"Dear Princess Celestia,
It's been a while since our last letter, hasn't it? Definitely long enough for the whole process to feel...strange. 'Dear Princess Celestia.' The words are achingly familiar, and yet they look so foreign upon the parchment. Perhaps it's because I've spent over nine hours attempting to decipher the most awful mouthwriting I've ever seen; my own penmanship is a balm to the eyes after that fiasco. (I do finally understand why such a large proportion of our national budget is dedicated to typewriter distribution, though. It hadn't occured to me that so much of recorded Equestrian History relies on your memoirs not due to a lack of original text from the years preceeding the typewriter's invention, but rather because none of the historians could read anything not written by a unicorn.) Nevertheless, my friends and I learned a valuable lesson about friendship today—one that I would like to share with you, if merely for posterity.
Sometimes, it can seem as though my friends and I are saying goodbye and going our separate ways, though we're all doing what we love. Fluttershy is starting an animal rescue program, Pinkie Pie offers baking lessons, and Applejack is preparing to launch her new catering business, Apple Orchard Events & Catering. Combined with Rainbow Dash's promotion and the fact that Rarity is branching out into home decor, my friends and I are leading very different lives, and it's easy to think that our friendship might fade. As our jobs turn into careers, it only seems logical that our busy schedules will eventually drive us apart.
We learned that this isn't necessarily the case. Even though our interests and careers are in different fields of work, they don't necessarily prevent us from seeing each other. It's surprising whom you run into when you least expect it! For example, none of us realized we were all working at the Wonderbolt Academy these past few days—we were so focused on performing our respective jobs. We might not have ever crossed paths, had it not been for Rainbow Dash's Sonic Rainboom (again!). Did you know that if multiple pegasi successfully break the sound barrier—at the same time, mind you—within five hundred yards of each other, the concussive force produced is roughly equivalent to condensing a Category-Four hurricane into a few seconds? A messy, colorful, loud hurricane. This warrants further study; just imagine the potential of weaponizing such a legendary stunt! It's so effective, we might even be able to retire the Laser of Friendship (which I would appreciate—while alicorn eyes seem to be more resistant to high-energy harmony rainbows, prolonged exposure to purified friendship isn't exactly kind to one's vision—nor is it pleasant to be nearly blind for a week afterwards). But I digress.
Even more surprising than our unexpected reunion is how we can all work together professionally, and all benefit from the interaction. For example, I've run the numbers on the anticipated revenue for Apple Orchard Events & Catering, and with the Wonderbolts as official sponsors, I predict that Applejack will put Gustave le Grand's Dainty Delicacy Deliveries out of business before the next Grand Galloping Gala, giving her a monopoly over the catering market and leaving the Gala committee no choice but to hire her for the event.
Despite the fact that the kitchen they were working in was utterly destroyed, Pinkie Pie managed to teach her first student, Tender Greens, how to make a respectable cake. She received a priceless historic monument in payment, which she plans on selling to the FlimFlam Assortment of Amazing Artifacts. With the profits, she and the Cakes will begin construction on Equestria's first culinary academy. In honor of the statue, she'll advertise the school as offering "A Hurricane of Flavors!" to its students.
Not only will Rarity design the uniforms for both Applejack's business and Pinkie's school, but she'll consult with Fluttershy to design a brand of decorative pillows to benefit the animal shelters Pinkie's also sponsoring with her newfound fortune. In return, Pinkie gets tax writeoffs, since I'm helping Fluttershy to register her animal rescue program as a 501(c) non-profit organization. General Rainbow Dash (her full title is ridiculous, I'm sorry) is coordinating a charity Wonderbolts airshow with Applejack, who will again cater the event, and proceeds will also go to Fluttershy's shelters.
Those are plans for the future, however. In the meantime, we're combining our skills to help General Rainbow Dash and her Wonderbolt battle buddies prepare for a night they won't forget. The Grand Galloping Gala may be a dull event, but if the burning clouds and swarms of secret agents are anything to go by, this Wing Fling will outdo the Gala in ambiance alone. It's certainly given us a chance to work on our professional relationships (Pinkie Pie and a fully-awake Applejack in a kitchen together is a fearsome sight).
I understand that I'm being very specific here, Princess, but these details are all supporting evidence for why I'm afraid I can no longer be the Princess of Friendship. I believe I am of better use to Equestria as the Princess of Networking, as my organization skills helped create and foster our mutually-beneficial business relationships. For old time's sake, I won't charge you for this consultation, but all future correspondence will need to be addressed to my secretary or risk incurring my minimum hourly rate of three thousand (3000) bits. Friendship may be magic, but networking is business.
Your colleague, Twilight Sparkle."
Silence falls over the council as Princess Celestia finishes reading the letter, her throat letting out an involuntary strangled noise with the closing sentence. Spitfire's standing, stone-like, in front of the presentation board, mouth agape and eyes twitching. Somewhere in the back of her mind, Celestia notes that the Captain's face is a good three shades paler than it has any right to be. The most painful silence of the Princess' centuries-long reign stretches out.
"I think," Celestia manages to choke out. "I think we can declare this meeting adjourned."
The Princess doesn't think even Colonel Purple Dart could leave a room so fast.
|*|*|*|*|*|