The Great Fandom Man!

by Jake Witt


ACT 1 PART 0: Intro Stuff...

I hate conventions. I hate the smell. I hate the crowds. I hate the noise. I used to like Dead Pool. I met ten of them. I used to like challenges.

Did I mention I hate conventions?

Do you now know why I hate BronyCon more than ComiCon?

"I feel sorry for that kid."

"Is that foam and duct tape?"

"Hey kid! Where's your parents?"

"Can it pride parade," I said, whipping my Bat Man cape at a punk rock Rainbow Dash as I place my painted white Iron Man mask on. "I'm looking for Pinkie Dead Pools." In my mind I looked like an albino MegaMan X and Iron Man mix with a Bat Man cape and Ben 10: Omnivese omnitrix. The Max Steel symbol drawn and taped on, because of my lack of paint. Under Captain America's shield, I had Assassin's Creed's hidden blade and Mikey's orange nunchucks. In my right hand with my omnitrix, I had the sword of storms with eye of... what'shisface from Xiaolin Showdown.

I challenged these guys to a fight, my best gear in my back pack under my cape. Pepper spray and stink bombs with other stuff I "poorly" made from various games and shows.

I made my way through many people with the same stares of being weirded out. I looked as cool as the Iron Giant, but all they saw were a duct taped Tin Man with Dragon Pokeballs, looking for a heart... or a shiny Shenron.

Ponies. Ponies. Ponies. Human ponies. Ponies. Freak. Creep. Clopper. Copper.

Don't get me wrong, I have a respect for My Little Pony... just not that deep. Season 4 finally... good, but Dragon Tales had rainbow rocks first. And talking purple dragons with green on 'em. And magic.

A hand rested on my shoulder, I turned to see a Dead Pool with pony ears, long pink hair, and bat wings. He ate an apple through his mask. He gave a nod before asking, "You have guts, kid, but do you want to do this?"

"My name is Oscar Conners," I looked him dead in the... eye holes? "The great Fandom Man. KH quote: Got it memorized?"

"I'll be at your funeral."

"Don't worry Doc, Glass Joe is built to last! I will defend my honor." Why am I fighting ten Dead Pools? They disrespected my OC character book. I just want revenge and some Brisk Tea.

"I'm telling you: Mighty the Armadillo is a real Sonic character," we walk over to an almost clear area, set up for a fight. "OC, are you sure you want to do this?"

"OC? Oh, I see what you did there. So original. Any way, that wasn't just a book of original characters," the nine Dead Pools snapped their attention towards me. "I wont stand to let physically bigger nerds bully me."

Everyone, but me looked at the fat Pinkie Pool, "What?"

The boss, DJ PON3 with a Dead Pool mask and belt, puts his fists up as we get in a battle stance. "So you showed up. No matter pipsqueak-"

"If your talking Last Air Bender, I'm the Duke. Or your Fallout series than sure, I'm Little Pip." One Wonderbolt Pool laughed, asking a Rainbow Pool if I was serious. Like all dumb leaders, he makes the first move running straight into my trap card also taped to my shoe as he tripped. He rolled, rushing back to me as I tossed Cap's shield.

Wonderbolt Pool cupped his hands, "You missed!" They started singing HISHE's version of Captain America's theme song as their boss wailed on me. My only defense was gone and I had no fighting skill, I was lucky to even trip the guy! Flutterbat Pool was trying to pull his friend off me before Aloe and Lotus Pools held him back. Pinkie Pool commented on how his boss was 'taking it too far', but just sat there eating a Twinkie. Every punch still hurt, but without my suit it would probably hurt worse.

Future Twilight Pool was looking through my decks. First my Yu Gi Oh deck full of famous characters, spells, and traps then my pokemon deck (I actually knew how to play that game) holding out one of my rare cards. My eyes widened as I saw my Totodile and holographic Mew in his hands. I turned my focus to the guy on top of me... and lets just say Shenron was with me in spirit, taking the dragon balls.

I grabbed my shield and successfully kicked three or four guys in the... and took my cards, repacking my bag the best I could before poking a guy's eye with my hidden blade and bashing the DJ's head with my plastic shield while he was still down. Unlike my unfair attacks increased by foam and plastic, the move was not "super effective" as I forgot the other Dead Pools could get me and plastic can break. I laughed nervously before putting up my dropped sword and taking out some pepper spray.

This is close enough... I thought as I screamed, "Eye of Dashie!" Every time I used the spray and, like Twilight Sparkle, booked it. I left Flutterbat Pool to help his friends as the unsprayed or injured... or fat Dead Pools chased me. To my right, an Apple Jack guy was trying to get my attention, but to my left an old guy dressed like Lord Tirek did the same. Come to the dark side, we have cookies, I thought as I made my left turn.

The man led me to his stall, twisting around places in hopes the Dead Pools gave up looking. It took at least five minutes to finally lose them in the crowd... especially since I took off my broken Iron Man mask. From their point of view, I just looked like another sixteen year old ginger in the convention... which isn't rare with today's hair dye, but mine is natural... and darker than a year ago. The man pulled me over to his prop stand, "Kid, why were you running?!"

I may be short, but I'd rather not argue with the common nickname. "I was at ComiCon... long story short, Dead Pools were being jerks and I met their dark side here. At this point, I'd rather lose my honor than anything else."

The man's eyes seemed to glow yellow under his suddenly dark hood, "I don't think that word means what you think it means."

"You might be right, but its a long road 'till integrity I don't completely have," I commented, probably sounding stupid again.

His eyes glowed white as he smirked, "Fine. Though, I noticed your helmet's... um... unique state."

I frown as I looked at my Iron Man trash, "Their leader must've beaten it harder than I thought... It will be missed." Then I thought, "Or I can give it a Metal Gear makeover."

"I have a better idea!" He said, digging inside a sack of props, "These are left overs from another con. How about you buy this Mega Man helmet and I'll give you some free stuff," he held out a classic Mega Man hat, but I shook my head.

"I like the original, but X and Hub are my favs."

He dug around in a chest, "Great, I still have it!" He pulls out the requested helmet with other stuff I wish I had. "Buy this and get nine free things of your choice included. This stuff must go!"

Was he serious? He's serious. That glow in his... strange glowing eyes... What could go wrong?

Besides giving him my $20, it was worth starving for a day. As soon as I got up to leave the stand, I turned to see DJ Pool punch me directly in the unguarded face as everything faded to black...