Sam, Max, and Trixie walked jauntily out of the private hell wing, back into the main office. Satan spun in surprise, staring at Sam. "What...but...that hell was practically inescapable!"
"He doesn't know us very well, does he?" Trixie asked, blowing a bit of demon dust off her hoof and shining her visitor's pass.
Satan stared. "Oh. Some idiot gave a sacred being an all access pass." He sighed. "Management is going to have my head over this..."
"Management?" Sam asked in shock.
"Who could possibly be more evil and universally reviled than Satan?" Max demanded.
Sam's eyes suddenly widened. "Ohhhh..."
A chair slowly spun around, revealing the Soda Poppers.
"Management is especially upset about you calling me an idiot," Whizzer growled. His angry face melted into goofy when Trixie waved at him.
"So you finally figured it out," Specs bragged.
"Trixie knew all along," Trixie pointed out.
"How?" Peepers demanded.
"Whizzer had an accident on the box that shipped the Shambling Corporate Presence to Santa," she pointed out. "His scent is very distinctive."
Whizzer looked away, scratching his nose.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Sam asked.
"You didn't ask," Trixie replied. She wandered over to the kitchen area of the office while Sam questioned the Soda Poppers about their reasons and motives. It didn't really interest her. Finding nothing to eat, she snacked on the Pop Rocks Mama Bosco had given her. They were quite tasty after time travel.
When she was finished eating, she wandered back to where Sam and Max were waiting. "So...what'd Trixie miss?"
"The Soda Poppers fired Satan, and they're going to try to prove they're better at running hell than him using that plan up there," Sam explained, pointing.
Trixie glanced up at the three item list. "So...are we going with the plan of screwing up their plan?"
"Attempting to do that so far has played right into their plan," Sam pointed out.
"We could ask Satan if Trixie's plan holds merit," Trixie pointed out.
"Her plan has merit," Satan pointed out when they asked him in the alley that used to be the street above the Soul Train station, between Bosco's Inconvenience and Stinky's Diner. It had been a street until Maimtron 9000 had thrown Sybil's office into it when he'd wrecked the neighborhood back when Mr. Spatula thought he was Trixie.
"What?" Sam asked, shocked.
"Really?" Max added.
"Told you so!" Trixie gloated.
"If you can ruin their plans and make them appear ineffectual, I'll be able to stage a corporate takeover," Satan explained.
"Alright," Trixie replied. "Let's each take one of them and neutralize their attempts at corruption! I'll take Peepers. I have a plan for how to handle his attempts at 'seduction'."
Sam glanced down at her. "Do you even know what seduction is?" he asked, hoping she didn't.
"I was figuring I'd ask Mommy to handle that part," Trixie replied.
"Oh thank god," Sam and Max said together.
"I'll take Whizzer then!" Max proclaimed.
"Speaking of, why aren't you taking Whizzer, Trixie?" Sam asked. "You seem to have him wrapped around your hoof."
"At this scale, that's only going to be good for one freebie," Trixie replied. "Trixie wants to save it until we really need it."
"I guess I'll go after Specs, then," Sam replied.
The three went their separate ways.
Entering Sybil's office, Trixie found Peepers laying on the couch making doe eyes at Sybil and speaking in a voice not his own. Also, Sybil seemed to be responding to his words much more strongly than she should have been, considering his looks.
"Mommy?" Trixie asked into her VR goggles. "What's going on?"
"Data indicates the use of a high level glamour," Jane replied. "One that must be overcome to break Sybil from its spell."
"How do we do that?" Trixie asked.
"The easiest way to dispel glamour magic is to use the caster's true name," Jane replied.
"Peepers' gonna love you all night long," Peepers suddenly said in a deep voice.
"Oh...Peepers..." Sybil sighed.
"Trixie's guessing 'Peepers' isn't it, then?"
"Indubitably," Jane agreed.
"Is there anything else that'll work?" Trixie asked.
Jane calculated for a time. "Well, in theory, if you can alter something not covered by the glamour to be unspeakably distasteful, it could overwhelm the effect of the glamour on the victim."
"So...Peepers is trying to get Sybil to have sex with him, right?" Trixie asked.
"Indeed," Jane replied.
"Does he have a social network profile?" Trixie inquired.
"Indeed he does-" Jane cut off. "Trixie, even without knowing what you're talking about, you're brilliant."
Trixie smirked. "Trixie's just Great and Powerful that way."
"I am ready to project," Jane announced.
Smiling, Trixie turned to a blank section of wall. The goggles projected Peepers' Hellspace profile.
"Oh, my!" Sybil said as she looked it over. "You are impressive Peepe-" Her voice cut off as she came to an unexpected section.
My Fetishes
Within moments, Sybil was looking disgusted. Within seconds, she looked pale. After a full minute, she looked terrified. "You're a monster!" Sybil shouted, throwing things at Peepers to drive him out.
Jane ceased her projection. "We are finished here," she pointed out.
"Mommy?" Trixie asked. "What do those words mean? I've never seen them before."
"That's because I keep Safe Search on for you," Jane explained.
"Would Daddy know what they mean?"
"Likely," Jane replied. "He'd likely also be disgusted."
Back outside, Trixie met up with Sam and Max. "Mommy showed Sybil a list of fake fetishes she added to Peepers' profile!" she proclaimed.
Max grinned. "I reminded girl Stinky of Whizzer's bathroom habits, and suggested that the cider he was selling was a bit too bright of a yellow to be truly apple flavored!" he proclaimed happily.
"I put a Mimesweeper cartridge in Chippy so he could beat Specs in a music competition," Sam proclaimed.
Max and Trixie stared at him. "Philistine," Max scolded.
"Why play by the rules?" Trixie asked.
Sam sighed. "That's what I get for being the straight man."
"If you're the straight man, how come Daddy's the one with a wife and a kid?" Trixie asked.
"Wow," Satan said from nearby. "I felt that burn."
"Either way," Sam said, choosing to ignore the jibe, "we've thwarted their plans."
"Excellent!" Satan proclaimed happily. "Come with me, lads and lass. Watch Satan do what he does best!"
"I'm intrigued!" Max said eagerly.
"Boardroom negotiations and corporate power plays!"
"Trixie has lost interest."
Satan warped them all back to hell.
The group confronted the Soda Poppers in hell. "It's time to end this charade and return Hell to its rightful owner!" Satan proclaimed.
"Soda Poppers!" Specs called out. "Assume demon forms!"
The three dashed out...and then dashed back in.
"Behold, Peepers the Omniscient, he of the Death Gaze!" Peepers promptly knocked Satan backwards with eye beams.
"Oh bother," Satan growled, rubbing his chest as he rose back to his hooves.
"Behold Whizz-rael the Tormentor! It burns when I pee!" Whizzer paused. "Actually...I don't think I'm going to do that in front of Trixie."
"Behold Specs the dominator of-"
"Specs!" Whizzer called out. "You can't wear something like that in front of a minor!"
"Why not?" Specs complained. "I'm apparently the only one who put any effort into his demon form!"
"Can't...unsee..." Trixie whimpered. "Worse than...Jurgen..."
"Sam, Max, Trixie!" Specs began. "We cast you into the pit!"
"Wait, Trixie too?" Whizzer asked in shock.
"Yes! She will always be a thorn in our side if we do not dispose of her along with her family!" Specs proclaimed.
"By the power of the bell!" Peepers proclaimed ringing a bell. Runic symbols appeared around the heroic trio as demonic chanting filled the air.
"And the book!" Specs proclaimed, snapping a book shut. A glowing circle surrounded the runes.
"And the candle..." Whizzer sighed. "I wish it hadn't come to this, Trixie," he whispered, his breath blowing out the candle.
As the floor beneath them began to fade, Trixie's eyes popped open in realization. Spinning to face Satan, she pointed to Whizzer and shouted, "Verbal Contract!"
"Wait wha-"
Before Whizzer had finished speaking, Satan had grinned and snapped his fingers.
As the hole fully appeared, the Soda Poppers fell screaming into it as Sam, Max, and Trixie found themselves where the Poppers had been standing the instant before, holding the banishment tools they had used.
"What the?' Sam demanded.
"How?" Max added.
"Told you it was only good for one freebie!" Trixie proclaimed happily.
Satan smirked as the gate to the pit vanished. "Well, I must thank you all for helping me reclaim my throne. Especially you, Trixie." He chuckled. "Who would have believed a sacred being would restore the power of the Prince of Lies?"
"You can start by giving Trixie the other wishes," Trixie pointed out.
Satan blinked. "What?"
"Mommy says that the standard contract trade is one soul for one wish," Trixie pointed out. "You got all three Poppers' souls, but only granted a wish to one of them. Give Trixie the other two!"
"It's only fair," Max pointed out.
"And it would be a much easier way to express gratitude then, say, giving said sacred being a piggy back ride?" Sam offered.
Satan shuddered, imagining the agony of Trixie's sacred body burning into his back. "Volcano gods," he muttered. "Very well. I can't make it wishes since there was no actual contract signed - seriously, even the Verbal Contract was pushing it - but I can give you two spells instead...one that you want, and one that you'll need."
Trixie grinned. "Trixie always likes gaining power!"
Satan chuckled. "If you weren't sacred, you'd be an ideal contract candidate, especially for the world domination package," He cleared his throat. "First, what spell do you desire?"
"The one you used to save us!" Trixie proclaimed.
Satan snapped his fingers. "You now have mastered the instantaneous substitution spell," he explained.
Trixie staggered a bit. "Whoa..."
"And now, the spell you'll need." An orb of magic appeared between Satan's hands before being absorbed into Trixie's horn. "And that one will let you detect concentrations of high level extra-dimensional energy. It should come in handy sometime in the next few months."
Trixie promptly fell over.
"What's wrong with her?" Max demanded.
"Direct magical formula assimilation puts a strain on the brain," Satan explained. "Worry not. She just needs some rest, and maybe some healthy food."
Max gently scooped her up. "Then let's get her home," he said softly. He walked away, gently singing Trixie's favorite lullaby.
"Be seeing you, Satan!" Sam called out.
"Yes," Satan replied. "Be seeing you." As Sam left earshot, Satan whispered, "Sooner than you think." Turning, he got back to work getting hell back in order.