“Come on everypony! Buy one get one free, tell your friends.” the heavy stallion bellowed from the front of his store, a throng of ponies gathered around his tables of fresh vegetables to pick their orders. “First autumn squashes, right here everypony. Fresh from my wife's garden. Gonna go fast, get 'em while you can!” Most were clamoring for his attention, hoping to haggle an even better deal out of the salespony. It's no wonder he didn't see the little orange colt creeping to the front of the pack.
The young pony glanced around, breathing heavy for a minute before the salespony turned his head away. The colt darted forward, snatched a single pumpkin from the table and started to run. A stallion turned to a customer and saw the boy's cropped, blue tail waving away with the orange gourd bouncing on his back.
The salespony's eyes widened “Hey! Somepony stop that thievin' colt!” He started to give chase, but the mass of ponies in front of his stall blocked him. He rose up on his backlegs to see the little pony scamper down an alley between a pair of houses. “Somepony help!”
The colt turned to look behind him and saw nothing but empty alleyway behind him. He grinned to himself, breathing relief, and turned his view back to the front. He caught sight of something tall wearing a pointed hat before he ran headlong into. The colt let out a grunt of surprise as he bounced back, the pumpkin launching off his back and into the air.
The gourd sailed up, hung a moment, and neatly dropped into Raj's outstretched hand. He inspected it for a moment and flicked his eyes down to the prone pony. He said “Bad luck kid.” and reached down to the colt. He cried out and tried to scrabble away but Raj grabbed him by the scruff of the neck and lifted him straight up.
The little pony squirmed and wriggled “Put me down! Let me go!”
“Nope.” Raj replied nonchalantly and started back to the market, the squirming thief held at arm's length.
The heavy salespony met him halfway, huffing and out of breath “That... colt...”
“Stole this? Yeah I figured.” He handed the small pumpkin back to the stallion. “Any idea who this belongs to?” He held up the pouting child.
The salespony narrowed his eyes “That's First Base, Davenport's boy! You were always such a good kid First, who put you up to this?”
The colt looked down and covered his face with his hooves. Raj pulled him back and tucked him under an arm “Alright, I'll see he gets back there. Davenport's the owner of Quills & Sofas, right?”
“Yeah, lives in the loft over it too.”
“You wanna press charges?” Raj asked.
He looked at the cowering pony held loosely under Raj's arm and shook his head “Nah, I got my pumpkin back. No harm done.”
“Alright.” He looked down at the foal under his arm. “Now, you wanna apologize to Mr. Squash, or do I need to tell your Dad you refused to?” First Base looked down more and closed his eyes, muttering something that could have been an apology. “Good enough. As you were Mr. Squash.”
He nodded “Thank you for the help Captain Rajrishi.”
Raj adjusted his peaked cap. “Just doing my job sir.” he spun on a heel and walked off, delinquent foal tucked under his arm.
* * *
“...and after that I pretty much just patrolled around all day before coming here.” Raj finished his story and set down his mug of coffee.
“Wowie, First Base did that? That's a big surprise. He's never done anything like that!” said Pinkie from across the table.
Raj shrugged “Meh, he's a kid. Kid's do stupid stuff. It's not indicative of who he's gonna be the rest of his life.”
“Pinkie! We have a line!” shouted Carrot Cake from behind the counter.
“Oopsgottarunbye!” Pinkie quickly jabbered and zipped back to her post, hoofing over confections and receiving bits in short order.
Raj adjusted his new jacket some and leaned back, enjoying the general atmosphere of Sugarcube Corner. The ponies that came in either gave him brief nods of acknowledgment or didn't notice him at all, both of which were perfectly fine to him.
Within a few minutes the line of customers was handled and Pinkie appeared in front of him again. “Sorry about that. Mrs. Cake is sick upstairs and we're a little short-hoofed.”
“Not a problem Pinkie, I'm in no rush.” He took a drag of his drink and smiled “You Cakes sure know how to make a good cup of coffee though.”
Pinkie giggled “Hee, you're just saying that cause it's free.”
“Free helps.” he replied before draining his cup.
The bell above the door jingled. Raj’s eyes flicked over and saw a yellow pegasus wrapped in a shawl followed by, inexplicably enough, a flying tortoise held aloft by a whirring propeller.
“Hey! Hey Fluttershy! Over here!” Pinkie hopped up and down, waving a hoof at the yellow pony. Fluttershy looked around like there was a chance someone else was being called to. She pointed a hoof at her chest and mouthed "Me?" before Pinkie's eager nods brought her over to the table.
“Hello Pinkie.” she said quietly. “Hi Rajrishi. It's been a while.”
“Yeah, it has. Hi Fluttershy. Um, before we go any further. Everyone else sees the flying turtle, right? Like, that's not just me?”
Pinkie's eyes narrowed for a second and then she snorted “Um, what turtle Raj?”
Fluttershy let out a startled yelp as Pinkie elbowed her in the ribs. “Oh! I, uh, I don't see a turtle either... Rajrishi.”
His eye twitched “Dammit, what's in this stuff?” He looked into his mug “I should really stop accepting free drinks from ponies. It never ends well.”
Pinkie held her composure for all of fifteen seconds before letting out a loud snort that transitioned into a mad giggle. “Hee hee, of course he's there! That's Tank, Dashie's pet!” She reached up and pulled the reptile down to the table where he defensively drew into his shell, as such creatures are wont to do. “And he's a tortoise, not a turtle.” Pinkie somehow smiled wider and leaned against Fluttershy “Thanks for playing along on such short notice Flutters, I couldn't resist a setup like that.”
Fluttershy chuckled with her friend “Not a problem Pinkie. It was pretty funny.”
“You know I'm a cop now. I can arrest you both. I don't even need probable cause.”
Both mares snickered at his threat, enjoying the little play at his expense. Fluttershy continued “But, um, yes. This is Tank the Tortoise. I'm taking care of him while Rainbow Dash is away for more weather training. So...” she looked him up and down “How's our new Captain doing?”
“Pretty well. Luna beat me up and gave me a job. Kinda weird way to do things, but it works for me.”
“Doesn't he look swanky? I mean, check out these thingies on his shoulders!” She batted at his dangling silver epaulets. She rose up from the other side of the table, somehow wearing his cap “And this hat! It just screams 'Stop criminal scum! I'm Captain Rajamathong, and I'm gonna punch your butts! Grrr!” Pinkie's imitation melted and she burst into helpless laughter.
Raj plucked his cap off her poofy mane and set it back on the table. “Butt punching aside, it's been going pretty well so far. I actually caught a criminal earlier today. Caught him in the act committing grand theft gourd. He even got grounded for it. Justice.” he gave a quick pump of his arm.
“Sorry our little village isn't more exciting for you Rajrishi.” Fluttershy's eyes bugged a bit and she fell into a fit of coughing. “Blegh.” Her shoulders slumped, and she wavered a tad.
Pinkie cocked her head “You okay Fluttershy? You don't sound good.”
“No, I'm fine.” She shook her head and smiled “Well, I will be. It's just a bug. I think it's going around town. I had my weekly spa date with Rarity today, but she canceled at the last minute. I guess she's sick too.”
“Weird. Pinkie told me that Mrs. Cake is sick as well.”
Fluttershy shrugged “Well, it's a small town. If enough of us get sick, we all get sick. It happens.”
“Well, I know just what'll fix you up.” Pinkie squeaked as she trotted over to a display rack. “A few of Mrs. Cake's Super-Duper Lemon Spritz Muffins. With extra Vitamin C!” she pulled the case open to find the rack barren aside from a few errant crumbs. To her credit, her smile only faltered the smallest bit “As soon as I make some more. Be right back!” Pinkie zipped away into the kitchen.
The last customer from the recent surge trotted out the door. Mr. Cake followed after and flipped the sign in the window to closed. He turned to the two of them at them at the table “Sorry everypony, we're closing early. Please make your final purchases.”
“Oh, oh my.” Fluttershy trotted over to the displays, just then remembering that she came into the store to buy a few things.
Raj stood up “Sorry to hear that Mr. Cake. Pinkie not as much of a help as you'd figured?”
“Far from it. Pinkie's an angel. But Cup's sick and-” he barked a few coughs into his hoof “-and I'm coming down with it too, I can't keep up. I haven't checked on her or the twins in hours!”
“Alright, can I get one to go then?” He held up his empty mug and shook it. The tall pony nodded and moved to the machine.
Raj had been waiting only a few seconds when he heard a great thump come from the second floor. His eyes flicked up, and a moment later another thump sounded through the building. The second one was enough to draw the attention of Fluttershy and Mr. Cake. The third hit hard enough to shake the lights hanging from the ceiling.
Evenly, Raj asked “Carrot, what's up there?”
“Our bedroom. Cup!” he trotted over to the stairs, letting the coffee flow onto the tile “Cup! Dumpling! Are you okay?” He started towards the stairs at a brisk pace.
Raj warily followed at a slight distance. He heard another thump and a moment later, a blue mare crash into the wall of the stairway hard enough to bow the siding.
“Cup!” shouted Carrot Cake, breaking into a sprint towards his wife.
“Help me! I can't-” She tried to stand up but her legs sprung up powerfully and she knocked against the ceiling. She landed on the floor, strangely jointed legs coiling tight, and bounded forward, taking a header down the staircase.
To his credit, Mr. Cake tried to catch his wife, but the wiry pony was not able to arrest his portly wife's momentum and she just bowled him over, continuing her suicide dive down the steps.
Thankfully, Rajrishi was made of sterner stuff. He braced himself fully and took the hit, knocking the air out of his lungs and tilting him off the step. He teetered backwards and fell down in a tangle of limbs, striking his head on the hardwood floor with a loud crack.
Cup struggled and writhed, weirdly angled rear legs kicking and coiling randomly. Her eyes were glazed over with fever and nonsense sputtered from her mouth. He clutched her tightly, keeping her from springing all over the shop. Carrot called out his wife's name in an effort to drive sense into her. “Cup! Cup Cake! Get a hold of yourself!” An unlucky flail struck Raj in the groin. He made an un-manly sound and his grip loosened.
Cup Cake stood up, showing off her reverse-jointed hindlegs for everyone to see and drew in a deep breath. She started to say something but it was lost when her face went blank and a loud croak sounded from deep inside her, her throat bulging out enough the pliable surface pressed against Raj's face.
Everyone in the shop was understandably caught off guard, including Cup Cake who simply stood on Raj's chest with a blank look on her face. After a moment her eyes rolled up into her head and she pitched to the side, very, very unconscious.
Carrot Cake went to his wife, crying and checking her state. Fluttershy flew over to Raj's side, fear in her voice “Rajrishi!”
Raj sat up sharply. “We need to get to the library.”
* * *
“It's called Froggy Flu,” explained Twilight “and it's supposed to have been eradicated.”
“Well, it's not.” complained Raj from his seat across the table, a bag of frozen peas pressed against the back of his head and another between his legs. “Cup Cake has it. She really, really has it.”
“That didn't make sense.” said Spike.
“I will punch you in the forehead Spike. I am not in the mood.”
“But he's right Rajrishi, it doesn't make sense. Froggy Flu was wiped out more than a century ago. The last reported case was a single earth pony in Hoofburg one-hundred-and-one years ago. Since then, nothing. Heck, most communities stopped immunizing against it a long time ago.”
“Well, I don't know. Someone licked a toad and it came back. Argue about it all you want, it's here, and it's turning people into reptiles.”
“Amphibians.”
“I swear to god Spike! Forehead!”
“Well, I've never heard of it. What does the Froggy Flu do to ponies?” asked Fluttershy.
“Glad you asked Fluttershy. Ahem,” Twilight cleared her throat and floated over a large tome. “Anura Influenza is a virus of the aethyric genus of unknown origin that afflicts any and all hoofed mammal species. Posited origins include creation by the Dark Warlock Mehoophsto, generation by the Rakshasa Maharajas from far off Quay, a by-product of Ogime the Frog Queen's ire, or, as some scholars believe, a result of a failed-”
“Twilight, relevance.” Raj interrupted.
“Oh, um, right. Of course, I'll just skip ahead a bit...” She flipped past a dozen or so pages “Ah, here we are. Vectors: Froggy Flu is spread via bodily fluid transmission and airborne vectors, making it one of the most communicable illnesses in Equestrian history. Symptoms: The Froggy Flu presents with fever, chills, dry mouth, and ache in the extremities and neck. These symptoms eventually include mutation of the legs into a spring-like structure designed for leaping and squatting and the generation of a 'croaking sac' in the neck that generates a throaty chirp intermittently. As most creatures do not have experience managing their new limbs, they are unable to control themselves and are likely to injure themselves and others with uncontrolled, powerful leaps. Some patients have also presented a growth to their tongue and the spontaneous desire to feed on insects.” Twilight's brow furrowed and she shuddered “Ewww.”
“Okay, well... that's absolutely terrifying in a hundred different ways.” huffed Rajrishi
“Does it go away on it's own Twilight? Do we just need to wait it out?”
She poked deeper into the book and her face went grim “No, it doesn't. Unless cured, the changes Froggy Flu renders to it's subject are permanent.” She floated the book around to show a picture of an old, haggard pony with distended legs. Underneath, it stated that he had been infected seventy years prior to the photo. “But there is good new, there is a cure.”
“Oh thank god. What is it? Antibiotics? Green Tea?”
“A shiatsu massage?” offered Spike.
“Yeah, a shiatsu massage. Will that do it? I have no idea how magic works.”
“No, no, it's nothing that easy.” Twilight sighed and lifted over a map and unfurled it across the table. “The cure is a paste made of goldenrod, arrowroot, and an herb called troll's beard.” Twilight frowned “Troll's beard is the problem. It's incredibly rare, some ponies think it's actually extinct.”
Spike's eyes shot wide “So, we're all going to be frogs and there's nothing anypony can do about it?” he clutched at his frills and grimaced.
“No, there is something that can be done. Troll's beard is supposed to grow here.” she tapped a hoof on the map, far away from Ponyville.
Fluttershy examined the map closely and her eyes widened “Twilight, that's on the edge of Equestria.”
“I know. It's really, really far.”
Raj came up to look it over “Is there a train that goes there?”
“No. The nearest tracks miss it by a hundred miles.”
Raj shrugged “Better than nothing. I can walk a hundred miles in a few days, search around the woods to find this beard stuff, and bring enough back for the whole town.”
“Well, you'd only need to bring a sample back. If I have a fresh piece I can synthesize more with some spells I know.”
“I'll get as much as I can anyway. If I come back and you think you're a frog, I'll need to cure as many ponies as I can.”
“Point.” Twilight conceded.
“Wait, you're going, just like that?” Fluttershy asked, voice thick with worry.
Raj stepped back a bit “Well, yeah. I am. I'm the only one in town who can't have the damn flu. Anyone else comes with, best case scenario, they frog out halfway there and are useless. Worst case, they cause a pandemic across Equestria and a bunch of ponies could die.”
“B-but it's so far, you'll be all alone! And there could be monsters and-”
“Don't worry about him Fluttershy. I'll be there to keep him safe.” Spike proudly pointed a thumb at his chest.
“No you won't Spike.” said Twilight flatly.
The little dragon deflated “But... why not?”
“Your the only lifeline to the Princess we have. If things get bad here, I'll need you to contact the Princesses. They might be able to figure something out if the plan doesn't work.”
“Oh... okay. That makes sense.” Spike said sadly.
“Hey, you've got the harder job little guy. I just have to find a plant. You have a town of ponies to look after. I mean, look outside.” Raj pulled the curtain from the window to show the street outside. Out there, half a dozen or so ponies had their back legs twisted into hopping legs and they were bouncing around listlessly in a fevered fugue, croaking all the while. As they watched, a grey pegasus with a blonde main croaked and lashed out a long tongue to snatch up a mosquito. The instant she realized what she had done she started vomiting in the street. Raj's eyes widened “Holy crap...”
Spike smiled “Eh, I can handle it. I'll just herd 'em all in the town hall. I'll get Owlowiscious to help. Tank too, he's pretty dependable.” Spike looked up at the aerial tortoise lazily drifting around the room.
“See, already coming up with plans.” He turned back to Fluttershy “So... yes. In answer to your question, I am going by myself.”
Fluttershy started panting hard with concern, her wings flapping absently. Suddenly, she went still “Wait, there is somepony you can take with you!”
Raj cocked an eyebrow “Okay, who?”
Fluttershy staggered over to the table and flipped open a record book “I learned this back when I looking into a few illnesses my animal friends contracted. A little town outside Ponyville had a mayor a long time ago that put a lot of work into making sure all the town's children were vaccinated against every disease they could. He was kicked out of office because he emptied the budget, but a whole generation of children were immunized against Froggy Flu.”
“What? Let me see that.” Twilight scooted in to see the book and scanned it quickly “She's right. Shale Sediment, Mayor of Flint Hamlet seventeen years ago.”
Raj widened his eyes in surprise “Okay, that's awesome. Go Fluttershy knowing random stuff. So is there anyone in town who's from there?”
Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak but all that came out was a loud croak and her throat bulged out. Her face went blank and she mumbled “That was... disorienting...” and she flopped over onto a cushion.
Both Raj and Twilight stared at her for a moment before Raj repeated “So is there anyone in town who's from there?”
Twilight scanned the page “Gimme one second...”
A bit of movement caught his eye and he looked outside. He saw that the frog-ponies had been arranged into a rough circle and standing in between them was a fluffy haired, pink mare that was trying to entice them to croak in unison with each other. Faintly, he could hear her crying out “And a-one, and a-two, and a-croak!” only one of the frog-ponies met her rhythm and she belted out “It's okay froggies, you'll get it. One more time, from the top!”
“Here it is,” Twilight said as she found the name “Pinkie-”
“-Pie.” Raj finished. “Of course it's Pinkie Pie.”
Spike looked up at him “What's wrong. I thought you like Pinkie Pie?”
“There's a difference between liking someone and wanting to go with them on a long distance road trip that has real consequences.” He wiped his face with a hand “This is gonna suck.”