//------------------------------// // Episode Seven: Baby Cakes // Story: My Little Brony: Mateship is Magic // by Rainy Meadows //------------------------------// MY LITTLE BRONY: MATESHIP IS MAGIC My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic rule 63 edition EPISODE SEVEN: BABY CAKES Developed by Rainy Meadows Cover image by Trotsworth   CHARACTERS: Dusk Shine: Prides himself on being the star student of Lord Solaris – an antisocial who is uneasy about meeting new ponies. Applejack: Belongs to an extensive family of apple farmers, and is strong and reliable in a bad situation. Speaks with a thick Southern American accent. Rainbow Blitz: An athletic weather pony who idolizes the Wonderbolts and is renowned for boasting and bragging about his achievements. Elusive: Speaks with a heavy Mid-Atlantic accent – very critical when it comes to details and fussy about his appearance. Butterscotch: An extremely shy and easy-to-scare pony who enjoys anything to do with animals, but is not as antisocial as Dusk Shine. His voice is very quiet. Bubble Berry: Quite possibly the happiest, most energetic, most RANDOM pony in the whole of Equestria – obsessed with parties and finds it impossible to be quiet. Lesser characters: Mr Cake: Co-proprietor of Sugarcube Corner Mrs Cake: Co-proprietor of Sugarcube Corner Angel Cake: One of the Cake twins – a baby pegasus Marble Cake: One of the Cake twins – a baby unicorn Nurse Redhoof: A male nurse working at Ponyville Hospital.   Ponyville Hospital: the mane 6 are looking through a viewing window into a nursery, chattering excitedly. Applejack: Can you believe the new baby’s finally here? Dusk Shine: Coffee Cake and Cream Cake must be so proud! Elusive: I wonder if it’s a filly or a colt. Bubble Berry: (pressing his face onto the glass) I wanna see the new baby pony! I wanna see! Which one is it?! Mrs Cake (looking exhausted) is standing looking proudly over one of the cots. Mrs Cake: Meet our daughter, Angel Cake. (reveals the sleeping baby pegasus) Angel Cake: *yawn* AJ/Dusk/Elusive/Berry/Butterscotch/Elusive/Rainbow Blitz: Awww. Mrs Cake: (turns around and reveals a baby unicorn) And our son, Marble Cake! AJ/Dusk/Elusive/Berry/Butterscotch/Elusive/Blitz: Huh? Berry: TWO new foals for me to play with? *gasp* That’s two, two, two times the fun! This is the greatest day ever! (appears in the nursery with a party hat, horn in his mouth and cake in one hoof) You need to celebrate your birthday, babies! ‘Coz you were just born today! Woo hoo! Nurse Redhoof: (whispered) SHHH! The babies are trying to sleep. Berry: But I was just- Redhoof: Shhh. Berry: But- Redhoof: Shhh! Berry pauses for a moment and then continues his celebration unabated. Berry: (whispered singing, pointing to the snoozing twins) Happy, happy birthday to you and you today- Redhoof appears again, frowning his face off, and Berry is dumped unceremoniously in the observation room. AJ: Now how in thunderation is one of them twins a pegasus and the other one a unicorn? Mrs Cake: Easy! My great, great, great, great grandmother was a unicorn, and Coffee Cake’s great uncle’s second cousin twice removed was a pegasus. (shifty eyes) And that makes sense, right? Blitz: Awww yeah! Just you wait: once little Angel Cake there gets her wings going (zooms around) she’ll be outta control! Dusk: And I’d be careful around Marble Cake if I were you. Elusive: Baby unicorns get weird magic surges that randomly come and go. Berry: (coming up between the twins with a cake – whispers) Quick! Make a wish and blow out your candles, which is easy, ‘coz there are zero candles! You are zero years old after all! Redhoof: Shhh! Berry, in surprise, accidently slams the cake into his face, and grins nervously at the annoyed Redhoof through a beard of frosting. (theme song) Sugarcube Corner: Mr and Mrs Cake are going about their business as usual while Angel and Marble play with their toys. Both are wearing party hats. Berry bursts through the door from the kitchen, carrying a cake with a large number 1 on it, which he drops between the twins. Berry: (singing) Happy Monthiversery (puts kazoos in the twins’ mouths) to you and you today! (fast) I can’t believe you’re already a month old time sure flies doesn’t it well it seems like only yesterday you were born! (pops out of the tiny cake) But now you’re a month old today, hey! Angel Cake/Marble Cake: (blow on their kazoos) They leap onto Berry’s mane and tail and bowl him over, knocking him onto his back, and all three of them giggle happily. Mrs Cake pauses and smiles appreciatively. Berry: (getting up) Are you ready for your favouritest game in the whole wide world? (goes into the kitchen and hides behind the door) Where’s Bubble Berry? (opens the door) Here I am! (repeats the action) Where’s Bubble Berry? Here I am! Where’s Bubble Berry? Here I am! Angel/Marble: (giggling) Berry: Here I am! Here I am! (leaps out of the kitchen) Here I am! (blows a raspberry at the laughing twins) Mr Cake: (looking over the door) Everything okay in there? Who needs a diaper change? Berry: Not to worry, they’re a-okay! (picks up Angel and sniffs her clearly noxious diaper) Eugh! I mean, er- Mrs Cake: Oh, I got it. She goes through the process of changing the twins’ diapers: they lie there giggling, fresh as daisies, while she washes her hooves. Mrs Cake: Now, who’s hungry? Berry: Ah, no thanks. I just had a big breakfast. Mr Cake: (balancing two bottles on a tray on his tail) I’m on it. He flicks the bottles into the waiting hooves of the twins – they drain them while Berry checks his watch impatiently. When they finally finish, they sit and make weird faces and noises. Berry: Ooh, ooh, are you making silly faces? I have one: (crosses his eyes and lolls his tongue around) Bleeggh- Mrs Cake: Aheh, no Berry, see; the babies need to be burped. She picks up the twins and pats them on the back until they both belch before setting them both on the ground once more. Berry: That it? We ready to play again? He runs (excitedly as usual) back out of the kitchen and Angel and Marble to go follow him. Angel trips and lands in a pile of toy blocks, which she then starts thumping enthusiastically. Mrs Cake stops her. Mrs Cake: Ah-ah-ah, we don’t pound things, Angel. Marble sits down and starts sucking noisily on a tube of baby powder, which Mr Cake promptly removes. Mr Cake: No, no, we don’t chew on things, Marble. Berry: Except food, but that goes without saying- Mr Cake: (shocked) Food? Oh shiitake mushrooms, I completely forgot! Berry: Oh no, you just fed them with their bottles, remember? Mr Cake: Not the baby’s food! Mrs Cake: *gasp* The food for the enormously big catering order we had to deliver today! Mr Cake: (despair event horizon) And with the new twins, we’ve been so distracted! Mrs Cake: (putting the babies into harnesses on her back) C’mon, sweetie, we need to find a babysitter. They start to leave. Berry: Ooh, ooh, I’ll do it! I wanna do it! The babies love playing with me, I’ll do it! He runs after the Cakes and through Ponyville. Mr Cake: Wonder who would be available on such short notice... Berry: (bouncing) Me! Me! Pick me! The Cakes go to Butterscotch’s cottage – Butterscotch is standing at the door. Butterscotch: Oh, I would love to babysit! (The Cakes look relieved) But I can’t today, sorry (and now disappointed). I promised Angela we’d go on a picnic. He indicates Angela, who is watching the scene frowning and tapping her foot impatiently. The Cakes turn and walk away from the cottage. Butterscotch: (as they leave) You-you understand, right? You aren’t mad at me, are you? Pleasedon’tbemadatme! Berry: (appears cradling Angela like a baby) I’ll do it! Pick me! The Cakes then go to the library, where they look disappointed as Dusk shakes his head. Dusk: Sorry, but I have to finish my report to Lord Solaris summarising all my other reports to Lord Solaris. He indicates Spines, who is balanced on one foot with a piece of parchment in each claw, another clenched in her other foot, and two more in her mouth and impaled on a spike on top of her head. The Cakes depart. Berry: (cradling a book wearing a diaper) I wanna babysit! Pick me! The Cakes then try AJ, but their faces fall as he bucks an apple tree and puts a stray apple in the bushel provided. AJ: Babysit now? When there’s a swarm a’ hungry caterpillars headin’ this way? Ah gotta get all these apples picked before they get swarmed. (He pulls an apple out of reach of a hungry caterpillar that was about to chomp on it) Berry: (cradling a bundle of apples as the Cakes leave) Ooh, ooh, I wanna do it! Next, Blitz is shown sitting on a cloud, shaking his head at the Cakes. Blitz: I just snagged tickets to the Wonderbolt’s air show this afternoon. See ya later! (flies away) Berry: (playing with a cloud in a diaper) Ask me! (singsong) Me meme me mememe meme me! He drops the cloud, which dissipates and leaves an empty diaper on the floor – Berry looks around to make sure nopony saw before resuming his following of the Cakes, who then try Elusive. Elusive: (in the doorway of Carousel Boutique) Moi, babysit? Oh, nonononononono! The Cakes leave. Elusive: I’m honoured that you would consider me though. The Cakes appear to be out of breath when Berry pops into view, grinning enthusiastically. Mrs Cake: *sigh* Bubble Berry, would you like to babysit for us? Berry: *excited gasp* (suddenly looks indifferent) I dunno, I’m gonna have to check my schedule. Later: Mr and Mrs Cake run around frantically trying to put together the order while Berry watches inquisitively. The twins sit at his side. Mrs Cake pauses. Mrs Cake: (nervously trotting up and down on the spot) Now Berry, are you sure you really understand the responsibility of watching over two babies? Berry: Sure I can be responsible! In fact, responsibility is my middle name. Bubble Responsibility Berry! Mr Cake: But this time you have to take care of them, not just play with them. You have to be responsible! Berry: Yes, I know. I will. I am! The oven goes “ding” and Mr Cake wheels out a massive, multi-tiered cake. He rolls out a long list. Mr Cake: Here you are, son. (the list unfurls) All of your responsibilities are on this list. Berry: (examines the list) Wow! That’s a lot of- (salutes) consider it done. Mrs Cake: (about the giant cake) We’ll frost it when we get there! C’mon, sweetie, tick tock! Mr Cake: (being pushed out the door by Berry) Take care of our two little ginger snaps! Berry: Easy-peasy cider squeezy, Mr and Mrs Cake! Everything is under control. Once Mr and Mrs Cake are gone, Berry turns to the twins with an excitable smile, which fades when the babies start crying their eyes out. Berry: (to the reader) Yep, I’m bucked. (commercial) Angel and Marble continue to bawl deafeningly, while Berry’s face is one of either desperation, uncertainty or outright terror. Berry: (trying to smile – and failing) Oh, don’t cry little friends! Look, watch this! (hides behind the doors again) Where’s Bubble Berry? (uncertain) Where’s Bubble Berry? Angel/Marble: (crying) Berry: (re-emerging) No, no, I’m right here! See? Right here? Angel and Marble keep crying, so Berry tries making faces and funny noises at them, but they still don’t stop. Berry: (to himself) Um, okay, okay, just think. Think! (thinks for a moment) Aha! The babies are set at a table in a dimmed room. Berry: Hey, check this out! He enters onto a stage in front of a curtain with a spotlight shining on him, while applause smatters in the background (HOW?!) and starts talking into a mop as if it were a microphone. Berry: Hi there! Wow, you’re an awesome crowd tonight, where’re y’all from? (he offers the mop handle to Marble, who makes as if to bite it, but Berry pulls it away) Well, that’s cool. Y’know, I used to have an ant farm, but I had to get rid of it ‘coz... I couldn’t find tractors that small! (badum-tish) Geddit? Tractors that small? He grins expectantly (like a moray eel) but all that happens in that somepony coughs in the background. Berry: The other day, I spilt spot remover on my dog... and now I can’t find him! He dashes over to a drum set and makes the “badum-tish” but Angel and Marble burst into tears again. Berry: Gee, tough crowd. (back on stage) Tell me about it. (to the twins) Fair enough. I wasn’t gonna pull off a showstopper, but you’re an awesome audience and you totally deserve it! (when he comes back on stage he is wearing a fake pig’s snout and starts singing and dancing) First you jiggle your tail (oink oink oink) then you wriggle your snout (oink oink oink) then you wiggle your rump (oink oink oink) then shout it out (oink oink oink)! Angel and Marble’s faces quite clearly say “What the hell is he doing?” and after a couple more rounds of the Piggy Dance they start crying again and Berry looks worried. So worried in fact that he loses his concentration and crashes into a closet, and knocks a bag of flour off and onto his head, turning him white. Angel/Marble: (giggles) Berry: There. See? (wipes his brow) Nothing to this babysitting business! (collapses from exhaustion) Later: Berry is examining the list, which is now pinned to a wall in the kitchen. Berry: Snack time! That’s easy enough. The babies are seated in their high chairs: Angel is banging her hooves, and Marble is sucking on his hoof. Berry places a bowl of food in front of each of them. Berry: Okie-dokie-lokie, eat up! (when the babies do nothing, he picks up one of the bowls) Like this! He mimes eating, complete with sound effects, and then puts the bowl back. Marble makes as if to chow down, but reaches past the bowl (knocking it off), grabs the nearby tablecloth and starts sucking on it. Berry: No Marble, we eat food, not tablecloths. He pulls the tablecloth out of Marble’s mouth, and the little unicorn promptly starts crying. Angel bangs so hard that she sends her bowl flying into the air, and when it lands on her head she starts crying as well when it falls off. Desperate, Berry grabs another bag of flour. Berry: Hey, hey, look at me! (upends the flour bag over his head) *sneeze* Angel/Marble: (giggles) Berry: (flatly) Yeah, I can totally see where this is headed. Later: Berry has run a bath for the twins, but before he can get started they run around evasively, giggling. Marble grabs a towel and starts sucking on it. Berry: (pulling it away) Towels aren’t food, Marble! The babies run around, clutching the towel between them, and Berry does his best to chase them down. Berry: Drop it... Drop it... (stops running) DROP IT! He looks around for the twins, and finds them hiding in the medicine cabinet above the sink. When he opens it they dash out again, and hide behind the shower curtain. Berry finds them and plops them into the bathtub, where they immediately start crying. Again. Berry: Oh, er, look guys! Bubbles! He throws some bubbles into the air and the twins instantly stop crying, and seem to be enjoying themselves. Berry makes himself a beard out of foam, but when a bubble pops on Marble’s horn the babies start crying again. Berry looks desperate (again) so he plops a toy boat into the bath. Berry: Um, don’t cry, don’t cry! Look, look, floaty things! Ooh, ah! The babies seem satisfied with the floaty thing, so Berry piles in more and more, increasing in size and culminating in an inflatable dinghy, complete with oars. This upsets the babies so much that they cry harder than ever before, and the floaty things explode into the air and out of sight. In Angel’s thrashing, she breaks the tap and Berry is blasted out the door and returns, drenched, with a flour sack. Berry: Please don’t make me do this. You know what happens when you mix flour with water, don’t you? Angel and Marble pause, but resume crying, so Berry upends the flour sack over his head and ends up covered in off-white goo. Needless to say, the babies find it hilarious, while Berry is less than impressed as the stuff slides onto the floor with audible, disgusting plops. Later: Berry is reading over the list again when noxious fumes reach his nostrils, and he gasps and shoves a hoof into his muzzle. He looks over at Angel and Marble, who seem undeterred in their playing, despite the terrible smell. Berry: (nasally) Smells like somepony needs me to changey-wangey their diaper-wiper right now-a-wow! He grabs a couple of fresh diapers and sneaks up on the unsuspecting twins. Berry: Easy, easy... The twins giggle and zoom away when they see him, but he corners them behind a cabinet, and after a scuffle they wind up bare-bottomed, while Berry is wearing one diaper and has another on his head. The twins laugh and run away again. Berry: You gotta be kidding me! (bell rings downstairs) Oh, thank goodness they’re back! He runs downstairs and finds Dusk waiting at the door. Dusk: Hey Berry! I finished up the work I had to do, so I thought I’d stop by and see if you needed some extra hooves. Berry: (drags Dusk inside and detaches a diaper) Thank you thank you THANK you! I can’t even begin to tell you what my day’s been like. I mean, these babies just won’t listen to reason, and don’t even get me started on their taste in stand up comedy! (badum-tish) Dusk: It’s okay, Berry. I kinda figured you would need some help. That’s why I stopped by. Berry: (indignantly) Excuse me?! Dusk: (telekinetically tidying up some mess) Babies take a lot of work, and some ponies just aren’t cut out for handling the responsibility. Berry: IS THAT SO? (pushes Dusk out the door) Well, thank you for the concern, Dusk, but I don’t have time for a visit right now. I’m very busy with my RESPONSIBILITIES, thank you very much! Dusk: I’m happy to help! It’s no trouble- (Berry slams the door in his face). Berry: Huh! He thinks I can’t handle things by myself! (pulls the diaper off his head) Maybe because I haven’t handled things by myself. (pause) Well, I CAN handle things by myself! He goes upstairs to where Angel is jumping on her crib and giggling, while Marble is chewing on a rubber chicken and giggling. Berry gallops over to Angel first. Berry: Angel Cake! (she stops jumping) This is a crib! It is only to be used for napping, sleeping, and on occasion with permission, as a pretend old-timey Western fort. It is NOT a trampoline so stop your jumping right now, missy! (to Marble) And YOU, young colt! We do not put anything in our mouths that we cannot safely and properly digest, so stop slobbering on that toy RIGHT now! Marble promptly spits the rubber chicken onto the floor, and Berry drops him into the crib next to Angel. Berry: Now, we’ve all had a very exhausting afternoon, and it’s time for all the good little foals to take their nap, so FALL ASLEEP! They do; the twins leap onto their backs, eyes closed, and start snoring. Berry pulls a blanket over them both and kisses their foreheads. Berry: Sleep tight. He pulls up the bars of the crib and puts the rubber chicken back in the closet. Berry: (leaving) Now that’s what I call handling things. He turns around and reaches up to close the door, but a glance at the crib reveals that the babies are gone, and he gasps in horror. (commercial) Berry stares in horror at the empty crib. Berry: Oh nononono nono. This is not good. Not good! (re-enters the room) Angel? Marble? Where are you? He hears a squeaking noise coming from the closet, and investigation reveals that Marble is sitting in there, chewing on the rubber chicken. Berry: What the... (picks up Marble and puts him in the crib). You be a good little boy now, Marble-warble and stay right here for your pal Berry-Werry! He leaves the room, rather nervously, as Marble continuously squeaks on the rubber chicken. Berry glances back several times with a rather suspicious expression (making sure Marble stays there) and enters the corridor outside. Berry: Angel? (clicks his tongue) Here Angel? The drapes on a nearby window blow in the breeze, even though the window is closed. Angel’s laughter is heard echoing around, giving the place a very spooky vibe. Marble keeps squeaking on the rubber chicken, but the squeaking becomes lower pitched and sinister, and even sounds like it’s saying “Berry”. When Berry re-enters the twin’s room, the laughter loses its echo. Berry looks up, and sees Angel giggling and standing on the ceiling, flapping her wings. Berry: How did- You can fly?! Angel: (giggles) Berry: (jumping up and trying to reach Angel) Get – down – here – this – instant – young – filly! (lands and catches his breath) I’m responsible for you! He acquires a set of suction boots from... somewhere, and uses them to walk onto the ceiling and grab Angel’s tail so he can pull her back down to earth, but just as he returns with her Marble is reaching for his toys, but decides to levitate them over instead. He slips one into his mouth and starts sucking on it. Berry gapes at the sight and Angel falls out, only to start flying again. Marble: Nyam nyam nyam. Berry: No no no, Marble! (takes the toy away – Marble just sucks on another one) Marble: Nyam nyam. Berry: No no! (takes the second toy away, but Marble catches a third) Marble: Nyam. Berry: No! (picks up all the toys) I’m the responsible one (puts the toys in their box) and I said no! He locks the box very thoroughly with an arrangement of locks and heavy chains, but when he turns around Angel is still flying around. Angel: Wheeee! Berry: That goes for you too, Angel! (jumps up and catches her) Gotcha! I think... AAH! The still-flying Angel drags Berry down the stairs, his muzzle hitting every single step, and drags him into the kitchen where he crashes into a series of fruit pies, each one getting his face muckier and muckier. When his head and shoulders are covered in purple sludge, he licks it off his face with one clean sweep. Berry: Mmm. Razzleberry! Angel drags him back and forth through the flapping doors, punctuating his every syllable: Berry: I’m! Not! Let! Ting! Go! I’m! Res! Pon! Si! Ble! Angel pulls him back up the stairs, and again his face hits every last step, and then his tail catches on the door handle of the twin’s room and pulls it shut. Angel hovers above Marble, who levitates himself into the air much to Berry’s dismay. Berry: Not you too! Angel and Marble zoom around the room together before Berry slams a playpen over their heads and secures it to the floor with masking tape. Berry: HA! Now who’s the responsible one? Marble’s horn glows, as does part of the playpen, and he steps out to freedom to Berry’s bemusement and apparent horror, then starts running around giggling. Angel buzzes into the air, pushing the playpen up until the masking tape breaks, and then she flies around joyfully. As Berry grows increasingly frantic, Marble magically breaks the lock on the box of toys and levitates them out, letting them fall in a pile on top of him, and popping out with a plushie turtle in his mouth which he starts chewing on. Berry watches the unfolding scene with horror, and ultimately bursts into tears. When Angel and Marble see what they have done, they walk over to the stricken Berry – Marble levitating a flour sack over his head – and drop it over their heads, turning them completely white. Berry laughs and wipes his eyes. Berry: Heh, you’re right. That IS funny. Later: Angel and Marble are snoozing peacefully in one of the cribs, and Berry leaves the room, knowing for sure that they won’t get up to any more antics. Berry: (voiceover) Dear Lord Solaris... I’ve always had fun playing with little kids, and I thought babysitting just meant more playtime, right? (He enters the messed up kitchen, and his face falls when he sees the splattered food everywhere) Wrong! Being a caregiver is WAY more responsibility than just being a playmate. (When Berry has cleaned up one highchair, he wipes his forehead with relief, only to see that the other one is still filthy – Mr and Mrs Cake are seen approaching outside) And today I learned that sometimes our desire for responsibility can outweigh our actual ability to handle it. The bell rings and Mrs Cake enters nervously. Mrs Cake: Bubble Berry, we’re home! Mr Cake: (nervous) How did everything go? Both: *gasp* The shop is absolutely spotless, with no evidence whatsoever of the events that transpired in their absence. Mrs Cake: Are we in the right place? Berry: Ssh! He indicates upstairs, where Angel and Marble are still peacefully sleeping, and all three older ponies look in on them. Mr Cake: Berry, this is just... just... Mrs Cake: Amazing is what it is! (they turn away from the twins) If we had known just how responsible you really were... Would you be interesting in becoming our go-to babysitter on a permanent basis? Berry: (surprised) Um, er, lemme check my schedule. I should be available a week from (throws the schedule away) never! Angel/Marble: *contented sigh* Berry looks in. Angel: Bubble... Marble: Berry... Berry looks back at the Cakes with watering eyes. Berry: *sigh* I have some free time next Tuesday.