//------------------------------// // Session one end PT 1 // Story: My First Jump // by EverlastingKnightmare //------------------------------// I tugged at the collier of my awesome suit and looked at Twilight, who had gotten into her dress. “You sure about this? I only cause a LOT of trouble at party’s and get drunk, not in the order.” I pointed at her with a smug face. “Nice dress.” “Nice tie.” “Oh you little!” I growled playfully and sighed. “Oh calm down Dark, you’l do fine!” I laughed a bit and the back of my neck itched. “Hmm,” I scratched it then looked back a Twilight. “Let me guess, I’m pulling the cart thing?” She smiled and nodded. “Wonderful....... If you start a song I’m going to go get drunk.” I pointed out and opened the door. “Alright everyone let’s get a move on! Spike! To the Dark-mo-bile!” I picked Spike up and bolted out the door towards the cart thingy! Time for a party! ----A few hours later---- I panted as I stopped outside of the palace in Canterlot, my first time up here to! I unhitched myself and began to walk off as I could hear the music begin. “I’m out!” I then began running. I got around a corner and sighed, ignoring the disgusted looks I was getting from them high class ponies. “Ya and you think your perfect?” I looked at them then turned and walked over to a food table. “Man, have I got the munchys, long walk.” I laughed and picked up a fancy salad and dug in. It was good, but not good enough. I pulled out some pepper and sprinkled some on it, now it was good. “Excuse me, large pink diamond dog.” I turned around to one of those high class ponies. “Can you not touch the food with your large unclean hands?” Heh, he expected me to listen. “Now my good sir you seem to think you have a higher authority over me.” I spoke in the snobishy voice I could muster. “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave my presence at once!” I pointed away from me and turned my head. “Well I never!” The high class pony stomped off with a pissed off look on his face. “Heh, works every time.” I finished my salad and ate the edible bowl. I began to walk around bored as all hell, I fought over a pie with some dude named Sorin or something, I watched Rarity get treated like a guy by some prince fello (Was about to punch in face.), I saw Rainbow Dash save mister Sorin guys pie, I watched Fluttershy try and talk with the animals, and I partied a bit with Pinkie. Last on the list was Twilight, who must be hanging out with the Princess. I made my way as best I could to the main chamber but had to wait in a line. When I finally got in I felt a powerful glare hit me, I mean this kind of glare is like ‘I’m going to fucking kill you and you unborn children!’ Eya, that kind of glare. I shivered lightly and looked around when I noticed that the princess HERSELF was glaring at me, what a honer! The crowd in front of me stepped to the side do she could get a good look at me. “ I feel like I’m in trouble.” I looked up at her. “Hi!” I waved at her. “Is this some kind of joke?” She hissed at me. “If it was a joke you would be laughing right? Is this funny?” I looked around and pointed at my face. “Nopony else is laughing so I think there are no jokes around as of now.” I shrugged and she exctended her wings. “Guards! Arrest him!” Oh shit, cheese it! It’s the fuzz! I drew a watch on my wrist and looked at it. “OH look at that! It’s time for tea at Twilight’s!” I ran over to a window as guards started to come in, I was going to break through it but that would get me in more trouble so I just opened it gently and jumped out, the one thing I did not expect was that just out of the window was a straight fall down off the cliff Canterlot was built on. “AHHHHHHHH!!! TWILIGHT! HELP!” I yelled and suddenly stopped, ah that loveable purple pony cares! I was lifted back up to the window and set down. “Twilight, you are best pony.” I muttered as I looked at the guards surrounding me. “Oh no! I don’t do well in crowds! Twwwwwiiiiiiiiiilllllliiiiiggggghhhhhhtttt!” I whined like a little kid. “Princess, could you please call them off before they get hurt?” Twilight looked at the princess who still had the ‘I will fucking kill you’ glare. “No Twilight, you woulden’t understand why I can’t.” She hissed. I was sitting there suddenly with a clone playing uno. “Uno,” “Dammit!” I growled and kicked the clone in the head, making him fly out the window. “Oh no! He had a wife and kids!” I looked around and saw some of the guards trying to hold back a laugh. “And a dog named Skippy!” That got a few of them to laugh, I’m getting better! Then pain shot through the back of my neck. “ARGH DAMMIT! I KNOW IT!” I looked at Twilight. “Twi I will be back, I must time travel!” The princess went wide eyed as I began to glow. “Later y’all!” I blacked out a moment then woke up under a broken piller. “Ow,” I muttered pushing it off me. “Did I fall again?” I looked around and got a derp face. “Well, shit.” Where ever I was was fucking broke to all hell. “What the?” “Welcome to the past Dark.” I turned to mister evil guy, you know the one that threw the space bear at me? I’ll just call him Shadow. “Here to ruin my plans as you always do? Well too late.” He pointed at what looked like a fucked up dragon thing. “That’s Discored, spirt of chaos, and he’s about to do to the princesses what they did to him.” “Fuck that!” I flew over to him and punched him up into the sky. “Right, now to go deal with mister over powered over th-” I was tackled to the ground by a marshmallow, wait scratch that it was a pony with pink hair. “Are you crazy?! Stay down or he’ll see you.” She gave me a confused look. “What are you anyway? Some sorta diamond dog?” Aww baby’s first time seeing a human! “Nope! I’m a human with dark powers. Wait I’m not evil!” I stopped her as he horn began to glow. “Dark isen’t always bad!” She glared at me a few moments then got off me, staying on the ground. “You better hope your right.” She growled and peeked over a rock at Discord as he was throwing exploding glasses of chocolate milk at stuff, giggling like a school girl. “Grrr.” She was about to jump out when I stopped her. “Calm down! He is stronger then you think, you have something to use on him?” She thought for a moment. “Arcane magic items called the elements of harmony. My sister Luna is getting them.” I nodded. “Then we need to distract him until she gets here. I have the best idea ever!” I got up, suddenly in a space suit. I floated over to him and past his face. “Hello fello party go’re!” He waved at me. “How goes limitless chaos?” “Oh just wonderful! You know this kind man gave me the power to stop evil ponies! Isin’t that wonderful!” I nodded and started going upside down. “Seems like a nice man indeed! Pie to the face?” I asked. “Pie to the face.” He nodded. “Ok!” I threw a pie at his face and it exploded. “Hey, you asked for it!” He wiped the pie of his face. “Oh it is on!” I clapped. “Oh joy!” I zoomed over to where the pink maned pony was. “Get ready for a pie WAR!” I turned to Discord who had a pie-apolt. “Oh my gods...” I pulled out a giant pie-zzoka. “Let us begin!” He pulled a rope and I pulled a trigger, both of the god pies flew past each other and hit us right in the face, sending us back into a wall. The pink maned pony looked at where I had it the wall in horror. “Mister dark power pony! Are you alright!?” She ran over and took the pie off me. I sat there licking my lips. “Mmm, chocolate pie.” I jumped off the wall and looked over to where Discord was doing the same. “Hmm, blue barry, nice choice.” He commented and I did a little bow. “Thank you kind sir, shall we keep this war afloat?” He thought for a moment before snapping his fingers. “Let’s! Look up.” Both the pink maned pony and I looked up to see the pie-ocillips sized pie in the sky. “Sweet mother of all things pie...” I muttered and noticed someone sitting on a rock near by. “Sup bro?” “Sup.” He called then I ignored him looking back up at the pie. “I can take care of that but it would leave me powerless.” Pink maned pony looked at me. “Really?” “Nope!” I laughed and jumped up into the sky, flying at the pie at full speed. When I got to it I dove in, more chocolate! Discord really likes chocolate! I began to eat ---Half a hour later!--- I fell to the ground by the pink maned pony and burped. “Thanks for the food!” I laughed, getting her to giggle. “One good thing out of this, I got to make a adorable pony laugh!” I thought I saw her blush but I may just be seeing things, too much chocolate. “Right, now Discord.” I turned to Discord who was sitting in a law chair watching the whole pie-athon I was having, and had a large slerpy. “I’m going to have to ask you to wait a few moments.” “Alright, whatever.” He shrugged. “Have to finish my slerpy anyway.” He took a sip. I could see a light blue maned pony land a few feet away from us. “Sister! We have brought the elements!” Discord got a look of shock and I got a look of confusion. “We?” “Take no notice to that.” Sister said as she walked over to her sister. “Quick! We must-” I heard magic! “Down! GET DOWN!” I tackled them both to the ground and got up to get a gray rainbow to the chest. “AH FUCK!” I ripped my shirt off and pointed at my chest. “You shot me with a rainbow you dick!” I then clutched my chest in pain. “GAHH!” I fell to the ground and heard a scream. “I’m ok! Just- GAH! Just take care of him!” I panted and looked up, a light had surrounded the two sisters and a rainbow beam of their own shot HIM in the chest. “HOW DO YOU LIKE IT YOU GAHHH!” I fell over again trying to get up. When the beam stopped he had been turned to.......AH DAMMIT! Looking at the new stone statue that is Discord and knew I was turning to stone. “We’ll find a way to undo it.” I turned my head to the light blue maned pony who was talking to her sister. “Please, just calm down.” “Yes calm down!” I called sitting up on a rock. “I’ll be fine! I just need some skin care!” I laughed then clutched my chest again. “Oh boy, tough times ahead for Dark!” I laughed a bit and saw the pink maned pony in tears. “What the hay is wrong?” She looked at me. “You saved us and now your turning to stone! How are we suppose to thank you!?” She yelled at me.......I sense a crush! Hmm. “Ah it alright! It’s what Ido I a daily bases!” I laughed lightly again and got a hoof to the face. “No time for joking!” She yelled at me again, not fully crying. Why do all the ladies fall for me when I’m dieing but not really!? Now I have to deal with this later! “There’s nothing we can do! How am I suppose to sat think you for saving our lives?!” I chuckled. “Say ‘thank you’?” She stared at me, oh god I know that glare! IT’S YOUNG CELESTIA! “Thats to simple!” Aw shit she is not going to give up, time to accept the fact! She does live a long time and I think I’m older then her in the future and she does get older by then, I don’t even know hoe old she is! ARGH! Oh well. “Then what? I have 2 minute tops! So make a speech or something!” My hand had turned to stone at this point. “W-well I-I....” She looked at me a moment then flew forward and kissed me right on the lips. It lasted a minute. “Dude strick a poss! Your turning to stone!” The hooded man yelled out. I broke away from Celestia and struck the manliest poss I could think of before turning to stone and blacking out. (You guess what poss I did!)