Ok, what other stories do I have on my plate? I dunno why they’re on my plate though; I don’t think these stories are edible. Anyways, I haven’t said a story about the Cutie Mark Crusaders in a long time, so how about a story about them? Well, actually, this chapter is mostly about the whole Ponyville Schoolhouse. Allow me to explain why. We start off our story at Filthy Rich’s mansion, and Diamond Tiara just got finished with breakfast, and after she finishes, she yells out, “Dad!” she gets up from her chair and continues yelling, “Dad, where are you?”
“Diamond Tiara, how many times do I have to ask you not to yell in the house? The voice echoes through the whole place, and it really ruins my concentration.” Filthy Rich said as he peeked out of his study to tell his daughter.
“See? All you ever do is work, work, work. When are we going to spend some quality time together?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“Sweetie, being a successful business pony has its ups and downs. I’m far too busy to socialize with my loving daughter. I’m even sacrificing a tight schedule talking to you right now, my dear.” Filthy Rich said as he returned to his study.
“No wonder mom left you. You always think about yourself!” Diamond Tiara yelled.
“Diamond, I told you a thousand times that she did not leave me.” Filthy Rich said. “We just… don’t live together right now since she has that deal in Manehatten.”
“I think that still counts as leaving you.” Diamond said.
“But, my dear, this next project I have in store is mostly for you.” Filthy Rich corrected her, walking over and placing his hoof on one of her shoulders.
“What are you talking about, dad?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“I have some plans for your school.” Filthy Rich said.
“Plans? You mean you’re getting rid of the dorks?” Diamond asked excitedly.
“No, and we never use that word in this household.” Filthy Rich reminded her.
“Sorry, dad.” Diamond Tiara said.
“No, I have far greater plans for that little schoolhouse of yours. Ponyville’s population has grown 10-fold over the years. More and more fillies and colts have been moving into town.” Filthy Rich explained.
“So what are you saying?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“My dear, I am far too busy to explain the whole thing to you right now. I’ll be at your school later today; you can hear it all then.” Filthy Rich said. “Now run along dear. Go out and play with your friend, umm…. Gray Silverware, right?”
Diamond Tiara groaned, turned around and walked out of his study. “My dad is the biggest jerk in the entire world! It’s bad enough I have to put up with dorks and blank flanks at school.”
Just then, the mansion doorbell started to ring, and it played the Westminster Chime; you know, the one that goes, ‘Do-do do-do, do-do do-do’. The maid opens the door and Silver Spoon was on the other side. “Mister Rich no home.” The maid whose name is Consuela says to her.
“Hey, Consuela. I’m not here for Rich, I’m here for Diamond Tiara.” Silver Spoon corrected her.
“No, no. Mister Tiara no home.” Consuela said.
“’Mister’ Tiara?” Silver Spoon asked and then started to laugh.
“Don’t lie to her, Consuela, I’m home.” Diamond Tiara corrected her.
“No, no. Mister Tiara no home.” Consuela said.
Diamond Tiara groaned and walked out of her mansion to join with Silver Spoon, and Consuela shuts the door. “Hey, Silver Spoon.” Diamond Tiara said to her friend.
“Wow, where did you get that maid from? Maidbuster?” Silver Spoon asked.
“No, we got her on Maidflix. Maidbuster went out of business.” Diamond Tiara corrected her.
“You alright, marefriend? You seem to like, be down at the dumps right now.” Silver Spoon asked.
“It’s my dad.” Diamond Tiara said.
“What’s going on with him?” Silver Spoon asked.
“He like, totally doesn’t ever listen to me, nor spend time with me. He seems to love his job better than his own family.” Diamond Tiara said angrily.
“I can tell. You said that’s the main reason your mom totally left him, right?” Silver Spoon asked.
“I say she’s the lucky one. She’s living the good life in Manehatten, leaving me here with my idiot dad, and dorks and blank flanks at our school. How can life in Ponyville get any worse?” Diamond Tiara complained.
“Hey, turn that frown upside down.” Silver Spoon said as she forces a smile on Diamond Tiara’s face with her hooves.
Diamond Tiara slaps her hooves away and says, “This is serious! Every time my dad turns me down, I feel like a loser, like those cutie mark crybabies.” Diamond Tiara said sadly.
“Hey, don’t be like that. Maybe Snips and Snails are looking for leftovers at the Bistro again. Let’s show them whose boss!” Silver Spoon suggested.
“Yeah…. yeah, you’re right.” Diamond Tiara said smiling.
“Have I ever not been right?” Silver Spoon asked. A cutaway shows random snapshots of the two fillies doing random things, like Diamond Tiara trying to shoot Silver Spoon out of a circus cannon, Silver Spoon trying to stuff a giant pumpkin down a funnel that leads to Diamond Tiara’s throat, and even the two fillies wearing clown outfits. The cutaway ends.
The next day came, and over at the school, Cheerilee’s class is getting all settled in their desks. “Ok, class. Quiet, quiet.” Cheerilee said to her class. “Now, take out your pencils and paper, and write down the assignment.”
The whole class groans, but Snails yells at Snips’ face in excitement, “Did you hear that?! We get an assignment!”
“Everypony must write an essay on what ‘Not to do when you witness a manticore’.” Cheerilee said as she pulls down her projector screen, showing a manticore, hanging out its claw, beginning to attack.
The whole class groans again. “Did you hear that?! What not to do when you witness a manticore!” Snips yells at Snails’ face excitedly. The other ponies were getting annoyed at the two colts yelling at eachother.
“In no less than 800 words!” Cheerilee said and giggled.
The whole class groaned even louder. “Did you hear that?! 800 words!” Diamond Tiara yelled in a red-neck tone sarcastically.
“Yeah, we know!” the two colts said excitedly at the same time, and Diamond Tiara just glared at them.
“Due tomorrow.” Cheerilee added. “And remember class, work hard, and no goofing off.” Diamond Tiara starts groaning in anger.
“What’s wrong, Diamond Tiara? Dork got your tongue?” Silver Spoon teased.
“Yeah, sort of, but just you wait though.” Diamond Tiara said mischievously.
“Wait? Wait for what?” Silver Spoon asked.
“Oh you’ll find out because, in a few moments, this school’s destiny will change completely, after the next pony comes through that door.” Diamond Tiara explained as she pointed to the door that leads outside.
Although, just then, two yellow minions with overalls bursted inside the classroom; one had a fire axe and was swinging it around, causing a hole at the door they came in, and the minion just kept swinging it until he reached the other side of the class room, and used the axe to make a hole in the wall, and starts swinging himself out of the building; the other minion had flashing police lights on his ears, and had a megaphone and yelled, “Bee-do! Bee-do! Bee-do! Bee-do!” The whole class was confused on what’s going on.
Just then, I came into the class yelling, “Fire drill! Fire drill! Fire, fire, fire drill! THE POWER OF THE INTERINAL FLAMES COMEPLS YOU- as well as the power of polka.”
“Oh, Flare, I’m sorry, but did you not get my email? I cancelled the fire drill for today.” Cheerilee said.
“NO!” I yelled in a Spanish accent. “Nopony cancels the-“ But then I got cut off because the ‘BEE-DO’ the minion was yelling was starting to annoy me, so I took his megaphone and he stopped. “Now, as was saying-“ but before I could continue, the minion continued going ‘BEE-DO’ without the megaphone. Another minion came and slapped the annoying minion on the back of the head. “Now as I was saying… nopony cancels the fire drill!” I said. “We had a deal in our contract: Always perform the fire drill every Thursday of the fourth week, and every Monday of the second week to every month.”
“I don’t ever recall signing a contract with you.” Cheerilee said confusingly.
“Yeah, it’s right here.” Crystal said as she popped in between Cheerilee and I with the contract.
“Crystal what are you doing here?” I asked. “Cheer, did you hire her too?”
“No, I did- Crystal, what are you doing here, dear?” Cheerilee asked.
“I don’t want Flare getting rid of my fun!” Crystal complained. “Flare you have fun with the school colts and filles, and me, what do I do all day? I sell snow cones. I only see the foals in the after school hours, not the during school hours.”
“Did you sign the contract, Crystal?” I asked.
“Oh c’mon that’s not fair!” Crystal complained.
“Well, I’m not going to waste my time coming here. If we’re not doing a fire drill, then….” I cleared my throat and read the contract to Cheerilee. “Then I must teach the class one thing about something.”
“But I’m right now giving the class an assignment.” Cheerilee said.
“Hey, this is your contract, you signed it.” I said.
“I told you, I don’t ever recall ever signing any contract with you.” Cheerilee corrected me.
A cutaway shows Cheerilee sitting on her desk, signing her name on reports from Town Hall. I peeped my head through on the other side of her desk, and carefully slid my contract in between the reports she was signing, and I got her to sign it without her even noticing. The cutaway ends.
“You’ll be hearing from my lawyer, Flare.” Cheerilee said upsettingly.
“And Crystal too, right?” I asked. “I don’t wanna be the only one.”
“So, those two are the reason the school is changing?” Silver Spoon asked Diamond Tiara.
“No.” she said. “The next pony coming through the door will change the school’s destiny.”
Just then, somepony started knocking on the door, but the door gets knocked over, counting the axe damage it experienced. It was revealed to be Filthy Rich who was knocking. “Pardon me, Miss Cheerilee, might I have a word?”
“Mr. Filthy, how nice to see you!” Cheerilee said. Filthy Rich then glared at her. “I mean, Mr. Rich. Please, come in.”
“Well, if it isn’t my second business rival: Filthy Rich.” I said, glaring at him.
“Mr. Gun, I have yet to hear from your response with that business opportunity I have in stock for us.” Filthy Rich said.
“I already told you, brah. The answer was no.” I said.
“WAS no?” Filthy Rich asked mischievously.
“YES, I mean- dang that didn’t come out right.” I mumbled.
“Wait a minute, what deal?” Apple Bloom asked.
“He wants to buy my pizza shop as an investment to his corporation. I build my shop from the ground up with my own two hooves, and I will not lose it to another poor son of gun that tries to sell me out.” I explained.
“Son of a gun? Is Filthy Rich Flare’s son?” Snips asked.
“No, you idiot, that’s a phrase.” Scootaloo corrected him. “And Flare, as I recalled correctly, you used Swinebots to build your shop.”
“Swinebots? Who told you about the Swinebots?” I asked. “I never told you fillies about Dr. Swinebutt!”
“You didn’t, but Rainbow Dash did.” Scoots said.
“Yeah, and AppleJack.” Apple Bloom added.
“RARITY DIDN’T TELL ME A THING!” Sweetie Belle cried.
“Whatever! I don’t really care about that. I’m not going to sell my shop to you Filthy Rich.” I said. “The minute I sell it to you, you’re going to take away the innocent love I put into the place, and change it into something that involves money. If you wanna buy something, buy Microsoft.”
“Yeah and then change it so XBOX Live doesn’t cost money.” Crystal added. “We’re already paying for internet.” Crystal then turns to me and says, “See, Flare? I’m helping!”
“But still, you are not the reason why I am here, Mr. Gun. I’m here to discuss a deal with Miss Cheerilee.” Filthy Rich said, moving me aside and walking over to Cheerilee.
“Mr. Rich, I am terribly sorry, but my schoolhouse is not for sale.” Cheerilee said.
“No need, Miss Cheerilee, I just wish to make an investment.” Filthy Rich said.
“An investment?” Cheerilee asked.
“Yes; we can work together to run this school, but before we do so, we’ll need to make some slight changes to this place.” Filthy Rich said.
“Well, yeah, I agree; we should patch up that hole in the wall, and fix that door.” Cheerilee said.
“I’m not talking about the damages, I’m talking about expanding.” Filthy Rich said.
“Expanding; the school?” Cheerilee asked.
“Well, something like that; by expanding, I mean…. tear down the school, and replace it with a bigger one.” Filthy Rich said.
“What?!” Cheerilee gasped.
“Tear down the…. school?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“But this school is a Ponyville landmark. Ya can’t tear down this place!” Apple Bloom whined.
“I apologize for making this deal in the middle of a class, Miss Cheerilee. Mind if we discuss this… after class?” Filthy Rich asked.
“Of course, Mr. Fil- I mean, Rich.” Cheerilee said.
“You didn’t have to put down an ‘I mean’ in there.” Crystal corrected her. “You could’ve just said, ‘Mr. Filthy Rich’. Just a little suggestion if you ever mess up his name again.”
“Crystal, you’re not helping.” Cheerilee said impatiently.
“YES I AM!” Crystal yelled. “I’m very helpful in every way!”
Cheerilee sighs and then turns over to the class and says, “Class dismissed. Remember your assignment.” So the whole class got out of their seats and walked outside so they can head home, all except the Cutie Mark Crusaders, but Cheerilee and Rich didn’t seem to notice.
“So, Mr. Rich, why do you want to replace our school?” Cheerilee asked.
“The population of young ponies in Ponyville seems to be, how you say…. increasing. We need to take down the school and create a bigger one.” Filthy Rich explained.
“I appreciate the offer, really I do; but the thing is, is Ponyville actually ready for a bigger school?” Cheerilee asked.
“Times are changing. Not many towns in Equestria have school houses anymore. They now have full-growth schools with over 50 classrooms, 100 staff members, a cafeteria, a gym, a computer lab, you know name, they have it.” Filthy Rich explained. “This new school will also be good for our funding in this town. We can also increase the town’s population in a bigger way that way.”
“I don’t know about this, Mr. Rich. What about teachers?” Cheerilee asked.
“There are plenty of ponies around Equestria that wish to be teachers. Not just that, but you…. you, Miss Cheerilee, can be the one in charge of everything. You’d be the principle, the director, or maybe even the leader of a new school board that you and I can create.” Filthy Rich explained.
“Outrages!” Apple Bloom yelled.
“Apple Bloom? What are you girls still doing here? I dismissed the class a few minutes ago.” Cheerilee said.
“We’re not leaving until we have a say to this!” Sweetie Belle said.
“We are?” Scootaloo asked.
“YES, we are.” Sweetie Belle said to Scootaloo’s face.
“This is our school, Miss Cheerilee, and the students should also have a say in this.” Apple Bloom said as all three fillies just sat there, crossing their hooves.
“Yeah! BOOOOO!” Crystal yelled as she sat at the desk next to the Crusaders, also folding her arms.
“Crystal, you’re not a student.” Sweetie Belle reminded her.
“But I’m HELPING!” Crystal yelled.
“I WAS a student here one time, and I should also have a say in it too. This is a democracy!” I yelled and slammed my hoof on Cheerilee’s desk.
“Wait… what?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“They’re right. If I’m going to accept this investment, I’ll need to ask my students for their opinions.” Cheerilee said. “Having a new school would be a big change for them.”
“Hm, so be it.” Filthy Rich stood up and said. “I’ll be back here tomorrow if you change your mind. Ta ta.” Filthy Rich steps out of the room.
Cheerilee gets up from her desk and walks over to us. “Girls, I don’t know why you had to get yourselves a part of this.”
“But, Miss Cheerilee, he’s going to bring down our beloved school.” Apple Bloom whined.
“And he’s going to replace it with a bigger school. This may be a great opportunity for us all.” Cheerilee said.
“By how? Making a place for it to be easier to get bullied and stuffed into a locker?” Scootaloo asked.
“No, because with the new classes, it’ll be easier to teach the new young ponies throughout the day. You may not know it girls, but you’re not the only class I teach. I teach several classes per day, and even though I adore every single one of you, it gets exhausting to teach a whole town of young ponies.” Cheerilee explained.
The girls look at eachother in worry. “But Miss Cheerilee-“ Apple Bloom whined.
“I don’t want to hear another word of this matter. Now, you three should head home now. You have an assignment to work on.” Cheerilee said as she walked back to her desk, but when she got there, a minion popped out and shouted out ‘BEE-DO’ again.
I grabbed the minion quickly, covered its mouth and said, “Sorry ‘bout that, sista.”
“What are we going to do, girls?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I don’t know. I mean, I feel connected to this school. We’ve been coming here for years, and with it being replaced by a bigger school, it just won’t feel right.” Scootaloo said.
“Don’t worry, we’re gonna find a way outta this. No matter what Cheerilee says, we’re going to stand up for our school!” Apple Bloom said.
“I dunno how you can stand up for your school if you girls are just sitting down still.” I teased as I was leaning back on the desk chair I was sitting on.
“Flare, you wanna help us out?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Sure.” I said. Suddenly, I picked up the fillies and walked them outside. “There we go, I helped you OUT.” I then did a laugh that sounded like a dog panting, and yes that was not a typo, I said ‘panting’, not ‘painting’, in case you were wondering.
“That’s not what we meant.” Scootaloo said annoyingly.
“I know what you meant, and I’m totally in.” I said.
“You will?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Of course, it was big cities and big schools that created the bullies that kicked me out of my old town, and I will not let the same thing happen here.” I said.
“This is great! With Flare’s help, we can totally save our school!” Sweetie Belle said.
“But wait, you think HE will be able to help us?” Scootaloo asked as she pointed to me while I was picking my nose. I was picking so deep that the hoof I was picking it with came out of my ear.
The girls all looked at me weirdly, and then Sweetie Belle said, “Totally.”
“I hope you’re right about this.” Scootaloo said, rolling her eyes.
“Oh cool!” I said excitedly. “This is going to be more fun than when I discovered Internet Ads!”
A cutaway shows me on my computer checking out the ads. “WOW! I thought Internet Ads were annoying, but this is awesome! All the single mares in my area want to meet me! Must be because of all the iPads I won!” I said excitedly. The cutaway ends.
“Ah yeah, I went through the same thing!” Crystal said. “It’s how I met my Thundy-Wundy!”
“Please, Crystal, we had enough of that baby-talk in the past.” Scoots requested.
“So what are we gonna do?” Crystal asked. “Huh? We gonna save the school or what?”
“Actually, Crystal… umm… it’s not that we don’t want you your help… it’s just… we don’t want your help.” I said.
“What?” Crystal asked.
“I’m sorry, Crystal, but I think Flare’s all the help we need.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Now hold on!” Apple Bloom stopped her. “You know, the more ponies that help us, the more of a chance we’ll have at succeeding in our mission to save the Ponyville School! Hey, Flare? You think you can ask the Noble Six to help us?”
“If they’re not busy, sure! I mean Blaze just came back from a Wonderbolts Derby at Canterlot, so he’s pretty exhausted, and Psyche’s been acting weird lately.” I said.
“Any help is better than no help.” Apple Bloom said. “Is Engie and Aqua available?”
“Oh they’re definitely available! It’s against the Friendship Agreement for them to cancel out on their free-time in their schedule without telling me ahead of time.” I said.
“Then it’s settled! Let’s all meet at Sweet Apple Acres tonight, and we’ll discuss our plan to save the school!” Apple Bloom suggested.
“Snippy-Snap, how about that? We’re all going to work together as a team to get through this!” Crystal said excitedly.
“Hopefully better than the last many times you wanted to help on us a project.” I said.
“Flare, don’t worry! I learned about my past mistakes! I mean, we’re not using space satellites this time, I’m pretty sure!” Crystal said.
“I still don’t know how you got that space satellite.” I said.
“How did I know a space satellite wouldn’t be useful to clean the Ponyville Lake?” Crystal asked.
Later that evening, Crystal, Blaze, Aqua, Psyche, Engie, and I went over to Sweet Apple Acres to help out the CMCs with their project. We were in the living room discussing things. “Ah’m glad y’all can join us.” Apple Bloom started. “Now ah’m sure we all can agree we’re all here for a good purpose.”
“I’m here because I don’t want to ‘violate’ Flare’s Friendship Agreement.” Blaze complained.
“Well I believe this is a pretty impressive deal.” Aqua said. “These three fillies like to keep their old school exactly the way it is because they believe it’s traditional to keep it there. I am pretty proud of their ways, I am indeed!”
“You sure like to keep things classical, huh Aqua?” Blaze asked.
“I remembered growin’ up that way. If only I could say the same for my sister.” Aqua said.
“Ok, so before we begin our first meeting of Saving the Ponyville Schoolhouse, how about we begin with role-call?” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“But we know who we all are already.” Scoots reminded her.
“But it’s traditional for a first club meet to start with role call! I mean, tradition is the purpose here, isn’t it?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Ah’m glad that’s the case, instead of them saying this is the way to get their CMs.” Engie whispered to Psyche.
“Mhm.” Psyche agreed, sounding like he didn’t care.
“I’ll start! My name is Sweetie Belle!” she started. “I like to sing, hang out with my sister, do things my sister doesn’t like, and even attempt to hunt for my cutie mark!” Just then she gasped in excitement. “WAIT A MINUTE!”
“She’s gonna say it!” Engie said.
“Maybe what we’re doing right now, I might be able to impress my sister! Rarity loves it with friends work together on projects for a good cause! I bet this will impress her!” Sweetie Belle said excitedly.
“Is that what you were looking for, Engie?” Psyche asked teasingly.
“Shut up.” Engie said annoyingly.
“It’s worth aggravating you!” Psyche said as he chuckled.
“Ok, so as I was saying,” Sweetie Belle continued, “after a pony does role call, you all say hello to them.”
“Hello, Sweetie!” everypony said.
“Hello, Sweetie!” River Song said.
“We used that joke already.” Blaze pointed out.
“Alright, mah turn!” Apple Bloom said. “Howdy! Ah’m Apple Bloom! Ah like to create with arts and crafts, get good grades at school, help out at the farm, and just like Sweetie Belle, hunt for mah cutie mark!”
“Hello, Apple Bloom!” everypony said.
“Alright, my turn!” Scoots said excitedly as she started running around the room, jumping on top of furniture. “Sup ladies? I’m Scootaloo! Super fast, super strong, and super awesome!”
“Hello, Scootaloo!” everypony said. Just then, the doorbell rang.
“Huh, who could that be?” Scoots asked. Just then, Rainbow Dash opens the door and flies inside.
“Scoots, I mean this out of love, but if you steal my lines again, I’ll disown you.” Rainbow warned her.
“NO!” Scoots yelled. “Don’t disown me! We’re still sisters, right?!”
“Hey, if things don’t work out, I could be her sister!” Crystal offered.
“Pfft! You may have Rainbow’s similar looks, but you don’t have her awesomeness, Crystal!” Scoots said.
“It’s true.” Rainbow said as she flies out of the farmhouse.
“Wow, ah’m thirsty.” Engie said. He then yells out, “HEY! Grandma?! How about some drinks over here will ya?!”
“Hey, don’t talk to mah granny that way, Engie! Show her some respect!” Apple Bloom instructed him.
“What was that dearie?” Granny Smith asked as she peeks her head in the living room.
“Are you deaf, Granny?! How about some drinks, huh?! Sheesh!” Apple Bloom instructed her.
“Right away, dear!” Granny Smith said with a smile.
“And you said ah didn’t respect her.” Engie said.
“You called her grandma, and she finds that rude. She’s called Granny.” Apple Bloom corrected him.
“Got it.” Engie said.
“How about you, Aqua?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Role call?” Aqua asked. “Ok, umm… my name is Aquatic Armor, and… well… there’s not really much to say about me. I just make sure the town is well-supplied with water, make sure it doesn’t leak or overflow, and I make sure it isn’t poisonous.”
“He’s a plumber.” I said.
“No, I’m not a plumber.” Aqua corrected me. “I just… I just make sure the water’s in good shape in Ponyville. I have a masters degree in aquatic engineering so I believe-“
“Believe all you want.” I interrupted. “No matter what you’re gonna say, you’re a plumber. Just face the facts, brah.”
“Ok.” Aqua said. “I’m a plumber.”
“Where’s your mustache and your Italian accent, and your brother, huh?” Engie teased.
“Super Mario isn’t even a real plumber. He’s just some video game character that squishes mushrooms and turtles.” Aqua explained. “He doesn’t unclog toilets, he doesn’t check leaks. He just takes shrooms and kills innocent creatures just walking by. Some of them just jump off cliffs, they’re so depressed.” Everypony was so surprised when Aqua explained that.
“Whoa snap!” Crystal said surprisingly.
“What? It’s true.” Aqua said. “I mean my knowledge of video games is limited, but I know what I see.”
“Yeah, yap-yap-yap! Whatever you say, Aqua.” I said. “My name is Flare Gun, and I’m here to ruin your day. Blaze?”
“Yeah, I’m Blaze Goldheart, and you pretty much know why I’m here.” Blaze said.
“Cause you want to save the school!” I said.
“No, because of the Friendship Agreement thing.” Blaze reminded me.
“Howdy!” Engie said. “Ah’m Red Engineer, and ah like to build things, fix things, or do things that involve with-“
“Here are your drinks, dearies!” Granny Smith offered with a tray full of apple juice.
“AH’M TALKIN’!” Engie yelled.
“And ah’m not listenin’.” Granny Smith said as she throws her apple juice at Engie.
“OW!” Engie yelled.
“Talk to me like that in mah house! Nopony calls me ‘grandma’!” Granny Smith said angrily.
“Granny Smith’s sassy!” I said.
“Boy, you got that right! How ‘bout showin’ some respect, fool?” Granny Smith asked Engie.
“Of course, ah apologize for that.” Engie said, as he then mumbles, “Ah get a concussion, yer hearin’ from mah lawyer.”
“My turn? Ok.” Psyche said. “My name is Psyche Illusion, and I have-“
“CRYSTAL! Introduce yourself!” I interrupted him.
“Yeah I’m Crystal Iceblast, and… umm… umm… well, I just like helping, and that’s why I’m here.” Crystal said.
“Ok! Role call is completed! We all know eachother! Awesome!” Scootaloo said.
“Nopony ever listens to me!” Sweetie Belle complained.
“What’s wrong now, Sweetie Belle?” Scoots asked.
“After Aqua said his role call, everypony stopped saying hello to eachother!” Sweetie Belle complained. “I think we have to start over.”
“I agree.” I said.
“Now hold on! Why do we need to start over?” Blaze asked. “We did role call, we know eachother. I don’t think it really matters.”
“Hello, sweetie! You forgot me. I didn’t do role call yet.” River Song said.
“Yeah, you’re not needed anymore, River.” I said. “We’ll… we’ll use you again another time, just… yeah.”
“Ok, so Aqua introduced himself. Hello, Aqua!” Sweetie Belle said. “C’mon, everypony. Hello, Aqua!”
“Yeah hey, Aqua.” Blaze said.
“Howdy, Aquaman!” Engie said.
“AQUAAAAAAAAA!” Crystal cried out in excitement.
“Ok now we say hi to Blaze.” Sweetie Belle said. “Hi, Blaze!”
“Howdy, Blazer.” Engie said.
“BLAAAAAAAAAZE!” Crystal cried out in excitement.
“HEY! Am I part of the background or something?” I complained. “You forgot me!”
“He’s right, he was next.” Apple Bloom said.
“Ok, um… hi, Flare!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Oh shush, it’s too late now.” I said with an attitude.
“Hey, pardon the interruption,” Psyche said as he raised his hoof, “but I didn’t even get to say role call.”
“When we say hi to the others, Psyche, we say hi to you. Capiche?” Sweetie Belle said.
“Say hi- what? I didn’t say role call yet!” Psyche complained. “Flare interrupted me and went straight to Crystal!”
“UGH! This is pointless!” Scoots complained. “Can we just talk about saving the school already?”
“No, because we’re not done with role call yet.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Sweetie Belle, I deeply apologize, but role call isn’t always necessary. Don’t worry about it, we all are friends here.” Blaze explained.
“Yeah, c’mon, Sweetie Belle! We can just do role call again next time.” Apple Bloom promised. “Let’s just bring this meeting to order! It’s time to discuss Operation: Save the School!”
“Yeah younglins!” AppleJack said. “Time for bed!”
“WHAT?!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Weee should’ve scheduled this meeting earlier.” Scoots said. “8:55 just doesn’t seem like the best time.”
“Fine, we’ll do 6 next time.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Can’t. Dinner time’s at 6.” Apple Bloom said.
“6:30 then?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“I have to take my asthma medication at that time.” Psyche said.
“7?” Sweetie asked. “Any objections?”
“Well I have to go back home by 8 to feed my fish.” I said.
“Can’t Water do it?” Aqua asked.
“YEAH! Only YOU would bring up my sister, Aqua! If you love her so much just ask her out!” I suggested.
“I… I wasn’t saying anything about that.” Aqua said awkwardly.
“C’mon, fillies. You have school tomorrow.” AppleJack said to the crusaders. “Did y’all do your assignments?”
“Eeyup!” Apple Bloom said.
“Good! Now don’t forget to brush.” AppleJack reminded them as she walked out.
The crusaders then turned to Aqua and Apple Bloom asked, “You did get our assignments done, right Aqua?”
“They’re right here.” Aqua said as he gives the crusaders their assignments.
“Thanks, Aqua!” Apple Bloom said.
“You’re the best, Aqua!” Sweetie Belle said.
“The most amazing pony ever, Aqua!” Scoots said as all three of the crusaders went to hug him. Aqua then felt awkward.
“Umm… yeah, ok.” Aqua said.
“HEY!” Crystal whined. “You didn’t ask me if I wanted to do your homework! I’m great help! After I’m done, you’d think I’m better than the best pony ever, I assure you!”
“Oh, sorry Crystal. We didn’t think to ask anypony else.” Apple Bloom said.
“You asked me, but I said no. Fillies should do their own homework.” Psyche reminded her.
“You… you lied to me!” Crystal said with tears in her eyes.
“Yeeeeah, mah sister is the honest one in the family, but nothin’ said the whole family is.” Apple Bloom said. Just then, AppleJack slips on a banana peel lying on the floor in the kitchen.
“BIG MAC?! Did you leave this banana peel on the floor?!” AppleJack yelled angrily.
“Uhhh… nnope.” Big Mac fibbed. You can tell because he did the liar face.
“Ah know that face anywhere!” AppleJack said. “Dispose your trash, big brother! Don’t be a liter bug!”
“See what ah mean?” Apple Bloom said to us.
“Why did you do their homework for them, Aqua?” Blaze asked.
“I’m not one to say ‘no’ all the time.” Aqua said. “That includes that time I just said it.”
“Well, ah…” Apple Bloom yawns, “guess it’s time to hit the hay.”
“Heh, horse-puns. Equestria at it’s finest!” Engie said.
“Well… good night, everypony!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Now hold on, why don’t… why don’t we come up and tuck you in?” Blaze suggested.
“Good idea!” Crystal said.
“Yeah, I’m down with that.” Aqua said.
“A bunch of adult ponies tucking in three young fillies?” Engie asked. “Yeah that won’t lead to any suspicion at all.” So the six of us all went up to Apple Bloom’s room so we can tuck the crusaders in for the night. Engie does have a point though. Why are we tucking them in?
“Ok! All tucked in!” I said as I put the covers on them. “Is there anything you fillies want?”
“We can stare at you until you fall asleep, if that’s convenient!” Engie suggested.
“What sort of suggestion is that, Engie?” Psyche asked.
“A good one!” Engie said.
“Nah, that’s ok, Engie.” Apple Bloom said. “But if you want, you can tell us a bedtime story.”
“How about ah tell y’all about the time ah threw a lemon party?” Engie asked.
“NO!” Blaze, Psyche, Aqua, Crystal, and I all yelled at the same time.
“A simple ‘no’ would do.” Engie said.
“Lemon party? What’s that?” Scoots asked.
“Nothing you need to know, believe me!” Blaze said.
“Blaze, I’ve always wondered. How does it feel to be married to the greatest flier in all of Equestria?” Scoots asked.
“It’s actually kinda like we’re not married at all to be honest, Scootaloo.” Blaze said. “Most of the time I’m either at the Wonderbolt camp, or I’m hanging out with my friends, but whenever I am home, Rainbow is going on other adventures. It’s like… something is… forcing us apart.”
“Candy?” Scoots asked.
“NO! Not Candy!” Blaze said.
“Rose?” Scoots asked. “Who babysits Rose and Candy while you’re not home?”
“The Cakes do, and sometimes Pinkie.” Blaze said. “But you know… it gets kinda lonesome when I’m not with my little Dashie.”
“Reference, reference!” I said.
“I don’t know, Scoots. It ain’t easy. Rainbow is normally by herself, and Candy and Rose aren’t home most of the time either. It’s pretty much a shame really.” Blaze said.
“Sounds awfully sad.” Scoots said. “But hey, I consider you the lucky one. If I was married to Rainbow Dash, we’d never be apart!”
“Are you even listening to yerself, Scoots?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Of course I listen to myself! It’s one of the great joys of my life!” Scoots said.
“Now you’re talking!” I said.
“Hey Aqua, you have a good story, don’t you?” Sweetie Belle asked. “You know, how you and Wind Racer’s life was before you move to Ponyville?”
“I’d rather not.” Aqua said. “That story isn’t really foal-friendly.”
“Relax! Really violent movies are PG rated anyway! I think we’ll take it.” Scoots said.
“This is more PG-13 rated actually.” Aqua said.
“Well we’re not 13 yet.” Sweetie Belle said.
“I don’t care! Let’s hear it!” Scoots said excitedly.
“When ya are older.” Aqua said.
“How about you, Psyche?” Apple Bloom asked. “Ah know yer hidin’ somethin’!”
“What makes you think that?” Psyche asked.
“A little birdie told us!” Apple Bloom said.
“BIG birdie!” I corrected her.
“Flare’s wrong. I’m not hiding anything.” Psyche said.
“Ah wouldn’t be too sure, partner. You’ve been actin’ pretty dog-on suspicious lately!” Engie said.
“Ok I’ll tell you.” Psyche said. “You see, when I first got my-“
“BOOOOOORIIIIIIIIING!” I yelled. Psyche knew I’d say that the moment he started talking. So yeah, if you want Psyche to tell you something, and I’m around, you probably won’t get anything useful.
“What a shame.” Psyche said.
“Another time.” Blaze said.
“Maybe.” Psyche said.
“Here, let me help!” Crystal suggested as she runs into the closet and takes out some of Apple Bloom’s toys and throws them on the bed. “There! I didn’t know which stuffed animal you wanted so I gave you them all and let you pick one yourself.”
“CRYSTAL!?” Apple Bloom yelled and blushed. Scoots and Sweetie Belle both started laughing.
“Even I don’t have this many toys!” Sweetie said.
“I do! I just don’t have any stuffed bears or cuddly animals!” Scoots said.
“Then what do you have?” Sweetie asked.
“A bunch of Rainbow Dash plushies. I’m not a baby for having that many plushies, I’m just a crazed fangirl! AB here on the other hoof…” Scoots said.
“Ah hate bein’ called a baby!” Apple Bloom whined.
“Is that why you’re always afraid to cry?” Scoots teased.
“Yeah, Apple Bloom never cried before. Or at least ah never seen it.” Engie said.
“The Apple family is more of a… let-it-all-in type of family.” Apple Bloom said.
“I’ve seen them all cry before. I’ve never seen YOU though.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Pardon the interruption, but I thought we were tucking in the fillies?” Aqua asked. “I mean, we seem to be keeping them awake more than we’re trying to help them sleep.”
“That’s why I let them pick their own plushie!” Crystal said.
“No offense, Crystal, but this isn’t helpin’ by a long shot.” Apple Bloom said.
“I am TOO good help! I am very good help!” Crystal yelled.
“Nah, not really.” Engie said.
“Hey don’t be rude to her! Even though it’s true, do we have to keep letting her know that?” Blaze asked.
“FORGET YOU ALL!” Crystal yelled. “I’ll show you! I’ll show you all that I am the best help! When tomorrow comes and we try to save the schoolhouse, you’ll see! You’ll all see!” So Crystal steps out of the bedroom and slams the door behind her.
“What’s her problem?” Aqua asked.
“She probably discovered that I gave her one less piece of garlic on her garlic rolls at lunch today. I knew she’d figure it out!” I assumed.
“But we’re still not feeling the slightest bit tired.” Apple Bloom said.
“Want me to sing Fluttershy’s lullaby again?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Here I got something for you girls!” Psyche said. “Have you fillies ever encountered…” Psyche looks around suspiciously and then he whispers to them, “… the Boogie Mare?!”
Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom both gasped, but not Scootaloo, who eventually said, “Of course I have. We went to summer camp together. She always takes a long time in the showers.”
“T-the B-Boogie Mare?!” Sweetie Belle asked in fear.
“Ah heard Granny Smith say some legends about her.” Apple Bloom said. “She hides in your closet, crawls out, and when you least expect it… BOO!”
“AAAH!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Oh c’mon! I expected that boo!” Scoots said.
“Wait a second.” I interrupted. “Did you just say she comes out of closets?”
“Yeah, why?” Apple Bloom asked.
I chuckled. “Nothing.” Blaze then punches me in the shoulder. “OW!”
“Not appropriate, man.” Blaze said.
“They don’t even know what I’m saying! You hitting me will raise some suspicions!” I whispered.
“You think the Boogie Mare would… would attack us tonight, Psyche?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Not if you’re prepared for it!” Psyche said.
“Psyche,” Blaze started, “don’t you know that the Boogie Mare is only a-“
“Shhh.” Engie elbowed him. “This is gettin’ interestin’!”
Just then, a creepy saxophone plays in the background as Apple Bloom asks, “What do we do if the Boogie Mare comes?”
“Listen and you’ll learn!” Psyche said as he started to sing, “Children have you ever met the Boogie Mare before? No of course you haven’t for you’re much to good I’m sure! Don’t you be afraid of her if she should visit yoooou. She’s a great big coward so I’ll tell you what to do. Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogie Mare! Don’t let her come too close to you she’ll catch you if she can. Just pretend… that you’re a cragadile, and you will find that Boogie Mare will run away a mile! Say shoo-shoo, and stick her with a pin; Boogie Mare will very nearly jump out of her skin. Say buzz-buzz, just like the wasp that stings. Boogie Mare will think you are an elephant with wings. Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogie Mare!”
“Sounds like useful advice, Psyche! Anything else we need to know?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Ah didn’t get the elephant with wings part.” Apple Bloom said.
“Tell her you, have soldiers in your bed,” Psyche continued to sing, “for she will never guess that they are only made of lead.”
“Lead?” Apple Bloom asked. “My toy soldiers are made of plastic.”
“This is an old song I’m singing. Plastic soldiers weren’t around then.” Psyche said as he continued to sing, “Say hush hush, she’ll think that you’re asleep. If you make a lovely snore away she’ll softly creep. Sing this tune, you children all alike! Boogie Mare will run away, she’ll think it’s Uncle Psyche!” The Noble Six and I were trying to hold in our laughter after he said that. “When the shadows of the evening creep across the sky, and your mommy comes upstairs to sing a lullaby…”
“Ah take offense to that.” Apple Bloom said.
“Tell her that the Boogie Mare no longer frightens you,” Psyche continued, “Uncle Psyche is very kind, he told you what to do. Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogie Mare. Don’t let her come too close to you, she’ll catch you if she can. Just pretend, your teddy bear’s a dog, then shout out ‘Fetch her, Teddy!’ and she’ll hop off like a frog!”
“We have plenty of stuffed animals here, so we’re pretty much safe in that regard!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Yeah, if Apple Bloom’s ok with using her many baby toys against the Boogie Mare!” Scoots teased as she and Sweetie laughed again. Apple Bloom scrunched at them.
“Say ‘meow!’ she’ll think that you’re a cat,” Psyche continued, “she’ll think you may scratch her that make her fall down flat. Just pretend… she isn’t really there; you will find that Boogie Mare will vanish in mid air!”
The three fillies began to yawn. “Eeyup.” Apple Bloom said.
“Boogie Mare won’t get us tonight!” Scoots said.
Psyche then sang softly, “Here’s one way to catch her without fail. Just keep a little salt with you,” Psyche then whispered, “and put it on her tail.” The song ends there as the three fillies eventually fell asleep. Psyche leaned over to the fillies and gave them kisses on their forehead. He smiled afterwards. “I did it guys!” he whispered. “I helped the fillies fall asleep! I must have a gift for doing that! I help fillies fall asleep, and I also help my colleagues at my speeches fall asleep too. I have the natural gift! Just call me the Sandpony!” Psyche then turned around and saw the rest of us have fallen asleep as well. “Yep. Like I said, the natural gift!”
“Hey are we goin’ to get kisses too?” Engie asked. Anyways, later that night, Psyche sneaks out of Apple Bloom’s room as we all were sleeping in there, and Psyche takes a look around the upstairs hallway of Sweet Apple Acres, and all the lights were off. The entire Apple family was already asleep. Psyche then sneaks downstairs into the kitchen, and was about to sit down on a bar stool, but felt that it was about to break so he immediately steps off and takes another seat at the bar stool next to it, and then he takes out his family crest from his satchel, and then he activates it.
The A.I. hologram of Psyche’s mom appears on the family crest, and she says, “Good evening, son!”
“Evening, mom!” Psyche said. “How was your day?”
“Ah, you know, went to the hoof salon today to make them all sparkly, and- what do you think I did, Psyche?” she asked sarcastically. “I’m a hologram. This is the first time I was awake today!”
“I guess I know where I get my sarcastic charms from.” Psyche said.
“Anyways, son, do you have any more questions you’d like to ask?” mom asked.
“Well, first off, the song you sang to me when I was a foal to put me to sleep, I slammed dunk it when I helped three fillies, as well as my friends, fall asleep!” Psyche said.
“That lullaby always works!” mom said. “No night light required either!”
“Yep! Anyways, I need to know a few things, mom.” Psyche said. “I was doing some research today on that artifact you told me about. What’s it for anyway?”
“I’m not too sure about it, but I knew this artifact I told you about was a pretty big deal centuries ago.” Holo mom said. Yeah I’m gonna call her that for now until I remember what her name is. “When I discovered it during my younger years as an archaeologist, there was limited information about it. I was only able to catch enough information until the monks found me. All I knew was there was five pieces to a larger puzzle.”
“Pieces for what?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t know exactly.” Holo mom said. “I was trying to research the information down at the Zambrock Caves. Originally the pieces were stored into that tomb, sealed in there, hoping that the pieces would never leave, but when I looked to see what they looked like, all the pieces were missing.”
“What do you think happened to them?” Psyche asked.
“I eavesdropped on the monks talking, and five of the pieces were stolen by another archaeologist.” Holo mom said.
“Do you know his name?” Psyche asked.
“I don’t know for sure, Psyche,” holo mom said, “but I know for sure that-“ Just then, Psyche heard some hoof steps up ahead.
“Shhh! Wait, somepony’s coming!” Psyche whispered as he deactivates his crest and hides it back in his satchel. Just then, it was Crystal that was walking downstairs.
“Psyche? What are you doing in here?” Crystal asked.
“I was about to ask you the same thing.” Psyche said.
“Hey, Psyche? Can I ask you something?” Crystal asked.
“My answer might bore you, but go ahead.” Psyche said.
“Trust me, dude, you already bore me.” Crystal said. “Anyways, what I have to ask is… am I… helpful?”
“You try, and that’s the important thing, right?” Psyche asked as he takes his satchel and starts walking out of the kitchen.
“That doesn’t answer my question.” Crystal said. “Psyche, am I helpful?”
“I don’t know, alright?” Psyche asked with an attitude. “I had a long day. There’s so much going on in my head right now. Maybe you’re not a very helpful pony, but you try at least, right? Doesn’t that matter? Anyways, I have to get some sleep. We’ll tomorrow morning.”
“It’s after 12 so technically it’s tomorrow morning already. Unless you actually mean ‘tomorrow-tomorrow morning’.” Crystal corrected him.
“I’m supposed to be the smart one in this group, Crystal. Don’t take that away from me. It’s bad enough I’m the punching bag in the group.” Psyche complained.
“I’m only trying to help!” Crystal whined.
“Then help some other way! I’m not in the mood right now! Good night, Crystal.” Psyche said with an attitude as he walks back upstairs so he can get some sleep.
“Grrr!” Crystal groaned. “I’ll show ‘em all that I’m great help!” Crystal then sits down on a bar stool and then it collapses under her. “OW!” she cried. “Starting with this bar stool.”
The next day at the school, the CMCs head over for class, hoping they could make a difference to Cheerilee’s decision to expand the school. She hasn’t arrived in class yet though, so the students were talking to eachother, but the only students that were heard talking clearly were the students that actually mattered. Everypony else was just going ‘bla-bla-bla-bla-bla, did you see Lost last night?’ and all that. “Just you all wait! This school is going down soon, and my daddy is going to make it happen!” Diamond Tiara said.
“Oh that’s still going on?” Peachy Pie asked. “I thought it was forgotten?”
”I kinda thought that too.” Scoots said.
“I thought we were going to talk about how your dad drives you nuts?” Silver Spoon asked Diamond.
“Actually, my dad has been totally reasonable with me!” Diamond Tiara said. “Like, he said if I help persuade Miss Cheerilee to agree to his terms, he’ll buy me a pony!”
”Don’t you mean a slave?” Silver Spoon asked.
”Exactly!” Diamond Tiara said mischievously.
”Ooo you’re bad!” Silver Spoon chuckled evilly.
”Wow, you really took me serious, huh?” Diamond Tiara asked her.
“Good morning, class!” Cheerilee said as she walks into her class. “I hope you had fun filled night! Are your essays done?”
”Luckily we came prepared.” Scoots said.
“Eeyup!” Apple Bloom said. “So, Miss Cheerilee, we were wondering, did you make your decision on what you’re doin’ with the school?”
”Not yet.” Cheerilee said as she started collecting everypony’s essays. “I’m not the one to make these major decisions for our school. This is what I wanted to talk to everypony about today. I want to see what you all think about it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, this is our school, and the school isn’t successful without both the teacher and the students.”
”We like this school though!” Sweetie Belle said.
“Yeah, it’s nice little school!” Aura said. “We wouldn’t be as smart as we are now without it!”
”Plus, it’s conveniently close to my house!” Twist said.
“And Cheerilee works here!” Truffle Shuffle said excitedly.
“Well if that’s your decision, perhaps the school will stay exactly the same!” Cheerilee said.
“So you don’t want me to fix this hole on the wall?” a construction pony with a deep grumpy accent asked.
“Besides the small repairs.” Cheerilee added.
“Was this part of the plan?” Silver Spoon whispered to Diamond.
“Don’t worry, I know exactly what to say!” Diamond Tiara whispered back. Just then, she said out loud, “But perhaps making the school bigger would be pretty good for the school!” The entire class was confused.
“Like, what do you mean, Diamond Tiara?” Cheerilee asked.
“Just think about it! Have you ever been to an actual school?” Diamond Tiara asked.
“I have. I went to Canterlot High School when I was younger, but what about everypony else?” Cheerilee asked.
“We never went to high school.” Snips said.
“She means a public school, nit-wit.” Silver Spoon corrected him.
“Public school is much bigger and much better than a school house!” Diamond Tiara said as she stepped out of her desk, walked up to the teacher’s desk, and asked Cheerilee, “May I?”
”Oh, umm, sure!” Cheerilee said.
Just then, Diamond bucks her hind legs on the wall and the projector screen pops down. “Fillies and gentlecolts, fellow classmates, when I was in Manehatten for a semester to visit my mom, I experienced something I never felt before! Schools have changed since you first knew them. They don’t have just one classroom and a basement. No, there are tens, maybe hundreds of classrooms in a school, and that’s only the beginning!” Snails raises his hoof. “Yes, Snails?”
“How did you put the projector screen down just by bucking the wall?” he asked.
“Like I was saying,” she continued, “fellow classmates, may I present to you, the magic of public schools!” and so, Diamond Tiara shows her classmates a Powerpoint slideshow of the public school speech she has in stock for the class. “Public school, more of a chance to make friends as more and more ponies would be participating in the school, plus the possibilities are endless!” Diamond changes the slide, and the next slide shows some bouncing text and bouncing pictures.
Twist chuckled and said, “Look! The Start logo and all the little icons below the desktop are on Diamond’s face!”
”Now then, public schools contain gyms to provide physical education!” Diamond continued. “It’s exhausting, yes, but at least you won’t have any boring sessions to make you fall asleep during class. That is, unless the couch is a former military sergeant, then you’re going to hear nonstop stories about his war life.”
“A gym! YEAH!” Featherweight cried out.
“YEAH! YOU GOT IT BRO!” Bulk Biceps yells as he breaks through the school door and flexes his muscles.
“YEAH!” Featherweight yelled.
“YEAH!” Bulk Biceps yelled.
”NO!” Cheerilee yelled. “I just had that door fixed!” Bulk Biceps then embarrassingly backs away.
Diamond changes the slide and then food pops out on the next slide as a bell sound effect dings on the slide. “FOOOOOOD!” Snips and Snails both said as their mouths started foaming.
”I dedicated this one to Snips and Snails!” Diamond Tiara said.
”What about me? I like food too!” Truffle Shuffle whined.
“Can you MAKE food though?” Snips asked mischievously to him. “Snails here, he can whip up some tasty French food! That’s how he got his cutie mark!”
”Yeah because I like to cook slow!” Snails said.
“Every school has a cafeteria!” Diamond Tiara said. “You can’t go wrong with cafeteria food! In a cheap price with so much tasty treats, you’ll never need to pack your lunch again!”
”8 out 10 parents say cafeteria food is unhealthier than fast food.” Twist pointed out.
”That’s a rumor and you know it!” Diamond Tiara said angrily at her.
”It’s not a rumor!” Twist said.
“Ok I had enough of this.” Scoots said in a boring tone as she takes out a remote and fast-forwards the whole speech. “Let’s just cut to the chase.”
Once the fast-forwarding was complete, Diamond Tiara concluded, “And that, my friends is why we need a public school.”
Cotton Cloudy sniffled, wiped a tear and said, “So beautiful!” as the entire class cheered to her speech.
“Let’s do it! Let’s tear down this school and make a bigger and better one!” Dinky cried out in excitement.
“For the cafeteria!” Snips, Snails, and Truffle Shuffle all yelled out.
“For the gym!” Featherweight yelled.
”For the nurse’s office!” Pipsqueak yelled.
“For the playground!” Crystal yelled.
“Playground? We already have a playground.” Sweetie Belle said as she figures it was Crystal that yelled that. Crystal was once again sitting on a desk too small for her.
“Crystal? What are you doing here, dear?” Cheerilee asked.
“I wanna help bring down the school!” Crystal yelled. “WOO! Schoooool’s out for summer! Schooool’s out forever!”
”Crystal, don’t get me wrong, I love that song but I thought you were helping us with our project?” Scoots asked.
“I really don’t care what I help with. I just want to help with SOMETHING!” Crystal said. “I’m tired of ponies thinking I’m useless and unhelpful!”
”We don’t think that, Crystal!” Apple Bloom said.
”We kinda do.” Scoots said. Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle both glared at her. “What?! Mama never raised a liar! Or whoever raised me, it’s unconfirmed right now.”
“What is this I hear?” Diamond Tiara asked. “We have three students in this class that object the new school project?”
”Four.” Crystal added. “I changed my mind. Yes, I am a student here before you say anything.”
”Why would we want to tear down this school for a new one?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I explained it.” Diamond Tiara said. “Not to mention, Miss Cheerilee, you won’t have to work as hard as you do now. Didn’t you say you teach other classes and it really tires you out?”
”Well… I… I did say that.” Cheerilee admitted.
“Think about it! There are still so many young ponies around Ponyville that have yet to learn but Miss Cheerilee doesn’t have the time to teach them all!” Diamond Tiara said.
”I have time to teach everypony though, Diamond Tiara.” Cheerilee corrected her. “But yes, it does get a bit tiring. From 8 AM to 1 PM I teach Elementary School students. From 1:30 PM to 5 PM I teach middle school students. From 5:30 PM to 9:30 PM I teach high school students. Oh my goodness, Diamond Tiara, you’re probably right. Perhaps it’s best that we… tear down the school and make way for a bigger one.”
”WHAT?!” the crusaders yelled.
“She said she wants to tear down the school and make-“ Crystal repeated.
“WE HEARD HER!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
”I’m only trying to help!” Crystal said.
“Well stop it!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Ok let’s remain calm, everypony.” Cheerilee said. “My decision stands. The votes were outnumbered against you, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. I guess there is no other choice. I’ll be signing the contracts with Filthy Rich and we’ll begin demolition and reconstruction immediately.”
”BUT CHEERILEE!” the crusaders whined.
“Class dismissed.” Cheerilee said.
“It’s not fair!” Apple Bloom whined.
“We love this school!” Sweetie Belle said.
“We should report this to the mayor! She would know what to do!” Scoots suggested.
“The mayor was already ok with it.” Cheerilee corrected her. “I talked to her earlier today.” The crusaders all looked down upsettingly. “Look, girls, I know you love this school. Believe me, I love this school too. It would feel very different having a new school to take this one’s place, but it’s for the best. I promise, you’ll feel right at home with the new school! Now don’t you girls worry; all assignments in this semester have been cancelled. Think of it like this! A nice big vacation. Doesn’t that make you feel swell?”
”I guess.” The crusaders all said at the same time.
“By the way, girls, I can analyze hoof-writing / magic writing, and I know Aquatic Armor’s writing when I see it.” Cheerilee said as she shows the CMCs the F’s she marked on their essays. “Next time, don’t ask another pony to do your work for you.”
“I guess we should’ve just copied these down on another paper to make it believable that we did it.” Sweetie Belle said.
“That would help.” Cheerilee said. “I’m not saying you should do it, but it’s believable I’ll give you that, girls.”
“I don’t care. I’m not a student here.” Crystal said. Yeah, I know, Crystal can’t make up her mind, can she? She’s got a mind of her own. But then again, don’t we all? Anyways, back at Sweet Apple Acres, we started up another club session. You know, come to think of it, this whole chapter went full circle. We started up at the school then at Sweet Apple Acres, then back at the school, and back to Sweet Apple Acres repeating the same thing. Hey, what can you expect? Ponies, just like people, they like to repeat things. They like to repeat things. You know what I’m saying? They like to repeat things, brahs! Get it? They like to repeat things. Alright, anyways, let’s continue.
“There’s no hope!” Sweetie Belle said to us, the Noble Six. “Cheerilee said her decision was final! There’s nothing we can do to stop them from bullozing the school!”
”Hey that’s not true!” Engie said. “For all you know, they could just be wrecking ballin’ the place.” Blaze then elbows him. “Hey! Hooves to yourself!”
”Oh c’mon, Blaze! You elbow him when he says something rude, but you punch me!” I complained.
“Engie’s muscles are as hard as steal. I break my hooves every time I punch him!” Blaze said as he punches Engie and breaks his hoof. “OOOOW-OW-OW-OW!” Blaze yelled as he uses his phoenix powers to heal his wound. “See?”
“Anyways, let’s not give up.” Aqua said.
“I know this sounds like a lot coming from me, but… what if we started a rally?” Sweetie Belle suggested.
”Good idea!” I said. “We start up a rally, get arrested for it, and know we went out with a bang!”
”How does that help us fix our problem?” Apple Bloom asked.
“It makes us heroes, and we know we tried! Isn’t that the important thing?” I asked.
“Flare, sometimes I don’t understand you, like that time you bought that scooter just to follow me around.” Scootaloo said.
A cutaway shows Scootaloo riding her scooter across down, and I was following her around with my scooter. I cried out, “HEY! We are scooter brothers! Scooooooter brotheeeeeers!”
“What?!” Scoots yelled.
“Scooter brother!” I yelled.
“Why are you following me?!” Scootaloo yelled.
“We will go on a journey, a journey of scooters!” I yelled.
“Sounds tempting but another time!” Scootaloo said.
“Scooter brother!” I chanted.
”Stop saying that!” Scootaloo demanded.
“Come ooooon, scooter brother! Let’s go, scooter brother!” I chanted.
“I’m a filly! How can I be a brother?!” Scootaloo asked.
“Where are we going today, scooter brother?” I asked.
“Go away! Stop following me!” Scootaloo yelled as she drove her scooter much faster to get away from me.
“Whoa! Slow down, scooter brother!” I suggested. The cutaway ends.
“That was a fun day!” I said.
“I agree! I saw the whole thing!” Blaze chuckled. “It was awesome!”
”Way to help a fellow Rainbow Dash fan out, Blaze.” Scootaloo complained.
“Hang on a second. We forgot to do role call.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Forget it.” Engie complained.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it, Sweetie Belle. We’re all here.” Apple Bloom said.
“Actually… where’s Psyche?” Aqua asked.
“Didn’t he say he needed to use the bathroom or something?” Blaze asked.
“Nopony asked where I am, and I’ve been quiet this whole time.” Crystal complained. “Am I the new Psyche or something?”
”Ah’m sorry, did you say somethin’, partner?” Engie asked.
“UGH!” Crystal groaned.
“Look let’s calm down and talk about this.” Sweetie Belle suggested.
“Now, ah like Sweetie Belle’s idea. What if we started up a rally?” Apple Bloom asked.
”Yeah, come to think of it, it may not be such a good idea.” Sweetie Belle said.
”What do you mean? It’s perfect!” Scootaloo said. “We’ll stop the deconstruction of the Ponyville school by tying ourselves in chains on the school itself!”
”Whoa, Scootaloo! Let’s not get so carried away.” Apple Bloom said. “We’re not goin’ to kill ourselves for a buildin’.”
”How bad do you want this school to say, Apple Bloom? Huh?” Scootaloo asked as she places her hooves on her shoulders and shook her a bit. “You have to do what it takes to keep it here! The Ponyville School is our friend, and we will not stand by and let it die just for Filthy Rich’s profits!”
“YES! This is why I am here personally!” I said. “I am tired of Filthy Rich buying out small-time hard-working companies just so he can make a profit! There’s more to life than money! He tried to buy out my pizza shop!”
”Come to think of it, he wanted to buy out the Wonderbolts too.” Blaze said. “The Wonderbolts is my life! Having a greedy company like Barn Yard Bargains run a place I love makes me sick to my stomach!” Blaze started to feel something coming up his throat, but before anything came out, he swallowed it back in. “OW! Ugh! Yuck! Oh now my throat hurts!”
“He nearly bought the Canterlot County Water Works. It’s where I work.” Aqua said. “I get paid pretty well there. Having a big-time company buy it out would be a major downfall for the employee’s checks, as well as raising the water bills in every town in this county. I can’t have that.”
”He didn’t do anythin’ to mah personal engineerin’ tradin’ company, but ah just love to see major corporations plummet!” Engie said mischievously.
“Then let’s do it! Let’s bring a downfall to Barn Yard Bargains!” I yelled out. “Let’s heist the Barn Yard Bargains building, steal it’s bonds, Filthy Rich can’t afford to invest in the school!”
“Hang on! We didn’t say that.” Sweetie Belle said. “That idea makes my rally idea seem like a good idea.”
”It’s one or the other, brah.” I said.
“He’s right, man.” Blaze said. “If we want to save the Ponyville School, we have to either spread word that it’s a bad idea, or we do something illegal and steal the bonds of Barn Yard Bargains.”
“What’s it gonna be, Aqua?” Engie asked.
Aqua had to think about it, but as he was thinking, Crystal said, “Don’t I have a say in this?”
”What is it, Crystal?” Blaze asked.
”If we could just go up to space and take a satellite up there-“ Crystal started.
“NO!” Blaze interrupted. “No satellite!”
”Can we just hear her out?” Apple Bloom asked.
“THANK YOU, Apple Bloom! Thank you! At least one of you is listening to me!” Crystal yelled.
“Look, Crystal, we tried the satellite thing before… twice, and it just leads to a disaster.” Blaze reminded her.
“Maybe it’s best she stays out of this.” Engie suggested.
“Now hang on, I didn’t say that.” Blaze said.
”FINE!” Crystal yelled. “I DIDN’T WANT TO HELP IN THIS STUPID PROJECT ANYWAY!” Crystal starts to angrily walk away. When she stomped through the kitchen, passing Big Mac who was sitting on a stool that was put together with glue and office tape, and then what happened during Crystal’s many stomps on the ground, the stool Big Mac was sitting on started to shake and creak, and then a shark popped up from under the floor boards and ate Big Mac as well as the stool with it.
Meanwhile, upstairs, Crystal was angrily walking through the hallways of Sweet Apple Acres. “Stupid, friends! Not letting me help! Maybe it would really help if I stopped complaining about it and actually did something! I’m going to help my friends out with something! I’ll prove that I am helpful! Ah who am I kidding? I feel like every user on a blog, like Ponyhoof. Complain about it without doing anything about it. Well let’s prove I’m better than them! What should I do?”
“What’s this file you talk about?” Psyche asked.
“What file?” Crystal asked. “Make sense, Psyche!”
“It’s the file that’ll give you the location of the Zambrock Caverns.” Psyche’s mom said from another room while talking to Psyche from that other room.
“I thought it was called Zambrock Caves?” Psyche asked.
“Does it really matter?” Psyche’s mom asked as Crystal sneaks over to the door to eavesdrop on the conversation.
“Does it really matter?” Psyche’s mom asked.
“Uh, yeah, mom, it does.” Psyche said.
“What do you have? OCD or something?” Psyche’s mom asked.
“Nah, I was just messing with ya.” Psyche teased.
“Hm, typical.” Psyche’s mom said.
“Whatever, the file.” Psyche reminded her.
“Right, the file to get to the Zambrock Caves.” Psyche’s mom said as Crystal peeks through the crack of the door.
“You know where you put it?” Psyche asked.
“Well, that’s the thing. I don’t exactly… have it with me anymore.” Psyche’s mom said.
“What do you mean you don’t have it?” Psyche asked.
“It’s pretty much self-explanatory.” Psyche’s mom said.
“Uh huh.” Psyche nodded. “But do you know where it is?”
”I have a clue.” Psyche’s mom said. “Before my… passing… I actually gave the file away.”
”I hope it’s not somepony stupid.” Psyche said.
“Oh no, it’s not one pony. I gave it to the FDA, hoping they might be able to solve the case, but from what I hear, no such luck.” Psyche’s mom said.
“The FDA?” Psyche asked. “You actually think they’d help?”
”I was hoping so. I heard the FDA is the finest agency in all of Equestria. I know I couldn’t trust the rival agency the Disharmony Investigation Force.” Psyche’s mom said.
“The DIF.” Psyche said. “Yeah I heard rumors about them too. Force harmony upon ponies, but the FDA, they’re actually reasonable. You made a good call, ma!”
“Thank you!” Psyche’s mom said. Crystal gasped and she ran off.
“What was that?” Psyche asked as he looked over.
“Is somepony there?” Psyche’s mom asked.
“No, I don’t think so. Probably just the wind.” Psyche said.
“Indoors?” Psyche’s mom asked.
“Then maybe it was the A/C! I dunno! Get off my case, mom!” Psyche complained.
“Don’t talk to me like that young colt, or no dessert for you!” Psyche’s mom threatened him.
“Yes, mommy.” Psyche said.
Back downstairs, the rest of us along with the CMCs were discussing our tactics on how our rally should work. Aqua was giving the instructions while showing us the blueprints of his tactics, “Ok, so, we’re goin’ to start a rally at Ponyville School. I think we should all split out in threes. Psyche, Crystal, and Sweetie Belle are going to cover the west side of the school; Blaze, Scootaloo, and I will take the south side of the school; and finally, Flare, Engie, and Apple Bloom will take the east side.”
”What about Crystal?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Oh… I… umm… I haven’t thought about her part yet.” Aqua admitted.
“She’s going to really complain, you know.” Sweetie Belle said.
”I’ll think of somethin’, don’t worry.” Aqua said.
“GUYS! GUYS!” Crystal yells as she runs down the stairs. “I found- WHOA!” Crystal trips on one of the stairs and starts falling. “Ack! Ah! Oh! Ow! Ee! Doo! Da! Ooo! AAH!” and then finally, Crystal hits her head on the wall at the end.
“Hey, Crystal! Nice of you to DROP IN!” Engie teased.
“NO! Shut it, Engie! That was a terrible pun! That was a TERRIBLE pun! You should be ashamed of yourself.” Blaze said.
“Ehhhh, ah’m not shameful for bein’ mahself!” Engie said.
“What seems to be the problem, Crystal?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“It’s Psyche! He’s doing something up there that’s unimaginable!” Crystal freaked out.
“Not in front of the fillies, sista. They’re not old enough to hear.” I said.
“Not old enough to hear what?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Did you not hear what I just said?” I asked.
“Psyche is up there with some strange golden thingy and he’s talking to his mom on it.” Crystal said.
“He’s doing what, and where was I?” I asked.
“Is this what we’re not supposed to hear?” Apple Bloom asked.
“Yes, it’s exactly it!” Blaze lied.
“Now we know it’s not true.” Sweetie Belle said. “Nice try, Blaze.”
“What do ya mean Psyche’s talkin’ to his mom?” Aqua asked.
“He’s talking to his mom on some golden thingy. He was talking about some caves and… umm… and secret agents!” Crystal said as a view of the kitchen is shown and Big Mac was jumping out of the hole the shark popped out of, and he was soaking wet. He also had a live salmon jumping on his head.
“Crystal, let me stop you there.” I interrupted. “Did he say anything about me?”
”No.” Crystal said.
“Then I’m not interested.” I said.
“Look, I’m telling you, it’s true!” Crystal said. “I mean… I feel like I’m actually helping now! Didn’t Flare keep mentioning something weird is happening with Psyche? Well this is it! Psyche is actually talking to his mom on a golden thingy, and talking about caves, and maps, and secret agent ponies that are probably aliens! Also taking away his dessert! Oh the horrors! Do I need to explain everything? No, I guess that dessert thing wasn’t necessary, but think about it! Psyche is acting weird because he’s talking to his mom!” While Crystal was explaining that whole thing, Big Mac was fighting the shark in the other room. The shark ambushed Big Mac again, but this time he was ready. They were really fighting it up in there. Big Mac eventually escaped the shark’s grasp, but the shark grabbed his hind-legs, but Big Mac was able to kick him away, and then the shark bites off half of Big Mac’s tail (don’t worry, it’ll grow back), and then Big Mac started hitting the shark in the head with a golf club until the shark has stars spinning around his head and he passes out. Then Big Mac holds the golf club against one of his shoulders as he stands in a heroic pose and with a proud smile as Big Mac placed one of his legs on top of the knocked out shark’s head.
“Crystal, let me explain something to you.” Engie started. “You tell us somethin’ ya honestly saw, and then ah’ll explain to you why it’s unbelievable.”
“But I’m not making it up! I saw it!” Crystal said.
“Yeah and I saw Blaze’s fly down.” Engie said sarcastically. Blaze then looked down and then he zipped up his zipper on his Wonderbolts suit. “How embarrassing. I hope that doesn’t happen again.”
”It already did.” I said as I gave him a creepy smile.
“Ugh!” Blaze groaned.
“Well… if there’s proof you want, I can easily give you the proof!” Crystal swore.
“Hey, guys!” Psyche said as he walked back downstairs. “What did I miss?”
”You wouldn’t believe this!” Engie chuckled. “Crystal here thinks you were talkin’ to yer mom on some golden thing!”
Psyche froze for a moment in shock. “You don’t say?” he asked nervously.
“But you know, typical Crystal, right?” Engie asked.
“Uhh, yeah! Typical Crystal!” Psyche chuckled.
“Don’t you girls believe me?” Crystal asked the crusaders.
“Our only concern is savin’ the school house. Sorry, Crystal.” Apple Bloom said.
“Well… you obviously don’t need my help then.” Crystal said in an offended tone. “I see the plans and I don’t see my name on it at all!”
”I didn’t think of a plan for ya, alright? I’m deeply apologize.” Aqua said. “I set in groups of 3.”
”Why don’t we have another group of 3 to help out? We can try to get two other ponies to help out.” Blaze suggested.
“Hey Flare, ya think Water could help us?” Aqua asked.
“Yeah I have no comment about that, brah. You know what I’m going to say.” I said.
“Heh. Of course.” Aqua chuckled.
“Yeah, heheheheheh.” I laughed sarcastically. “Keep laughing.”
“Time for bed y’all.” AppleJack said.
“Perfect timin’.” Aqua nodded. “Hey AppleJack, do ya think ya can help us out with our rally in Ponyville School?”
”Well, shoot, ah’d love to help out!” AppleJack said as she takes off her hat and places it on her chest.
“Why is she doing that? Is somepony dead?” I asked.
She then glared at us and said, “Ah hope y’all realize ah was waitin’ forever for an invite to this mission. Ah’ve been goin’ to that school when ah was a filly, except ah was pink. Ah’d defend that school with all of mah honor. Kinda disappointed that you didn’t include me, Aqua.”
”Heh. Sorry.” Aqua chuckled.
“Yeah, heheheheheh.” AppleJack laughed sarcastically. “Keep laughin’.”
“Yeah, heheheheheh.” I laughed sarcastically along with her. “Don’t copy me, AJ.”
The next day came, and a bunch of demolition workers came in with a bulldozer to the Ponyville School. Filthy Rich and Cheerilee were there to witness it. “Alright then, the deal is done. Are you sure you want to do this, Miss Cheerilee?” Filthy Rich asked.
“It’s a shame that we have to bring this place down.” Cheerilee said.
“Yeah, especially that you asked me to fix the wall and the door twice.” One of the workers added.
“But I always grew a bond of that place.” Cheerilee said.
”Oh, Miss Cheerilee, don’t think of it as bringing the school down.” Filthy Rich comforted her. “Think of it as… the school growing up!”
”It’s not the same building though.” Cheerilee said.
”But the thanks of the expenses from Barn Yard Bargains, I was able to find a way to recycle some of the debris and use that as the material to rebuild your classroom!” Filthy Rich said.
“I supposed that might help.” Cheerilee admitted.
“If you don’t want to watch, I’m completely fine with that.” Filthy Rich said. “Need a blind-fold?”
”AH quit it with the talking! Bring it down already!” Diamond Tiara whined.
“Do it! Do it! Do it!” Silver Spoon chanted.
“Now hold on, dear. Let’s not rush things.” Filthy Rich suggested. He then said to his workers, “Ok, stallions! Let’s hurry and bring this place down!”
“Let’s hope this doesn’t turn into a false alarm like the time I was hired to demolish the local pizza shop.” The demolition pony hoped.
“Spare the schoolhouse! Spare the schoolhouse! Spare the schoolhouse!” the crusaders, the Noble Four, and the Apple family all chanted as we walked over to our positions and rallied in front of the demolition pony.
“Oh great! I spoke too soon!” the demolition pony complained. “These same ponies again!”
”AppleJack? Girls? Noble Six? Err… Noble… Four, I mean?” Cheerilee asked.
“Yeah Psyche couldn’t make it, and Crystal… she’s probably trying to prove to us we need her help.” Blaze said.
“Which is kinda ridiculous. She could’ve just proven it just by bein’ here.” Engie said.
“What is this I see? Is this a rally?” Filthy Rich asked.
“UGH! You cutie mark crybabies always ruin everything!” Diamond Tiara whined.
“YEAH! What she said!” Silver Spoon said.
“Can you think of anything more original than that?” Diamond asked her.
“We’re defendin’ our school!” Apple Bloom yelled.
“Yeah!” Scootaloo yelled. “We’re not going to let some liberal take our school away from us!”
“What’s a liberal anyway?” Apple Bloom asked.
“I dunno. It’s something Engie sometimes says.” Scootaloo said.
“Ah never said that! But ah will now! YOU LIBERAL!” Engie yelled. “Note to self, makin’ this mah new catch phrase. Sorry, ‘dibs’.”
“You getting rid of this school is just… it’s just not right!” Sweetie Belle yelled.
“Yeah! This school is our life, Filthy Rich! We’re not gonna let some pony just tear it down!” Apple Bloom explained.
“I’m sorry, my little ponies, but a deal’s a deal. Ask Miss Cheerilee here.” Filthy Rich said.
“Well?” Blaze elbowed me.
“Well what?” I asked.
“Aren’t you gonna get it, man?” Blaze asked.
“Say what?” I asked.
“He said ‘my little ponies’, so you do the Peter Griffin thing, right?” Blaze asked.
“Are you ok, man? You should lie down.” I suggested.
“Ugh! Nevermind!” Blaze groaned.
“You get mad for no reason! If I don’t know something I don’t know something!” I complained.
“I get it.” Blaze said.
“I mean, because if you get mad without me knowing something, then… well, you know. I don’t need to explain myself.” I explained.
“Right, I get it.” Blaze said with an attitude.
“Unless you want me to.” I added.
“No thanks.” Blaze said.
“Are you sure?” I asked.
“I’m sure.” Blaze said.
“Positive?” I asked.
“Shut up.” Blaze instructed me.
“Girls, I know you love this school, but rallying to defend it isn’t going to change my mind.” Cheerilee said.
“Don’t you see what you’re doin’, Miss Cheerilee?” Aqua asked. “By takin’ down this school, ya are takin’ away a traditional landmark. Back in my old village, it’s a pretty big deal.”
“Coming from Aqua, that has to be mean something to you.” Scootaloo said.
“I understand completely, and I’m not saying I don’t agree with you…” Cheerilee started.
“Which means you agree with us, right?” I asked.
“Yeah.” Cheerilee said.
“Wow, I’m good.” I said shockingly.
“Miss Cheerilee, surely you could understand what this school means to mah sister and her friends.” AppleJack said. “But don’t you remember that ah used to go to this school? YOU used to go to this school. Filthy Rich, you went to this school! Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon go to it. Surely that has to mean SOMETHING.”
“It gives me a better reason to have it knocked down.” Diamond said.
“Gives me two better reasons!” Silver Spoon added.
“That’s not what I meant by being more original, Silver Spoon.” Diamond informed her.
“Look who’s talkin’! Still callin’ us blank flanks.” Apple Bloom complained. “You’ve been callin’ us that for two years already, at least! Three, countin’ this one!”
“Like it even bothers us anymore!” Scoots said.
“I thought it still does bother us?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Shhh! They don’t need to know that!” Scootaloo whispered.
“Girls, don’t you see much better things will be if we had a bigger school?” Cheerilee asked.
“No, they don’t!” I said. “Don’t you know in bigger schools there’s more bullying? Trust me, I know.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it. He knows, I know.” Blaze said.
“Lockers, man. If you’re small enough you can be stuffed in them.” I said.
“Cafeteria food… much worse than fast food.” Blaze said.
“Not to mention, some of the teachers could be abusive and corrupted! You’re lucky to have a school like this Cheerilee! Private schools are much, much better than regular schools!” I said.
“And you know how much money it’s going to take to keep the school in balance?” Blaze asked. “Electric bills, water bills, fire drills are much more crowded too.”
“Hey, Blaze? Have you ever been whipped by a towel in a locker room?” I asked.
“Are you kidding? Bulk Biceps got me good on one of my hind legs! I’ve had a nasty scar for ages!” Blaze said.
“Ya two don’t really realize what ya sayin’ is high school, not elementary school. Cheerilee teaches elementary school foals.” Aqua corrected us.
“Well SOME of those things are true, Aqua!” I said. “Certain elementary schools don’t have lockers, but they do have trash bins! Stuff a first grader in a trash bin, and see how it feels! I’ve been through every kind bullying there was. Herb Leafhorn really did his research. He did everything by the book.”
“What book?” Aqua asked.
“The natural bullying guidebook.” I said.
“There’s no such thing as a book like that, mate.” Aqua said.
“How should I know? I don’t read.” I said.
“I really don’t think we’re getting anywhere by this.” Sweetie Belle said.
“Actually, Sweetie Belle, there’s something I have to say.” Cheerilee said.
We’ll come back to that later. Meanwhile, with Crystal, she and Spike hide behind some bushes across from Psyche’s house. Crystal and Spike were wearing black stealth outfits. “Ok so what do you need me for?” Spike asked.
“You’re a little guy, so you’re small enough to fit through Psyche’s chimney.” Crystal said.
”That tiny thing?” Spike asked as he looked at his chimney that was no bigger than a few inches. “I’m small but not THAT small!”
“But aren’t you like… a few inches?” Crystal asked.
“What do you take me for? A dragon or a lizard?” Spike asked.
“Well I did see a dragon from Mulan that wasn’t that big.” Crystal said.
“Those dragons are all the way at the other side of the world! You can’t find dragons like those in Equestria!” Spike corrected her.
”Well, whatever. None of my friends are available to help me, so I’ll need your help with this.” Crystal said.
“And what’s in it for me?” Spike asked.
“I got a Steam gift card.” Crystal said.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear the word ‘jewels’ in that offer.” Spike said.
“You can buy the game Be Jeweled.” Crystal said.
“Well I did ask for jewels. Ok, I’m in. What’s the deal?” Spike asked.
“I just gave you a deal.” Crystal said.
“No I mean, what do you need to get from Psyche’s house?” Spike asked.
“Psyche has some thingy he’s using to talk to his deceased mom.” Crystal said.
“Soooo he’s like a fortune teller, right? Talks to beyond the grave and stuff like that?” Spike asked. “It would make sense. Psyche being psychic!”
“I always thought that too.” Crystal said. “So anyways, you sneak inside the house and unlock the door for me. Then, I’ll go inside and locate the thingy.”
“Anything else you need me to do, sarge?” Crystal asked.
“Please… Lieutenant.” Crystal insisted.
“Oh like you were even part of the military. You’re lucky I’m calling you sarge.” Spike said.
“Yeah, you’re right.” Crystal said upsettingly. “Anyways, after I go in, you keep watch for Psyche.”
“Seems simple enough for a Be-Jeweled game.” Spike said as he puts on a clown mask. “Sorry, this is the only mask I got.”
“It’s perfect!” Crystal said. “If you’re going to sneak in, you’ll have to sneak in in style!”
“Got that right, sister!” Spike said. Just then, Psyche’s front door opens. “Wait, he’s coming!” he whispered and they both hid behind the bushes. Coming out of Psyche’s house was Octavia. “Octavia? What was she doing there?”
“Forget her! Why isn’t she carrying her cello with her?” Crystal asked. “That’s just not right. She’s never part with her cello. Seems awfully suspicious.”
“But we’re here for Psyche’s thingy though.” Spike reminded her.
“Right, right.” Crystal nodded. As Octy walked out of Psyche’s house, she accidently left the door opened a crack before she left.
“Well that’s convenient, but unwise.” Spike pointed out.
“Come on!” Crystal said as she and Spike run over to Psyche’s house, and sneak inside. The living room didn’t have a single soul in there at least. Seemed kinda spooky when I said that. Wooo. Nooo soooouls! How creepy is that, huh? When Spike and Crystal were sneaking through Psyche’s living room, Crystal slams the door behind her. Spike cringed.
“Don’t do that!” he whispers. “You’ll jepoarize our task!”
“I didn’t want the bugs to come in.” Crystal whispered. “I’m only trying to help.”
“Bugs only come in because you’re the queen.” Spike whispered as he glared at her.
“Oh… nice!” Crystal nodded pleasingly. “I’ve always wanted to be a queen!” Spike sighed.
“Hello? Octy?” Psyche called out from the other room. Spike and Crystal then suddenly froze in place.
“I told you he’d find out!” Spike whispered.
“I was only trying to be a good friend to him!” Crystal whispered back.
After a few moments of standing around, Spike then said, “Maybe we should’ve hid right after we froze.”
“Yeah, maybe we should’ve.” Crystal agreed, and so they did, pretty quickly. Spike hid inside the sofa while Crystal hid under the see-through glass coffee table.
“Really, Crystal? You think that’s the best place to be?” Spike whispered. Just then, Psyche was walking into the room.
“Well that was an interesting session! I should continue my research when I have the chance though.” Psyche said to himself as he hops onto the sofa and lays down on it.
“UNF!” Spike gasped.
“Wow… I should get this sofa fixed.” Psyche said as he closes his eyes. “Anyways, I’ll continue on my research after a little nap.” After Psyche starts napping, Crystal crawls out from under the coffee table and sneaks passed the sleeping Psyche. Turned out Spike couldn’t help Crystal at all, except for suffocating inside that sofa because of how wrong he was to hide there. Turned out his hiding spot was worse than Crystal’s. Psyche was laying down on his back, facing the opposite direction of Spike, and just then, he blows wind inside one of the sofa cracks. After a half-hour went by, Psyche finally awoken from his nap. He stretched it out and said, “Well that was refreshing. Well, back to work.” After Psyche gets up from his sofa and walks through his hallway and walks down to his basement, Spike jumps out of the sofa and gasps for air.
“I thought I was gonna die in there!” Spike said as he took some deep breaths. Crystal then walked into the living room while eating a bag of pretzels. “Did you get it yet?”
“Get what?” Crystal asked.
“You completely forgot about the thingy, didn’t you?” Spike asked as he glared at her.
“Oh, well… I was hungry. I was looking for some potato chips, but for some reason, Psyche is afraid of them.” Crystal explained. “I did find some pretzels though. Want some?”
Spike sighs and said, “Ok, that wasn’t worth it. Do what you want. I’m not doing this anymore.” He then starts walking away.
“Hey your loss! You’re not getting that reward then!” Crystal said mischievously.
“A game about jewels that I can’t even eat? Yeah, big loss.” Spike said sarcastically as he walks out of the house and closes the door behind him.
“Well at least he remembers to close the door.” Crystal said.
“Aww, but our queen’s in there!” a bug outside whined.
Crystal stealthily walked over to the basement door and was quietly about to open it, but it sounded like Psyche was about to open it. Psyche twisted the knob back and forth, giving Crystal time to hide. Once he opens it, he opens it, he says, “I love playing with my door knob! I just love that magnificent sound it makes when I twist it!” Psyche walks over to his kitchen and walks over to the pantry, giving Crystal a chance to sneak downstairs without him noticing. Once Crystal got downstairs, she saw Psyche’s family crest on the workshop table. “Hey! Where are my pretzels!” Psyche yelled from upstairs.
“Oh woops.” Crystal said as she was holding the bag in her wing. Crystal suddenly spots a folder on the table. The folder reads ‘Artifacts’. “Art… artey… artey… facts? Artifacts. Ooo that must mean this folder has a bunch of facts about art!” Crystal opens the folder and starts reading it. “Hmm… this isn’t art. It’s just a bunch of words that I don’t know what they mean! What a rip-off! I should take a selfie with it.” Crystal takes out her phone and takes a selfie of herself with the opened folder. She does a duck face expression when she takes her selfie.
Upstairs, Psyche finds a pile of crumbs on the floor leading to the basement. Crystal heard Psyche coming so she hides under the workshop table. Psyche continues following the crumbs and walks over to the workshop table. “You’re not a very good hider, Crystal.” He said. Crystal didn’t say anything; instead, she tried to crawl away without Psyche noticing. Psyche looks under the table and said, “I see you. What? When I look down there, you expect to be hiding somewhere else by the time I look? C’mon that’s impossible! You can’t… like… go from under the table to another part of the room without me noticing. This isn’t some secret agent movie that shows impossible things.”
“How did you know it was me?” Crystal asked.
“I saw you under the table from all the way at the staircase.” Psyche said. “This isn’t a cartoon. It’s not like I can’t see you down there from the distance.”
“I see.” Crystal said as she crawls out from under the table and stands up, and then eats some pretzels from the bag.
“You’re not a very clever secret agent, Crystal, but then again…” Psyche said as she takes the bag from her, and then he whispers. “…neither am I.” as he eats some pretzels. “Trying to prove to the others that you’re not crazy?”
“I just wanted to help, alright?” Crystal asked. “Nopony thinks I’m good help. I finally found out what you’ve been hiding, and when I told our friends about it, they didn’t believe me. So I had to break into your house to prove it.”
“To be honest, I knew it was only a matter of time until my secret gets reveled to somepony, but I NEVER would’ve thought you’d be the first one to find out.” Psyche admitted.
“Yeah, I never thought you’d be crazy enough to show a folder full of lies. None of those are facts about art.” Crystal said.
“You know… it might only be a matter of time until somepony takes you seriously. Can I trust you enough, Crystal, to not tell ANYPONY about what you saw me do, and any info you probably contained about these artifacts?” Psyche asked.
“What makes you think they’d believe me?” Crystal asked.
“Like I said, it’ll only be a matter of time.” Psyche said. “Crystal, would you please not tell anypony about this operation I’m doing?”
“I didn’t think you were THAT kind of doctor, Psyche.” Crystal thought.
“Crystal, I’m serious. NOPONY can know about this. Nopony whatsoever! Not even our friends.” Psyche said.
“How about Thundy?” Crystal asked.
“Not him either.” Psyche said.
“But we made a vow to tell eachother everything! We don’t keep secrets from eachother, Psyche! By that I mean him and I.” Crystal said.
“Crystal, I’m warning you!” Psyche threatened her.
“What are you going to do to me? You can’t hit a mare! I can legally sue you!” Crystal said.
“I’m not gonna hurt you, Crystal.” Psyche said. “But please… if you keep this a secret, it would really... REALLY be helpful!”
Just then, Crystal froze in shock. “Me… hel-helpful?”
“This is the most helpful thing anypony could ever do.” Psyche said. “You’d probably be the most helpful pony in Equestria if you keep this a secret between us.”
Crystal smiled and nodded. “Well, snap! Who would’ve thought? I was just about to sabotage Psyche, but it turns out I’m finally getting the respect I deserve! Crystal Iceblast is going to be helpful!”
“Yes she is!” Psyche nodded.
“Well now that I know, will you tell me everything about it?” Crystal asked.
“Let’s not get carried away.” Psyche said.
“Meh, who cares?” Crystal shrugged. “Hey I’m still more excited right now than when I found out girl’s legs are warmer than their bodies!” A cutaway shows Ponyville snowing pretty badly, and Crystal is wearing a very warm hoodie on her body, and wearing some short-shorts on her waist. “Girl power!” she said. The cutaway ends.
The next day at the Ponyville School, the students come in for class and Cheerilee shows her class a slideshow. “And that’s why, my little ponies, is why public schools are not that safe.”
“Whoa! I’m never thinking about cafeteria food again!” Snips yelled.
“Awww, you just got me thinking about cafeteria food now!” Snails whined.
“Awww, you just did the same thing to me!” Snips whined.
“Keep the school exactly how it is!” Aura yelled.
“Showering with other ponies?! YUCK! I’m glad we don’t have a gym here!” Tornado Bolt said.
“Not to mention those towel whips!” Cotton Cloudy added.
“Then we have an agreement.” Cheerilee said. “This school stays exactly how it is. I mean really. After this enlightment, I’ve come to realize… I don’t want another teacher that’s better than me. This is pretty much all I have. So, Mr. Rich, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to cancel our contract.” Cheerilee said to Filthy Rich as she tears up the contact in front of him.
“I really have to learn to hire some lawyers.” Filthy Rich complained as he angrily walks out of the school. Filthy Rich then sticks his head inside one more time and said, “You’re really missing out on a great business opportunity here, Miss Cheerilee. You would’ve made a fortune, and with a lot less work.”
“But this school is my passion.” Cheerilee said. “I just forgot that for a while. I’m not ready for that sort of change yet.”
“Well if you ever want to do business again, you have my number.” Filthy Rich said as he walks away.
“Is he hittin’ on you?” Engie asked her.
“Ah’m really sorry, Diamond Tiara.” Apple Bloom said to Diamond. “Ah know it seems pretty awkward to be doin’ this, but ah know you wanted that bigger school.”
“Actually, Apple Bloom, to be honest, I don’t.” Diamond admitted. “I’m tired of my dad always working. Besides, if there was a bigger school, there’d probably be bigger bullies than Silver Spoon and I. We’re in charge of this school! Nopony else is!”
“If there’s a pony that would over shine our popularity, they have another thing coming!” Silver Spoon said.
“I can actually name three ponies that could do that.” Scoots said mischievously.
“Oh yeah? Who?” Sweetie asked.
“Who do you think?” Scoots asked.
“The Boogie Mare perhaps?” Silver Spoon teased and laughed.
“FETECH ‘EM TEDDY!” Sweetie Belle yelled as she throws her teddy bear at Silver Spoon.
“HA! Who brings their teddy bear to school?” Silver Spoon asked and laughed.
“Psyche lied to me!” Sweetie Belle mumbled to herself.
“That makes both of us, sister.” Crystal whispered. Just then, the school bell rings and all the students start leaving the school.
“Now remember tonight’s assignment, students!” Cheeriliee reminded her students.
“You never gave it to us.” Sweetie Belle reminded her.
“Exactly!” Cheerilee winked at her.
“It’s so good to have our school back!” Apple Bloom said.
“It never left though.” Scootaloo corrected her.
“Ah know, but ah was just talkin’ hypothetically.” Apple Bloom said. Just then, she turned to us and said, “Thank you, Noble Six!”
“Ya welcome, Cutie Mark Crusaders!” Aqua saluted to them.
“Why are you saluting us? We’re not part of the military.” Scoots reminded him.
“I dunno. Just bein’… random, I guess.” Aqua said.
“Hey it was because of you three that the school is saved!” Blaze said. “We might’ve helped, but you three led it! There will be stories in the future about legends that say ‘the Cutie Mark Crusaders saved the Ponyville Schoolhouse’! How would that make you girls feel?”
“Unless it has somethin’ to do with us gettin’ our cutie marks, ah’m not interested.” Apple Bloom said.
“Yeah, me neither.” Scootaloo agreed.
“This felt like a waste of time for me.” Sweetie Belle complained.
“Well, it was only a matter of time before they complained about that.” Psyche said.
“Well, thanks again for yer help!” Apple Bloom said. “Flare, Blaze, Aqua, Psyche, Engie, and Crystal? You all were great help!”
“No need for your compliments, little one. I’m already the greatest help in Equestria!” Crystal said.
Engie then coughed and said, “Bologna.”
“Bless you.” Crystal said.
“That wasn’t even a sneeze.” Engie corrected her.
“Well you all did a great job! I owe you all my thanks!” Cheerilee said as she places her hoof my shoulder. Just then, I used my magic to move her hoof from my shoulder and place it on my Blessings of the Night, and the necklace started glowing. “What are you doing, Flare?”
“I’m not leaving here empty-hooved! It’s payment, sista.” I said.
“Well, see you tomorrow, Miss Cheerilee!” Sweetie Belle said.
“May the school live on!” Apple Bloom said.
“I never thought I’d say it but school ROCKS!” Scoots said excitedly.
“Guess it proves that the negativity of one’s ideas can actually cause second thoughts, and may actually lead to making the right choice!” Cheerilee said. “Public school isn’t THAT bad, but you know, all that responsibility might be too much for me, and my students for that matter. Public school and private school all have its advantages. You just have to find the one that best suits you. Private school is easier, but more expensive. But public school is harder, but free. But then again, public school has more advantages than private school, but private school has more teacher-student interaction to make learning easier. Plus, public school has-“
“HEY! Scooter brother, wait up!” I yelled as I ran outside, hopped on my scooter and started following Scootaloo again as she rode her scooter. “Scooter brother! Slow down, scooter brother! Scoooooteeeeer brotheeee-“ just then, I get shot by a giant laser in the sky, and I collapse on the ground. “…eeeer.” I added as I coughed smoke.
“Space satellite?” Psyche asked Crystal.
“Space satellite.” Crystal said.
“Good girl!” Psyche said as he patted her on the head. “Never doubted that idea for a second!”
“By the way, Psyche. Why was Octavia at your house?” Crystal asked.
“Can you keep two secrets?” Psyche asked.