"Watch out!" Discord yanked Pinkie away from a gap in the timelines just before a high-tech silver car flew past. "Pinkie, you can't just go running off like that. We're not the only ones out here."
Pinkie stared at him. "Really!?" She gasped.
Discord nodded sagely. "Yep. In fact, ponies aren't even the most common species. It's actually these weird bipedal ape things called humans. We'll be running into a lot of those. That was one of their time machines that almost ran you over. Now, I know I've got a map in here somewhere..."
He rummaged around in a big bag labeled "Hammerspace" for a few seconds, then pulled out a small sphere. Tossing it gently into the air, it soared upwards for a moment before exploding in a halo of light. When the spots had faded from Pinkie's eyes, a full picture of the Great Time Bush had formed. Most of it was pure white, but a few areas had been color coded.
"Now," Discord said, holding up a stylus, "We are here, more or less." He indicated a brown dot on the edge about halfway up the tree. "This area," he pointed to a large pink blob surrounding the dot, one that trailed all the way down to the roots, "Is what I call the Ponyverse. Every timeline within this outline has ponies, or quadrupeds rather, as the dominant life form. The rest of the tree is ruled by humans, and although they take different names and occasionally have other superficial changes, they're still basically the same thing." He pulled up a couple of pictures. While each looked slightly different, from grey skin to pointed ears to multiple eyes, they were all built on the same framework: They stood on their hind legs, had forelimbs with nimble claws called fingers, and a flat face with the features pointing forward.
"Wow, that's neat!" Pinkie chirped, "But why are humans so common?"
"It's because they live in the Alpha timeline." He indicated a bright golden strand pointing straight up from the base of the Bush. "It's the exact center of the Time Bush, and it's impossible for us to interact with it because the very act of entering that timeline makes it deviate from the Alpha. Also, the local Guardian doesn't like visitors."
"Guardian? What's a guardian?" Pinkie asked, her head rotated upside down.
"Me," Said a voice directly behind her. Pinkie spun around in place, and found herself face to face with a glowing orange slitted eye. The eye belonged to a massive thestral, massive when compared to Pinkie, that is, with a dark blue coat and mane that seemed to ooze shadows. Pinkie suddenly realized she was very much bite-sized, and had to resist the urge to back up nervously.
The stallion only chuckled good-naturedly at her discomfort. "Really, Pinkie? Do you honestly think I'd destroy my greatest creation?" She stared at him in confusion while Discord doubled over, only barely holding in his amusement. "As much as I'd love to talk," he continued, "I really must be going. Ach-Galuk is chewing on one of the threads again. Discord." He nodded at the Draconequus, then spread his wings and flew past them, heading back up the timeline they'd just left, leaving Pinkie gaping and Discord smirking after him.
"Discord," Pinkie said, her voice still wary, "Who was that?" Discord couldn't contain himself any longer, and his entire body fell apart as he shook with laughter. Pinkie glowered at him, not angry, but still nervous. Eventually Discord pulled himself together, and summoned a book titled Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious, which he flipped through absently.
"Let's see, Teasing Pixies, Temperamental Wormholes, ah, here we go, Timeline Guardians." He read, "Timeline Guardians are the creatures responsible for maintaining the integrity and overall stability of the Great Time Bush. Each Guardian chooses a branch to care for, and they do so by reinforcing the outcomes they favor while allowing those they don't to be consumed by the Harvesters, see page 999. Their power level depends on how important their overall contribution is to the tree, and can vary from just being a time traveler with a part-time job to rivaling a major god. While some are friendly and/or malicious most just prefer to be left alone and care for their chosen branch in peace.
"Summoning Recommendations: DO NOT SUMMON! They do not like being disturbed from their work and will destroy your entire timeline out of spite if you summon one without a "Fate of the Bush is at stake" level of reason to do so." He looked up at Pinkie over his glasses. "That was Architect, the Guardian responsible for all timelines where I take you as an apprentice. Does that answer your question?" Pinkie nodded slowly, still feeling a little overwhelmed. "Don't worry," Discord said soothingly, "He's a nice guy, by Guardian standards. Just don't mess with time travel too much and he'll be fine. He hates untangling time loops. In any case, we probably won't see him again." Discord shut the book with a snap and re-summoned the Time Bush map.
"Now, I've done a ton of exploring over the eons," he said, indicating the colored in areas of the map, "But this place is so huge I still haven't seen even a third of it. The important locations are the Alpha timeline, which we already talked about, and the Origin of Existence." He tapped the base of the bush with a claw,"Which is exactly what it sounds like. It is the beginning of time, and the point from which all timelines grow. Other than that, it doesn't really do much, as the universe inside is still just a speck. Anyway, this timeline," he highlighted a gold section of the map, causing it glow softly, "Is a personal favorite of mine." He tapped the spot, and the map unspooled into a thread leading out into the Bush. "Do keep up now, and stay close. I don't want you running into something you can't handle." Discord curled into a ball and rolled down the thread.
"Okie-Dokie-Lokie!" Pinkie chirped, and sprouted wheels out of her hooves to follow him.
88888888
In a desert somewhere in the american southwest, a hole appeared in the universe. This hole was quickly filled by a bright pink head, followed by a torso attached to a tail and four legs. With a loud popping noise, Pinkie Pie appeared: too bad she was 50 feet off the ground, and made the mistake of looking down. Discord dropped in a moment later, and managed to restrain his laughter long enough to pull his apprentice out of a pony shaped crater, then fell over clutching his sides. Pinkie sighed resignedly before she giggled along with him, eyeing the landscape curiously.
"So, Dissy," she asked, "What's so special about this place?"
Discord, having finally recovered enough breath to speak, answered, "You known how we run on different rules than most ponies?" Pinkie nodded, but before Discord could continue, a blue blur zoomed up a nearby road. It froze in front of them, revealing itself to be a bird with long legs, tiny wings, and a big blue tail. it blew a raspberry at them, then shouted "MEEP! MEEP!" and took off down the road. Pinkie and Discord stared after it, and he said, "In this world, those rules reign supreme."
Pinkie's eyes and smile widened in glee. "You mean I can finally try out that super party cannon I've been building!?"
"Precisely, my dear Watson," said Discord, blowing into a bubble pipe, "Now, we must go visit some old pals of mine. I believe they'd be delighted to meet you."
He pulled on the air, and they stepped through the hole, landing on the top of a water tower looming over a film studio the size of Ponyville. Discord flowed down the side of the tower to a railing, then knocked politely on a blue shield shaped door with the letters W.B. written on it in gold paint. The door sprang open, and three cat-dog hybrids walking on their hind legs popped up. "Hello, Discord!" they chorused.
"My dear friends," Discord said warmly, "Come on out, I have somepony to introduce you too." The three creatures bounced out and surrounded Pinkie Pie, smiling widely.
"We're the Warner Brothers!" said the two males.
"And the Warner Sister!" said the female.
"I'm Yakko!" Said the one in the brown pants and belt.
"I'm Wakko!" said the male wearing a blue shirt and red hat.
"And I'm Dot!" said the girl in a pink skirt with a yellow flower behind her ear.
"What's your name?" They asked simultaneously.
"Hi, Yakko, hi, Wakko, hi Dot, I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie said happily. She loved making new friends. "Do you like cupcakes? Do you, do you, huh, huh, huh?" She stuck her face in their's, beaming all the while.
"Cupcakes?" Wakko said, "I love cupcakes!"
"Great!" Pinkie pulled out a cupcake the size of a car and tried to hit him over the head with it. His mouth opened impossibly wide and he swallowed in one bite, then burped.
"Mmm," he said, "Tasty."
Discord laughed, doing back flips propelled by the air expulsed from his chest. "I knew it!" he exclaimed, "You fit right in." Discord quickly teleported high above the studio, and pulled out a megaphone. He took a breath so deep his chest expanded like an overused balloon, and he shouted, "Hey, Everypony! DISCORD'S BACK, BABY!" For one long, agonizing moment, the silence was perfect. Then the sirens began to blare as the sound of screaming reached his ears. Discord smiled contentedly before drifting back down to the walkway, where he perched on the safety rail and started preening his wing.
The Warners stared out across the lot, clearly impressed. "Huh," said Yakko, "And I thought our return was a smash hit."
Wakko blinked, then pulled out an anvil and dropped it over railing. It whistled as it fell, until they all heard a loud CLANG followed by, "Yoo-huhuhuh! Neato yippy! Who sang the anvil song?"
Wakko pointed at the guy in the bad dinosaur suit who had just gotten flattened and said, "I thought that was a smash hit." Dot groaned and slapped her palm against her face and slowly dragged it downward while Pinkie giggled.
"Say, Yakko," said Discord, pulling out a telescope and peering down at the chaos below. "Is the CEO's office in the same place it was the last time I was here?"
"It should be, why do you-" SNAP "ask." Yakko chuckled. "Come on, sibs." Pinkie pouted. "and Pinkie," She perked up. "We don't wanna miss this!"
888888888
Thaddeus Plotz, CEO of Warner Studios, staggered into his office carrying an enormous pile of building supplies. Yanking out a hammer and some nails, he boarded up the door and every single window, which were quite numerous. Then he pulled steel shutters down on top of the boards, and topped it all off with dozens of chains and several oversized locks. In case it wasn't obvious, he was on the verge on total panic, dripping sweat on the floor and twitching all over at odd intervals. Ever since Discord's little announcement, one that had been blared across the studio in the most overt way possible, his office phone had been ringing non-stop. The sheer number of calls had overloaded the switchboard within two seconds, and it was now visibly smoking as it sobbed piteously on the shoulder of the coat rack. He'd given up at that point and run off for the materials to barricade his office. Maybe if just stayed in here until that maniac was gone, he'd be able to avoid meeting him face to face.
"Ooh, fancy! I take it you're the new guy?" Or not.
Still sweating visibly, Thaddeus turned around to see Discord, the legendary escalator of the "Animaniacs Incident," wearing a tourist's outfit and taking pictures of his office. "Ah Discord," he said nervously, tugging at his shirt collar since the room seemed awfully warm. "What a pleasant surprise!"
Discord's attire disappeared and he teleported right in Mr. Plotz face, scowling grumpily at him as the CEO stumbled back in fear. "Don't lie to me, Plotz. I know what I did last the time I was here was less than appreciated." He grinned suddenly, and for some reason Thaddeus found the smile to be even more terrifying. "But you don't have to worry about that anymore, I've reformed!"
Thaddeus smiled anxiously. "Reformed?" he asked. Maybe this visit wouldn't be the disaster of the last time he showed up. His father had told him horror stories of the battle between the Warners and Discord for the title of Most Chaotic. It was only due to blind luck and a shared interest in practical jokes that the entire state of California hadn't been leveled.
"Yepperuny!" shouted a female voice right in his ear, and he yelped and spun around to see... a small bright pink horse? Considering some of the stuff that went on in the studio, that was actually pretty normal. "Discord used to be a big meanie until my friend Fluttershy got to him! Now he's a big ol' softie." She turned Discord into a stuffed version of himself and hugged him, and he turned himself back just as quickly and slipped out of her embrace, clearly miffed by her antics. "Anyway, my name's Pinkie Pie! Do you like parties?"
"Not particularly, no," said Mr. Plotz, rather put out by her energetic attitude. "Unless those parties involve big contracts, of course."
Pinkie gasped in horror. "YOU DON'T LIKE PARTIES!?" she shouted, and Mr. Plotz scrambled backward, falling into the seat behind his mahogany desk. "Well, you haven't had a Pinkie Party yet! Yakko, Wakko, Dot!" The Warners sprang out from behind the coat rack in full military dress, and scrambled to attention in front of her, saluting sharply. "We have a new mission, soldiers: throw the best part this world will ever see! Are you with me?"
"AYE, AYE, CAPTAIN!" They shouted, then goose-stepped after Pinkie out of the room, cutting neat profile shaped holes in the now completely useless barricade.
Discord laughed, and wrapped an arm anaconda style around Thaddeus, pulling his chair close to him. "I don't care how much you hate parties," Discord said, still chuckling, "You're not missing this one."
"I take it I don't have a choice in the matter?" Mr. Plotz said weakly. When Discord nodded, he sighed, "I thought so."