Wrong Hospital Niko Bellic
By: Sorren
Part Ten
Niko chuckled. “What am I not going to believe Roman? I have been living with ponies.” Roman tried to say something but Niko cut him off. “No no no, let me guess. You are actually calling with something important to say?”
“Yes, Niko, I am,” Roman replied irritably. “Now can you please let me speak?”
Niko allowed himself a satisfied smile. “Yes Roman. Okay, now seriously, tell me, what is so important?”
Roman took a deep breath. “Okay, you are not going to believe this cousin. There is big—”
“Hold on one second Roman,” Niko cut him off. “Let me put you on speaker phone.” He leaned down to Spike. “Could you go get Brucie for me? He is at the farm.”
“All that way, at night?” Spike asked skeptically.
“Yes,” Niko replied firmly.
After receiving an insistent look from Twilight, the baby dragon left to fetch Brucie.
Niko switched the phone to speaker.
Roman’s voice bellowed from the speakers. “Would you shut the hell up!? I am trying to talk to Niko!”
Twilight cringed away from the phone.
“What is going on Roman?” Niko insisted.
“Sorry about that,” Roman replied. “So I am standing here, looking out apartment window at the fat American lady statue. I do not know what is happening. But there is like… big bubble around it.”
Niko raised an eyebrow at the phone. “Big bubble?”
“Yes. It is like some big electrical storm. But it’s around a bubble that is around the big statue. The police have all the waterways shut down. They won’t let anybody near it.” Roman paused. “Niko, I think something really bad is happening.”
Niko shot a look at Twilight. “Why do you think that?” he asked Roman.
“Because inside bubble, I can see magical colorful world like I was in yesterday. And there is obnoxious pink pony in my house!” He bellowed the last sentence at the top of his lungs.
Twilight’s head jerked upward. “Wait what!?”
“Hi… everypony!” came a very familiar voice. Niko dropped his face into the palm of his hand.
Roman’s voice could be heard over the phone. “Would you stop bouncing!? You remind me of a fucking pogo stick!”
“Roman,” Niko said levelly. “You need to calm down.”
“You are right cousin,” he replied after a minute. “I have just been flustered. I have not slept since I woke up last morning in bathtub wondering why I was in bathtub. Now it is morning in Liberty City and there is big portal thingy to pony world and pink pony in my penthouse. You can say it has not been best day.”
“Roman,” Niko said urgently. “Did you just say portal?”
“Did he just say portal?” Twilight asked more insistently.
Roman took a moment to reply. “Oh shit Niko. Sorry, I will have call you back.”
“Roman, wait!” The line went dead Niko swore and pocketed the phone. He turned to Twilight. “What could possibly be so important?” he said mockingly.
* * *
“Oh shit Niko. Sorry, I will have to call you back.” Roman ended the call and pocketed the phone.
He turned to the pink pony bouncing by his side. “What are you doing here!?”
“What are you doing here!?” Pinkie replied with joyful venom in her voice.
Roman brought his arms out to his sides and motioned around the living room. “This is my house.”
“Well what am I doing in your house!?” she replied accusingly.
Roman had to stop to think about the question. He stepped backwards and flopped down on the couch. “You are fun to hang out with for first hour,” he said, exasperation lining every syllable. “Then you turn into annoying pink blob!”
Pinkie’s smile froze on her face. It hovered there a moment longer before slowly contorting into a fat lip. “You… you don’t like me?” she whimpered.
Roman hurriedly waved his arms in front of him. “No, I-I did not mean it like that.”
To his horror, the pink pony burst out in tears. “No, stop crying!” he insisted frantically. “Please, it will be okay.”
“No!” she yelled at him, darting like a bullet into the open kitchen.
Roman stood up and chased after her. “Wait!” he called. “Stop running from me! We can still be friends!” He chased the pink bullet around the kitchen. But she poised herself on the other side of the island, always keeping her distance from him.
“No!” she yelled. “Apologize first!”
“I am sorry!” he yelled back.
“Not good enough!” Pinkie pulled open a cupboard drawer and began throwing pots and pans at him. Roman stuck up his hands defensively. One of the pans struck him in the shin and he hobbled backwards on one foot. Metal clattered loudly on the tile floor.
“Stop ruing my kitchen!” he pleaded, voice barely heard over the racket.
There was a knock on the door. “Roman? What’s going on in there?”
“Shit,” he silently swore to himself. “Nothing Mallorie! The TV is just up really loud! Just give me one second!” He turned his gaze back to the pink pony. “Would you stop it?” he whispered angrily.
“I’m coming in there Roman!” came Malliorie’s voice through the door. Roman heard the lock working.
Roman dashed forward. Taking the pink pony by surprise, he grabbed her up in his arms and shoved her in the cupboard. “You stay here,” he told her, closing the door in her face.
The front door opened and his girlfriend entered the penthouse. “What is going on in here Roman?” she asked in an exasperated tone.
Roman hurriedly flipped around and poised himself in front of the cupboard door. “Nothing,” he said nervously.
She fixed her gaze on the pots and pans strewn about the kitchen. “Right,” she swayed to her left hip and bore her eyes into his. “Why are my pots all over the floor?”
The door behind him slammed painfully against the back of his legs. Mallorie pointed to it angrily. “Roman, what is that?”
“Oh, um that.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “It is a cat.”
She deadpanned. “Why is it in the cupboard?”
“Because it has rabies,” he suggested meekly
Mallorie strode towards him determinedly. “Yeah, I don’t think so. Move,” she demanded.
Roman held out his hands as she approached. “I do not think that is best idea.”
She pushed him out of the way. “I want to find out what’s going on.”
Roman backed away hurriedly. Mallorie knelt down and slowly opened the small door. “I don’t see anything in here,” she said irritably. “Roman, are you going crazy or something?” She stuck her head into the dark space.
There was a bloodcurdling scream, followed by a pink explosion. Mallorie keeled over backwards to land painfully on a cooking pot. Pinkie bolted out of the cupboard and made like a pink streak out of the kitchen.
“I don’t like this place!” she screamed. Roman couldn’t tell whether or not she was having fun or completely terrified, or both.
The pink pony ran to the front door, and to Roman’s immense surprise, managed to get it open.
“No, don’t go out there!” he bellowed. “You are a pony!”
Pinkie ignored him, instead, bolting out of the penthouse.
Roman ran to the door, and hesitated. Did he really want to go chasing a pink pony down the streets of Liberty?
“Roman! You have a lot of explaining to do!” growled Mallorie, picking herself up off the ground.
Roman made up his mind. Chase the pink pony. “We can talk later,” he said to her. “Bye honey.” He closed the door and sprinted down the hall, after the fleeing pink shape.
* * *
The five of them sat around Twilight’s library. There was really nothing to do but wait. Brucie stretched with a loud groan. Niko shot him a glare for breaking the silence while Rainbow sat in a corner reading a book titled ‘Daring Do.’
Spike sorted books on the shelf and Twilight paced the floor anxiously. “She should have replied by now,” the lavender unicorn said worriedly.
“Relax,” Spike said reassuringly. “She’s probably just busy with something.”
Rainbow looked up from her book. “Maybe she’s trying to teach you some sort of self-dependency lesson Twi,” she teased.
Spike hopped down from the ladder. “There isn’t that much to worry about,” he stated calmly. “It’s not like…” he paused. The baby dragon belched loudly. A wisp of green flame emanated from his mouth and a scroll, seemingly appeared from midair.
Twilight bolted over to the baby dragon and snatched the scroll out of the air before it had even reached the ground. “Mine!” she declared, challenging any of them to tell her otherwise.
She excitedly unrolled the scroll with the use of her magic and held it in front of her face. Her exited expression changed to that of worry and anger as she read the parchment.
“What is it?” Spike asked.
Twilight glared at the paper. “On vacation, brb, two weeks… What’s that supposed to mean!?” she said angrily.
Brucie stood up. “I’m pretty sure that means we’re screwed.”
Twilight balked. “How could she just blow me off like this?”
Rainbow marked the place in her book and set it aside. “Hey, if I were on vacation I’d do the same thing. No offense.”
Twilight hung her head and turned to Niko. “Well that puts a big hole in your plan, whatever it was.”
Brucie looked around at them all. “So, what are we gonna’ do now?”
Twilight started towards the door determinedly. “I know what I’m going to do. I’m going to Canterlot to talk to the princess right now.”
Brucie hurriedly got to his feet and rushed forward to intercept her. “Whoa, hold it there Twilight,” he said quickly. “If she has reason not to help I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t want you showing up on spot.”
Twilight paused to shoot him a skeptical look. “How do you even know who the Princess is?”
He tugged on his collar and cleared his throat in a rather unorthodox manner. “Cause, I just do.”
The unicorn continued past him and pulled open the door, her horn glowing as she did so.
Niko was expecting her close the door behind her. Instead, she froze in the doorway. He waited for her to move but the mare stayed almost perfectly still. After a moment, Niko got to his feet and paced over to her.
“Are you okay?” he asked the frozen pony.
Twilight shook her head slowly. “We have a big problem.
Niko rolled his eyes. “That is what I have been trying to tell you.
Twilight raised a hoof and pointed to something outside. “Look,” she said.
Niko stooped down to peer through the low doorway. His jaw dropped. Over a row of houses, he could easily see the top half of a large round shape. Electricity crackled around it on the outside and mist swirled within. Inside the bubble, he could very faintly make out the top half of the Statue of Liberty.
“It’s a portal,” Twilight whispered.
Ponies in the street were beginning to take notice as well. Now that the sun was rising, the bubble was becoming noticeable.
Niko caught patches of two ponies’ conversation.
“What the hay is that?” one asked worriedly.
“I’m not sure,” the other replied. “But we should go see what it is.”
Niko pushed past Twilight and ran over to the small group of conjuring, worried ponies. “No,” he said insistently. “If you go near the big electric bubble you will die.” This may not have been entirely true; but there was no way he could let ponies go anywhere near that thing.
The group stared at him like he was some unknown being for a second before breaking apart in indignant mutters.
Twilight trotted up to meet him. “Well that was smooth,” she criticized.
Niko shot her an angry look. “I tired, okay.”
She changed topics. “So how are we going to deal with…” She trailed off, motioning towards the giant electric bubble.
Niko shook his head slowly. “We are going to have to find way to keep ponies away from it.”
Twilight nodded. “I’ll go get the others and tell them to start warning everypony.” She left him in the dimly lit street.
Niko’s phone started to ring. He pulled it out quickly and read the caller ID. It was Roman. He answered. “Roman, what is going on?”
“It will take me long time to explain right now cousin.”
Niko turned and began walking back to Twilights house. “So why did you call?”
“I hope you do not mind if I borrow your car.”
* * *
“Come back here!” Roman yelled to the fleeing pony.
She ignored him and charged out of the penthouse lobby. The doorman shot Roman a look and his jaw nearly dropped clear to the desk.
Roman charged out the front door and swung his head left and right. He spotted Pinkie running right. She was now charging down the sidewalk, drawing the eyes of everybody she passed.
Roman hurriedly pulled out his phone and called Niko. His cousin picked up on the first ring. “Roman, what is going on?” he asked.
“It will take me long time to explain right now cousin.” Roman ran for the black Hummer parked on the curb. He circled around to the driver’s side and pulled open the door.
“So why did you call?” Niko asked.
With a small amount of effort, Roman climbed into the high cab. It only took him about three seconds to find where Niko kept his keys. “I hope you do not mind if I borrow your car.” He would need two hands for this part. Roman ended the call and returned the phone to his pocket.
He jammed the key into the ignition and cranked the starter. The engine churned but didn’t turn over. Roman pounded the steering wheel, watching as the little pink pony gained distance on him. “Damn it, start!” he screamed at the vehicle. “This is not some shitty horror movie where car always sucks! Now fucking start!” He cranked the starter again and the engine turned over.
“Thank you!” Roman stomped on the gas pedal, very glad that the Hummer was an automatic. He chased after the pink pony, who had managed to amass a crowd trailing behind her. He weaved in and out of traffic, dodging both civilians and vehicles. He had never driven this fast in his life. And being in the cab industry, that was saying something.
A group of civilians began crossing the street in front of him. Roman slammed on the brakes and crammed his palm against the horn. The crossing people glared at him and hurried across. All but one of them.
An old white-haired lady with a walker stopped to give him the middle finger. “I’m walkin’ here!” she yelled at him in a raspy voice.
Roman threw a glance at the pink pony, who was now leaving him in the dust, again. He rolled down the window and hung his head out of the vehicle. “Hey, lady!” he yelled. “Get the hell out of the way!”
She raised the walker and thumped it against the bumper of the hummer. “I’ll move when I’m good and ready asshole.”
Roman waved his arms wildly about in the front seat. “Move your fat crippled ass before I run it the fuck over!”
The woman turned, startled, and hurriedly cleared him a path.
Once again he was speeding down the street, pink pony and the entire mob behind her growing in the windshield. Roman watched as she turned down a small alleyway, the mob hot on her tail. From what he could tell, the mob of people consisted of druggies and whatever else street scum could be found in Liberty.
It took Roman about fifteen seconds to reach the spot where she had turned. By the time he reached it, everyone else had already pursued the pink pony into the alley. He turned the monstrous vehicle and pointed it down the dark alleyway. He flipped on the high beams, bringing the group of people inside into proportion.
The alley was a dead end. From what Roman could see, at the end of the narrow drive was a larger square clearing, big enough for many garbage cans to be stored. On top of a dumpster against the back wall of the alley, surrounded by grabbing hands, was Pinkie Pie. “Get away you big meanies!” she bellowed, pressing herself up against the brick wall of the apartment behind her.
Roman had no idea why, but that was all it took to set him off. He stomped on the gas pedal and the behemoth of a vehicle barreled forward. The crowd turned as one, caught in the bright white headlights. “Get away from my pony!” Roman screamed form the driver’s seat, spittle spraying the windshield. The many druggies and hobo’s dodged out of the way as the Hummer shot down the alleyway.
Roman slammed the breaks at the last moment and vehicle slid to a sideways stop, inches from the dumpster Pinkie was poised on. “Holy shit,” he whispered to himself. “That was awesome!”
The top of the dumpster was almost the exact same height as the Hummer’s passenger window. He and Pinkie exchanged a knowing glance with each other. Roman smiled pleadingly and she returned it with a cheery nod, her cotton candy mane bobbing as if on a spring.
“Come on,” he said cheerfully, motion for the pink pony to hop in. She jumped forward. There was a loud thud as Pinkie smacked against the window.
“Oh shit.” Roman hurriedly reached to his left and rolled down the passenger side window. “Sorry!” he called to Pinkie. “I forgot to roll down the window. Try it again.”
She scrambled to her hooves and hopped into the vehicle. “Thanks,” she said happily. “For a while there I thought I was like, totally in trouble.”
“What do you say?” Roman asked. “Still friends?”
Pinkie smiled. “Definitely.”
“Hey man,” a stoned voice interrupted. “Are you like, going to share the pink thing?”
Roman turned to look into the face of a rather baked man. “No, go to hell. This is my pony.”
Roman looked around. He realized that they may be in a bit of trouble. The Hummer was completely surrounded by weary eyed men and women. They all gazed absentmindedly at the pink pony in the passenger seat.
Pinkie looked around nervously. “They’re zombies!” she declared fearfully. “Run!”
Roman stomped on the gas. He turned left and brought the vehicle back around to leave the way they had come. People jumped on the hood and onto the roof. Roman hit the door lock button as the mob assaulted the vehicle. “Get away!” he yelled. He turned to Pinkie. “Why are we getting attacked by stoner zombies?”
She shrugged.
A man leered through the driver’s side window and fastened his hands in Roman’s shirt. Roman screamed and gassed it; the man held strong and fastened his feet on the footplate. “Give me the horse!” he demanded.
“Never!” Roman yelled back. He reached his hand over and rolled up driver’s window. The man was caught by the head and the mechanism jammed. He hung from the side of the Hummer as they barreled back down the alley.
Even more of the crazies barred the way out. Roman didn’t slow down for them. They jumped on the hood, pressing their anxious faces against the glass. “Get off my car!” he yelled at them. Reaching down below the steering wheel, he turned on the windshield wipers. “Eat windshield wiper!”
Roman watched in horror as the crazies battled with the windshield wipers. He couldn’t see where he was going. They were all over the Hummer. He mashed the button for the glass cleaner and sprayed the hood-riders with the cleansing blue liquid. Roman screamed and pushed the accelerator to the floor.
He and Pinkie exchanged a look, both screaming as they were forced against the back of the seats as the Hummer sped forward. Roman kept an eye on where they were going through a spot between someone’s legs.
The Hummer emerged into the street and Roman yanked the wheel hard right. He was rewarded with the loss of a few drug-zombies.
The man rolled up in the window gurgled and spouted illiterate nonsense into the vehicle. “Shut up!” Roman yelled at him. “I am trying to drive!”
He pressed the horn and swerved back and forth, trying to shake as many people as possible. He blew by a police car, which pulled a U-turn and flipped on its lights.
“What’s that?” Pinkie asked, all traces of fear gone.
“It is police car,” Roman replied. Now he was staring to get angry. He rolled down his window. The man caught in the window fell onto the road. Roman stuck his head out the vehicle and yelled back at the police car. “Help! Get these crazy people off of my car!”
The police officer spoke into the loud speaker. “Pull over!”
Roman glared. “Well fuck you then!”
He pulled his head back into the vehicle and rolled up the window. With the adrenaline wearing off, he was now feeling rather panicked. He took a heavy right turn. Two more junkies fell from the roof and tumbled to the road. He took the corner too fast and demolished a newspaper stand.
Pinkie started going through a weird series of spasms in the passenger seat. “Twitchy leg,” she declared. “Itchy mane.” She threw an urgent look at Roman. “We’re about to be crushed by a giant water tower!” she yelled.
Roman turned to her. “What?”
“Hurry! Turn left!” she insisted.
With no reason to protest, Roman jerked the wheel left. There was a large bolt of electricity and a white flash. In the air to the left of them, appeared a large water tower. It crashed to the ground, turning the police car into a pancake.
Roman hopped up and down in his seat, at a loss for words. A wall of water rushed towards them and engulfed the vehicle. Roman screamed all the while as he battled to keep control of the vehicle. Water ran in torrents down the windshield. The windshield wipers, having been used as weapons on the druggies, were bent out of proportion and no longer worked.
“Shit!” Roman swore, trying to make out the world ahead through the distortion if the water. “The crazies broke my fucking windshield wipers!”
After a moment, the water subsided and Roman allowed himself a deep breath.
He turned to pinkie, jaw slightly agape. “How did you know about water tower?”
She shrugged. “Pinkie sense.”
Roman looked around. There were no longer any crazies on the Hummer. He assumed it safe to turn the windshield wipers off. He pulled off the main road and into a small parking lot.
He and Pinkie exchanged a shocked glance. Roman cracked a smile. “That was awesome!”
* * *
Two ponies and two humans stood looking at where the Ponyville water tower had once stood.
Niko crossed his arms and cocked his head to one side. “So, where did water tower go?” he wondered aloud?”
Twilight shook her head. “Not sure. Spike and I have both taken it before…” She trailed off. “I have no clue.”
Niko raised a contemplative eyebrow. “Well it had to go somewhere.”