//------------------------------// // 4: Research, Unicorn Style // Story: Space Captain Pinkie Pie // by terrycloth //------------------------------// “Useless!” Twilight cried, throwing yet another book onto the pile near the ‘magic’ shelf. Her assistant ambled out of the kitchen and looked at the growing pile with dismay. “You know, Twilight, we’d spend a lot less time reshelving if you’d put the books back when you were done with them.” “Quiet, Spike,” Twilight said, staring at one of the half-dozen books still hovering around her. “I’m trying to concentrate.” “Drop everything, Twilight! I found a spell that will solve all our problems!” came Pinkie’s excited voice from the other room. Twilight let her hovering books fall to the ground as Pinkie dropped a large tome onto the table in front of her, open to a page near the middle. Twilight read the title aloud, slowly, since it was written in old Equestrian. “The magnificent spell to turneth the Earth Pony like unto the Pegasus.” Pinkie bounced around happily. She was still looking a bit beat up, but it didn’t seem to be slowing her down anymore. “And you said it couldn’t be done.” “This spell isn’t nearly as hard as I thought – where did you find this?” Twilight asked, lifting the book up in a purple aura and flipping it around to look at the spine. “I’m surprised you didn’t know about it,” Pinkie continued. “I mean, Starswirl the Bearded is one of your heroes, isn’t he?” “Pinkie –“ Twilight said, dropping the book face down as she read the spine. “And you even had it filed under ‘Classics’!” “Pinkie!” Twilight shouted, prompting the pink pony to pause. “Pinkie, this is a book of amniomorphic spells.” Pinkie Pie stared at her, smiling vacantly. “Amniomorphic spells are cast on a foal still in the womb.” “Oh,” Pinkie Pie said, “Well, okay.” “I’m sorry, but we’re not going to solve this by transforming our passengers,” Twilight Sparkle continued. “What we need is to find a force field spell that will hold air –“ “Or a time travel spell, that would let you go back in time and cast your omniomathic spell on me while I’m still in the womb!” Pinkie Pie suggested eagerly. “I know just where to find one!” “That spell only works once, and I already used it,” Twilight said, getting to her feet and pacing back and forth. “Besides, it only creates stable time loops. Why would pegasus Pinkie Pie send me back in time to change her into a pegasus?” “I could leave myself a note?” Pinkie Pie suggested. Twilight paused in her pacing. “Spike! Take a note. Dear Princess Celestia…” === “To my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,” Spike recited from the unfurled scroll he’d burped up in response, “Ponies were not meant to travel to the stars, or even the moon.” “What?” Twilight said, recoiling. Spike rolled his eyes and skimmed to the bottom of the rather long scroll. “Calm down, she goes on. Yada yada spirit of exploration, blah blah danger and hardship, ‘So while I will not forbid you and your friends to pursue this path, I’m afraid that the only aid or advice I can offer you is this: Wear sunscreen.’” “So sunscreen will protect us from the ouchy heights of empty space?” Pinkie asked. “Wow. They should really charge more for that stuff.” Twilight yanked the scroll out of Spike’s hands, and read it herself, twitching a bit or grimacing as she read certain passages. “Nng. She’s still mad about the Smarty Pants incident. ‘The forcefield spells about which you inquire were banned for a reason. They can be a deadly weapon in the wrong hooves, and a dangerous tool even for those who mean well.’” “So should we go get our ninja suits?” Pinkie asked. “I still have your old eye-patch.” “I think –,” Twilight Sparkle started, through gritted teeth, crumpling up the scroll in her magic until it suddenly burst into flames and burned to ashes. Pinkie Pie and Spike stared at her. “Eheh,” she said, collapsing to the ground and covering her face with her hooves. “I think I might be getting a little too obsessed with this,” she admitted. “That’s okay, Twilight,” Pinkie Pie said with an easy smile. “You just rest, and let auntie Pinkie Pie worry about getting herself to the moon. I think I’ll go see what Dashie and Applejack are up to.” Twilight moved a hoof an inch, peeking out from underneath it. “Are they up to something? Why would you think they were up to something? What sort of thing would they be up to?” she asked, suspiciously. “I don’t know,” Pinkie Pie said. “That’s why I’m going to go check.” “It better not involve a giant see-saw,” Twilight said. She sighed, and got to her feet. “I’d better come along and make sure they don’t hurt themselves.”