//------------------------------//
// Stupid is as Stupid Does 
// Story: I Don't Think I'm Supposed to be Here 
// by Architect Ironturtle 
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I stood and stretched, carefully working out the kinks that came from sleeping on uneven bedding. I yawned, and abruptly realized my mouth tasted like the inside of a garbage can, something I only knew thanks to a lost bet with my best friend Will (I wonder how he's doing?). That needed to be fixed, like right now. I put some thought into it for a few moments before deciding to gargle a fireball as Lina. It left behind a burnt aftertaste, but at least my teeth were clean. I was just wondering what I was going to do today when a frustrated scream echoed into my little cave. Stepping up to the entrance, where I could see what was going on without making my presence obvious, I saw-####!!!! 

I slammed my back against the wall to my right and activated Permanent Invisibility. The Princesses were right outside! And... flying in circles around the clearing, since the cliffs had receded quite a bit overnight and I was no longer living in a canyon. Actually, upon closer inspection it became clear that only Celestia was circling the tree, moving her head and eyes in a scanning pattern while Luna gestured violently at the tree directly below me. Celestia tried to look in my direction, but her eyes seem to slide right over me like water on a greasy hand and focus on the treeline instead.  Luna facehoofed, and flew down to the tree while I crouched lower, leaving her sister hovering in confusion. I didn't know whether Luna had truesight or not, and I didn't feel like finding out.

"Sister?" Shouted Celestia, spinning in a circle in midair, "Where did you go? You disappeared!"

"I'm down here, Tia!" Luna shouted back, "I told thee, the tree is right here! Why canst thou see it?"

"I don't know!" Celestia yelled, continuing to look around in a worried manner. "I can't even tell where your voice is coming from!"

Luna grumbled something I didn't catch, then spoke up again, "The Elements are here, sister, but he stuck them back in their slots on the tree!"

Celestia froze mid-flap, then let out a rather nasty sounding expletive as she struggled to regain altitude. "Are you certain, Luna?"

"How could I not be, I am staring at them right now!"

"Can you retrieve them? We still need them for Twilight. And to keep Discord in check." Now that was an interesting tidbit. Was Celestia really saying she'd planned out the ascension this far in advance?

"I'll try, Sister." Luna fell silent for a bit, and since she was out of my field of view I couldn't see what she was doing. Then a ripple passed through the air, followed by a shock-wave that knocked me off my feet. Judging from the surprised yell that was rapidly fading into the distance, Luna hadn't been so lucky.

"Sister!" Celestia took off towards the rapidly shrinking speck that was probably Princess Luna, and I took the opportunity to seal the entrance to my cave, grab my Ancient fragments and sneak away in the other direction. Celestia and Luna were powerful, probably strong enough to give me a fair fight if they got the chance. I don't like fair fights, not when its for real.

At least that debacle had confirmed my theory. The Elements were permanently out of the ponies reach, which meant they could never be used on me again. This completely screwed with the show's timeline, but it was worth it to never end up like Discord. Talk about a fate worse than death. I idly wondered why Luna hadn't mentioned the chunks of Radiant ore I'd left next to the Tree of Harmony, then concluded that while she may be cleaner than most ponies, she must not be completely untainted, especially since she'd been back for a few months. The thought reminded me that I had more ore to dig up, and I pulled out the radiant shard. It quickly pointed northeast, and I took off in that direction.

After I'd been running under Slark's ult for a few minutes, my satchel started beeping insistently. Curious, I stopped moving towards the edge of the forest, quickly climbed a tree, sat on a suitable branch, then pulled it around in front of me. "6.84 patch notes," The bag chirped in a robotic voice, "Accept download? Y/N" My train of thought fell of the tracks and exploded in the canyon below, causing a flood downstream that burst the dam and washed away an entire town. Wat. No seriously, WHAT!? I'd seen a lot of crazy stuff since I showed up here, but this topped it all. "Am I in a video game?" I asked, spinning around in circles on my branch looking for any sort of clue to whether this might be true. Nothing apparent happened, other than a bird squawking angrily at me and flying away. Hmm. If that was one of Fluttershy's I should probably move.

I opened up the patch details and started reading through them. I only got to alchemist's entry in the heroes section before I hit accept and dropped to the ground. The ability to have the Aghanim's Scepter not take up an inventory space? Totally worth it! I parsed through the other changes as I ran, only stopping to activate a Moon Shard and fill the now empty slot with an Octarine Core. Best. Item. Ever.

The whole incident still left me with plenty of questions about my situation, though. At first, I thought I'd just gotten a set of fancy powers attached to the satchel, but now it seemed the satchel itself was just another link in the chain, one that led to parts unknown. Were there others like me, not just Displaced, but users of other satchels? I knew I could create lesser satchels that only had one hero's worth of power, so were they like that? Or were they like mine, with access to all the heroes? Or was it something in between? I turned the problem over in my head as I ran towards Manehattan, but didn't get anywhere. I just didn't have enough information. I could speculate, but that was just a fancy word for guessing.

I was jolted out of my thoughts when I suddenly slowed down noticeably, which indicated I was being watched. A quick 360 scan turned up nothing, however, so I moved forward cautiously, my left hand tucked into my satchel for easy access. I'd left the forest behind quite some time ago, and was now walking along a lightly used path lined with trees that turned to the right a little ways ahead of me. As I rounded the bend, I found myself looking at an overturned two-wheel cart, it's contents, a variety of travel supplies, strewn out across the dirt. The cart itself was still attached to a pony, a small earth pony mare with a light green coat and mane who was stuck on her side and completely unable to slip out of the harness. That wouldn't have helped much regardless, since she was surrounded by a trio of adolescent dragons standing on all fours. No, they weren't Garbo and company, but their behaviors seemed to mirror his. Since I hadn't been spotted yet (which made me wonder who actually was watching me) and the pony wasn't in any immediate danger, I dropped one of Bounty Hunter's smoke bombs and vanished from sight. The faint sound made one of the dragons look in my direction, but I was already invisible so he didn't spot me.

"Did you hear that, Rozel?" The orange dragon asked, female from the sound of her voice, causing the blue dragon of the group to look up.

"Hear what, Scora?" Rozel replied, this one obviously male, although his tone was a bit nasal, "I was kind of busy dealing with our target here."

"I don't know," Scora said thoughtfully, "It sounded like a hiss, only not quite right. I can't explain it."

"Eh, it's not important," Said the third dragon without looking up. He was much larger than the other two, and covered in a mix of black, white, and grey scales. Given how Scora immediately backed down, I guessed he was the one in charge. "Now, we're only to ask nicely one more time. Take us to your queen, changeling, we have a message from the Dragon Council."

Changeling? I moved closer, and as my Gem of Truesight came into range I realized with a start that the pony was in fact a shape-shifting love-eater. I had no idea how the dragons could tell, since before I got close enough she looked perfectly normal, but she was who they thought she was. Huh.

"I told you, Blender," The changeling shot back, spitting the name at him almost as if it was an insult, "We are not interested in parley. You will have to return to your masters empty handed."

"Smug the Great has us given explicit orders," Blender growled, the spines on his head unfolding like great sails of grey flesh, "And since you are not being cooperative, you've given us no choice. Scora, give me a claw." Scora moved forward, and working together, they... righted the cart and placed it on the road? "Now," said Blender, in mock cheerfulness, "You'll take us to your leader, or we walk you into the nearest pony town and strip you of your disguise. You don't want to be the one responsible for exposing your entire species, do you?"

I frankly had no idea what to do. On the one hand, these dragons were clearly forcing the changeling to do something she want to. On the other, the dragons also seemed to be diplomats, or at least messengers, and they were acting downright civil despite the changeling's hostility. I moved closer again, and remembered in a panic to activate Riki's invisbility before I faded into view right in front of them.

This close to her, I could watch the changeling's resolve crumble. "Fine," She seethed, "I'll call her. This better had be worth it." The changeling flashed green, and her disguise was replaced by one of Chrysalis. At least, I thought it was Chyrsalis. She was as big as Celestia, and a changeling, but didn't have holes anywhere. None in her wings, or her legs, or that mane-like membrane on her head. It was probably her, though.

The Queen looked miffed, and her scowl deepened as she took in the dragon trio. "Oh, it's you again." She said as she rolled her eyes, "What do those fossils on the Council want now?"

"Smug the Great and Terrible wants his crown jewel back," Blender stated calmly, not reacting to the deplorable lack of manners. "This is your second and final chance to return it before the dragons declare war."

Queen Chrysalis laughed, a high pitched, chittering giggle that sent shivers down my spine. "Request denied," She stated firmly, all humor vanishing from her mannerisms in an instant, "That idiot has no idea what the gem is capable of, and doesn't deserve to have it in his hoard. Bring your dragons. In fact, bring ALL the dragons so we don't have to mop up after we're done with you. Now, I have better things to do than waste my time on a errand welp. This conversation is over." With that, the illusion crumbled, leaving behind three fuming dragons and a mortally terrified changeling.

On a hunch, I pulled out my shard of Direstone and held it in front of me. The fragment went crazy, centering on the changeling as the source of a massive Dire energy spike. Before I'd been merely curious. Now I knew I had to intervene. Blender raised his fist, poised to flatten the Changeling into the ground and I got ready to stun him, but then he closed his eyes, took a few deep breaths, and restrained himself. "There is no honor in killing a defenseless opponent," he said, as much to himself as to his companions, "Come. We should report back with the Queen's response. Then we will come for you and yours, changeling." Scora and Rozel grumbled but complied, backing down at their leader's request. The changeling merely crouched and hissed at them as the they took flight, heading north towards the mountain range far in the distance.

I waited until the dragons had left, their mission completed, then strode in front of the changeling right as she realized she wasn't going to die and started moving again, and let her walk into me, canceling the invisibility in the process. The Changeling practically wet herself as she looked into my eyes, which were twice as high off the ground as her own, and I smiled grimly in response, showing off my canines with aplomb. "I'm a million times worse than anything those welps could have come up with," I said as the lines running across my skin glowed with power, "Take me to this gem, and don't warn them of my coming, or I'll fill the hivemind with bottomless agony." I wasn't actually planning on going through with it or completely certain that I could, since the idea that they even had a hivemind was a guess, not a fact, but she didn't need to know that.