//------------------------------//
// Back to the future. 
// Story: Paradoxical 
// by Smaug the Golden 
//------------------------------//

	“This was genius of you two,” Arcane commented. The three of us sat at the edge of Pegasopolis, which lacked guardrails. “Just brilliant. Sure. Walk into the most heavily guarded city in all of the Pegasus Empire. Say, Ace, couldn’t you release us?” 
The pegasus shook his head. “Sorry, but orders are orders.”
“But we’re friends,” Riptide whined. “What about all the time we shared?”
“You mean the five minutes that you spent blabbing to me?”
“Well I thought it was magical,” Riptide muttered under his breath. 
“Too bad. You were wrong.” Ace began pushing us forward to the edge of the city. Arcane looked like he wanted to slug someone, probably Riptide or me, but lacked the means to do it. The pegasus kept pushing us towards the edge of the city, closer and closer towards the edge. 
Then we got pushed off. 
It’s a weird sensation, falling towards your death. It’s somewhat comparable to having your eternal soul devoured by a demon. Everything is tingly and rushing past you. In this case, the sky. In previous cases, it was your memories. Don’t worry, I had gotten them back. I just wish the sock puppet hadn’t been so grudging about it. I might have been able to get some more answers out of him. 
As we fell, Riptide looked over his hooves. “Hm, got to get that filed.”
Arcane glared at him as we fell towards the ground, which got closer and closer with every passing second. “Could you actually do something, you freaking kelpie?”
Riptide glanced at him and nodded. Immediately, a shimmering bubble surrounded us. Our speed slowed, and we descended far more gracefully. “There. I slowed down time. We’ll still hit the ground with bone shattering impact, it will just take a good deal longer.” Arcane looked at him as if he was insane. 
“You idiot, we’re still going to die, aren’t we?”
“You might. As you have already told me, you speak with me in the future, and therefore I cannot die without creating a logical paradox. As such, I am immune to any and all deaths until--.” He glanced at his hoof, then frowned. “Huh. Apparently I’m wanted at a party. Toodles.” With that, he vanished. And reappeared ten seconds later. A cake was clutched in his hooves.
“Well, that was infuriating. I was unable to reach my party, and now I’m back here…” He did a double take, and then started screaming. “Do something! Teleport, time travel, explode, just don’t let us die!” 
“Why?” I couldn’t fathom what was up with him.
“Because I just spoke with you guys. In the future! I can die now! Fix it! Can you guys teleport?”
I nodded. “Without a doubt.” I flared my horn and the three of us materialized on the ground below. “Well, that was easy.” Arcane’s right eye, as usual, was twitching like crazy. He held out a hoof and made strangling gestures. I shrugged and walked a few steps forward as I took in the surroundings. There was a lot of snow.
Riptide glanced upwards. “So, where are we?”
“I’m not sure. Somewhere below Pegasopolis, I’m assuming. Then again, I suck at geography, so who knows?”
Riptide nodded. “Fair enough. So, what’s happening now? Do we head towards the nearest settlement? Do we go back to your time? I’m open to suggestions.”
“I don’t know. Maybe we should go get help? Stop Adagio in some way? Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is the correct timeline, right?”
"Yes. Anything that has happened will have happened, and we cannot change what has already happened. Therefore, as long as Adagio isn’t ruling in your time period, she hasn’t succeeded.”  
That was comforting. “So, let’s just head back to our time period and get help. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?” 
“Well, I would have to have a sworn deal with you that you wouldn’t take off after I give you the spell. I can’t just let you guys have the spell for forward time travel for free. That would ruin the kelpie economy and all that.” 
“Boys.” The voice made the three of us jump. Celestia stood behind us, her expression one of utmost anger. The alicorn was dressed in battle gear which covered her chest and hooves. Arcane’s grey face went white in three seconds, all color draining to his feet. Riptide panicked, turned around, tried to slither away, but got caught by Celestia’s telekinesis. 
I decided to be diplomatic. “Hey… Mom. How’s it going? Glad to see you’re here to help. We’ve got a killer kelpie on the loose, a war on our hands and our way of getting home relies on that kelpie over there.” I pointed at Riptide. “So, could you-”
“Starswirl!” Celestia screamed in anger, her mane actually turning into a blaze of fire. Stupid special effects. “How dare you time travel without telling me! Didn’t I strictly forbid you from time traveling! Do you ever listen? You are so stubborn, bull-headed, idiotic…” She continued to list the reasons for my idiocy in so many different ways that I do not care to repeat. Although they were creative. 
After the Princess of the Sun stopped raging at me and started panting Arcane decided to try his luck. “Um, Celestia, if it’s alright with you, could you help us? We’ve got a war on our hands and all that.” 
Celestia glared at me some more, but then decided to let it slide for the time being. She stood up. “Alright. I’ll put my anger at you two-” Riptide waved his hoof, probably out of reflex, and Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Make that three. I’ll put it on hold until after we’ve sorted out the problems you three have caused in the cosmos.”
Riptide, who had managed to get behind Equestria’s ruler, tapped her on a shoulder. “Pardon me madam, but there are currently not any actual problems with the cosmos. You see, according to the basic rules of the universe, anything that will happen will have already happened in the current timestream, which means that as long as you are in charge in your current time period, then everything turns out alright in the end. As such, you’re doing just fine. Something will happen to defeat my bloodthirsty cousin, and we’ll all be fine.
“As such, we need only return to the correct time period and go about our lives like normal. To do otherwise would be folly. Besides, do you want to get into a war with anyone right now? The pegasi are marching on the unicorns, and unless you want to get slaughtered, I recommend you head back to your time period.”
The moment he mentioned war, I knew he had said the wrong thing. Celestia’s mane burst into flames, Riptide blanched, and then the three of us were pulled away by a massive burst of magic. 

We materialized in the midst of Midnight Castle, Celestia’s mane spinning like a whirlwind. Unicorns stepped away from us, some of them tripping over their legs or tails in attempts to get away from what they must have thought to be demons, gods or something deadly. 
Queen Brass, unlike most of her subjects, managed to keep her cool. The unicorn glanced the four of us up and down. “So, Starswirl, care to explain why you brought a member of the forgotten gods into my castle?”
Celestia shook her head. “I’m far from that. Regardless, prepare your defenses. The Junta is marching onto your castle, most likely led by a member of the fae. There’s several thousand coming to destroy you.”
Brass frowned. “What makes you think that it was fae?”
"The fact that I found another one hiding out in Terra. She was influencing Chancellor Puddinghead. I took the liberty of depositing the siren in your dungeon while I was at it.”
Brass’s expression became sick. “Why come to me?” 
“The pegasi are coming to destroy you. It’s better to have all your enemies in the same location. There’s most likely a third siren hiding out somewhere in your castle. That, and I believe that Starswirl and Arcane have been on your payroll for the past three or so years. You’re far more likely to listen to someone who knows a friend of yours”
Brass nodded. “He’s served my family well for the past few years. But why come after him now? And is that another siren!?” She had just noticed Riptide, who had slithered off to grab something, and had come back with the grey dragon talon from earlier. 
The kelpie glared at her. “Your majesty, I am a kelpie. Sirens are always female, and I am a distant relative to the siren. For your insolence and insulting manner, and I am keeping this claw.” He stuffed it into some unknown bag and then turned to Celestia. “Aria’s truly pissed at you, your majesty. I haven’t seen her this angry since the time I took her to the dawn of time.”
“You’ve been to the dawn of time?” I had to hear what it was like. And, once he told me how old the world was, I would be able to see if for myself. “How many years ago was that?”
“Eh. I don’t really remember. The giant parasprite stole the show.” 
“Gentlemen,” Brass said, “can we please discuss the start of this universe until after we handle the impending destruction of my kingdom?”
Arcane frowned. “So, we’re just going to fight to the death?”
Riptide patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry. Pretty much everyone in this time was a complete jerk. It’s not the biggest loss in the world. After al-” He was cut off by Brass shoving a sword made of blue metal through his head. He head reformed almost instantly, but he was wise enough not to continue with his sentence. 
Celestia shook her head. “Arcane, fear not. The four of us will go after Adagio and stop her from continuing the fight.” Brass raised a hoof, but Celestia shook her head. “No. You’ll have to lead your soldiers and avoid as many casualties as possible.” 
It took me a moment, but I finally realized what was off. “What about the third siren?” 
“We’ll have to draw her out. Hopefully she won’t be as smart as her counterpart. Took me three leaps into history to actually catch her.” 
“Aria? Smart?” Riptide rubbed his chin with a hoof. “Are we thinking about the same siren?” Celestia opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by a horn sounding a little ways off. “Dangit. Adagio’s here. Well, let’s go kill my cousin.” 
“Unfortunately, even that won’t be possible.” Riptide and I each raised an eye in unison. “She shows up some more in the timeline. That, and sirens aren’t killable. That last one managed to survive the sun’s wrath. So, unless you happen to know the secret to killing these things, we’re banishing it.” 
“I really don’t know how to kill them. Labbu blood makes everything short of locking them inside a black hole or slamming them into the skull of a very dense individual useless. Arcane, even Starswirl isn’t dense enough.” My friend frowned, but then raised his hoof. “No, even Riptide won’t work. Now, let’s go and stop the pegasi.”

The pegasus army was, simply put, gigantic. They stretched from edge of the horizon to the other, chest deep in the snow, and they were dressed in an assortment of different armor sets. The impression I got from them was like a whole lot of angry rabbits wearing armor. Not sure why, but all the rabbits I had met had been out for blood.
Hurricane stood by the front of the army, her characteristic armor covering her chest. A flag was planted in the ground next to her, where a few of the pegasi I had seen in the war council stood. Adagio was dressed in a set of green armor that had designs similar to fish fins on it, and a sword was strapped to her side. Pansy and Ace stood nearby, both of their expressions one of loathing towards the siren. 
I was pulled out of my musing by Riptide. “Starswirl, not all of us have binoculars.” I sighed and passed them to him. He held them to his face and gazed out over the army. “Fascinating. You mean to tell me that Adagio arranged all this?” He finished his examination of the army and passed the binoculars to Arcane, who took them grudgingly. He took his turn looking at Hurricane’s forces. 
“So, we’re going up against that?” 
Celestia nodded. “Correct. We’re stopping that mad siren before she gets whatever she was after. Starswirl, are you prepared to banish her if need be?” I swallowed the lump in my throat, but I nodded. “Good, because you may very well have to.” 
I noticed Hurricane moving towards Adagio, who she spoke with for a few moments. It was far off, and a bit blurry, but Adagio handed something to the pegasus. My eyes widened, and I teleported towards the pegasi leaders. Celestia, realizing moments before I did it what I would do, cursed and grabbed onto my leg. Riptide grinned, grabbed Celestia’s leg and Arcane’s face, and the four of us were pulled along by my idiocy. 
We appeared in the midst of Hurricane and her generals. The smart ones fled immediately, rushing to their respective battalions. That left Adagio, Pansy, Ace, Hurricane and one pegasus I didn’t recognize versus the four time travelers. Great odds. Celestia’s magic had melted a ring of snow around us, leaving dead grass to be covered by the snow once again.
Hurricane’s expression was irritated and she lowered the horn she had been holding. “Ah. You’re the ones Pansy mentioned. So, which one of you is the demon and which two are the time travelers?” 
“Why does that come up so often?” Riptide grumbled. “Although, fair enough. I’m what you called the demon and they’re the time travelers. We’re here to tell you not to declare war and all that.”
Hurricane set down the horn. “Why should I stop? I’d like to hear this.” 
“Because your flag bearer is hellbent on getting you killed.” Celestia used a wing to gesture at Adagio, whose face paled. Adagio glanced between Celestia and Hurricane, trying to gauge their expressions. Hurricane’s was one of mild interest, and Celestia’s was downright furious. “She’s a siren, and she was working with two others of her kind in an attempt to destroy you and the other two tribes.”
Hurricane turned her gaze to Adagio, who was sweating like nobody’s business. “Is it true?” Adagio said nothing. Hurricane turned back to face Celestia. “And can you prove your claims?”
“I suppose we could drag her to the dungeon in Midnight Castle. The other siren down there should recognize her.” 
“I’m not walking into anybody’s castle when I have an army camped on their doorstep. Rule number two of war.” I opened my mouth to ask a question, but the pegasus answered me before I could speak. “Rule one is never get caught in a land war in Haysia.” 
Celestia nodded to Hurricane’s general. “What if I did a swap? I’ll stay here with your soldiers while you and Adagio accompany these three into the dungeon. I give you my word that I won’t pull any funny business while with your troops.”
The pegasus in gold armor tapped Hurricane on the shoulder. “Hurricane, if I may speak, I think that this might be worth investigating. The other option is us declaring war on both the unicorns and the earth ponies with the possibility of not knowing all the facts.”
Hurricane frowned. “Very well. I’ll see if what you say is true. However, if I do not return, Sentinel will have orders to attack.” 
Celestia nodded to Arcane, Riptide and I. “You three. Go prove your point. Oh, and Starswirl, if you don’t come back… Just remember that we’ve got an army on the doorstep, okay?”
Ten minutes later, I was walking through a warzone towards Midnight Castle.
I shivered as Hurricane and Adagio followed me into Midnight Castle. Brass had been less than happy about having a pegasus inside her castle, but when I told her that it could stop the battle, she grudgingly agreed. She also put cuffs and weights on Adagio and Hurricane, so there was that. 
The dungeon itself hadn’t changed all that much. The only difference, to my knowledge, was the lack of dragon claw and the fact that there was a seven foot siren sitting in a prison cell. She was purple with aquamarine highlights, and her expression was surly. 
The siren barely raised her head off the floor to look at us. “Well? Another round of tormentors? What do you want this time?”
Hurricane pushed Adagio forward. “Do you know this pegasus?” 
Adagio’s face had drops of sweat sliding down it, but Hurricane didn’t seem to notice. The siren narrowed her eyes. After what felt like an eternity, she shook her head. “Nope. Never seen her in my life.” Adagio’s face split into a grin as Hurricane turned to glare at us. 
Then, out of the blue, the solution to our problem came up. “Adagio! Aria! I’ve missed you two!” Twilight, the blue unicorn I had met a day ago, came rushing down the stairs. “Sis, how have you been? I’ve been doing great work over here. Ponies are so easy to corrupt. I mean, did you know that it takes about three seconds to get the queen here to listen to you?” 
Hurricane’s jaw dropped. Adagio’s expression went from triumphant to one of utmost loathing. Riptide fainted. Twilight took one look at us and frowned. “What did I say?”
“Sonata!” Adagio’s scream went on for about five minutes. Then Hurricane grabbed the siren and dragged her back to her armies location. I followed, dragging a kelpie of my own. Arcane hit Aria on the head and joined the train. Twilight, or Sonata I supposed, just followed us. 
We dragged the three sirens past Queen Brass, who grinned. “You find the three of them?” 
“Why do you think we’re dragging a trio of dangerous beings?” Arcane snapped. “I try to avoid dragging things on a regular basis.” Brass grinned as we dragged the trio out of the castle to Hurricane’s army. When we arrived, we woke the sirens up with a spell.
Adagio cursed at us, but Celestia’s expression was somewhere between smug and satisfied. The alicorn nodded to me, and I lit my horn. A portal to who-knew-where opened up and I gestured with a hoof to the sirens. “Enjoy.” 
Adagio scowled. “This isn’t over, you realize.” 
I shrugged. “Eh. Given the fact that I’ve shoved over ten thousand different dangerous beings into this dimension, it’s safe to assume that you won’t find a way back.” Celestia raised an eyebrow at my comment, but I mouthed the words ‘not now’ at her, and she held her tongue. “So enjoy the dimension.” Sonata and Aria slithered into it, but I ended up having to push Adagio in. 
After I closed the portal, Hurricane gave me a small smile. “Pegasopolis thanks you for your aid.”
“No problem. Happy to save the world and all that.”
“Fair warning for you: I’m not done with the unicorns. I may leave for today, but that doesn’t mean we’re at peace.”
I smiled, knowing full well that she knew nothing of my favorite holiday. “No biggie. It’ll sort itself out in the end.” The pegasus raised an eyebrow, but she signaled for her armies to move out. The pegasi began their long march away. 
After they left, I went to Riptide, who was sitting on a snow bank. “Can I have that forward time travel spell now? We did defeat Adagio and all that.” 
Riptide shrugged. “Sure. I just… well, I figured that the snow would disappear once you took down my cousin.” 
I laughed. “Don’t worry. That’ll be in a year or two.” 
“Hm. Well, have fun back home. Oh, and do me a favor.” He whispered his tips into my ear. I felt a smile spreading across my face as he spoke. 
“You want me to do all that? Why not just come back and do it yourself?”
“Starswirl, time just doesn’t mean all that much to me. I could no more tell you what century my next excursion is than destroy the world. I just go with the flow.”
“Fair enough.” I left the kelpie sitting on the snow bank as he watched the Junta march away. I would miss him.
I rejoined Celestia and Arcane. “Ready to go?” Celestia asked us.
"Couldn't we stay a bit longer?"
She shook her head. "You've meddled enough with this time period. You know the story. You're not in it." 
"Fair enough." I sighed as we were sucked forward in time. 

We rematerialized inside my room in Canterlot Castle. Not much had changed. Everything was exactly as we had left it. I went to the window and saw a massive flash of red and green light come from Arcane’s house on the edge of town. So that’s when we were.
Celestia had vanished as well, leaving the two time travel spells with me. Arcane grinned. “Never again. Never again, Starswirl. Next time, let’s just discover the underlying principles of the universe or something. Okay?” 
I nodded. “Sure. But where did Celestia go…” 
“Who cares? I’m just happy to be home.” 
Ten seconds later, Celestia barged into my room. “Starswirl! Why did I just see a light coming from Arcane’s house?”
I smiled sheepishly. “We kinda went back in time for a few years.” Her eye twitched a bit like Arcane’s. I walked over to her and handed her the spells. “Now, you need to go back in time and stop a homicidal group of sirens from destroying the universe. Ciao.” With that, I left the princess standing stunned in my laboratory.