I groaned in discomfort as I slowly began to wake up, something pointy was jabbing uncomfortably into my back. Shakily, I pushed myself up with one hand as the other held my head. I opened my eyes and blinked a bit in confusion when I realized I was in some bushes. Still confused, I tried to get out of the bushes, alas a twig caught my leggings and I tripped ungracefully out onto a dirt road. After getting back up I dusted myself off, and as I cleaned my shirt I noticed something that wasn't there before.
Well, two somethings actually.
My eyes widened in disbelief and I shakily bring my hands to my chest and grab. I felt a squishy feeling and I let out a strained gasp when I realized the mounds were real. I nearly started to hyperventilate and I frantically looked around to find something that showed a reflection. I noticed a small lake not too far and I sprinted towards it. When I got near the edge I carefully put my backpack down and fell to my knees next to the water. I looked down into the shimmering water and saw the perfect image of Vinyl Scratch from Equestria Girls staring back at me.
I slapped a hand over my mouth to stifle the scream of shock and horror of suddenly not having a penis. After several minutes of trying to stop myself from hyperventilating again, I calmed down and just stared at my reflection. Eventually, I formed an epiphany when I finally let the shock and horror settle in and dissipate itself.
"I have boobs," I softly whispered to myself. A grin appeared on my face, "I have boobs!" I immediately grab the suckers without letting the grin drop from my face.
"This is so cool! Squeeze squeeze bitch- Wait why does my voice sound like Nowacking? I'm not doing an impression," I sat there staring off into space with my hands still on my chest as I contemplated the fact that as of right now my voice is now a fan voice of an animated pony. Eventually, I came to the decision that that is not nearly as important as everything else that is happening right now, which would be the boobs and lack of a male instrument.
I looked around to see if I could find anyone living near here. When my immediate sight didn't yield any results I looked behind myself and saw some smoke rising a little ways away.
"There must be people over there," I deduced with my amazing analytical and tracking skills. "But before I head there I need to see if anything is missing from my backpack."
I went over to my bag and rummaged through it. I pulled out the tools that I got as a gift from that nice merchant guy and my phone, iPod, and computer. I turned my computer on to make sure it was still working. When the desktop showed up I noticed a shortcut to an application that wasn't there before.
"What the hell? PonyMixer DJ? Never heard of that before. I'll check it out later."
A random thought about what amps I should use with my computer went through my mind as I went back to see if I missed anything in my pack. My hand brushed up against something and I pulled it out confused. It was a circuit board.
"What? I don't even...what? I don't even know how to use a circuit board-erk!" I dropped the piece of electrical equipment to grip my head in pain as information just suddenly flooded into my head. Circuits, wires, jacks, other assortments of items and how they all worked pieced themselves together into my brain. They formed thoughts and experiences I never knew or understood before. I let out a pained squeak that I will forever deny I did, as the flood of information quickly sped up. Finally, I was given a reprieve as I hung my head down and gasped for air.
I don't know why but I suddenly knew how to make DJ equipment. Amps, turntables, the works. I felt dizzy as the knowledge burnt itself into my brain forever. Among that collective library of mental books was the new knowledge that my backpack can make equipment related to DJing and music. Up to a limit, of course, the item being taken out can't be wider than the opening of the pack and any decorations that aren't part of the bare necessities and coverings can't be created and there is a cool down relative to the quality and size of the item taken out.
"I hope that never happens again. I'd usually think this would all be a dream, but I won't be reduced to denial and my imagination is not this good. Still, I can't wait to bust out some sick beats in the club tonight."
I paused a bit as I processed that last line, "Weird, I never really enjoyed clubs before, or even DJ-ed once. Why'd I say that?" I muttered to myself.
Shaking my head I put everything away back into my backpack except my computer. I walked down the road to the town with my computer resting on one arm as I fiddled with my new DJ application.
♫♫♫
I finally reached the town after several minutes of walking. When I got there my eyes nearly widened enough to put the size of my glasses to shame. In front of me were honest to god ponies. Ponies. Ponies from Friendship is Magic. I grinned widely and broke off into a light jog, computer still in my hands and nearly forgotten.
Ponies everywhere stopped what they were doing to gawk at the strange awesomeness that was me. Many were nervous, although most were pacified with my smile. Of course, like how every first meeting should go, it should start with some ungodly screeching.
How did this screech come by you ask? Well, in my impatience to fully embrace the brony within me I did not notice the rock in front of my path. Luckily, I managed to regain my balance in time to not destroy my precious computer. However, my other hand had one of my fingers tap the touchpad that had my mouse cursor on one of the sound adjusters. My laptop, at full volume mind you, blasted this horrid noise instead of the music I was working on and every pony in the area immediately stopped what they were doing and went into full panic.
It was then did I notice that everything around me did not have quite a modern look to it, even compared to Ponyville. Before I could reflect on that bit of knowledge the ponies managed to gather some wits about them and formed a mob to chase me off. Like the smart person I am, I ran and thankfully they didn't chase me too far out of town. But I didn't stop 'till I found an old shack if it could even be called that. I sat down in a slump in the cleanest corner I could find with a huff. I rested my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands.
The only thing I could say about this whole situation was, "What the hell is happening?"
♫♫♫Back to the Future♫♫♫
"Stop right there, criminal scum!"
I turned to my right to see a lone pegasus guard running towards me. I pulled my headphones off and respond in kind. "Yo yo, what's up my little pony?"
The guard snorted at my choice of words before looking me dead in the eye and saying, "By the authority of the crown you are to come with me for disturbing the peace of the castle. Any resistance will be met with due force."
Oh hell no, I'm not going back to jail. I already did my time. "Sorry dude, but that wasn't me. That was him," I pointed my finger to Discord's statue a ways off into the garden. I mean, it was true in a way.
The guard rolled his eyes and I could feel the condescendingness come off him in waves, "Of course ma'am. The statue of the recently defeated Lord of Chaos broke out again to make some annoying noise and gleefully returned back to his prison. Now enough of this nonsense, come with me."
I fumed and shouted back at him with a totally not girly stomp of my foot, "It's true! He created a stereo before he was imprisoned again to make the wubs necessary to free me from MY stone imprisonment!"
It was, at that point after saying that sentence, that I realized I dun goofed. The guard's eyes widened and a spark of recognition and panic flared in his eyes, "Y-You're the Cloudsdale destroyer!"
Apparently, I'm a legend over there. The guard started to back up before he caught himself. He steeled himself for what was most likely an attack to ruin my day. It was at that point that I panicked and reached into a pocket on my weird coat skirt thing and pulled out one of my personal inventions.
A small round ball that I lovingly dubbed the Wubnade, non-lethal of course I'm not some psycho. I pressed the activator and immediately threw it down at the guard's hooves, quickly putting on my headphones that were still blaring one of my favorite songs. Just in time too, because the Wubnade shined in the face of the guard and blared out some wubs strong enough to cause distortions around it. The Wubnade made the guard pony lose all feeling in his legs and he promptly fell over.
I bolted away from the scene before he even hit the floor. That was my last 'nade and I didn't have enough time to make any more. Once I was out of the radius of my invention, only a few feet at the most and then the magic drastically reduces, I took off my headphones. I needed to hear the guards right now since I had none of my tricks with me. I heard some noises and quickly hid behind a pillar. A group of guards ran past me in the direction of the garden. Once I determined the coast was clear I left for the gates. Luckily, there were no guards present, seems like they all just left their stations to see what the commotion was all about.
"These are some shitty guards..." I thought to myself as I passed the castle gates.
♫♫♫
"Why in Tartarus did you leave the gates?! The criminal probably left by now!" Shining Armor shouted to the gate guards around the same time Vinyl was passing through the gates. He was in the middle of racing to the throne room to deliver this urgent news to Celestia, he didn't have time for this. "Get back to your stations! I already have a team searching! We'll talk about this later!"
The gate guards, thoroughly chastised, galloped back to their assigned posts. Shining Armor finally reached Princess Celestia's throne room and nearly tore off the doors as he raced inside.
"Goodness Captain, what seems to be the rush? Is it about the racket coming from the garden?" asked a faintly surprised Celestia, though you wouldn't be able to tell from her voice.
"A very familiar racket..." privately thought Celestia.
"Yes, your highness, it seems that another stone prisoner escaped. The tall two legged one, the Wub Queen."
Celestia nearly choked in surprise, "Shining! Send a search party immediately! We need to find her as quick as possible!"
"Already done your Highness."
"Double it! We must not let a repeat of Cloudsdale happen again! Go!"
Shining gave a quick bow before rushing off to finish his orders. Celestia bit her lip as she pondered what could happen in the next coming days.
"This could get ugly real fast. I need to warn Twilight and keep the elements ready," she quietly said, conjuring up a quill and scroll.
♫♫♫
Running to the train was actually easier than I thought it would be. Of course, there is a little thing called Murphy's Law, which decided to rear its ugly face in the form of three guards deciding to round the corner in front of me. I skidded to a stop and stood there in front of them. The guards and I exchanged stupid looks before they seemed to shake off their stupid. I turned and ran down an alley and they gave chase. After running myself ragged by taking tons of corners to make them lose sight, I was nearly at my limit. I'm not a fit woman after all. I still get a small shudder when I think things like that.
I had just managed to lose their sight, and after having enough of the running I decided to try a door. My luck turned out for the better as the first house I came across had the door unlocked. After quickly closing it shut I slid down its length with my back pressed against it with a loud sigh. It occurred to me that this house is probably occupied, and as if to prove my point I heard movement upstairs.
I should hide, but honestly, the pony probably knows someone is there. The hoof steps grew louder and I shakily stood back up, ready to meet my unknowing host. In hindsight, I probably should've hidden myself because what happened next won't be forgotten by either of us.
"Hey, Octavia you back already-" The sentence stopped with a start as the pony in front of me stared at me with wide eyes. Purple glasses resting on her horn and a wicked looking blue and light blue spiky mane.
Vinyl and Vinyl looked at each other and the only thing I could say was, "Uh, wubadubdub amirite?"