"Ow!" I hissed and stuck my finger in my mouth, staring down in shock at the plasma conduit that had just burned my hand. The thing is, it shouldn't have been able to do that. The booth was inside, air-conditioned, and out of direct sunlight. If anything, it should have been cold to the touch.
"NO, WAIT-" POP. I spun around towards the noise, and rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things. Carl, my best bud of five years who had been eyeing a satchel on the other end of the shop, had just disappeared, along with the bag! The merchant who owned the stall was pinching his brow, looking for all the world like he wanted to scream his rage at the heavens, and Carl was probably why. I wasn't the only one staring, either. A couple of other people were in here as well, mostly cosplayers like myself, and every single one was gaping at him.
The shopkeeper glared at us. "What are you looking at?" he snapped. I quickly turned around, keeping my face carefully blank as my thoughts raced. I noticed one girl in a pink costume quietly slip out of the booth out of the corner of my eye, but I was too caught up in my own thoughts to register it. I couldn't process what I had seen. People didn't just vanish, right? RIGHT? A news article I'd read recently sprang to mind, one about cosplayers doing just that at cons all over the country. If this guy was responsible... I looked back down at the plasma rifle. Picking it up, I shoved the barrel into a nearby garbage can that had been filled to overflowing and squeezed the trigger. A bolt of green light flew from the tip, melting the discarded fliers, empty drink cans, and other junk to a crisp.
"Hey, kid, you gonna buy that or what?" I jumped, turning to face the shopkeeper, who had snuck up behind me while I was messing around. "I haven't got all day, you know."
I scrambled for an answer before settling on being vague "I'm not sure yet,"I said finally, "Give me a moment." He grunted, and went to bother one of his other customers.
I considered my options. If I bought this gun, I would probably get sent wherever all the other cosplayers had ended up. Since none of them had ever returned, it was either a really good place, a really bad one, or so far away that returning was impossible. Wherever I went, I wouldn't/couldn't come back, so it was a one-way trip. I listed my connections to this world in my head.
My family was dead, caught in a car crash earlier this year. I winced as the pain of that loss struck again with a vengance. Part of the reason Carl had dragged me here was to get me out of the house, and away from my usual moping ground. Which reminded me that he was gone too, having fallen down the same rabbit hole as everyone else. I sighed. No friends, no family, a dead-end job, no romantic interests, I didn't really have anything tying me down here. Even my cat had passed on a few months ago. All things considered, it might just be worth it. I only had one thing to check first. "Where am I going to end up?" I asked him.
He blinked, then smiled slowly. "In a world of endless opportunity," he answered smoothly. I should have known he'd say something like that.
"Red pill or blue pill, huh?" I quipped. He just grinned.
I choose. Wherever it was, it was better than staying here, with the constant wars, failing economy, and soul devouring laws and taxes. Here, I'm nothing, just a regular guy living a regular life. However, I'm also a damn good X-COM commander, of the, "I don't lose a mission, ever," variety. If that can be the foundation for a new life in a new place, my chances are already looking up.
"I'll take the set," I said, indicating to the other X-COM weaponry sitting on the table.
The merchant started, then let out a pleasantly surprised laugh. "All of them it is, then." he replied, "However, you'll have to pick just one for yourself. If you don't have a baseline to attach to, it causes... complications. You're friend may have gotten lucky, but you probably won't."
"It figures," I answered, using my sarcasm as a shield against the unsettling knowledge that this guy knew me as well as he did, "He always had all the luck." I stumbled over to the table, reeling mentally. What he'd just said implied I'd be getting a lot more than a fancy gun if I took his offer. In particular, I might get a class. X-COM had four of them, each with its own little quirks and skills. The implications-I shut down that train of thought and saved it for later. If I let it consume me now, I probably end up gibbering in a padded cell somewhere.
I placed the plasma rifle beside its counterparts, which laid out on the table in front of me, and stepped back to think. One was long and thin, striped with green along its length. This was built for the Sniper, a soldier who got more dangerous the farther his targets were away from him. However, he was weak at close quarters, and without a meat shield, that's where'd I be most of the time. The next was huge, so large I was pretty sure I'd have trouble lifting it, let alone using properly. The Heavy used this weapon, which hit like a truck but was difficult to aim. The third was smaller, square and blocky, and tinted orange instead of green. The alloy cannon, favorite weapon of the Assault. They were masters of close quarters combat, but suffered heavily at any kind of distance. Finally, I could pick the Support, who used a straight plasma rifle. Supports were the weakest of the classes, being the easiest to burst down and dealing the least damage. To compensate, they had a ton of survival tricks, and were capable of outlasting even an assault if allowed to heal themselves.
I looked down at the Psi Armor I was wearing, and the fake plasma pistol strapped to my hip. In game, this suit was only wearable by a Psionic soldier, one with special mental powers. If I got those powers, then the obvious choice was a support, the soldier that suffered the least from sacrificing his attack. Even if I didn't get any of those tricks, the best option was still clear. Survivability trumps everything else. I picked the rifle back up and fished out my wallet.
"A wise choice," said the merchant, as I handed over the money. "Don't worry about the other guns. When you need them, they'll find you." I didn't get a chance to reply before the ground opened up underneath me, sucking me down a black tube peppered with what appeared to be stars.
After the portal had closed, The Merchant turned to a skinny kid who had witnessed the entire thing and said, "See anything you like?" The kid mutely pointed at a nearby Queen of Blades action figure and held out a fistful of cash.
????????
I rolled as I hit the hard ground, bringing my gun up in a smooth panning motion that I most certainly hadn't known how to do a few seconds earlier. I saw nothing. At all. It was pitch black, with the only sources of light coming from the gun in my hand and the one on my hip. My armor felt both smoother and heavier, shifting around me more easily despite the added weight. After my eyes had adjusted, I determined I was in a cave of some kind, deep enough underground that no light from the surface could find me. After determining I was in no immediate danger, I decided to do the most practical thing in the universe: I took an inventory. Assuming I could figure out how.
"Um, access soldier profile?" I asked after I sat down, feeling more than a little silly. My stupidity was rewarded with a touch screen appearing about two feet in front of me. It read:
Colonel "Crackshot" William Bishop
Missions: 0
Kills: 0
HP: 9+6
Defense:0+10
Will:100+20
Aim:90
Abilities
Psi-Abilities
Loadout
...Ok, then, I thought, I guess I have Psi powers. I've got no idea how to use them, but sweet. I tapped the abilities button out of curiosity, and got hit with a very nasty surprise. "All right, who assigned my skills?" I snarked at the empty tunnel. I'd been looking forward to that part. "At least I've got the good ones," I grumbled, scrolling down the list.
Abilities:
Smoke Grenade
Sprinter
Field Medic
Revive
Dense Smoke
Deep Pockets
Savior
Mindfray
Psi Panic
Mind Control
Rift
I raised my eyebrow at the last item on the list. Normally X-COM wouldn't have access to that ability, but hey, a free skill is a free skill. I backed out and switched to the loadout screen. The Psi Armor, Plasma Rifle, and Plasma Pistol were all as I expected, no surprises. However, my two inventory slots were filled with a med-kit and an arc thrower. The first was awesome, since it meshed with most of my abilities. The later, though, would be pretty useless without somewhere to take a live capture. All in all, it was pretty standard stuff for a high-end support.
"Um, back button?" The screen kept blocking my field of view. "Close profile?" That did it. I stood and stretched, popping most of my joints and getting a feel for the new suit along the way. It was extremely comfortable, considering what it was meant for, and I wrote a mental thank you note to the Engineering department before I remembered they didn't exist. I was just about to try lifting a rock with my mind when I was interrupted by a distinct, loud, high-pitched scream coming from my right. Since I had a ton of cool new toys to try out, and pretty much nothing else to do, I headed towards the noise, pick my way along the ground so I didn't stumble over anything. As I got closer, the tunnel brightened, until I could see the walls were made of brown sandstone, and that the ground was smooth and dry. Some idle part of my brain noted that this cave must be dead, and the rest of it told it to shut up.
I rounded the corner, and froze. The scream had come from what appeared to be a small, light pink pony that had been cornered by a trio of Sectoids. Now, this was just all kinds of confusing. I wasn't an MLP fan, far from it, so it made no sense for me to get sent to that world unless-Carl, you lucky bastard, I thought. I hope you're enjoying this, wherever you are.
With that taken care of, I could focus on the scene in front of me. The cavern was lit by a hole in the ceiling, and while sunlight wasn't streaming down directly I could still see pretty well. Given what I'd heard from my obsessed friend, ponies were generally good, and I knew for a fact that Sectoids were bad news, no matter where you found them, so my course of action was pretty clear.
As all this raced through my mind, the pony attacked. She quickly conjured up a beam from her horn that blew one of the Sectoids off its feet, surprising both them and me. They recovered more quickly, though, the one on the right taking aim while the other one amplified him. I took aim as well, pointing my gun at the leftmost Sectoid. A small screen popped up, telling me my hit chance was 90%, and crit was 60%, since the target wasn't in cover. I decided I liked those odds, and pulled the trigger. While normally killing something would have given me qualms, these were Sectoids: shooting them wasn't anything I hadn't done hundreds of times before, and they would return the favor if they got the chance. My bolt struck true, reducing the alien to a glowing pile of ash. I watched in satisfaction as the neural link threads warped back to the other sectoid and killed it too, then had to suppress the urge to vomit after the smell hit. I was suddenly glad that video games didn't come with odor synthesizers, and quickly pictured a forest to keep the contents of my stomach where they belonged. The pony wasn't so lucky, and the cavern was now the proud owner of a brand new pile of green slime.
I approached slowly, carefully not pointing my weapon at her as I closed to just within two meters or so. I stopped there, and waited, perfectly content to simply get my first real look at a pony. Up close, I was about twice her height, and I could see she had these enormous purple eyes. They were, like, three times the size of my own. I'd always thought their eyes were creepy, and it was worse in real life. At least it made reading her expressions really easy. She was clearly scared and on the verge of outright panic, although I couldn't tell whether that fear was of me or the aftereffects of almost becoming an Ethereal experiment. I just stood there, acting as non-threatening as possible. After she calmed down a little and realized I wasn't going to attack her, she opened her mouth and-
-whinnied at me in a soothing tone. I stared at her for a moment, then slipped my fingers under my glasses and pinched the brow of my nose. Just my luck, I thought, I'll bet Carl doesn't have to deal with this. I didn't have any way to bridge a language gap, not at the moment, so I was pretty much stuck...or maybe I wasn't, as a very crazy idea had just entered my head. I turned and focused on a nearby rock. After digging around in my subconscious, and half a dozen false starts or so, I finally managed to access my Psi power, sending the stone tumbling across the ground with a clatter. The whinnies stopped, and I turned to see the pony whipping her head between me and the rock, clearly unable to believe what she was seeing.
With the trial run finished, I knelt in front her to bring us eye to eye, murmuring softly as I powered up my Psi. If I could pull a translation out of her head, or plant one there instead, this whole interaction would go a lot more smoothly. Unfortunately, I was only partially successful. Making the mental connection was actually to be the easy part, since she turned to have just as must Psi potential as I did. Then came the backlash. Our minds latched onto each other like two snakes on the same mouse, and I collapsed as a thousand foreign thoughts invaded my brain. The last thing I remembered was a pained female voice screaming, "GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"
I was only able to respond, "I DON'T KNOW HOW!" before the darkness claimed me.
88888888
"Mommy, when's Dad going to be home?" A small filly asked as she walked through my torso. I ignored this breach in logic completely, instead opting to look around the room. Given the slightly surrealist quality of my surroundings, I was pretty sure this was a dream, or a memory of some kind. As such, I could only be an observer, although I had no clue what I would see. I my eyes wandered back to the filly, and I realized with a start that she was the same pony those Sectoids had attacked in the-future? Would be attacking? I hate time travel.
"He said next week, Stars, now stop asking, this is the third time today," chided an older mare. She had a light pink coat that matched her daughter's, although her mane was pitch black to her daughter's purple and green. She was wearing an apron, and had some sort of mark on her rear that looked like a crossed spoon and fork.
"But I want him to come back now!" Stars whined, sticking her lower lip out in a pout.
"Starlight, you know what his job is like. Guards go where they're needed, and right now, he's needed on the frontier. He'll be back next week, just be patient. Now go wash up, dinner's ready."
Please...
We were outside now, on a cobblestone road surrounded by grass, and ponies were everywhere, talking, dancing, playing, you name it. At least, I thought they were. The farther away something was from Starlight, the blurrier it became, until it faded away completely after 10 meters or so. Directly in front of us was a stone platform holding a golden crescent on a pole. The stage was lined with what could only be guards, as they were the only ones wearing armor. Starlight herself was perched on the back of a large male with a grey coat that stood out in stark contrast to his purple hair: his flank mark looked like a halberd crossed over a shield. Looking more closely, I could see Starlight was slightly larger than before, though it was hard to tell exactly how much because she was bouncing with excitement.
"Settle down, Stars," her mom said chuckling, "you can the stage see just fine up there."
Her father joined in, saying, "Where do you get all this energy, Twinkles? We've been up all night."
"I wanna see the Princess," Starlight chirped, then, "OhmyCelestia, theresheis,theresheis!"
I looked up just in time to watch a pearly white pony, far larger than the others, step up to the front of the stage. She smiled down at us, then spread her massive wings. With only a few flaps, she was in the air, and her horn was glowing, and-the sun was rising with her!? I'd heard that these ponies could do stuff that, but seeing it in person... That was another matter entirely. It was nothing short of awe-inspiring, and while it may not have made me want to bow down and worship, it did instantly earn my respect. That couldn't have been easy, cartoon physics or not. Turning to look at Starlight, I could tell she felt the same things I did, only even stronger. Then that awe changed, flipping to something else entirely in the space of a few seconds. I couldn't read the ponies that well just yet, but I was pretty sure it was determination.
"I'm going to be the Princess's student!" She declared proudly. Her parents chuckled and gave each other a knowing look.
It hurts...
We in a crowded market in what appeared to be a late medieval city, minus the dirt and smell. We were surrounded by a moderately large herd of ponies, and although some were just passing through, most were looking forward, towards a large wooden platform. Starlight had grown again, and while her mother was here, her father was nowhere in sight, and Starlight didn't look pleased about it.
"He said he'd be here," Starlight griped, "Why can't he be here?" She stomped her hoof on the cobblestones in frustration.
"He told us why in his last letter, Stars," Her mom answered, "A situation came up in Ponyville and he had to go take care of it."
"But he promised!" protested Starlight.
"I know, sweetie," her mom answered, giving her a nuzzle, which I guessed translated to something like a cross between a hug and a kiss. "But sometimes we can't keep our promises. It's not his fault."
Starlight sighed, "I know, I know. Now what's taking so long? Where are the humans?" That got my attention. This place shouldn't have humans, at least, not that we know of. So what did she mean?
Before the words had even finished leaving her mouth, the curtain on the platform opened, and what I could only assume was the pony version of a used car salesman strutted out. He mustache and cheap suit enhanced the look, but what really sold it was his wide, cheesy smile. He stepped up to a small podium, and shouted out to the crowd, "Welcome, everypony, to the human auction house." ...what? "We sell only the best, and don't let anypony tell you otherwise! I'm Quick Buck, and boy-howdy have we got a treat for you today." The curtains were yanked back, and I had to pinch myself to keep from sniping the salespony between the eyes on the spot. Over a dozen humans walked out, all bound in chains, although some also had muzzles. Not a single one was wearing clothes, and I quickly turned away before I saw something I shouldn't have.
Starlight was speaking, but I too distracted to catch it, although I did hear her mother's reply, "Yes, sweetie, take your pick. We promised you'd get your very own human if you made it into Celestia's School For Gifted Unicorns, and here we are. Which one do you like?" I noted the name in a daze, and filed it away for later. This was sick. Humans were being treated like slaves, no worse, livestock, and none of the ponies cared in the slightest? Not acceptable! I vowed Starlight would not be getting a pleasant greeting when I was done with this acid trip.
The rest of the auction proceeded much as auctions do, and we left halfway through after Starlight had bought a young woman. I noticed several discrepancies in the humans's behavior along the way, though. They didn't act at all like sentient creatures, instead lashing out or sulking moodily like some tiger in a zoo. When I looked into Zoe's eyes (that was the name they had chosen) they were empty, dead. If any spark of sapience had existed in there, it was long gone. Weird.
Make it stop...
I spun in place, trying to pinpoint who had spoken, but came up blank. The new setting was a hallway, and a fancy one too. The entire thing just screamed wealth, and the ceilings were massive even for me. Starlight had grown again, and was pointed down the hall behind me, glaring at something. I turned, and saw the Princess from before chatting amiably with a purple unicorn filly. Starlight grumbled to herself as she turned and stormed off, and despite her words being pretty much inaudible, I still understood her perfectly somehow.
"Why do I even bother? I work my flank off for years to get noticed, and this upstart just waltz's right in, casts a few spells, and steals my prize away from me without so much as a broken sweat? She even got her cutie first! It's not fair!" I winced at the childish phrasing, but frankly had to agree. Zoe cooed and reached down to rub her shoulders, but Starlight shrugged her off and kept walking, the human walking awkwardly behind her.
Why are you doing this?
Starlight was breaking things. We were standing in a cross between a gym and a shooting range, and Starlight was taking her anger out on a variety of targets and practice dummies. I looked on in growing apprehension as the pile grew higher and her attacks became more creative. The targets hit the ground burned, frozen, melted, turned into candy, smashed in half, crumbled to dust, shredded, you name it, she used it. I didn't like the thought of being on the receiving end of any of that.
I heard a frightened squeak behind us, and turned to see Zoe cowering before the destruction Starlight had caused. Looking back at her, I watched Starlight's expression soften, and she walked over to nuzzle her...I guess pet worked best there, but it was a difficult concept to wrap my mind around.
Starlight's voice snapped me out of my musing, as she was venting her exasperation on what might be the only one available to listen. "I don't get it, Zoe. I've worked so hard, and yet everything keeps going to Twilight! First being Princess Celestia's personal student, then she got her cutie mark before mine, and a magic one too! Wielder of the Element of Magic, defeater of Discord, and now she's getting coronated tomorrow! Is everything I do doomed to be stuck under her shadow?" Zoe just murmured, stroking her mane gently. (Since when do I know horse terminology?) "It all started with that cutie mark," Starlight griped, looking down at her flank, which was now adorned with a purple star and two teal wisps. "Hers is oh so special because it represents magic. Well, mine does too! Just not all magic. I'm still not sure exactly what caused me to get it, but I'll figure it out eventually, right?" Zoe chewed on a strand of her hair, and Starlight pulled it away, giggling.
I told you...
"I've got it!" Starlight proclaimed, looking up from the book she was reading. Zoe looked at her curiously, uncomprehending. "A pony's special talent is connected to their cutie mark, right? Well, what if I stole Twilight's? Then I'd have her talent, and whatever it is that makes her to special! It's brilliant!" Zoe blinked, chewing idly on her finger. "But I can't just take it, that would get me blacklisted by all of Equestria. No, I'll have to be more subtle than that." She grinned evilly, and I suddenly wondered just how good-natured this pony actually was.
Get. Out. Of.
Starlight was running through a brown stone cave, her horn lighting the way for her. Behind her I could hear an anguished scream accompanied by the sound of a plasma pistol. Given the tears that were falling freely from her face, I was pretty sure Zoe hadn't made it. The thought saddened me, but not as much as it should have. She skidded around a corner, and came to a dead stop. Three Sectoids were in front of her, and they advanced, forcing her back against the wall. She conjured a bolt and threw it, sending one of the aliens flying, but it wasn't enough. The others took aim, but before they could fire, green death lanced out of the darkness behind them, dropping both where they stood. Then I watched as I stepped out of the shadows, green fumes still dripping off the barrel of my rifle. When I just stood there, instead of attacking her, Starlight calmed down enough to speak.
"Hey, there big guy, what are you doing down here?" I paused, pinched the bridge of my nose, then ignored her as I stared a nearby rock. "You look like you belong to someone, but I don't recognize that symbol," She said, pointing at my X-COM patch. "And what kind of pony arms a human anyway? Not the smart ones, I can assure you!" The rock moved, rolling a couple of times before it stopped. Starlight's mouth fell open. "But, how-" she sputtered. I crouched down and moved towards her, but before the scene could play out, the voice finally made itself known, and it wasn't happy.
My. HEAD!
Blackness.
