//------------------------------// // Chapter 64: Sunny Complexion // Story: Celestia Uses An Online Dating Website // by RainbowBob //------------------------------// “So, mind explaining to me why your sister went all psychopath?” Nameless asked Luna. Luna slowly shook her head, unable to get the image of her sister’s fiery rage out of her mind. “I’m… not quite sure.” “Well, she did mention moving the sun could drive her crazy. Like it did for you.” “But I was moving the moon out of place for nearly a century!” Luna snapped. Nameless arched a brow. Luna’s cheeks reddened while she averted her eyes. “Ahem. Well, to be perfectly honest, my transformation into Nightmare Moon wasn’t just something that suddenly happened. It was a very gradual process.” Nameless nodded in turn. “A process that involved moving the moon, I’m guess?” “At first it was just a few minutes per day. Nothing more than that.” A faint smile hovered on Luna’s lips. “It was… nice to just have an extra couple of moments of nighttime to myself. Before the sun drove it all away. I thought ponies would appreciate a few more minutes of sleep, and I would enjoy those extra moments of tranquility.” “And this pertains to Celestia’s freakout how, exactly?” “Well, of course, moving the moon willy nilly like that didn’t fare well with my psyche.” Luna shuddered and held a hoof gently to her temple. “The passage of the moon to the sun and vice versa is another aspect of harmony that must be maintained. However, when I broke that cycle, even in small increments… it broke me.” “Physically?” Nameless said. Luna scowled at him. “So… emotionally then? Mentally? Perhaps spiritually?” Even Morte joined in the eye rolling for this one… and for some odd reason his eyes had grown back after they had been so horrifically pulled out and gorged upon only minutes earlier. With a sigh, Luna shrugged. “I’m not exactly sure. It became addictive quickly enough. Soon I wanted the moon to remain in the sky for longer increments. First an hour, a day, a week, all of eternity. You know, a slow, gradual process.” “Uh huh.” “And once I was hooked there was no stopping me. My psyche broke, and with it the last bits of sanity I had were transformed into the wicked villain known as Nightmare Moon. Now keeping the moon in the sky was the only thought on my mind. My only purpose. And that purpose very well made me betray my own sister.” Luna shivered. “It… wasn’t exactly the best of times for me.” “Okay, I think I got it.” Nameless nodded his head, scratching at some ancient scars obtained after a few centuries of forgotten battles and wars. “What I can’t understand is how Celestia went all… supernova after having had the sun up for less than a minute.” Luna hummed under her breath, wracking her brain for answers. Finally, she brightened up and said, “Oh, I got it! When I was transforming into Nightmare Moon, my mental health was in great condition! I mean, other than the self-confidence issues. But with Celestia…” Nameless’ eyes widened. “By the gods, you’re right! Celestia’s mental half was already teetering over the edge of insanity for months now!” “I’m surprised she hasn’t snapped by now.” “I think the alcohol mostly prevented that.” “What about the cough syrup?” “Ooooh, right, can’t forget that either.” Luna blinked and pursed her lips. “Wow… if all it took was the sun being raised a few minutes early to drive my sister insane, then she hasn’t been very sane at all for a while now,” she said. “Perhaps it has to do with all her bad dates lately?” Both Nameless and Morte shared a look, glanced back to Luna, then stared at each other for a moment longer. Finally, Nameless looked back to Luna and said, “No, of course not. It can’t possibly be so.” “Really?” “No.” Nameless pointed at Morte. “I knew Morte couldn’t contain himself from making a sarcastic remark and I helped sate his urges… just this once.” Luna huffed out a breath and walked briskly past the two. “Even without your snarkiness, there’s still one matter to contain right now: my sister. Afterward, we’re putting an end to her dating habits for good.” “Someone’s not gonna be happy about that,” Nameless grumbled under his breath as he followed Luna. “What was that?” “Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.” Discord stared at his computer monitors. He had the recent conversation between Luna and Nameless recorded, but he already knew he didn’t have to listen to it twice. It was already clear to him what was to go about. Glancing to another monitor, Discord observed the raw footage of an inferno-consumed Celestia lay a beatdown to an army of vampires. Those that hadn’t been roasted to a crisp by the sun put up a pathetic resistance that only ended in flames when confronted by this fiery rampage. Dio was nowhere to be seen, Fluttershy was busy dodging fireballs and flaming vampire corpses, and Deadpool was… well, he had managed to put his body back together, albeit while on fire, and was currently punching a vampire until its head exploded in brains and ash. “Great. Just great. My star has gone off the rocker,” Discord said. “Now what am I gonna do? How can I compete with HBO prime time slot now? How can I possibly beat The Big Bang Theory’s ratings at this rate? How, in the name of chaos and everything nasty, can I ever beat Ancient Aliens’ new season premiere?” Discord slammed his forehead on his control panel and feebly weaped. “I’m a faaaaaaaailuuuuuuuuure!” “Diiiiiiiiscoooooooord. DIIIIIIIIIIIISCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD! LOOK UP YOU BUM!” Discord pulled his head back up, and after fumbling for his fallen eyeballs for a second he managed to shove them back in their sockets. He gasped at the sight before him, completely captivated by its beauty. “Holy crap, it’s the ghost of Michael Bay!” Michael Bay’s ethereal form nodded. “Indeed, tis I, the Bay of the Michaels.” Discord’s jubilation turned to confusion, and then finally doubt. “Wait a second… Michael Bay isn’t dead!” “I’m dead on the inside,” Michael Bay’s ghost said. “How do you think I can make movies in the first place?” Discord nodded. “Good point, good point. But what about Bad Boys II? That was a cinematic masterpiece!” “To be perfectly honest, I loan my soul out to demons from time to time to obtain free stuff. Like right now, I got a KFC giftcard just for loaning out my soul to a demon for a measly five years.” “Man, have I been there before.” Discord sighed as nostalgia rolled over him like a pleasant wave. “Ahh, college.” “Anyway, I’m here to give you some advice on how to make your series the most popular thing ever before seen by mortal eyes!” Michael Bay’s ghost leaned closer. “Do you wish to learn the secrets of the Bay, my child?” “Does it involve a copious amount of explosions?” “Well, duh, but other than that,” Michael Bay’s ghost said, then paused for dramatic effect. “The real secret is finding what made the original series good, then pissing on it. All over it. Then kick it a few times and tell it no one loves it. Then you add the explosions.” “Mmmmmhmmm.” Discord snapped his fingers and smiled. “I got it! And by got it, I mean I have no idea what that means!” “The original isn’t working out so great for you now? Then just find something mediocre and add a shit-ton of CGI and explosions to it. Simple as that.” Michael Bay’s ghost winked and slowly began to disintegrate to the other spiritual plane, but not before saying, “Oh, also, while you have the chance, buy Transformers 4 on DVD.” “I will totally not do that!” Discord said, waving in farewell to Michael Bay’s ghost. Once he had departed, Discord’s smile grew ever the wider while his hands rubbed together in ominous villain fashion. Also because it was cold in the computer room and his palms were getting a bit chilly. “So, the original isn’t good enough then, eh? Well, that won’t stop me at all!” Discord turned on a switch, and suddenly dozens upon dozens of computer screens filling the entire wall flickered to life. All of them showed the same pony, only across an endless amount of worlds in a never ending existence of infinite possibilities. Infinite possibilities for Discord’s profit, that is. “Who needs the original when I have a literally endless amount of replacements?!” Discord winked at the monitor showcasing Celestia fighting off the vampire horde with brutal violence and plenty of rampaging. “I hope you enjoy your last date, Celestia, because after this you’re through.”