Why Princesses Don't Bake

by Arcelia

Why Princesses Don't Bake

As Celestia slowly opened her eyes, a harmony of clanging pots and pans echoed through the halls of the castle. The alicorn rose nonchalantly from her bed and adorned her royal crest pieces before peeping her head out into the hallway. Just down the passage, a large bowl rolled out of the furthest door on the right; this could only mean one thing.

Letting out a heavy sigh, the princess made her way down the passage knowing all too well of the mayhem that was afoot.

Ever since her sister’s return, she had been taking up various hobbies and activities, or as she put it: trying to ‘reintegrate’ into normal society. But to Celestia, it was just another mess she would have to clean up. In the past, Luna had tried more extreme hobbies like archery and para-gliding but now she was trying to avoid doing anything that would land her another trip to the hospital. Especially after her attempt at snowboarding. Which, of course did not go well at all.

Shuddering at the mere thought of what had to be the worst vacation she had ever been on, Celestia stopped outside the entryway to the kitchen. There was no need to go inside, for the large splotches of batter and flour were enough to know that there could only been one explanation.

“Luna, I thought we both agreed that you would stop with these shenanigans. After all, it has been nearly a year since your return I think its time you returned to your normal...activities.” pleaded Celestia, un-amused by her sister’s ridiculous antics.

The Princess of the Night simply smiled proudly as she levitated a mixer over to the bowl, sending batter everywhere. “Worry not dear sister, for I was only trying to bake you a delicious cake!’ Luna reassured her, turning her attention away from her cooking.

All around her was a chaotic mess, the batter stricken walls only fueling her rage even more, but something else had drawn her attention away from the all the clutter. Crawling around the counter-top was a miniature figure, no bigger than a mouse.

“Uh...Luna?”

“Yes, Tia?” she replied, turning to face her sister once more.

“There’s a rat on the edge of your bowl.” Celestia pointed out bluntly.

“Do not fret sister, for he shall do us no harm. He is simply hungry.”

“Well, if you want your cake to have a slight vermin taste to it that is.” Celestia said, letting out a giggle.

Luna pouted. “At least I try and do some of my own cooking for once, you and your large platters of donuts don’t lie.”

“I like to keep my dietary habits to myself, Luna. Of course, I’m quite sure that the night guard would be amused by the tales of your midnight snacks. Remember that time you decided you had a bizarre craving for salt and pepper french fries dipped in chocolate ice-cream?” Celestia smiled mischievously.

Her sister’s face turned crimson, “Yes Tia but I that was because I was in the middle of a gaming tournament and needed the extra carbs to help me concentrate.”

“Of course, that explains why one fateful evening you wanted chocolate and fried onion, with grilled cheese in a sandwich.”

“Once again, I was in the middle of one of my marathons, and therefore needed a little boost to get me through the night.”

“Then I’m sure that would explain your bizarre cravings for salty cucumber fingers and custard?” Celestia snickered.

But before her sister could make an equally mocking remark in response, the sleepy and slightly disheveled form of Princess Cadence walked in.

Letting out a loud yawn, Cadence chimed in. “What are you two arguing over now?”

“I am trying to get Luna to stop with her ridiculous antics, clearly you didn’t hear all the commotion from two floors up. I’m sure even the Royal Guard would've been slightly startled by all the noise.” Celestia replied, a splotch of flour landing on her nose.

Cadence let out a light chuckle. “Well, I would've thought that they would be used to it by now. After all, according to Shining Armor one of the basic training components is to be able to stand perfectly still and silent while in a room full of screaming parakeets.” she said, dodging a large spoonful of batter as it was sent flying through the air.

At that moment Twilight shuffled in through the entrance, eyelids still half closed as drool clung to the edge of her chin. “What in Equestria-?” she mumbled quietly as she felt the powdery sensation beneath her hooves.

“Good morning Twilight, I hope you slept well. I do apologize if my sister woke you, she hasn't been...her usual self lately.” Celestia greeted her politely, noticing the large swollen blemish on the pony’s forehead. “Late night studying I presume?”

Twilight rose a hoof to her forehead, feeling the large bump that had formed. “Oh. Yes, well I woke with a rather firm thud. I heard all the noise coming from downstairs and decided to investigate. It would seem that some ponies don’t know the meaning of the word-” but she was cut off by the wet, cold sensation of sticky batter making contact with her face.

“Manners.” Twilight managed to finish as the princess slowly composed themselves, rising to their hooves once more.

The other two alicorns giggled at the pony’s now sticky and battered covered features.

“My apologies Twilight, it would seem that Luna is lost in her own little world at the moment.” said Cadence.

“Speaking of Luna…” Celestia said, glancing over at her sister as she as she placed the baking tray into the oven.

“Tia?”

“Yes, Luna?”

“How hot should I make the oven?” her sister asked, clearly she had never baked a cake before.

“One hundred and eighty degrees at the most Luna, otherwise it’ll burn.” Celestia replied.

“Three hundred and eighty degrees did you say?”

“No Luna, one hundred and eighty degrees.” she said, almost shouting.

“Oh. Of course. How long will it take to cook?”

“About twenty minutes.” Celestia replied.

“Twenty minutes? But...but, that’s far too long for a simple cake to cook! Surely there must be some way of speeding up processes perhaps if I….”

“No! Luna, wait!” but her cries went unheeded for as Luna casted her magic onto the electrical element of the oven, she caused for the frequencies to collide and as a result for the entire Royal Canterlot Kitchens to be destroyed. Perishing in the great explosion that Luna’s incompetency had caused.

Thankfully, the four alicorns had survived the blast thanks to the swift actions of Celestia who casted a teleportation strong enough to send the four of them to a safe place. A safe place being the rest of the castle, which remained unaffected by the outburst.

Now, they were all seated in the great dining hall staring at the pitiful remains of Luna’s cooking. Residing in the middle of the table was a largely burnt pile of cake chunks. It was all they managed to save from the blast. Only one question remained; who would be brave enough to take the first bite?

After a few more minutes of silence, the loud chewing noises coming from Princess Luna’s mouth surprised everypony.

“What? Its delicious!” Luna declared, ignoring the disgusted looks of those around her.

“Luna, the rat was perched on the edge of your bowl fell right into the batter. I don’t think you should be eating that.” Celestia replied.

The princess of the night stopped chewing to consider her sister’s words, the batter did have a bit of a slight vermin taste to it after all. But other than that, it was fine. Albeit a little burnt but fine. After a moment she swallowed. “I am aware of that, but I will not let a perfectly good cake go to waste. After all, this could be our last meal for quite awhile and who knows when I’ll get to eat cake again?” she asked rhetorically.

The other three alicorns just giggled at Luna’s rather childish mind as she continued to eat the chunks of cake before them. It is for this reason that princesses, most certainly do not bake.