//------------------------------// // Wonderful Toys // Story: On the Corner of Straight and Narrow // by Tatsurou //------------------------------// Sam, Max, and Trixie worked to clean up the mess around the entrance to the River Styx, trying to get access to their apartment. Because of the mess caused by the end of their last case, they hadn't been able to get in, and Trixie had slept in the Desoto's back seat. As they worked, Trixie noticed Max find something unusual. Trixie didn't recognize the nature of the toy, though it looked like it was meant to be held up to the eyes. Max, being Max, promptly held up the toy - which was leaking eldritch energy like nobody's business - to his eyes and pulled the lever on the side. A sudden vision assailed all three Freelance Police. The three of them were locked up in a pair of cages inside a spaceship of some sort. Sam and Max were in one cage held closed by bars. Trixie was in another held closed by glass that deflected her magical energy. At the helm of the ship was some sort of space gorilla. "Yes! Yes!" he was saying. "Tremble, Earthlings!" "2,046," Trixie said, rolling her eyes. "Tremble before the might of General Skun-ka'pe!" He laughed maniacally. "65,535," Trixie commented dryly. "You know, Sam," Max commented dryly, "Skunkape may be a tool, but he brings a refreshingly childlike glee to his work." "I'm surprised you aren't more upset about him locking Trixie in a magic proof cage," Sam pointed out. "She'll be out of there soon enough," Max pointed out. "You know how resourceful she is." Skunkape continued to laugh as he proceeded on his path of destruction through the city from his airship. "Witness, Sam, Max, & Trixie!" he proclaimed. "With my unstoppable Dreadnought..." "1,026," Trixie muttered. "...my shaven queen..." He gestured to girl Stinky, who was sitting on a throne nearby. "...and the power trapped in the fuzzy one and the unicorn's brains, I will destroy your pitiful planet and then dominate the entire galaxy!" "312," Trixie replied. "Wait, what?" Skunkape asked. "Oh, Trixie's just heard these cliched villain speeches so many times, she's started keeping a mental checklist of how many times she's heard specific phrases," Trixie explained. "It's kinda fun." "I refuse to believe you've faced more than 65,535 villains in your short lifetime," Skunkape growled. "746," Trixie replied. "And Trixie counts the trite sci fi and fantasy movies she's seen, since if a writer can come up with them, why should it be original when an actual villain does?" "Wha...I..." Skunkape growled. "Well...I'm going to...break your face!" "Ohohohoho!" Trixie laughed, one hoof under her chin. "...12." Roaring in fury, Skunkape turned and stomped angrily back to the controls of the ship, muttering imprecations under his breath. "Told ya Trixie could take care of herself," Max pointed out. "That was fun!" Trixie proclaimed, applauding her own performance. "You're still in that magic proof cage," Sam pointed out. After a brief flash of light, a painting of a potted plant was in the cage, while Trixie was to one side of it. "The glass door is magic proof," Trixie pointed out. "The walls weren't." "Was that the substitution spell you had Satan teach you?" Sam asked. Trixie nodded. "Trixie knew it would come in handy." Slipping over, she hopped through the bars of Sam and Max's cage. "What now?" "Could you bring me my gun?" Sam asked. Smiling, Trixie levitated the gun to Sam's hand. "Thanks, little lady," Sam replied, using the new endearment he'd started using after Trixie turned 11. He lovingly stroked his gun. "I've missed you," he whispered to it. "And this is why you don't have a girlfriend, Sam," Max pointed out. "Does that qualify as Freudian?" Trixie asked curiously. Sam quickly put the gun away. "Right. Now we're going to need to use Stinky's cell phone and Max's creepy new brain powers to get out of this cage." Smiling, Max pulled out a toy rotary telephone with a picture of Stinky's face on one of the circles. As he picked up the handset, Trixie touched it with her horn. Magical electricity shot down the length of her horn, reminiscent of when Satan had implanted the two spells into her mind. "What a rush," she muttered. "You okay, Trixie?" Sam asked. "Yeah," Trixie replied. "Not as intense as when Trixie first did it with Bliss' talismans...or when Satan put the spells in Trixie's brain." She shook her head. "But Trixie has the spell now!" Max grinned. "Wonder how many more spells your brain can hold," he questioned eagerly before using the toy to warp them behind Stinky's throne. Sam tried shooting Skunkape, but the bullet bounced off. "Well, that didn't work," Trixie grunted, rolling her eyes. "LISTEN TO THE BRAIN!" The psychic proclamation echoed through their minds. "Is this where you give us more of those magic toys so we can handle Skunkape?" Trixie asked. "Umm...yes," the psychic voice replied. "The first one is directly above your head. Let me open it for you." After a few moments, the glass display case holding a lump of rhinoplasty opened up. Seizing it with her magic, Trixie levitated it down to Max. As soon as he touched it, both of them sparkled with eldritch lightning. "So how will that help us?" Sam asked. "Well, you can use it to have Max take on a form you can hide behind while you sneak up to plant the homing beacon on Skunkape so you can seal him in the Penal Zone," the psychic voice - which came from a brain in a jar on an upper level - suggested. "Or Trixie could just use her magic to stick the beacon to his back from here," she suggested. "...well, yes, if you want to take the easy way out," the brain countered. Smirking, Trixie levitated the beacon over and stuck it to Skunkape's back without him noticing. "Now I should use the remote control to open the gate to the Penal Zone, right?" Sam said, pulling the remote control out of his coat and activating it. The gateway to the Penal Zone - a white diamond with a purple vortex within, with a trio of purple whirlpools swirling around it - opened in front of Skunkape. However, he clung to the helm to keep himself from being sucked in. He let out a laugh. "Well done you three!" he proclaimed. "But I'm far too strong to be captured again! Soon this gateway will close, and there will be nothing to stop me!" "Guess that means it's time for another toy!" Max said happily. "There's one on the other side of the ship," the brain pointed out. A glass display case opened, revealing a deck of cards. Walking over, Sam took the cards out and handed them to Max and Trixie. Magic surged through them both. "The playing cards have granted you both the power to thrust your consciousness into the fleshy minds of others and pluck out their most intimate thoughts!" the brain proclaimed. "Trixie feels dirty..." Trixie muttered before keeling over. Sam quickly caught her. "Guess three spells absorbed this way is still her limits," Sam pointed out. "Trixie's okay..." she muttered. "Tixie's just...going to lay here for a time..." Once Max made sure Trixie was comfortable, he and Sam proceeded to use the playing cards and the rhinoplasty to get up to the second floor and turn Max into a bazooka, which they used to blast Skunkape into the Penal Zone. Max lowered the toy. "Hey Sam! Trixie! This haunted toy I found just gave me an uncanny vision of our violent future!" "Why does Trixie have four new spells in her brain?" Trixie asked. "Four?" Sam and Max both asked in shock. Trixie nodded. "Phone number teleportation, image based shape shifting, telepathy, and Future Sight." "So wait, not only can you absorb spell weaves from these toys and then power them with your own magic like you did the Talismans," Max began, "but you even keep the ones you learn through a vision of the future? That's awesome!" "If this were a game, I'd say it sounded terribly broken," Sam pointed out. "That's what I said!" Max proclaimed. "Quick Trixie! Use the Future Sight to get a vision of yourself a decade in the future and absorb all the spells you know then! Then do it again to see how many more spells you know, and absorb those too!" "Something tells me that's a very bad idea," Sam muttered. Trixie scrunched up her face. "...Trixie can't look that far on her own," she replied. "Not enough magic." "How far can you look?" Sam asked. "...about four seconds." "Much less broken," Sam replied easily. "Much less awesome," Max pouted. "So what do you think the vision meant?" Trixie asked. At that moment, a dreadnought shaped like a giant black and purple gorilla head descended from the sky. "I think we're about to find out," Sam muttered.