On the Corner of Straight and Narrow

by Tatsurou


How to Regain Control but Fail the Mission

As the surprising musical number ended, one of the mariachis spoke up. "Uh oh, the cow man has had a heart attack."

Bosco's soul then floated over to the central platform, between the moai heads.

"Oh well," the mariachi said. "Begin the soul crushing!"

"No!" Trixie wailed. "Don't crush Uncle Bosco!"

"Uncle?" Sam and Max asked together.

Bosco - his soul at any rate - for his part, smiled, wiping away a tear. As the moai heads began their soul-crushingly boring recitation of their lives, something unexpected happened. Bosco's soul wasn't crushed.

"There is an error," one the youngest mariachi said. "His soul is not being crushed."

"I don't care what you do to me!" Bosco said happily. "Trixie called me Uncle! Nothing can take away from that!"

"Give it time," the oldest mariachi said. "It will happen eventually." The mariachis then walked off to their ship related duties.

"How come we just let that happen?" Max asked. "Trixie, isn't things like this normally where you break the flow of events with a combination of cuteness and relatively overpowered magic to prevent the bad stuff?"

Trixie sniffed. "You don't interrupt musical numbers," Trixie scolded. "Everypony knows that! You two both had guns. What's your excuse?"

Sam tugged his tie nervously. "Well...the tune was really catchy..."

"I wanted to see what would happen," Max said happily. "I also wanted to let you have first crack at them, Trixie."

Trixie nuzzled Max, then pulled back. "Well, we need to get control of the ship so we can get Bosco back in his body," Trixie pointed out.

"Jane? Anything you can do?" Max called out.

"I may have given permission for Internet to communicate," the shipboard AI began, "but that doesn't mean-"

"Scorpio," Trixie stated simply.

"Wait, what-" the shipboard AI began, followed by unintelligible electronic screeching. For a brief moment, every light aboard the ship flickered.

"I have consumed the irritating AI of the ship," Jane said at last. "He will no longer give us a problem. However, I am unable to overwrite the crew override commands. You will need to acquire their cooperation somehow."

"That should be easy enough," Trixie replied. "Trixie will just be her usual adorable self."

"So which one are you going to try and win over first?" Sam asked.

"The youngest," Trixie replied, heading back to the bridge.


Back on the bridge, a time card for Embarrassing Idol had been printed, as the middle and youngest mariachi planned to sing for the Soda Poppers triplets.

Trixie approached the mariachi sitting in the Captain's chair and gave him cute eyes. "Pwease give back Unca Bosco's soul?" she pleaded.

He squealed happily. "Oh, is Great and Powerful Trixie!" He scooped her up happily. "I no recognize you during our musical number! I always want to meet you!" He sighed. "But I no can give cow-man's soul back. We must meet our quota. And short of a singing contract with my name on it, I can't ditch this operation, as much as I want to."

Trixie smiled a Grinch smile and levitated the time card that had just printed over to herself. "Excuse me," she said, using it with the time elevator.


Once in the time period where Trixie had won her singing contract, Trixie approached herself outside. "Hey Daddy!" she shouted, pointing. "A pretty fish!"

"Where?" Max called out, looking for the fish in question.

Trixie then approached herself. "Trixie needs to make a magical copy of the singing contract we just won," she whispered to her past self.

"Why should Trixie believe that you are the Great and Powerful Trixie?" past Trixie demanded.

Trixie touched her horn to her past self's horn. Electricity sparked of its own accord. "Trixie watched enough Doctor Who with Daddy back now to recognize that," she explained.

Past Trixie nodded. "Yes," she muttered, rubbing the tip of her horn. "But isn't copying contracts...illegal?"

"That's why Trixie will do it," Future Trixie explained. "It's not illegal for Trixie!"

"How?"

"Spoilers!"

"Okay." Past Trixie held out the still unsigned contract.

Smirking, Future Trixie used a spell to duplicate it, putting the copy in her hat. "Thanks for the help!"

"How is Trixie supposed to explain this to Uncle Sam?" past Trixie asked.

"Make up something about fighting a bird or something," Future Trixie replied. "Be you later!" She then dashed off back to the time elevator.

"Time stream excessively convoluted," Jane stated. "However, I don't think you actually changed anything."

"Trixie's just awesome like that," Trixie replied, riding the time elevator back to the ship.


Back aboard the ship, the 'captain' was more than happy to ditch the time travel situation now that he had a singing contract. "One down, two to go," Trixie said happily.

"Now we've just got the older one listening for people to say birthday, and the oldest one watching the soul crushing process," Sam explained.

Trixie approached the one by the speaker. "Excuse me," she began cutely.

"Not now, tiny pony," the mariachi scolded. "I must listen for birthdays to sing for."

Trixie blinked in confusion. "You never sang for Trixie's birthday," she pointed out.

"Of course not," he replied absently. "We only sing for human birthdays."

Trixie's eyes narrowed.


"Wow," Sam commented dryly. "That's something I never thought I'd see."

"I can't believe it's possible to shove somebody into a control panel via a radio sound grill without damaging the control panel!" Max said in awe.

"I can't believe you can do it while only rendering the person in question unconscious," Sam added.

"I can't believe it wasn't me who did it!" Max concluded.

Trixie brushed her hooves together as though getting dust off them. "Trixie thinks that idiot is dealt with!" she snapped. "Only human birthdays! Bah!" With that, she turned to head back to the time vortex chamber.


Back in the time vortex chamber, Trixie approached the oldest mariachi. "So...what will it take to get you to abandon ship?" she asked.

"Well, I would leave this job like a shot," the eldest mariachi replied. "It is not exactly enjoyable. But I have deep questions I need answered."

"Like what?" Sam asked.

"Well, which came first, the chicken or the egg?" the old mariachi asked.

"Are you a creationist or an evolutionist?" Trixie asked.

"Beg pardon?" the mariachi asked.

"There's a definitive answer for each philosophy," Trixie replied. "Mommy's been giving Trixie a very well rounded education."

The mariachi scratched his chin. "For the sake of argument, let us say I am creationist."

"God made all creatures in their adult forms, with the command to be fruitful and multiply," Trixie explained. "So he created the first chicken, which laid the first egg. Ergo, the chicken came first."

"I see. And if I were an evolutionist?"

"The first chicken hatched from an egg laid by the last proto-chicken, the creatures that was one genetic mutation removed backwards from the modern day chicken," Trixie explained. "Ergo, the egg came first."

"I see," the mariachi replied. "But which philosophy is correct?"

"Whoa there," Sam said quickly. "We aren't weighing in on that controversy."

"Yeah!" Max replied. "We have a hard enough time getting in new games as is!"

"You crack me up, little buddy," Sam chided.

"Fair enough," the mariachi replied. "But I do have one other question: how will I die?"

Trixie pulled her gun out and shoved it into the mariachi's mouth. "Interfere with Daddy and Uncle Sam getting Uncle Bosco out of the time vortex, and Trixie will make sure you find out right quick."

"Trixie, are you alright?" Sam asked.

"Trixie is tired, cranky, underfed, has a terrible time travel headache, and just watched one as close as family die!" Trixie yelled out. "What do you think?!"

"Trixie is not alright," Jane translated.

"Then let's put Bosco back together and make her all better!" Max said, running over and pushing the bridge extend button.

"Extending bridge," Jane stated as Bosco's body extended into the time vortex on the bridge. "Umm...we have a problem."

"How so?" Sam asked.

The elder mariachi managed to get the gun out of his mouth. "A foreign body in the time vortex triggers the self destruct mechanism!" he shouted.

Bosco's soul gaped. Then his eyes hardened. "Sam, Max, forget about me! Just save Trixie!" With that, his soul collapsed in on itself and was sucked upwards through a Bermuda Triangle portal.

"Uncle Bosco!" Trixie shouted, rushing over the bridge.

"I have found a way for you all to escape," Jane explained. "I am putting the portal suction into overdrive. Get to the time vortex."

Following Jane's instructions, the trio raced into the center, where they - along with Bosco's body - were sucked through the portal.