//------------------------------// // Ch. 112: Up For Review // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// "Formatting" can be set to "Dark" or "Light". Properties in this chapter belong to their respective owners. --- Triple Lightning Round Here, all the fights are held without the boring analysis. Six fighters! All action! No research! Lightning Round! Start the clock and... go! (Mithrarin vs. The Counselor) ---Dust vs. Dr. Wolf--- After defeating the Japanese wolf that killed Fidget, Mithrarin makes a mad dash through the woods. Where is he going? What is he doing? Why can't he think about anything but pure anger right now? The answer to one of those questions... after the break. --- I don't always watch ponies. But when I do, I prefer My Little Pony. --- There is a rush of black and light blue. This anthro fox is not taking any time to stop and think. Despite a few words in edgewise from his talking sword, he continues his mad dash. Meanwhile, from a sniper pony's vantage point... "We've got some shonky business coming our way," warns the mustard yellow unicorn. "Could you be more specific?" asks the red medic unicorn. "Crikey!" The sniper's eyes go wide. "It's an unregistered BLU fighter that's rippin' the style straight from our own Doc!" "Oh, that's no big deal." The medic shrugs. "KeyFrame is the BLU medic." "No, not that kind of doctor, ya bloody showpony. I'm talking about our actual doctor!" ... "You know, he's not really a doctor either." "Oh for Pete's sake! Just get him out here to sort with this intruder, all right? I want to camp in peace today." "All right, fine. Geez." The medic grumbles while trotting away and mumbling. "I don't see why you can't shoot the darn enemy if you've already got him in your sights." --- "What the- AAAAAAH!" The pink demo-pegasus with an eyepatch gets smacked away by the intruder's sword. Although, that shouldn't be possible, considering how good she showcased her melee combat prowess in her application. Nevertheless, she groans as she's sprawled on the ground. The Mithrarin's ears perk up through his hat. Across the way sits somebody else, reclined on a camping chair. This particular somebody is strumming a quiet melody on an acoustic guitar. His face is hidden by a yellow hard hat, save for his fuzzy smile. "Buddy, you just ain't doin' it right." Some background brass instruments play as a title card randomly covers the screen. Meet the Engineer... again As the little intro interrupts his solo, the alleged engineer sets his guitar to the side. He pulls out a very specific wrench in one paw and slowly pats it against the other. The intruder spits to the side, bearing his Elysium sword back-handed. Now that the doctor is in... Mission begin! Dr. Wolf pounds a spot on the ground with his wrench. Within seconds, a level one sentry is constructed. It aims its small guns and fires. Dust spins his sword in front of himself. His "Dust Storm" parries a whole round of the sentry's bullets. But he doesn't hold his position in waiting. He quickly runs forth. Meanwhile, the doctor scampers over to his dispenser to gather some more parts. But he's forced to lean back in shock as Dust jumps up, spins through the air, and basically slices up the two machines so much that they fail to function. Sparks fly from the broken sentry and dispenser as the doctor flees from the scene. Dust gives chase, quickly gaining ground as his pace and height are both greater than the doc's. He's almost right on top of the wolf, just before they both step on a teleporter. It almost sounds like a double explosion rather than a simple displacement of matter from one location to another. A bright light fills the camera. The Mithrarin puts up a hand to cover his eyes, even though his hat is already doing a pretty good job of blocking out the light. After a while of disorientation, Dust finds himself standing outside of a plain door with a knob. He looks around a completely empty hallway. Slowly, he reaches to the knob and turns it. He cautiously approaches the room's center. He feels rather tired all of a sudden. The atmosphere just feels... right for lying down on the couch. In a nearby chair, another furry creature wearing a nice collared shirt sits, scribbling down a few notes on a pad of paper. Dust sighs and takes off his hat for a while. "So, Mr. Dust... tell me what's on your mind." "Well, I guess it all started when Jin and Cassius clashed." Momentary finish! This round's victory goes to... Dr. Wolf! Bring on the beak-off! (Gryphon vs. Hippogryph) ---Gilda vs. Silver Quill--- "Wow," says a fine gentleman with his eyes wide. "I had no idea that an earth pony rhythm could destroy Twittermite-powered constructs so easily." He takes a couple of steps back. "I'd... better lay low for a bit." Several stone arms and mechanical blades are toppling across the scene. Applejack bucks the knees out from under one straggling construct. Pinkie Pie sends another flying with her Party Cannon to its inexpressive face. Maud's hooves of fury practically wipe a construct out of existence. The last construct assumes a meditating pose as Tree Hugger shares her "sonic bliss". As all of this is going on, the hippogryph takes the opportunity to run away very fast. However, he doesn't watch where he's going. His negligence is reprimanded by a collision with the tush of a similar-looking creature. "Hey!" she yells as she turns her angry face. "Oh... hi, Gilda," says the hippogryph with a cheerful tone. "I haven't seen you since... well... ever. I was just passing by and thinking since we're both beaked friends, maybe we could do each other a friendly favor?" Gilda shoves the guy away with a claw. She then proceeds to take a deep breath... and roar. The hippogryph's feathers briefly spring up in all directions until the half-lion's noise ends. He gulps. "So, uh... is that a 'roar, yes' or a 'roar, no'?" Ladies and gentlemen it's... Showtime! Gilda growls before taking a flying pounce. She starts rapidly clawing at Silver from the left and right. It's all the poor hippogryph can do to hold up his own talons in fear. "No, not the face!" he cries out. "Take the wings instead! They still don't have proper animation!" The gryphon wisely ignores Quill's advice. She continues clawing his chest and arms. He takes a peek with one eye in spite of his growing pain. Though, his worry is quickly replaced with confusion. "Wait, is that the KFC staff?" he asks. "What?!" squawks Gilda. She frantically turns around on her hind legs. But there is nothing there. When she turns back to call out the lie, Silver is already running away from the vicinity. He stops and takes a look through one of the pony's inventories. When he pulls out a lasso, he turns around with confidence. "What in tarnation?" hollers the robbed pony. But the hippogryph is already on the move. He swings the loop of the lasso high above his head. He then thrusts it forward... and misses Gilda by several feet off the screen. There is a "yoink" noise as an outfit and a heavy weapon land at Silver's feet. He looks down in surprise. "Hmm, not what I had in mind, but... I'll take it," he says gladly. There are some clicking noises as Silver Quill equips his newly acquired items: The RED Heavy's outfit and his minigun. Gilda opens her eyes wide upon seeing the heavily armed hippogryph. She flaps her wings and lifts up just as the gun starts spinning around and releasing all of its bullets. Despite the miss, the minigun continues firing in roughly the same direction. It even drags Silver forward along the ground as he shakes from the gun's rapid vibrations. Up above, the gryphon watches her opponent skeptically. She flies down just behind and above him. She then promptly shoves down on his back while slicing through his neck with her talons. "Naaaaaar," groans Silver Quill. "Nope, that still doesn't sound like a real reaction to pain." He collapses when his nerves stop responding below his neck. The Alicorn Amulet falls out of his chest fluff without a living wielder to utilize its dark magic. Gilda screeches and roars simultaneously at her newest kill. And cut! The winner of this round is... Gilda! Now, shall we paint or chew? (You'd swear this next round was a YTP) ---Majin Buu vs. Lightning Bliss--- A creature resembling a fat, pink man and wearing baggy pants wanders into the middle of what appears to be an Old Western town. He hums a tuneless melody and wears the silliest, yet small grin on his face. At least, it looks like a face. It's a bit difficult to determine actual anatomy on a body that wiggles all over like a mixture of play-doh and bubble gum. "Surprise!" A mechanical spy attempts to stab him in the back. But the pink man only turns his head in mild confusion. He giggles and gently slaps the robot. The mechanical construct experiences fear, or at least gives a convincing imitation of being frightened as it screams through the air. The robot spy collides with one of the wooden walls and slides down, surprisingly not breaking anything but itself. Suddenly there's a scream accompanied by a flashing sphere composed of the visible light spectrum. It swirls around wildly in curved paths throughout the sky. Within a couple of seconds, however, it runs over the pink man and lands on the ground beside him. The rainbow dissipates to reveal a white pony character. The looks of this pony are a little... stressful for the eye to comprehend. She has the anatomy of an alicorn, yet her tail looks like it was stretched really thin and turned into a bendable paintbrush. There is also a pair of goggles that rest above her eyes instead of being properly worn. Her hind leg reaches up to her large ears and scratches them like a dog would. Steam escapes the ear holes of the pink man. "You want Buu make you dead?" "Wait, what?!" The pony turns around and waves her front legs insistently. "No, no, no! I just got away from a monster loaf of bread that was trying to eat me! I don't want to die!" "You no talk more!" shouts the pink man. "Now you die!" En garde! Allez! Fat Buu flies in quick with his gloved fist extended in front of him. Lightning Bliss lets out a whinny out of fright. She rushes straight up into the sky. After Buu misses his target, he grunts and performs an instant transmission upward. He reappears right above the pony and releases a big breath. The resulting aftershock sends Bliss soaring into a building and against the ground. Bliss groans and stands up, shaking off the pain. However, her attacker is quickly closing the distance. She screams and sweeps her tail in front of herself. A small stroke of rainbow floats up and collides with Buu's fist. He pulls his glove back in confusion. The small floating stroke vanishes. Scoffing, Buu rapidly throws in several punches in rapid succession. Still whinnying in fright, Bliss shakes her paintbrush tail just as rapidly. With every midair stroke that Buu breaks, another one collides and stops each of his punches. The sound effects guy is borrowing a lot of punching noises from Dragon Ball today. Eventually, Buu backs off just a tad bit. That is exactly the opening Bliss can use to gallop away as fast as her legs can take her. Buu gives chase with the air, practically forming Mach cones around him as he flies. Thinking quickly, Bliss quickly whips her tail on a concentrated surface area that can follow her. It forms into a relatively large, brown, and flying door. Said door opens by itself. "Anger! Inner Child! Get him!" Bliss yells. Two figures rush out of the door and collide with Buu, halting his supersonic advance. He lets out a confused grunt as he gets a better look at them. They have an uncanny resemblance to Lightning Bliss. One of them is covered in a fairly red aura and has a pissed off look on her face. The other looks about the size of a one-year-old filly and has a face of excitement and wonder. The allegedly named Anger and Inner Child fly and zip around Buu in a couple of blurs. His body gets several dents pushed into him, signifying the points of impact. If this were any normal man, he'd require some serious hospitalization. The two fillies rush back to the side to admire their fighting handiwork. Unfortunately for them, Buu is no ordinary man. Buu pops back into his normal fat self in about one second. Some energy is focused and fired from the single antenna on his head. It collides with Anger and Inner Child, making them spasm as if being electrocuted. One second we're looking at two ponies. The next, the camera is seeing two jawbreakers. Licking his lips, Buu rushes over and swallows them both. Wide-eyed and mouth agape, Bliss stares at the whole scene unfolding in front of her. Two of her innermost aspects given physical form just got eaten by a fat thing. But the true horror has yet to begin. Energy irradiates from Buu in highly concentrated power levels. The fat pink blob screams at most inhumane tones. The energy levels are so overwhelming, that anyone looking directly through the camera gets blinded. Luckily, we have plenty of reserves to keep the motion picture rolling. As the energy starts to become more stable, Buu's form shrinks against the red light. His clothes face a bit of a downgrade as well, from a vest and baggy pants to a slightly smaller pair of baggy pants. His eyes open up and reveal red irises against black eyeballs. Kid Buu chortles in a much deeper tone than his fat counterpart's voice. He lifts a palm and fires a few ki blasts in the pony's direction. Screaming, Bliss flies out of the way as quickly as she can manage. Kid Buu lets out a shrill yell and pounds his chest like an ape. Once he finishes that little bout, he lifts a hand above his head. A giant pink ball of death rolls and builds within reach of his open palm. Bliss whinnies in fright and concentrates her magic. A sphere of rainbow surrounds her entirely, blocking her from view. It races around the battlefield. As Kid Buu swings his hand down, his Planet Burst races for the ground. The camera zooms extremely far away. It's enough to watch the entire planet disintegrate in a huge, pink explosion. Amidst the destruction, however, Kid Buu fails to notice a sphere of rainbows flying away to who-knows-where. "Just once, I'd like to not get threatened by sentient food," complains Bliss from inside her trademark transportation. Halte! The result of this round is... no contest. Shenron, build us a new planet Earth! --- Next time on Death Battle... "When it gets right down to it, I do come through!" Vs. "Jak, come on! Say something to me, buddy!" ---