The second he had awoken, he found himself soaring through the sky on a golden chariot. This would of course caused him to have a surprised reaction, but as always, he didn't actually revealed that emotion. During this chariot ride, Tywin started to get a glimpse of the town known as Ponyville. And somewhere off in the distance, he could see the castle that he assumed belonged to this princess that he's going to serve.
As he stepped off the chariot, he just stood there gazing at the castle while his ride was heading back to Canterlot. When he felt that enough time was delayed already, he walked up to the door and gave it a few hard knocks. While he was waiting for the door to open, he could hear some of the ponies gossiping behind his back. But he paid no mind to any of it; at times like this, he only had this to say: "A lion doesn't concern himself with the opinions of the sheep."
At that moment the door had finally opened. But to his slight surprise, there didn't appear to be anyone there. That is until he heard some voice say, "Can I help you?" he looked down and--to an even slighter surprise--he saw what appeared to be a purple dragon standing before him!
Never thought I'd ever have to deal with dragons again. He put that thought aside as he handed the dragon the letter that Celestia had written and said, "I wish to speak with Princess Twilight Sparkle."
After the dragon finished reading the letter, he looked up at Tywin and said, "OK, just follow me." and so Tywin had found himself being led inside the castle. When he came into what he assumed to be a council chamber, the dragon said, "Twilight, there's somepony who wants to speak with ya."
And that's when he saw a little purple alicorn rise up from one of the seven thrones and greeted him. "Hello, can I help you with something?" that was when the dragon handed her the letter. After reading the whole thing, she turned back to Tywin and said, "So Celestia sent you to be my assistant?"
"In a manner of speaking," said Tywin. "Although the more appropiate term is 'Hand'."
"Well I appreciate your offer," Twilight responded. "But I already have an assistant." she pointed back to the dragon.
Tywin just glared at the dragon as he said, "Does he help you run this little village?"
"Spike? No, he mostly just sends my letters for me."
"So you are in need of my services after all."
"Well I wouldn't really say..."
"My job as your Hand is to help keep this village in order. And if..." he was stuck trying to remember the dragon's name.
So the dragon reminded him, "Spike."
"Thank you," Tywin continued. "And if Spike isn't the one helping you in more important matters such as this, then clearly you do have need of me."
"I understand where you're going with this," Twilight admitted. "But what's to be done with Spike? I don't want him to feel like he's not needed anymore."
"And he won't; which is why from this point on he'll be serving me."
"And why's that?" Spike demanded.
Tywin glared down upon him again and said, "Because with me assisting the princess, she'll have no need of you. But seeing as how I don't have an assistant of my own, you'll serve as my cupbearer. Now why don't you make yourself useful and find me a more accommodating room?"
Twilight was flummoxed at this request. "I'm sorry, but did you just asked for a room...here...in this castle?"
"Of course. As your advisor I'm required to be near you at all times; which means that I'll need a room to stay in." he then turned his gaze back to Spike. "Now are you going to find me one, or must I do it myself?"
After an awkward silence, Spike looked back to Twilight, and she in turn gave him a nod that pretty much granted him permission to do as he requested. And so taking a deep breath, the little dragon went and led Tywin to his room.
After leading Tywin throughout every part of the castle, Spike had taken him to what might've been the biggest room they had to offer. "I hope this room will prove suitable for you," said Spike.
After closely inspecting these quarters, Tywin said, "It'll do for now." and so he sat himself upon some chair, next to what would be his desk.
"So what will you be doing, exactly?" Spike asked.
Inquisitive little beast. "If you must know, I'm going to be advising this princess of yours in matters of the conditions of this village."
"So...you're helping her keep Ponyville from falling apart?"
"Precisely. How old are you?"
"Ten."
"You're awfully smart for a boy your age."
"Well Twilight did want me to be an educated assistant; since the day I was hatched, the first thing she did was put a big book in front of me and taught me how to read."
"I use to do the same thing to my own son; I would sit him down in my chambers for four hours, until he learned to read. He hated me for it at first, but when he got older he learned to appreciate it."
"You have children?"
"Aye, two sons and one daughter."
"What were they like?"
"Jaime was destined to be a knight the second he learned how to pickup and swing a sword; although he tended to be careless and let glory get in the way of his thinking, he would end up being the youngest member of the Kingsguard. His sister, Cersei, was blessed with all the qualities of a queen (even though she did have a habit of making enemies out of everyone--including her own allies.) But Tyrion..." when he got to him, he immediatley stopped.
"What about him?"
Not wanting to tell the little dragon of his demise, he decided to end their conversation in a subtle approach. "Fetch me some water--you're not my cupbearer for nothing." without even bothering to object, Spike just turned away and left Tywin with his thoughts. I should've drowned that little imp.
...
After hours of arranging his room to his liking, he soon heard Twilight come in and say, "Hey Tywin, are you hungry?"
"It has been awhile since I last ate."
"I'll take that as a yes, so come on."
"And just where are we going?"
"To Suagrcube Corner; you'll never find a much better place to eat than there."
"With all do respect Princess, I'm more content to just eat here."
"Aren't you suppose to serve me?"
"Yes."
"And does that mean you have to do everything I tell you?"
"Technically yes."
"In that case, I order you to come to Sugarcube Corner."
Spike let out a giggle as he said, "She sure told you." but he immediatley stopped the second Tywin's cold stare had stabbed him.
When they left the castle, the three of them had then walked right into the door of this Sugarcube Corner place. When they did enter, everything was dark at first. But then the lights were suddenly back on and Tywin found himself being ambushed by a "SURPRISE!"
He looked around and saw that he was surrounded by the whole town. Then out of nowhere, some pink pony comes up to him and says, "Hey there, I'm Pinkie Pie! I threw you this surprise, welcome to Ponyville party because Twilight told us that she was having this new guy living with her! And whenever somepony new comes here, I just have to throw them a party! Because I just like to make new friends! Do you like making new friends! Huh?! Huh?! Huh?! Here, have a cupcake!" she then stuffed a chocolate cupcake right in his mouth.
As he was swallowing the sweet pastry, he looked as if he was eating something that tasted sour. Twilight then said to him, "You'll have to excuse Pinkie Pie; she tends to get excited when she meets somepony new."
"I see," said Tywin. "I'm guessing she's your fool?"
"Well, she can be a bit foolish, but she's still a good friend. Speaking of which, you've got to meet my other friends."
And so he was led to a table where there sat four ponies: one was a pegasus with yellow fur and pink hair, the other pegasus had blue fur and rainbow hair, amongst them was an earth pony with orange fur and yellow hair, and the last was a unicorn with white fur and purple hair. Twilight was the first to start the introduction. "Everypony, this is Tywin Lannister; he's my new advisor."
"Well howdy there Mr. Tywin," the orange pony greeted him while rapidly shaking his hand. "My name's Applejack, and if you're ever hankerin' fer an apple, you just come on over ta Sweet Apple Acres."
As he was trying to recover his hand from that aching handshake, he was bumped by the shoulder by the blue pegasus. "Hey there oldtimer, name's Rainbow Dash: fastest flyer in Equestria, and future Wonderbolt. What do you go by?"
"If you must know, my titles range from Lord of Casterly Rock, Warden of the West, and the Shield of Lannisport."
"Shield, huh?" said Rainbow Dash. "In that case, let's see you shield this!" she then splattered a piece of cake all over his face! As she was dropping on the ground laughing, Tywin just stared down at her with that resentful gaze of his.
The white unicorn used some kind of magic to lift a napkin and wipe the mess off his face. "Sorry about that, darling; Rainbow Dash can be quite crude sometimes. My name is Rarity, and I must say that that's a lovely suit you have on."
"It's the finest in all the Westerlands."
"Well, seeing as how I'm very generous, I can be more than happy to make you some new threads."
"So you're Princess Twilight's tailor?"
"Well I don't just make clothes for Twilight, I make them for everypony. Also, I prefer the term 'fashion designer', if you don't mind."
After that brief introduction, he turned his attention to the yellow pegasus. She trembled a little as she said meekly, "Um, hi...I-i'm Fluttershy." but when she laid eyes upon that glare of his, all that came out of her mouth was a timid squeak.
Tywin had suddenly felt an excruciating ringing in his ears when Pinkie had blown a noisemaker right in front of him. The look on his face--which would strike fear in most people--caused her and Rainbow Dash to laugh. When Pinkie noticed that his expression hasn't changed, she said to him, "Aw come on, Tywee, don't be all pouty!"
"First off, my name is Tywin--Lord Tywin to you. And second, don't you ever blow that atrocius horn near my ears again!"
"Oh lighten up oldtimer," said Rainbow Dash. "It was just a joke."
"You both seem to enjoy jokes, don't you?" they both nodded in agreement. "I knew a person who also liked jokes. His name was Ser Ilyn Payne; he was a captain of my personal guard. And one time, he made a little joke about the king. And you know what the king did when he heard the joke?"
"He gave him apple cider?" Rainbow guessed.
"He threw him a party?" Pinkie guessed.
"No, he had his tongue ripped off with hot pinchers." their looks of glee soon turned to dread after hearing that bit of information. "If I were you two, I'd be careful who I joke about. It would be a real shame if you weren't able to laugh--or speak for that matter."
After an uncomfortable silence, Spike was the first to say something. "So this Ilyn guy never got to speak again?"
"Exactly," said Tywin. "It might seem unfortunate for most, but for him it made his duties as the King's Justice much more effective."
"What does the King's Justice do?"
"He executes those who are deemed unloyal to the crown."
Rainbow Dash muttered to the others, "This guy's a real buzzkill."
Twilight immediatley tried to lighten things up. "OK, well why don't we discuss something more...pleasant? Like, uh...have you ever gone to pick flowers before?"
"Does the idea of executing someone frighten you, Princess?"
"Let's not discuss..."
"When somebody in this village goes out of line, don't you ever pass judgement upon them?"
"It's just that..."
"When you do have someone executed, do you have Spike do it for you, or do you prefer the Northern way and just do it yourself?"
Rainbow Dash then blurted out, "Sweet Celestia, lighten up! Don't you ever think of something more cheerful? In fact can you even laugh--or smile for that matter?"
"I stopped smiling when the gods took away the one person I cared the most, and I just don't approve of laughter."
"Oh come on, how can laughter be in anyway bad?" asked Pinkie.
"It can make you look weak," Tywin explained. "And when you're Lord of Casterly Rock, you can't afford to look weak in front of your own vassals."
"Ooo, I feel a story coming on!" she then grabbed herself a tub of popcorn as she, the ponies, and Spike listened to Tywin's story.
...
Ever since I was born, I'd always hear the sound of laughter. When I'm in the feast hall, the courtyard, or even the armory, I can always hear that dreaded sound. And all of this was the result of the actions of my father, Tytos Lannister. Although he was the Lord of Casterly Rock and Warden of the West, my father was an incredibly weak man and was an absolute disgrace to the Lannister name. He was known by many to be eager to please, and slow to anger; one quality that many remember of him is that he has a tendency for laughing over anything. And it was that one quality that would make him the laughing stock in all the Westerlands--if not in all the Seven Kingdoms.
These weaknesses of his would cause the near downfall of our house; his own bannermen would never bother to repay their loans, purposely disobey his orders, and would even go so far as to openly mock him at court. And as these bannermen kept taking advantage over their own liege lord, what did my father do? Just laugh of course; his weak authority over his vassals would eventually earn him the name: The Laughing Lion. And at that point, all of Westeros started to no longer see the Lion of Lannister as a creature that should be respected and feared (even the smallfolk weren't afraid of it).
And throughout these dark times, I'd said nothing to my father about these matters. Although I was more qualified to be rulling the West, I was still just a boy at the time (and it wasn't within the son's power to question the authority of his father). But one night, during a big feast, my father had decided to make a special announcement to all the lords.
"Attention everyone, I have an important announcement to make."
Someone amongst the crowd had shouted, "Did you finally grow a cock?" everyone laughed--but not as much as my father.
After getting that out of his system, he continued with his big announcement. "As we all know, alliances is what makes us strong."
Walderran Tarbeck commented, "So does borrowing gold from you." he and his wife, Ellyn Reyne, snickered at that little jape.
"As you all might've known, Walder Frey has been making some insulting comments towards our house." everyone's been making insulting comments towards our house! "He says that the Lion of Lannister is toothless, and has no claws. It then occured to me that this house needs more allies. Which is why I've decided to form one with House Frey."
Before he could say anything else, Roger Reyne asked, "All right Tytos, what is it that you're planning this time?"
"I'm planning on wedding Genna Lannister to Emmon Frey!"
When that anouncement was made, Ellyn Reyne was bursting with laughter, while Roger Reyne had just left in anger. "I swear, could he be anymore foolish?!"
The second I heard that comment, I realized that I must talk some sense into my father. So I rosed up and shouted, "Have you completely lost your senses, father?! Since when does the lion concern himself with the opinions of the sheep?!"
Upon my outburst, Walderran Tarbeck told my father, "It seems that your son has more balls than you, Tytos. Since you have no problem giving away your gold, why don't you give him your title while you're at it?" everyone was laughing at this point--except my father, for once.
After the feast, I was in my chambers with my brothers: Kevan, Tygett, and Gerion (and my sister Genna, of course). Gerion was just full of giggling when he said, "Did you see the look on father's face when you called him out? I swear, I've never seen him not smile before."
"Yes, you did upset father pretty badily, Tywin." my brother, Tygett said.
"You think I would just let father continue to make a fool of himself?" I said, "Someone has to tell him that he's wrong."
"I don't disagree, Tywin," my other brother, Kevan said, "Father's been needing to hear those kind of words for a long time; if only it had been before everyone started taking advantage of him."
"I just wish that it had happened before father decided to marry me off without my consent," Genna voiced her complaint. "Not that I'm ungrateful for what you did just now, Tywin."
"I just felt like giving our father a piece of my mind," I stated. "With that aside, even I would never allow you to wed a thin runt like Emmon Frey."
"You mean everything they say about him is true?!" my sister choked with fear.
"That's right Genna," Gerion chuckled. "You're going to be the happy wife of a scarecrow that has twigs for bones!"
"I wouldn't worry too much about our dear sister's marriage," Tygett dismissed Gerion's jape. "I for one would hate to imagine the punishment that father's going to give you, Tywin."
"Don't be ridiculous, Tygett. If father's too weak to punish his own bannermen, what makes you think that he'll punish his own son?"
That's when the maester came in and said, "Tywin, your father wishes to speak with you."
When I entered his chambers, he looked at me with that rare disappointed expression on his face. "Tywin, what you did tonight was uncalled for."
"No, what's uncalled for is you wedding a lion of this house to a Frey."
"We need allies, and in order to gain allies, you must wed some members of your house."
"It's an uneven match and you know it!"
"Tywin, please don't raise your voice; you know I don't like that."
"Please?! You're Lord of Casterly Rock and Wardern of the West, and you have to ask your own son please?! Do you say please when you give your bannermen orders?! Do you say please when you ask someone to repay their loans to you? When Walder Frey was insulting you, did you ask him to please stop?!"
"I know that you might not agree with me sometimes, but I'm still your father. And as your father you're in no position to be objecting me. Which is why you need to learn how to respect your superiors. I've taken this into a lot of thought; I've decided that the best thing for you is to be sent to King's Landing as a cupbearer."
"Fine, send me to King's Landing. Send me to Dorne. Send me all the way to the Wall for all I care; it won't change the fact that people will continue laughing at our name."
"Tywin, when I die, you will become Lord of Casterly Rock and can do just as you please. But until then, you will do as I say. Now get some sleep, you'll be riding to King's Landing first thing in the morning."
...
"Wait, wait, wait," Spike interrupted, "You mean that all these people just insult your father, and he does nothing about it?"
"I know," said Tywin, "It's rather ironic really: he's never embarrassed when his own vassals mock him, but he does get embarrass when his own son points out when they are mocking him."
Pinkie then said, "Yeah, but that shouldn't be a reason to hate laughter. Laughter is something that should be enjoyed by everypony. I should know, because I represent Laughter."
"Then tell me this," Tywin asked, "If you were to one day make yourself look foolish in front everyone, and have no intention of making them laugh, would you like it if they were all laughing at you?"
"Well, I wouldn't think it's a nice thing."
Now isn't that an understatement? "And if you were to allow everyone to laugh at you everytime they see you, would you enjoy that?"
"I guess not."
"You either do or you don't."
"Well...I guess if it makes everypony happy."
"You're sounding just like my father; he wanted everyone to be happy, and look where that got him."
Twilight then said, "So...I take it you never laugh?"
Tywin looked at her with that cold stare and said, "When you're in my position Princess, you can never allow yourself to appear weak. As a ruler you would be wise to know that." and so with all that said, they ended the party and they all went back to the castle after that.