah,” Alex laughed, having never thought that to be the reason, “I guess that makes a lot more sense!”
“So… two? Three days?” Chet asked.
“I think that would be good,” Alex nodded, looking to his fiancé, “Would you be okay with that?”
“Me? Oh yeah.” Dash nodded quickly, “I actually really wanna talk to Shining Armor about those war reports.”
“Perfect then!” Alex laughed, “That’ll give you plenty of time to get your affairs in order.”
Chet sighed, “I’m leaving everything to Tammy if I die there, Alex.”
“Nothing will happen.” Alex said reassuringly.
“I’ll need to leave a note about watering the Christmas cactus…” Chet muttered.
“Everything will be fine!” Alex said again.
“And I’ll leave her instructions about selling that billion dollar diamond you gave me.” He continued, “She might as well be rich for the rest of her life, right?”
“Chet.” Alex said, placing a hand on his Uncles shoulder, “Absolutely nothing bad is going to happen. It’s going to be nothing but calming relaxation. I promise.”
Dash laughed again, and looked to Alex, “Imagine how bad it'll be if shit goes down right when we get back.”