//------------------------------// // Self-actualization // Story: How my Little Brother Became an Alicorn // by WiseFireCracker //------------------------------// I awoke with a low groan. Through my closed eyes, I could already feel the stinging burn of the light shining down on my face. One day – yes, one day –, Celestia would have to tell me why she made mornings so miserable for everypony by having them before noon. That would all happen some other day though, because as soon as my mind had stirred from its slumber, it had been assaulted by a flurry of unpleasant sensations. At the front of it, pain. Nothing could quite equal the throbbing headache hammering down on the sides of my head. It made me curl up an inch, then flinch as the movement had made my fur brush against another’s. My eyes shot wide open then, closing a second later because of the brightness. The dryness in my mouth was not purely due to my hangover. Somepony was leaning against me in the early hours of the day. The scent that floated to my nostrils had a subtle hint of lavender still. Twilight, I thought, and the last of my sleep left me. I remembered… enough. Something of heat, kisses and hushed whispers, then cries of pleasure and ecstasy. We had done it. We had actually done it. Sex. I’ve had sex with a mare. I think that’s the biggest proof right there. Another memory came to me. Not the act itself, but right afterward when we had lain together, ours wings held mixed, our bodies touching and sharing warmth, and her smile a thousand times gentle. Love. I made love to her. The thought gave a part of me shivers, though I could not decide from what. Restlessness started eating at my legs, but I did not leave the bed yet. She was still sleeping next to me, still sharing such comfortable warmth. A small smile etched on her lips, and she leaned closer in her sleep. I raised a hoof to my cheek, testing for a spot where I could still feel the phantom stroke of Twilight’s magic. It had tingled, but there had also been tenderness to it. “Let me prove it to you,” she said… What did Twilight prove to me? What did I prove to her? That we cared, maybe. That we hadn’t wanted to say goodbye. I ran a hoof across her mane, gently pushing a strand back in place, but the touch was enough to make her stir. “Ventus…” she whispered, eyes flickering open. I kissed the tip of her muzzle. “Good morning, sleepyhead.” She giggled quietly, burying her face in my shoulder. Strands of her mane tickled at the side of my face, and more than ever I was aware of her intoxicating scent of lavender and parchment. Stiffness started to spread in my wings, deeper breathes did not, surprisingly, help much this time. “Good morning…”Twilight muttered under her breath, then snuggled even closer to me. There was no escaping her anymore, not that I minded. We could have stayed like this all day, just breathing in the other’s presence. Or at least… I could have. A pang of worry went off in my chest when she stiffened between my forelegs. Her ear ticked and squished against my barrel. “Huh… Twilight?” “I can hear Ponyville,” she whispered, her eyes growing wide in marvel. “Eh, is that so?” I said, a smirk on my face. “Yes, I’ve just heard Pinkie calling an order of waffles. Extra chocolate!” I snickered. “Well, I am simply full of surprises, aren’t I?” “Oh, hush.” She snorted and gave me a playful push. “I just never really noticed before. It’s the first time we’re…” The words died out as a blush colored her face. It complimented her fur nicely, in my humble opinion. Or it would have, had it not been for the mute hesitation that I felt in her. She seemed tense, and my heart skipped a beat. She bit her lips, her eyes darting to her own hooves. A small sound came out of her chest, words, weak, just quiet enough to catch, “Did we make a mistake?” A mistake? My throat tied into a knot. Why would she ask that now? Was it… was it disappointing? She regrets it, doesn’t she? That’s it, she thinks we shouldn’t have! She’ll throw me out and it’ll be the end of us! “…I don’t know.” My ears drooped and I lifted her chin, asking her, begging her, to look me in the eyes. “Why do you ask?” She did not look at me, not immediately. Her gaze darted to the side. “I-I… Ventus…” Her voice trembled. “Does this feel like a mistake to you?” Our conversation last night flashed before my eyes. I understood, I felt the answer appear to me, hit me a strike of lightning. Of course she’d be worried, of course she’d be insecure! We had all but been on the verge of breaking up last night. And yet, the thought could not have been further away from me this morning. No, I thought while wrapping up my forelegs around her, I don’t want to. It was easy then, to snort and give her the answer she needed to hear. “It doesn’t.” The grin came easily, and brought a light of wonder to her own. “It feels right, Twilight. I really love you, all of you.” It was even easier, because it was the truth. I felt happy. I felt as if the world wasn’t so bleak anymore, at least a little bit. There was something immensely precious to us, not just lies. She squeaked when my lips brushed against hers, but soon enough she was the one growing adventurous. One of her hooves slid down my shoulders, stroking my fur just right, her touch so light I shivered and deepened our kiss. Our bodies felt closer than ever, warmer than before, and suddenly I ached for her, for more of her. A low moan rumbled in my chest, my feathers quivering. It was all I could do to push her down beneath me. I stood up, just over her body, my lips locked on hers and asking in-between two whispers if she wanted, again, please, and Twilight made sounds that were delight to my ears. She looked so beautiful, so incredibly beautiful, and I wanted her to know… But a single hoof on my chest stopped me, and a pang of frustration burst in my chest. Twilight’s smile looked so very apologetic then, sheepish to a fault. The shortness of her breath told me long about how little she wanted to say her piece, and yet, face red, she apologized. “I need to open up the library, Ventus…” Sagging, I let myself fell down next to her, unable to quite hide my disappointment. Still, I could at least wish her off to a better day than that. Don’t be a selfish horny douche, Sam. Twilight seemed happier when I let her go with just a kiss on the cheek. She rolled off the bed, taking with her all that pleasant smell of her, all that gentle warmth, and the growing cold next to me felt so wrong I could not help but call in a slightly less dignified tone, “Do you have to?” For some reason, what I said made her whole face light up. A smile on her desirable lips, she used a bit of magic to stroke the side of my face. “Unfortunately, yes.” With that, she turned around, a word of goodbye echoing in the room, and me left staring with my head resting on a pillow. My eyes followed her, from the bedside to the bedroom’s door and as she opened it, the retreating figure of my marefriend leaving made my heart skip a beat. “Twilight!” I called. It had come out on its own, without me thinking about it. I had just seen her going on to her business same as always. She would go down the stairs, shower, eat breakfast and go about her day as the adorable cute scientist-librarian she was. Maybe at some point of the day, she’d think of me, just like I knew I would think of her today. She would smile then… and perhaps for the first time, I felt a deep ache in my chest at the thought of leaving this world. I stilled. Since when did I care so much about staying? Had it ever happened before? Twilight was looking at me with worry now, and I found myself unsure what to say. “Ventus? What is it?” “Oh, huh…” I looked away quickly, trying to think of something to say. “I’ll… be taking Spike to Sugarcube Corner tonight… or tomorrow night. I promised him that for his troubles.” For a second, she looked nonplussed, head tilted to the side. She probably hadn’t expected me to say that… Then, she chuckled. “Alright, I’ll know where he went if he suddenly disappears on me.” Her eyes lingered a bit longer on me before going to the rest of the bed. Just beneath the surface, I felt her heartbeat quicken. “…Speaking of Spike, I should really start cleaning up before he comes back from Rarity’s.” “I think I ought to help with that,” I said with a sly grin. “I helped make the mess after all.” She turned beet red, and how I tried not to laugh. “I-it won’t be necessary, Ventus…” Twilight cleared her throated and attempted to look dignified. “B-besides, you should probably go before it gets too late.” My ears ticked. As the last of my idle and oh so comfortable rest came to an end, I remembered something… important. Tail flicking, I felt a grimace worm itself over my face. “What time is it?” One glance to the clock on the wall sufficed to set me straight. “…I’m late for work.” In retrospect, I would not be able to tell whether the sound of me disappearing into a gust of wind was enough to cover up the swearing. -- In the corner of her eye, she noticed somepony running straight toward her. It would not have been anything special, maybe even a small relaxing break from all that apple bucking, if the pony had been somepony else. As it was, she could not appreciate the short respite that made a bit of the pain in her hind legs recede. “Applebloom!” Applejack called out, her brows furrowed together. “What’re yah doin’ in the orchards at this hour?! Why isn’t yer rump on yer school bench?!” The filly didn’t seem terribly ashamed of her behavior, as she simply stretched her neck to pick up something from her saddlebags and handed it over to her big sister. “Ah met Spike going to school, sis. He had a letter for y’all.” For a second, Applejack remained silent, eying the scroll with suspicion. Finally, perhaps deciding to wait just a moment before handing out a scolding, she wiped the brow off her sweat and picked out the piece of paper. Even then, the scowl was not leaving her face. “If yer thinkin’ this is gunna be enough excuse for skipping y-” She fell silent when her eyes caught sight of the carved figures in the wax. A winged crown rested beneath a sharp and thin horn. The Royal Seal. Forgetting the scolding on the tip of her tongue, Applejack sat down, picking away at the seal. Once broken, the parchment started to unfold, and her green eyes went over every single mark of ink. Without her noticing, her jaw had dropped progressively lower, while her younger sibling had grown even more intrigued by the letter. “Well, what’s it saying?” the filly asked. “Don’t go over worrying about that,” Applejack said without bite, her gaze still slightly unfocused. “Just… just go back to school and apologize to Miss Cheerilie.” And, before the resounding ‘no fair!’ could even be shouted through the orchard, she had started galloping back toward the farm itself. Near the red barn, she saw her no less red brother pulling a large cart of Gala apples, while her green grandmother took a well-deserved nap in her rocking chair on the gallery. “Mac! Granny!” she shouted, getting Big Mac to stop and Granny to mutter confused words. “Y’all won’t believe what Ah just read!” Fidgeting, her heart racing in her chest, she held out the scroll in front of them. “Is that…?” Granny Smith started, narrowing her eyes over the blurry letters. “Eeyup,” her grandson said with a nod. A grin tugged at the corner of his lips. Something that was mirrored on his sister’s face. She pulled at her Stetson hat, securing it just right over her head, and rolled her shoulders. “Y’all know what it means, right? We’re gunna have to be working triples today, but consarnit if we can’t make the best of that chance!” -- For the most part, one would be forgiven to trot through Ponyville’s marketplace at that time, under the blazing sun and the cerulean sky, and think that it was a nice day. Ponies and a few non-ponies were going about their businesses without a fuss. Without anything of note, even. In fact, the last thing of note had been Princess Twilight’s personal assistant entering one of the closest store a few moments earlier. Truly, one could call this day in Ponyville an almost shockingly peaceful day. Until, of course, the peaceful atmosphere of the afternoon was ripped to shreds by a shrill screech worthy of the appellation “Royal Canterlot Panic Alert”, or so the legend said. The Carousel Boutique itself shook on its foundations and one lone cat was seen running away from its vicinity with a stolen pair of earmuffs. The animal had found wisdom in leaving its master for a time, and within the building itself, a young filly somewhat regretted using her lunchtime break to go see her sister. Alas, Rarity was already running around her shop in a panic. “THERE’S NO TIME! I NEED MORE TIME!” “I can help!” said a young and impressionable filly. She did not get to say much else. Sweetie Belle found herself delicately thrown outside of the Carousel Boutique in a cloud of blue magic. Her school saddlebag and her lunch fell next to her just as gently, but the burst of air that followed the slamming of the door threatened to topple her over. “No time, Sweetie. Just go back to school. Like a nice little sister.” Sweetie blinked, impressed. That had almost sounded normal. It was as if her sister had stopped panicking… “SPIKE, BE A DEAR AND GET TWILIGHT TO STOP TIME!” Ah, there it was. -- “See you tomorrow, Thunderlane.” He waved back at me, taking off with Rumble trailing after him. A few more pegasi adult and child pairs had imitated them, while the rest just trotted back home on their own and I waited with a nervous smile plastered over my face. The mindless chatter buzzed at my ears, blurring together to the point I almost missed the greeting of a certain middle age stallion. “Mister Rich.” I nodded, barely noticing the huff from his daughter as she hurried after him. Eh, at least she hadn’t gotten into trouble with him or something like that. Today had been mild for Calx, or so I had figured. Just a bit of schoolwork and a whole lot of fun during recess. Nothing that required a guardian’s intervention, thank buck for that. His had probably been the easiest day out of everypony I could think of. Albeit I thought it was a bit paranoid of me, I had spent a good deal of time today just keeping an ear out for possible trouble. Of course, the old saying about paranoia held true: it was only paranoid if nopony was out to get you. Rarity’s shrilled cries still made me cringe. She obviously had had to deal with a big order today. “Time, time, time, time, time,” she had repeated over and over like a mantra for hours on end. Thunderlane had been seriously weirded out by how often I had been flinching in the middle of the job. I had had to dispel accusations that I was still both hangover and drunk. False, but reasonable, especially with the smell lingering to my coat. The few impromptu showers I had taken with the rainclouds hadn’t managed to quell it all. Thunderlane had grinned and winked at me, saying he’d keep his mouth shut about that, lest I had a terrible encounter with an alicorn stallion. Yeah… there was definitely a rumor starting to spread to my coworkers. Still, I had had done my best to ignore them, which had worked, for the most part… “That’s it! Ideaaaaaaaa!” That, on the other hoof, hadn’t been reasonable or reasonably easy to ignore. Judicium’s balls! Volume, mare! You’re not alone in this town! New rule: if Rarity starts screeching, get a pair of solid ear plugs. …Anyway, yeah, I understood the diamond dogs now. I would have given her up as a hostage if she could keep that up. Or I’d have gagged her... Moving on, the day of work was over. I started to paw at the ground, watching as the last few ponies left the schoolhouse without catching sight of him yet. He was around, I could tell, so why hadn’t he come out yet? At long last, a little orange colt appeared in the doorway of the schoolhouse, at first looking quite excited to be done with school for at least an evening. Except… well, it changed when he noticed me waiting near the fence. “Hey,” he said quietly, his ears flat. I fought back a wince. “H-had a nice day at school?” “Yeah…” He looked away. “It was fun, I guess… There was that game of hoofball on lunchtime.” “Sounds fun,” I replied, and on that particularly lame note, we headed back home in relative silence. I did not know what to say exactly. I wasn’t sure how he felt in the first place, except it probably wasn’t looking good. That kind of lukewarm was… new, in the worst possible way. It made me feel as if there was a rift between us. When our house got within sight, I simply couldn’t take that kind of silence between us anymore. “D-did you sleep well, yesterday?” He paused. “…You wouldn’t know.” The scoff was almost too quiet for me to hear, but when he started trotting again, it began with a stomp. “Or, okay, maybe you would know. Could check on me if you wanted, right? Not like I could do that.” Feeling, again, that pit in my stomach growing wider, I tried to reach out with a gentle hoof. “Squirt, I didn’t-” “I asked him!” The accusation made me back off. “I asked Thadal, and he said you would be back last night!” His voice faltered, and his lips quivered. “Except you weren’t there, not even when I woke up…” I left him alone. If there had been anything to make me feel greater shame than my darkest thoughts, it would have to be that. Everything had been to ensure that none of our family got left on their own, missing the rest. To fail so miserably… Being shot in the face would have been kinder. “Calx, I…” My breath hitched up. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to make you worry.” I was just too selfish. It’s always about me in the end, always. I just can’t help hurt everypony around me, can I? No. That was wrong. I could help it, starting right now! “Squirt, lil’ brother, I swear it. It won’t happen again.” I stomped, making him jump a bit, and the next words came out with power rumbling in echoes. “I swear to you, I will not allow this to happen again. You… you’re my number one priority, do you hear me?” Calx’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “S’okay,” he said, sniffling despite his best attempt not to. “It’s not like I was really worried or anything. I’m too awesome to do that.” I chuckled softly. “Squirt, you can be awesome and still be afraid for the people around you. I could tell you all about it. Don’t worry about that.” “O-okay…” He rubbed at his eyes, then shrank down on himself. He looked so vulnerable at that moment. “I… I m-might have cried… last night…” Oh Tom. My wing brought him closer to me in as loving a hug I could give. It was unacceptable that I caused him that kind of grief. If it had been me in his place, wondering on my own if something had happened because he did not show up at the agreed time, finding out he’d just forgotten about it, things might have gotten ugly. I had had no right to do this to him. It was just us nowadays, so in this hug, I had to give him everything he needed. It wasn’t true I’d let him grow lonely. Never. “I’m sorry for making you worry, lil’ brother,” I whispered again, voice thick with emotion. “It won’t happen again.” Calx leaned against my shoulder, eyes closed, his chest moving more slowly. The few tears that had drizzled down had left dried trails across his cheek. He held back the rest, he buried himself under my feathers and mouthed a single word. “Thanks.” The hole in my chest closed, and I could breathe in easy. The sheer relief watching over me… “Err, Sam?” Calx asked suddenly. He sounded unsure. “We’re still outside…” My eyes went wide, and I jumped back as if bitten. Horseapple! I clamped my wings so hard against my body they hurt, the ripples of the spell waving across my fur to change it back to orange. Had anypony seen that? The streets were mostly empty, but not completely. There were people at the end of the street, trotting on their way back home! Elders be damned! Really?! What were they saying? WHAT WERE THEY SAYING?! “-and tonight, honey, I was thinking of making you those cabbage rolls you love so much.” “Mommy, mommy, I got a B+ on my math exam!” “-so I told him ‘no way’, did you even look at yourself? Your mane? Not a winner.” “Did you hear about Prince Ventus? Apparently, he’s gone to Las Pegasus and he’s whoring himself there.” “What I wouldn’t give to be an escort in Las Pegasus…” It was one of those times, where even the greatest bout of stupidity was preferable to a tiny bit of truth. Even the idea that I was being unfaithful did not bring too much annoyance to the front. It was still better than getting scorched by a pissed off Celestia. But it was not worth seeing the confused and hurt look in my brother’s eyes. “I, huh, sorry, Calx.” I grimaced, slumping down in shame. “I just forgot and I didn’t want our neighbors to find out. Yeah, thank you. I really should have thought a bit more this time.” Calx then did what he did best. He snickered and teased me about it. “Yeah. And guess who told you about it? Sounds like Celly would have been mad.” Yup, back to normal. And nopony was running around making rumors about us being in Ponyville. However, that thing about me in Las Pegasus? Totally spreading. It’d be the talk of the town, I could already tell. We had been insanely lucky. I was still shaking a bit when I turned the doorknob. At least, nothing monstrous jumped out when I opened the door and got inside. Knowing who I had pissed off yesterday, I had to be prepared for anything. But no, the house was normal, nothing out of place, even if there was somepony inside. I really didn’t want to face this twice in a row. But the second I stepped into our dining room and saw the way he tensed, the way his newspaper wrinkled, I knew I had no choice. So I pulled a cushion, waited till Tom had gotten a snack from the fridge and left to his room, then. I tried to pull myself together. Why couldn’t I do as I did in Canterlot? Why was it that hard to put on a mask in front of Thadal? Because he’s your friend, whispered a traitorous part of me. You know he’ll see right through you anyway. And that’s really the worst thing you could allow to happen, right? I banished the thought and took a deep breath. “Thadal, I am sorry for what I did. I said I would come back, but then things got out of hooves and I left the whole problem for you to deal with. I know that what we found out yesterday must have hit you as hard as it did with me. I left you alone to deal with that and my brother when I should have been the rock instead. Tartarus… I probably gave it away by the sheer grief-stricken way I was acting. I left you at the worst possible time to brood in my corner and I am sorry for that.” All throughout my speech, Thadal had remained immobile. There had only been the barest of acknowledgement, but I felt his body shift in place while I had talked. The second the last word had fallen however, I was struck by the silence. I could hear ponies talk around town, I’d be able to understand if I bothered to focus, but in truth, right now, I only wanted to hear my friend. He stayed silent. “Please.” I reached forward. “If there is something I can do to make you forgive me, then please say it. You’re too good of a friend for me to lose like that.” “Can you…?” he asked, his voice raw, and it was then I noticed what he truly felt like. Thadal was terrified. His hooves couldn’t even hold the newspaper anymore. It fell, sliding as paper does in air, and covered half our dinner table. His eyes were riveted on a front page article, a small report on the griffon ambassador Grindert, holding Celestia’s hoof. But he did not see that. There was something so distant in his gaze, something that felt familiar, and he moved to hug himself. “I don’t want to change,” he said, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. “It’s going to happen…” “T-Eric…” He shot me a look, he had noticed the slip. Great. That would only make it harder to get through. What did he think of me? Did he actually see the alicorn in front of him? Or, rather, did he see that too well? “Look, I get that. Trust me, it’s eaten at me. More than a little.” I could not bear the look of skepticism that came from him. “I’m serious!” The table shook under my hooves. “Eric, I had a psychic link to the fucking windigoes! For all intent and purpose, it was like my soul had been split in pieces and wanted to exterminate all ponykind! Do you think that was pleasant?!” Instantly, I regretted my outburst, for the way he flinched, the way his face filled with guilt. “Sam, I-” “Don’t you dare apologize to me! I wronged you! Not the other way around! Seriously, I get why you feel that way. You feel as if you’re turning into someone you’re not. You think it’s freakish that you can wake up in the morning, realize you’re not human and not freak out. I went through that too. And I’ll do my best so you won’t have to feel this way anymore.” “F-fine. Don’t worry, Sam, I trust you. I do.” His ears drooped. “It’s just so strange. I expected to like being here a bit, you know?” He chuckled, but there was no heart to it. “Funny how it works. I was severely burned, got hidden away, then reunited with you under false pretense. It wouldn’t be so bad if this…” He poked the side of his head. “…didn’t change as well.” The look in his eyes sufficed to make my heart go to him. The spider probably hovered right over his back at this very moment, and he knew it. It was just waiting for the right trigger, and a piece of him would be overshadowed by new memories. How could he not be horrified? In the back of my mind, I knew that was how I should have felt about myself too. The fact remained, I didn’t, not at this point. To me, it probably meant that my friend would be less tormented. He’d be more Thadal than Eric, but neither would be gone. It was just his outlook on life that would change. “Look, right now, it doesn’t look like we’ll be the center of an episode anytime soon. The spell won’t go off unless they watch. You’ll be fine so long as you don’t make the kind of sweeping statement that would necessitate a brainwash.” The ease those words slid off my tongue… I would have never thought that could happen. At least, my bizarre reassurance seemed to work on Eric. He looked more at ease, somewhat. “Thanks, though, err… before that, there’s something I need to know.” I couldn’t identify what was behind his voice. “Where did you sleep? You… you did not come back at all. I didn’t know what to tell Tom. I think that’s the worst part. When he wanted to know, I had no idea what to tell him!” Right, so that was the reason why it only seemed like a good idea back then. Heat radiated from my face, my tail curled under me. Maybe I didn’t need to say it out loud, it probably was obvious from my body language alone. I was embarrassed, but – thinking back on her smile this morning – not ashamed. “With Twilight.” “With Twilight,” he repeated slowly. I evaded the accusation in his eyes the best I could. T-there was plenty of mail to go through. It made a big pile on the kitchen’s counter, a simple breeze enough to topple them over. The crash of paper scattered them across the kitchen, leaving everything visible and in dire need to be picked up. One of them caused me to pause. Amongst the few insignificant words reminding me of the promotion on quills after buying a sofa or that of Mister Steel Pipe and his generous plumbing prices, there was a scroll. A simple, rolled-up scroll, a seal of wax to hold it together, and a star engraved into it. So simple, in fact, that once unfolded, I was struck by its emptiness. No signature, no greeting, nothing. Just two words, hastily written with an unsteady quill or an unsteady hold. A circle of dried moisture wrinkled the paper around the last letter. They were just two words. “With love.” My grip on the paper became unsteady. On the parchment was a circle, drawn up in ink, filled with markings and symbols, arranged in a very peculiar order. It ticked at the back of my mind. I had seen that before, albeit not exactly like that… It clicked. Spatial and temporal coordinates. Twilight had found it. She… she had found it. “Is that…?” Eric asked, unsteady. My head span. Yes, I nodded, yes it was exactly what he thought. There it was, a quantifiable number, a location. Something solid, so solid it had become real again. Not just a thought or a wish, but a tangible project. The maddened heart in my chest threatened to explode. What was I to do now? I had trouble mastering my voice again. “D-did you return to the library today?” Eric tried not to flinch, but failed miserably. His ears flattened, he nodded quickly. “I felt like I had to… Things ended too abruptly yesterday after… you know...” “So you guys spent time today to figure it out?” I said, each word a bit harder than the next. “You two…” You two did what I should have done instead. Every one of my failures was being slapped in my face. One after the other. I’d left things to be picked up by my friend and my lover. Spectacular. No wonder Discord thought I was a riot to watch. He probably was laughing himself to tears. Wait… My ears ticked. They had met. Eric and Twilight had met today. They’d spent a lot of time talking and unless she’d grown as an actress in the span of a few hours, then… He’d had known. He would have known that Twilight and I… He would have known and Twilight had still… And she had still worked with him toward the one thing that could tear us apart. “With love.” Oh Twilight… “You guys are pulling off such incredible things for me. More than you should ever have to. What did I ever do to deserve ponies like you?” Eric shifted, looking away, his face red. “Y-you… you helped me. A lot. Before…” As I turned to give him my sincerest thank you, we were interrupted by the door slamming shut. The resounding smack made the walls of the kitchen tremble ever so slightly, and I started to growl out a stern warning. All for nothing. “Sam!” Tom called out, his voice trembling with excitement. “You gotta see this!” It had better be good. Together, Eric and I trotted outside the kitchen and turned into the hallway. My little brother sat down next to a giant cardboard box, a look of wonder in his eyes as he tried to find out the sender. His ears ticking, he noticed us approaching, and grinned in such a childish way I had trouble staying mad. “The mailmare said she forgot this.” “What is it?” Eric asked. “Dunno, haven’t opened it yet.” Tom shrugged, but the look he sent the box said he had no intention of leaving that mystery hanging. It was as good as a gift after all. Leaning forward, I picked the etiquette with a bit of levitation magic. Any and all thoughts of dismissing it evaporated when I saw not two names, but three. To Misters Cloud Circle, Feather Dust and Raindrop. How? We hadn’t told anypony about this arrangement yet. But… that meant… My stomach sank as I watched Tom struggle to open the cardboard box. It could have been funny, in other circumstances, to see him bite down on the edge and pull like a dog wanting a bone. This time however, I really did not feel like laughing. Eric and I both got to work, and soon the box was opened, its content laid bare. In the shredded package, beneath the folded bundles of silk, there were three golden tickets. -- Thadal and Calx were both waiting for me at the train station. Everything was packed. ‘Everything’ being the suits and ties, more or less. And, right now, I wished I could have just gone with them, but before we left Ponyville for the night, there was something that needed to be done. This time, I made sure everything was crystal clear. I told them where I needed to go and when I’d be back. The only thing that was false was that I wanted to visit Thunderlane because of work. But the lie had slipped out of my mouth before I had even considered the truth. If they saw the moment the realization had set in, they at least kept quiet about it. That was truly a terrible habit I would need to get under control. Trust was a fragile enough thing as it was, there was no need to make it worse for no reason. This time… well, this time might have been needed, okay, but it was the fact that I hadn’t done it on purpose that worried me. Alas, I was there for now. It was not the time to ponder it too much. Thunderlane was a stallion of action and he best responded to action. Three knocks echoed around the house, rather loudly. I heard him as he first took notice, and he promised to be back soon to Rumble. It was almost enough to bring a smile to my face. Instead, a nervous half-smile stretched my mouth awkwardly. The door opened, creaking, and the very recognizable pale Mohawk mane came into view, with all of one stallion underneath. “Cloud?” He blinked. “Huh, what are you doing here? You forgot something for work?” Steady, Ventus. Don’t let the nerves get to you. “Err, no, not exactly.” I looked down, and pawed at the ground. None of the little tells of Cloud Circle were faked for once. “You see, Thunderlane, I promised myself I would do better. And for that, there’s two things that I have to do with you.” At first, he said nothing, one eyebrow higher than the other, himself nonplussed. Then, something seemed to click. “Eh, no need to thank me for yesterday. It’s only natural.” His smile turned smug, only for it to be replaced by an expression of worry. “Though, seriously, that guardian of yours, did you get more news?” I cringed and backed away the moment he reached for my shoulder. I thought if he had, it would have burned me. A fitting end for someone like me, a windigo in all but name here. Why did everypony have to be so concerned and empathetic to me when I brought naught but desolation? What did they even see? “Cloud?” Thunderlane called, steadying himself. “N-not really.” I stuttered in surprise. “And it’s a bit about that that I want to speak to you.” I motioned to behind him. “Though, it might be better if we spoke inside. May I?” “Yeah, sure,” he said, stepping aside to let me in. The door clicked behind us, and he called a bit louder, “Rumble! Take ten minutes off! I need to talk with somepony!” “Okay!” replied the colt, and, the next second, we saw him trot out of the kitchen and into a room somewhere at the end of the hallway. “This way,” Thunderlane said, entering a kitchen remarkably similar to mine. A bit bigger perhaps, and with vibe of ‘home’. They’d been here for some years now, obviously. “Water?” Grateful, I picked the glass he offered and took a sip. My mouth felt so bucking dry. Elders, I had no idea how this was going to change things. Hopefully for the best, but I wasn’t quite that foolish. Thunderlane seemed to notice my anxiety, more proof that I really needed to keep myself in check. He sat down, and gave me a look that was unusually serious. “Okay, so, you wanted to talk? About what?” I sighed and placed the glass down. “A lot of things actually. I just don’t know how long you’re going to listen.” He frowned and huffed his feathers. “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Well, I don’t know if you’ll let me finish or start beating me up before I get to the end.” My words startled him, and he grew more attentive, fearful perhaps. “There’s one thing on which you’re right though, and it’s that I need to thank you. Last night was… a bad moment for me. I’m not really proud of what I did then either.” The light in his eyes softened. “Hey,” he said, placing a hoof on my shoulder, “everypony can have a bad day sometimes. Doesn’t make you a bad pony. Plus, with what you told me, I don’t think you were wrong to be depressed.” But that’s just the latest of the things I did that were wrong. I wanted to shout, but I reined myself in. It couldn’t go like that. Thunderlane had a temper, not unlike me, and I really wanted to get a few things out in the open before he punched my teeth in. I hung my head, most of my strength leaving me. Where were all the good holes to hide in? A deep breath. Like a Band-Aid. In a single shot. “No, but there’s a much better reason to say I’m a bad pony: I lied.” Silence. Thunderlane didn’t move, nor speak. He looked as if he’d been slapped in the face, hard, and the shock had left him dumbstruck. He stared, eyes shrunken, jaw hanging, and total incomprehension maintaining. “What?” he asked, his voice raspy. His wits started to came back to him, gathering under the surface as the shock wore off and anger made his feathers rustle. He made to stand, something of true fury stretching across his face. Here it comes… “…What?” he growled, darkening. “It was a lie!?” He loomed over me, he looked every bit the storm cloud on his flanks, ready to explode at any second. And despite that, I still gave him what he deserved: the truth. “Yes.” He bristled. My confirmation had broken the fragile fight of doubt and anger in his mind. I could see it in his eyes. He wanted to strike me. How dare I? he asked. How could I lie to him about something like that? A small part of me wondered if I had been this spiteful on purpose back then. The memory of the bar was already too blurry to really recall my feelings. The gist of what had been said was already a lot. It already was too much. I lied to Thunderlane about the same kind of thing he lived with his parents! I deserved his scorn and so much more. The pain came from my left side, erupting in a blast around my eye with the sound of a sickening crack. Half the world went dark as I was sent splaying on the ground, a low groan the only thing to come out of my mouth. My head span and the first word Thunderlane said blurred into the second. “WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!” His shout had reached right into my chest and pulled at my heartstrings. Anger and hurt mixed so perfectly in those shouted words, they were so raw with pain, that I wanted to disappear into the ground. I could easily imagine… it was exactly the kind of sheer hurt that I feared most. When I realized that, it became harder for me to stand up again. The weight in my legs grew, the echoes of Thunderlane’s shout rippling through my whole body and turning it to ice. His shadow stretched over me, and I almost waited for him to strike again. “I lied… because I had to. But I didn’t need to tell you that. It could have been anything.” His feathers rustled, even as a shade of worry slipped into his gaze. “The reason I said that… It was because that was how I felt like. It was like I lost them that night.” “Like…?” he said the word as if trying to understand its meaning. The idea crept up on him, it was almost there. It was my duty to push him along the way. “As far as I know, my parents are likely still alive.” Thunderlane blinked, the words sinking in and his anger fading. He seemed to wonder, his hesitation palpable, what I had meant precisely. The silent question hung in his gaze, “Did you really lie about that?” And my heart skipped a beat when I realized the answer hadn’t come to me quickly enough. Thunderlane saw it, his face becoming a mask of confusion and disbelief. He did not believe I had lied. Not about that, not about my parents. The confession about the bar, he might buy if I insisted, I was already very drunk by the time we met… but those talks on the clouds alone. It had been about as close to the truth I ever told anypony in this world. I had channeled too much of my feelings into those talks, it seemed. I stifled a bitter laugh. The one time I admit to a lie… “The truth…” I said, rising to my full height in front of him. “The truth is complicated and a shameful thing. Though, honestly, you deserve better than it, it’s the best I can give you as the friend I wished I could have been to you.” “What bucking truth?!” he demanded, snarling once more. He was getting sick of the game already. So, I made no attempt to delay it. I unfolded my wings and extended them to their full span in one mighty extension. As always, the illusion washed away, tingling over my skin as my fur changed color, and my alicorn persona became visible again. Before Thunderlane, Cloud Circle the mousy little unicorn became Ventus Vinco, Golden Prince of Equestria and missing pony extraordinaire. “So, I, huh,” I grinned, sheepish and smug at once, “I believe you said you’d beat me up to protect me from myself. If you wanna finish what you started earlier, go ahead. I owe you that much.” His face… exactly like I had imagined. It was the perfect mixture of shock, bafflement and shame. For a split second, his eyes glazed over while he recalled every single one of our interactions together. He judged them again in light of this revelation, and I could see a few times where his mind suddenly noticed things that it had ignored before. “I… huh, what? How?” he cycled through the words, his mind blown. “You mean, the whole time?” I caught the underlying question. You were lying the whole time? “I wasn’t lying last night… sorta.” I bit down on my lips. “What I told you, it was always closest to what I felt in regard to my situation. I learned yesterday that my biggest hope to see them again went up in smokes. My parents aren’t dead, but the chances of ever seeing them again are growing slimmer by the day. We really did get forced to move out of Canterlot, though that was a bit more my fault than otherwise.” My eyes stung. My breath itched up and I forced myself to swallow it all back. I could not lose it right now. When I looked back to Thunderlane, the hurt anger was growing thinner, replaced by nothing. “I’m trying to raise my little brother while looking for a solution, and he IS exactly as infuriating as you have seen. No, the stories about him were not even ‘inspired’, they ALL happened. He doesn’t fake anything other than changing his name. He’s that kind of colt.” The mention of my brother seemed to truly get to him, as he sat down in shock. It occurred to me then that Calx had actually been around them longer than I, especially in Ponyville. That look on Thunderlane’s face was him kicking himself for not seeing the blatantly obvious. Hey, don’t worry. Nopony sees things they don’t look for. It’s really not just you. “Point is…” I said in the hopes of getting his attention again. “I like to think of you as a friend, Thunderlane, and I’m sorry for hiding this from you.” He stared at me blankly. “W-who knows?” his voice was surprisingly even. I sighed. “It was a Royal Decree, so… Celestia, Luna, Blueblood, Twilight, Spike. Oh, Rarity and Pinkie too.” He started so say something, but cut himself off suddenly. “Wait, Rarity and Pinkie?” He tilted his head and raised a hoof, like a foal in class. “Why those two?” I did not imagine the tint of resentment in that particular question. It did not help the sudden burning across my cheeks. Ears droop, I said with a grimace, “Rarity guessed, Pinkie found out pretty fast.” “Pinkie Sense?” “I’m not even sure…” Thunderlane chuckled quietly. “Well, it sounds like her, alright.” Point, I thought as some of the tension eased up. It was a gift of Pinkie’s, to cheer ponies up without even needing to be in the room. Still, it could not last. The chuckles died, and the moment passed. “More importantly, Thunderlane… last night, you were there for me when it was a difficult time. You acted like a true friend and… and I don’t think you should have.” His eyes narrowed into a glare. What I had to say next almost got stuck in my throat. “You… Thunderlane, I don’t deserve you as a friend! Even if I hadn’t been pretending to be somepony else all the time, it still doesn’t change the fact that you became my friend out of gratitude for saving your life! And that’s wrong! You never owed me anything! It was my fault that the windigoes showed up in the first place!” Silence. “Oh wow…” He rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes narrowing into a glare. Venom seeped through his every word. “I hadn’t expected that alicorns could say such bullshit with straight faces. Yeah, okay, I think I get you, Cloud, but I’m not buying it at all.” I jerked back, struck in the chest. Damn it! I knew it! Of course that was going to happen. I had just admitted to lying to him since day one. Ears drooped, I prepared to leave. Buck it all! I shouldn’t have come here! Now he’ll hate me, and work is going to be Tartarus to go through. “It was not your damned fault.” Wait, what? A black hoof grabbed at my shoulders and forced me to face him. His expression was of stone, but not of hate. “We were close to the Everfree, Cloud. I was supposed to be more careful than that. It’s not as if that was the first flying monster to come out of the woodwork, but I still didn’t keep my guards up when it was only me and a newbie working together.” My jaw fell. “B-b-but the windigoes really did come because of me! They were attracted to my presence! I… I was like a lantern and them, flies. If not for me, you would have never been in danger in the first place!” Thunderlane waved a hoof in front of his face. “You’re putting too much weight on that. You saved me afterward, remember? And it’s not as if that was my whole reason for liking you. It helped, for sure.” He shrugged, and even chuckled, reminiscing something from the look on his face. “Come on, if you really got on my nerves that much, I swear that I’d let you know, lifesaving debt or not. Just ask Rainbow Dash.” I stared at that. I… hadn’t seen it that way before. Not that Dash and him were at each other’s throats, but they didn’t seem particularly friendly either. Trying to recall them interact much beyond mandatory weather scheduling brought back a big fat load of nothing to mind. Something dawned on me, and Thunderlane saw it with a grin. “Come on, Cloud. You’re my friend. You’re fun to hang out with, even if you’re a little too shy at times. You could stand to be less like Fluttershy.” No, that was… wrong. He had to be in denial or something! It hadn’t sunk in yet. While I wished I could actually play along, while that was my first instinct, that little voice at the back of my mind insisted with harsher words that I made sure the delusion didn’t last. I owed him that. “You realize I was faking pretty much all of that, right? I was pretending to be shy to keep a cover. And yes, you’re right to say I was too much like Fluttershy, because that’s who I was modeling my reactions after. It was fake.” Thunderlane’s grin grew only larger and more confidant as opposed to what I was expecting. “Well, you don’t sound like you fake being my friend if you told me about this kind of secret freely.” That shut me up. I blinked, staring at him with wide eyes, unable to think of a comeback. “I’m… I’m not that shy around mares, you know? Though I guess I am trying to be politely distant…” Come on! He had to get mad at something! P-please… won’t you just give me what I deserve?! But he was staying resolutely non berserk, if a bit awkward. “Royalty and all that horseapple.” Those words made him squirm and I regretted them. Now that he was actually seeing the wings on my sides, what they meant, I could see the struggle twist his insides. That was my fault. Again. The worst part was how I could not move. Dozens of fake reassurances were all at the tip of my tongue, but not one went further. Thunderlane had looked at me like he would any other pony before, not like a servant would, nor like Blueblood had. It had been its own branch of interaction. And I saw the moment he decided, that one moment when he chose that he could throw everything through the window and keep the only things that mattered to him. “You know…? I think it’s going to be even more hilarious to work around you now knowing everything you just told me. Just the girls thinking they need to bring you out of your shell…” His mouth split into a large shit-eating grin that even I found hard not to reciprocate. “Oh geez, the faces they would make at being played by a stallion. If you ever decide to tell them, please invite me and bring a photographer.” That did it. For a split second, I actually had imagined the mares reacting to the news of my identity as a prince, and the sight had been a thing so beautiful. Was it any surprised that I laughed? The whole knot of tension in my chest melted into a stupid little nothing. “You’re not even a little mad?” I asked, wiping a tear off my cheek. The pegasus that was apparently still my friend let out a long sigh, equally of content after laughing than exasperation after my ninth question. “Yeah, no, it’s going to be weird, sort of, but no, I’m fine. I mean, I punched you in the face and you seem more pissed that I didn’t do more. Look, that you lied… It annoys me, for sure, really got on my last nerves with that thing last night, to be honest… But beyond that you’re still pretty much the same pony to me.” “But I lied! You only know a pony I faked being.” He looked unimpressed. “Well, look, I can punch you in the face again and forgive you, or I can just forgive you right away. Your call.” I stared. I really had no idea what to do anymore. This… this was nothing like I had thought it would be. The mute pain in my left eye was the only reminder that anything had gone less than perfect. Well, buck me. I’d gotten all worked up over more or less nothing. Thunderlane took my silence the best possible way, of course. “So, we’re going with plan B, I take?” He grinned, then offered me a bag full of ice cubes. “Good, because I’m pretty sure attacking royalty is a crime. I don’t fancy myself too much of a bad colt.” I snorted so loud I almost dropped the ice to the floor. Him? A goody four horseshoes? RIGHT! I can’t believe this went so well… Regardless of my thoughts though, there really was no denying it. The bag of ice pressed to the left of my face, I let it sink in as surely as the soothing cold. He didn’t throw me out after learning I had lied… Maybe Twilight would – No. No, I could not take that chance. One pony was not statistically significant data, as my marefriend herself would say. One could be just an anomaly. The thought of losing her love, of that spark in her eyes extinguished, it had a shiver run down my spine. I pressed my wings to my sides and felt the magic wash over again. In the corner of my eyes, I saw Thunderlane mulling over everything I had told him. It certainly was a lot to take in. When he spoke up though, he sounded rather casual, “So, what are you going to do now that you told me?” I put on a mildly embarrassed face on. “Well, Celly… err, Celestia asked us to attend a ball in Canterlot so it’s not really negotiable.” “Oh…” He grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry for giving you a shiner then…” Without thinking, I raised a hoof to the spot and pressed. The pain made me flinch. “Eh, don’t worry too much,” I told him with a half-grin. “It should be easy enough to conceal. I mean, I look like a unicorn right now, don’t I?” Thunderlane’s eyes went over, something strange in them. “Yeah…” I flinched. Damn it, I hadn’t thought before speaking there. Great way to remind him of your lies, Ventus. “Yeah, yeah… Canterlot tonight… I don’t know if it’s going to be any fun. In my experience, those things are really formal.” And Celestia asking us to return to the very same place she exiled us from could be any number of terrible things. This time… this time, at least my mind is clear. I just hope… Calx’s face flashed before my eyes, his characteristic cocky grin well in place. He bounced around the docks at the train station, so eager to go back and see Canterlot again. I wished I could share the enthusiasm, but Discord’s words were still on my mind. There would be diplomats or dignitaries, whichever, and they might demand... “Thunderlane,” I suddenly spoke up. “Before I leave… can I ask you something?” “Well, yeah,” he said bluntly. “No point in not doing it after that kind of revelation, don’t you think?” We both smirked at that, reveling in a bit of camaraderie. Apparently, revealing the truth had just made Thunderlane more fiercely loyal. Or maybe he was just naturally like that. The smirk did not stay long unfortunately. The worries made it hard to really appreciate it. Not to mention, I had a feeling Thunderlane would find it hard to smile after what I intended to ask. A part of me hated the rest for putting him through that. Shaking, I put down the ice bag and fixed him a piercing stare. I needed to know. The breath would not leave my lungs at first, but I pushed forward. “H-how far would you be willing to go… if Rumble’s life was at stake? What would you do?” Warmth left the room. In the span of an instant, the kitchen seemed to have fallen into a dark and cold pit. Nothing existed beyond the two of us, beyond was a blur of colors and sounds. Calm, steady, Thunderlane looked me in the eyes, and said, with a tone that brokered no argument or hesitation, “Anything. I’d do absolutely anything I needed to do for that.” It was not a lie. I knew it to the core of my being, Thunderlane had told me the absolute truth. My breath itched up, my heart going to him in earnest. He understood. Elders’ Wrath, he got it. A shard of loneliness in me broke and the cries of ‘monster’ got weaker. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it was just selfishness, but that new bond put my mind at ease. The follow-up didn’t feel needed. “And… if it were his happiness that was at stakes?” Thunderlane rose from his seat and reached for my empty glass. Not a word was said, but for a split second, our gaze met again. He smirked, just a tug on the corner of his lips, yet he had never looked so grimly determined before. I left with my answer. Later on, I realized he might have stopped me. Had he spoken up, contradicted me, maybe I would have given it more thought.