Risky Grace
You know what was awesome? Canterlot High. Yeah sure it was a boring, kinda crappy school, only sometimes, dimensional rifts opened up and extraplanar creatures fought each other with magic lasers! Ok, that only happened twice, but it set pretty damn high standards for college in my sister and I.
After all, college is supposed to be the best time of your life, right? If it wanted to beat out High School for awesome it had to top a massive ghostly energy pony summoned forth by the power of terrabad music to smite the demonic singers with rainbow lasers.
So far the most interesting thing was swapping friends with my twin sister to see who noticed. Since no one ever noticed, it was actually pretty damn lame. Friends not noticing slightly less fluffy ears and a few scars in my wing membranes was the highlight of college life. I seriously wish the president hadn’t ordered the portal to Equestria quarantined.
My name’s Risky Grace, I’m a twenty three year old batpony girl, and I look exactly like my sister except for less fluffy ears and a few scars in my wings from that time I tried to fly. You know what’s stupid? Having wings that don't work, then realizing while a spectral horse is shooting lasers that the reason you can't fly is your world lacks magical energy.
My wings hang on my back like a cape, make shopping for clothes hard because regardless of what manufacturers think pegasi tops don't fit the same on a thestral (or a batpony if you wanna be informal about species names). The wing slits are too small and too far from the spine, so all my shirts get stretched out. Upside, I look metal as fuck. Until you count in the fluffy ears and tiny fangs. Then I look adorable. Stupid bipolar cool/cute continuum.
To summarize: I’m a blueish gray four foot two, one thirty pound, leathery winged, bipedal, purple hair and tailed, orange eyed, hooved thestral; and so is my sister.
We’re twins, as I’ve mentioned. What I haven’t mentioned is we're not just the identical kind, we were also conjoined. You could never tell it by looking at us, at least not if we were dressed. We were born joined at the hip by skin and muscle only.
According to mom the doctors simply cut us apart at birth and patched up the muscles over time. This means you can tell which of us is which because her scars are on her right hip and mine are on the left. Fur eventually grew in over the area, but you can still see the surgical scars without trying. It’s the one marred feature on our pretty hot bodies.
Yeah, I think my sister’s hot, which means I also think I’m hot since we look the same. In a lot of siblings this would be a problem, but not for us. I’m pretty sure it’s the whole twins thing but we’re inseparable, as in we do almost everything together. This includes sleeping, and showers, and that kinda stuff.
We realised in highschool we couldn’t handle moving away from each other if one of us got married or something and decided fuck it, we would just date each other and if someone else wanted in that would be cool. I know that pisses off a lot of religious people, but they can suck a fat one.
We’re basically one person anyways, besides I think the internet’s consensus is ‘twincest is wincest’. I have that on a shirt somewhere. I wear it when mom makes us to to church to go with her. Lucky goes in her ‘I’m with her →’ shirt.
For the last six years that had been an awesome decision! Especially since Lucky feels obligated to cook. I can’t cook for shit, I’ve lit instant ramen on fire while boiling it. I swear she got all the cooking genes mom had available.
Whatever she was cooking tonight smelled awesome. Our crappy studio apartment smelled like pineapple upside down cake, bacon, dandelions, and blood pudding. That probably doesn't sound appetizing to you but you probably only need to eat one kind of thing. We have a recessive gene which makes us need blood, fruit, and nectar.
Fortunately this means we can eat just about anything, even meat like Dogs do. But in the name of good nutrition we need all three, which rocks because our friends don't steal our food. What sucks is blood plasma freaking expensive!
How expensive? Well, expensive enough that our dad is doing forty or so years for stealing it from the hospital he worked at because he couldn’t afford to feed us. That was when we were nine. Which sucked ass in the not fun way.
There are barely any vampire bats out there anymore, so there is almost no industry to supply hemovores with food. Sure we can live on flowers, fruits, and breads and stuff, but were pretty sure that our vampire sides are dominant because any day we can afford to eat some delicious plasma is a day when everything feels awesome.
So the smell of whatever Lucky was cooking, which definitely had beef blood in it, was driving me almost as nuts as her cooking it in just an apron. Needless to say, I couldn’t focus on writing an essay at the moment.
So I had started to play an old adventure game on my laptop. How old? Well if I wanted Roger Wilco to pick up the shiny thing on the floor I would have to type ‘look floor’ then ‘pick up thing’. Primitive as all hell, but still pretty fun.
“So whatcha cooking?” I finally asked.
“I made a blood pudding into a pie crust shape and am making a pineapple cake in it using dandelion juice as a sauce.” She replied.
“Awesome!” I briefly wondered if most people would be creeped out by their own voice answering them.
“Should be ready at like, midnight, maybe one.” Lucky said before walking over and plopping down on the couch next to me so ur scars lined up, just like we always sat. “More Space Quest?”
“Yeah, GoG had the whole series for five bucks.” I answered. I gave her a little kiss on the cheek then turned back to my game.
A few minutes later something compelled me to look out the window. It must have compelled Lucky too because we both turned in time to see smoky wisps of cloud begin to form in the otherwise totally clear sky.
It looked like someone had ran reality through windows movie maker and added a fade transition from the full moon just hanging out, to the full moon covered by thin string like clouds. Then more thin clouds, and even more thin clouds, until the moon’s light was blocked out entirely.
“You’re seeing this too right?” I asked excitedly.
Lucky nodded. “Yuhhuh! I’m thinking it’s magic space laser time, what about you?”
I nodded back with a grin. “Totally magic space laser time! I’ll get the camera.”
Suddenly our apartment was lit by a soft blue light. The light grew slowly brighter until everything was some shade of blue, totally washing out the three lamps we had on. Confused but thrilled, I turned my head to try and see the source of the light.
Suspended in the air in the middle of our kitchen was a circle containing a pattern which looked like the triforce, with three circles filling the middle triangle and three smaller triangles connecting the triforce to the circle by its outer points.
That was totally the crest found on the cover of the Codex of Ultimate Wisdom from Ultima! Few people have heard a batpony squee, because it’s out of the range of normal hearing. I’m pretty sure everyone in our building heard ours anyway.
“Oh-” Lucky started.
“-my-” I continued
“-god!” we finished together.
I jumped up, knocking my laptop over onto the couch and bolted into our bedroom. “Keep an eye on it! Don’t even blink!”
“Already on it!” Lucky called back.
I ripped our closet open and threw the clothes aside. On the back wall of the closet hung two backpacks, I grabbed them bolted back into the kitchen and dropped the packs onto the floor. “Where are the swords?” I asked.
“I’ll get them.” Lucky nodded towards the glowing symbol. I fixed my attention on it completely. It wouldn’t vanish before we could use it!
You see, learning that a magical world exists and is as easily accessed as running into a statue in a schoolyard changes your average bored girl. Sure the military had that portal cordoned off and were doing diplomacy things using it, but that didn't mean there weren't others, or new portals didn’t form from time to time. So sis and I made bug out bags, because we were not going to pass on an opportunity to be world hopping adventurers.
Lucky handed me my blades, both functional, both a cool modern tactical design. One was based on a gladius, the other based on an English longsword. I strapped them on quickly, helped Lucky buckle on her rapier and daggers, then turned back to the glowing magic circle and waited.
A few seconds later the light faded and the circle fell to the floor with a clink. Laying on our kitchen floor was a three inch across glowing coin that appeared to be made of flowing ribbons of energy.
“Either someone is trolling us, or magic laser pony was from Britannia.” Lucky sighed.
I bent down and picked up the coin, or medallion, or whatever you call a big circular magic glowy thing. “I don’t know... this would be hard to fake.”
Lucky hummed and shrugged her wings. “Well if it does work like Ultima, now we need to get an Ankh then go to the woods to find a circular clearing with a ring of rocks in it and-”
“Oh screw that!” A man’s voice exclaimed suddenly, seemingly from everywhere at once, “I don’t have enough time for this joke to take you on a quest to find a spot that looks like a hill from a videogame. Here, have a portal!”
Instantly a shimmering blue doorway of light erupted from the floor. I squeed a little, so did Lucky.
“Sis,” Lucky squeed, “there’s a moongate in our kitchen!”
“I know!” I replied equally thrilled, “Ignore the probably an evil villain's voice and dive headfirst into the portal?”
Lucky nodded then paused, “Wait! Diner! Mr. Magic-Portal-Man, can you wait until dinner’s done so-”
“Yes yes, whatever makes you hurry up. I haven't got all night.” The oven was lit with a white flash of light, the pineapple dandelion cake appeared on the counter. It looked completely cooked.
“Sweet!” We exclaimed together.
Lucky grabbed the cake. I picked up the backpacks. We grabbed each others hand tightly to avoid the ‘separated by the portal’ trope, then ran through the blue gateway with a joyful “Wooo!”
Kaily
You know how when you die they say you see a white light? Totally true. Everything is a way to bright white light. It’s as if you had a white halogen flood lamp taped to your face, but could make out vague, non-thing-shapes in the distance. Oh, and you can’t close your eyes.
Just in case that seems like I’m saying it was peaceful, no no it was not. It’s like some dick is blinding you with a maglite and laughing. The whole time you keep falling in random directions, you can feel the direction change like someone's stabbed a hook in your gut and is pulling you a new direction every few minutes.
Your sense of time basically vanishes too. I had no idea how long I was pin-balling around the vague-non-thing-shapes concealed within the white. I was hoping it wasn’t some sort of cliche, like three days or something. I mean I died on a really advanced starship, surely I could be revived right? It would suck to be a cultural hero who came back to life after three days.
The white turned to black like someone had flipped off the lights. The entirety of the non-space I was in slowly began to light up with a literally countless number of stars. It was like being in space with no planets, only points of light in the distance.
“Sorry about that,” a pleasant female voice apologized, “it’s been awhile since someone came through here with their soul literally in tatters. Had to piece you back together, you looked like someone had chewed your soul like bubble gum. Because well, that’s kinda what happened. You managed to get the shit killed out of you really hard didn’t ya?”
I looked around for the source of the voice. I managed to change my position for the first time since I had arrived, and saw sitting atop a pink and blue nebula a short, white furred, pale nearly white maned pony. She had black eyes, not like the entire eyes was black, just the pupil and iris. She had no horn or wings, but none the less seemed to be very powerful. On her flank was a mark shaped like a scythe and a sword resting atop an hour glass.
Despite the lack of a horn, and a place for them to come from, the mare levitated a package of cigarettes and a zippo up, lit a cigarette, placed it in her mouth then sneaked another out of the package. “Smoke? Take your time. We'll move on when you're ready."
“N-no thanks.” I stammered, afraid, confused, and curious.
“You’re scared. Don’t be, it’s not like there’s a hell. Unless you made it for yourself.” The mare said as she kicked back on her nebula and blew a smoke ring.
I decided to ask a question I found burning in my head. “So… there is an afterlife? Which relig-”
“None of them are right.” she interrupted. “How could they be? No one who's ever come back to life has been to their after life. It’s a hard rule of reality. If you go all the way to the other side, you can't ever come back. Also the truth doesn't sound too believable so no one believes anyone I've let go back.”
“But what about prophets? Messages from heaven?” I asked.
“Nope, the big man doesn't do any of that shit. That’s not the point.” She chuckled. “Look I do this every time, want the truth? It won't matter if you know it.”
“Oh thank god!” I sighed in relief. “I was this close to panicking thinking Yahweh was in charge of this thing!”
The white mare flinched, “Oh, yeah that would suck. The rules of that religion are completely unfair to mortals.”
She rolled over, then sat like a cat with her forehooves supporting her upright. “Here’s how it really works. Everything you have ever known, or ever would have known if you hadn't died, everything that ever is, was, or will be, is a computer simulation. No it’s not like that movie you humans made. What was it? The matrix?”
I nodded.
“Yeah it’s not like that. You don’t have a body outside the sim somewhere. The you that died is the real you, that was your real body. Reality is still real. At least it is from the inside. From the outside it’s an incredibly complex simulation of reality. Physics are what they are because that’s what they were programed to be. Ever wonder why matter is just an arrangement of energy? Because everything’s energy in this world.
“It’s all artificial. At least, from outside the sim it is. From within it, where we are, and will always remain, it’s real. This is our reality. I hope that bring you a bit of comfort, knowing that the reality of our multiverse is subjective to weather or not you are inside or outside of it.”
It did actually, more then I was pretty sure the person who I assumed was the grim reaper imagined. “So the Simulated Universe Hypothesis is right? We figured it out back in the 21st century?”
“Yep.” she answered. “None of you believed it though. It’s just something most species can’t except. They don't get that what is real and what is fake is subjective. Hell, take me for instance, who ever assumed that their really, truly, actually is a Grim Reaper? Pretty damn few people. Now who would believe that not only is there a Reaper, but she’s a four foot tall pony named Dusk who isn’t a vindictive harvester of souls, but a guide to your final and just reward?”
There was only one answer to that. “No one. I get it.”
“Actually the answer is one, but I’m glad you got it.” Dusk answered.
If I had a face it would have been confused. “Wait, one?”
“Yeah she’s a friend of mine. Popped in one day assuming my job title meant I was depressed to cheer me up. Made my millennia.” she replied with a laugh. “Don’t tell her, but I think she’s totally adorable.”
“Popped in?” I asked hopefully. “You mean I could go back?”
“You? No. People who had a body to go back to, yeah sometimes. If I feel like they deserve it.”
“Oh.” I said sadly. Well since there was no going back, I might as well get the answers to whatever questions I could. “Since this is a simulated universe, is that how I can exist without my body?” I asked curiously.
She made an odd gesture with her hooves as if she was weighing something. “Sort of… See, the notion of a soul is actually true. Everything living instinctively knows they have an existence, regardless of their senses, organs, or knowledge. This is your soul. In more complex life, sapient life as you call it, the soul is basically a backup file. Your memories, thoughts, feelings. You are an immaterial copy of the you who died.
“Hell even machines have one. Though they are a little different from organic creatures. Poor things are often not aware enough to understand what’s happening to them when they come here.”
I nodded. I guess that made sense. “So what exactly is here?”
“Your entire universe's existence has been a part of the bigman’s study of morality. I don't know much, he only spoke to me once, and even the he only told me what I needed to know to do my job. All I can tell you is there are a million billion sets of multiverses, each containing 1764 universes.
“They exist simply so the real creatures who live in the simulated universes can simply live their lives and be what they will. When they die, for this universe at least, I take their soul, the perfect record of who they were and what they are, and take it to a place which it is stored. Which are miniature universes made using the soul’s information to give the individual exactly what they have earned.
“These smaller universes are analyzed by the bigman. I think he’s looking for an answer to what the best moral code is. But that’s just me.” Dusk finished. With one last puff of smoke she tossed her cigarette away. I watched as it simply faded from existence.
“Then the universe is one big science experiment?” I mused. That would explain a lot. Where the big bang came from, why a loving god would allow evil to exist.
I had only one question left, “Which universe is the control group?”
Dusk laughed and flashed me a smile. “It sure as hell isn’t this one!”
I laughed with her. It was a really good dark joke after all. “So what happens now? How do we get to whatever my mini-universe is?” I asked nervously.
“You sound nervous. Don’t be, you seem nice, I’m sure yours will be fine!” Dusk said.
She stamped her hoof and a doorway appeared in the distance. “We go through there, I walk you to your room, you spend eternity there. Everyone you loved and hated will be there, they will exist as you remember them, not as they were or are. You are not god of your room, it is what is is and you experience it until the experiment is over and everything ends.”
“That's not so bad.” I said. I meant it too, there were a billion worse afterlives humans alone had dreamed up.
“Wait!” A new voice shouted. It was high pitched, female, and sounded pretty bubbly.
Dust turned her head and smiled a smile only appropriate for seeing a close friend of lover coming home. “Pinkie! Just a minute, I’m on the clock. I’ll be just a-”
“Is that what my name was?” a bright pink mare with a frizzy mane and tail asked in confusion.
Dusk frowned instantly, “Oh. You’re future Pinkie. Is the conduit spell I gave you guys breaking down? I’m sorry, I did my best.”
“Nonono! It’s working fine, but that person is like really super huge mega important to us. We need her alive again.” Pinkie said in a fascinatingly rapid fire babbling.
“I can’t do anything. She doesn't have a body to go back to, nor can her friends make a new body for her to go to. I had to patch her soul up, it wouldn't be compatible with a body cloned from her DNA. Based on what I know it would take Phoenix a month to calculate how to arrange the new body’s brain to not reject her soul as it is now, which is longer than I can allow a soul to remain in the universe.” Dusk said sadly. I could tell she really did want to help.
Pinkie nodded twice, “I know! We know. Discord and I… arranged something.” Her ears dropped sheepishly.
Dust gave her an irritable glare, “What did you do?”
“Hey! Do you want to have to have the busiest workday ever in like a year or so?” Pinkie asked. She bit her lip as if thinking hard for a split second before blurting, “We got her a new body by taking advantage of the link between our world and the parallel one where everyone’s humanoid. We just need you to put her into it. It should be fine.”
“That’s not how it works Pinkie. There are rules to-”
“Yeah, and you broke them before by letting me come and go as much as I want.” Pinkie objected.
“That’s because you make awesome cookies. Not everyone can just win me over like that.” Dusk wined shuffling her hooves adorably.
Pinkie grinned feebly. “The body we got doesn't have a person in it. It’s um what did he say to say? Oh right! We couldn’t give it a soul. It is her body, only not because you know, humanized pony body. But it’s still hers still her DNA. the mirror thingy means-”
Dusk nodded, impressed. “Huh, no yeah, that actually would work. It’s still against the rules, and I don't want to draw the bigman’s attention anymore than I have already with you. ”
“Hi Dusk!” A second copy of Pinkie announced popping into existence. A split second later she gasped in happy shock and announced “Hi other me! How’s stuff?”
Dusk turned to look at the new Pinkie and shook her head, “Only you could violate the laws of time like this. Hi Pinkie, I’m arguing with future you over whether or not I should revive this woman.”
“I wouldn’t mind going back.” I informed. “I sort of promised to help some bug people make a home. I don't like breaking promises.”
“Didja Pinkie promise them?” the new Pinkie asked.
“Say yes!” future Pinkie whispered.
“Uh-yes?” I answered.
“Well then you have to Dusky! She Pinkie promised them. You can’t break a Pinkie promise.” the new Pinkie said as she produced a tray of brownies from her mane. Somehow. I didn’t want to think about it.
Dusk sighed and rubbed her forehead, “Ok, fine. She gets to go back in the new body future you and Discord got for her that’s also her body, but not really. Migraines! You give me migraines Pinkie. You’re lucky I like you. But I still wont wont revive people on demand for you. Just her, just this once.”
Future Pinkie vanished with a happy, “Thanks!”
“Wait you like like me?” Pinkie asked tilting her head before glomping the Reaper. “Oh my gosh! Me too! We should go on a date!”
“I what? I di- … You know what, screw it, sure. Why not? No one else gets to come over when they want to.” Dusk shook her head and smiled softly.
Dust waved her hoof in my direction. “All right Kaily. You’re going home… sort of. Kinda. I have no idea what you will be when you arrive exactly, but whatever it is, it will be the you, you would have been if you were born in the reality parallel to the one you died in. Good luck, try not to visit again. I won’t give you another respawn.”
A sloppy wet kiss was the last thing I heard as everything blazed back to white.
Then I was falling downwards through air at a large snow bank forty feet below me. “Ahhhh! Death is a total dick!”