The Conversion Bureau: Reality Break

by Fullmetal Pony


Just Another Day

        A glimmer of light caught me in the eye. “Ugh, come on,” I picked my body up a little, “it’s Saturday, can’t Celestia grant me a little more sleep?”

        “Can’t you grant me a little more sleep?” Summer asked. Only one of her eyes was open as her head rested on the pillow; she was giving me a look that could rival Fluttershy’s stare.

        “Sorry Summer.” I sighed a little and looked outside the window that was made of clouds. “Eh, at least it looks like it’ll be a nice day out.”

        “Good,” Summer murmured and turned away from the light. “If you think it’s such a nice day out, then I’m sure you can enjoy it while making breakfast.”

        “Fine, fine. I was in the mood for pancakes anyway, we’ll need some food in us for tonight anyway.”

        “Yeah, that’s really mffphl.” Summer stuck her muzzle into the pillow and drifted back to sleep.

        “At least one of us gets to sleep in.” I trotted downstairs and into the kitchen. A quick look through the fridge brought a slight frown to my face. “Drat! Out of eggs. Guess I’ll be making a quick run to the market.” I dashed over to the door where my saddle bag was and chucked it on my back, rushed outside, and descended into the city below.

        It amazed me how fast North Star city had popped up in just five years. Magic and technology had really made it quite unique looking. Buildings that were a mixture of traditional pony dwellings and modern human architecture were common in the city now. But the most impressive building that stood as a dazzling marvel in the center of the city was the re-adjustment bureau. Even on the outside, the bureau was quite a site; a skyscraper more grand than anything that had lined New York or San Francisco... well I guess you could still compare it to the skyscrapers in New York for a few more months. But what made it so impressive was its incorporation of magic in it construction. Magic allowed the building to twist and bend in ways that should have been physically possible. The lack of a true wind also allowed the building to reach momentus heights without need to calibrate it to combat strong winds. It was a structure that caught the eye of newfoals and welcomed them into a shining new land.

        The bureau was even more awe inspiring on the inside. It was singlehandedly the largest naturalization effort ever undertaken by man and probably a really big first for ponies. The great immigrations of the 19th and 20th century into America were nothing compared to to this. Every day hundreds, usually thousands of newfoals poured into Equestria. Naturally, the re-adjustment bureau in North Star was just one of many, but it had been the first and thus a lot of newfoals often came there. But work there was more fit for unicorns that could use the know-it-all spell, that made things a whole lot easier for newfoals. It was definitely an improvement over the first few years where we had to resort to sending newfoals to kindergarten.

        That’s not to say I didn’t play my part in the bureau. All the seeds, myself included, played some part in the ponification process. Sun and Neon were usually the ones at the re-adjustment bureaus, managing things from the top along with Twilight and the Princesses. Sky and Forest were patrollers in the human world, searching for the most desolate and abandoned parts of the world for those that needed help but couldn’t get it. Kind of amazing how years and countless amounts of money had been spent trying to give aid to starving nations and now they could be cured with a free drink. But while those two were in the corners of the human world and Neon and Sun were in Equestria, Pint and I found ourselves in the middle ground: the conversion bureaus.

        It had been freaky as hell going to the first one. I’m not even really sure I could call it anything but a readjusted doctor’s office in Los Angeles. It was a small place, but once the potion fever that had brought chaos to a most of the world had died down, people came to realize there didn’t need to be a mad scramble for the potion. There needed to be a controlled way to deliver it to every(future)pony though. It actually started the night of the party all those years ago. Pint had apparently brought it up while I’d been exploring the castle. He had just been joking, but I guess Celestia took him seriously. A few months later, there I was in a standing in front of a slightly redecorated doctor’s office (I swear the only thing different was the sign above it, which was a silhouette of a pony and human shaking hand and hoof).

        That was the day I wanted to smack Pint until he thought he had hands again. After about a minute of speaking, he handed the mike off to me and let me handle the rest of the talking. I pretty much gave the same spiel I did when I was first on TV, with a few additional things on how great Equestria was. I nearly got blinded by all the photos people were taking. But, somehow, I managed to get some applause. Luckily, Pint redeemed himself at that point by helping me take questions. My god, the questions; that q&a session must have lasted over two hours at least. But, by the end of it, all the people were lined up, waiting for some potion. I still don’t know how I convinced people to drink anything artificially grape flavored though. Hooves, manes, and muzzles I can understand, but artificial grape was a line I’m still amazed I got people to cross.

        Then again, perhaps keeping it grape-flavored was a good idea. Celestia had worked with some scientist a few years ago to alter the flavor. I think the main goal was to get a dragon potion, their letter delivery magic was the closest thing to email. Amazon was still probably pouring all its cash into that variant, but so far, only two variants had been created: blueberry and cherry. I was both horrified and amused that those two flavors had actually been made. On top of being a pony, now a guy could be a girl and a girl could be a guy. My “no, you’re not crazy, that really just happened” list could probably stretch into space by now.

        But aside from those shenanigans (I still have nightmares about the first time I had to answer questions about that), I mostly just gave speeches around various bureaus. I actually liked it a lot. I got to see a ton of sites most ponies would never see again. I still remember standing in my old house as Equestria slowly crept over it. In one second, I was standing on marble floors, the next second I was splashing in water (evidently what had been my house on Earth was now a pond in Equestria). It was an odd bittersweet feeling I got seeing monuments of the world disappear. Nothing could be done about things like Yellowstone or the Grand Canyon, but people and ponies were working on preserving things like the Declaration of Independence and the Magna Carta. But they were paper and small, so they’d probably survive. It truly was a weird sight to watch a dying world work to preserve itself while a new world worked to establish itself simultaneously.
        
I landed and headed to the market. Firms like Target and Safeway had tried to establish stores in Equestria, but they just hadn’t taken. It’s not that they were bad, hell, I still recall them being pretty efficient. But they were also distant and removed. I could even see it in the faces of the ponies that worked there, they’d probably been poor as humans. A lot of the first wave of converts had been hobos, they didn’t seem to realize how free Equestria was until they placed themselves in a job that limited that freedom. That was one of the reasons the markets that had dominated Western culture fell in Equestria.

        The other reason was the impersonality of it. It didn’t matter if you shopped at those stores as a human, you were in a land of ponies now and ponies just couldn’t accept the distance between owners of the store and customers. They liked to chat while buying their food, tell stories. It didn’t matter that human stores could offer everything an entire market of ponies could, it was simply a matter of communication.

        Okay, got the eggs. Was there anything else I needed? I looked back at my saddlebag which currently held my cargo. I’ve got milk, I’ve got flour, and I’ve got vegetable oil. Oh, I’ll probably want a little something before we go to th– “Oof!” I bumped right into somepony. Luckily, it was just a light bump so I didn’t send my eggs flying everywhere. “Sorry, typical of a pegasus to have his head in the clouds.” I gave a nervous chuckle.

        “Oh no it’s quite fine,” the mare replied. She was a white unicorn with a pink mane and golden eyes, something seemed familiar about her. Her eyes went wide when she looked me over though. “Oh my gosh! You’re–” I held up a hoof to stop her, at least temporarily.

        “Okay, let me guess, my speeches helped changed your life and you love being a pony. I don’t mean to sound rude, but I prefer to be treated just like any other pony. I’m sure anypony would have risen to the occasion.”

        “Well I mean there’s all that, but it’s even bigger than that.” The mare’s eyes twinkled with delight. “I was in on the whole conversion bureau phenomenon before it was even real.”

        “Oh lord,” I sighed, “do we already have hipsters here? Geez, I thought you’d all be staying in college at least, saying how ponification was too mainstream or something like that.”

        The mare shook her head. “No, it’s not that, heh, I still remember Krass telling me somepony had actually been ponified in real life. I don’t think I’ve ever had a greater freakout.”

        “Wait, Krass? Geez, there’s a blast from the past, I can’t believe how insane it was that all those writers actually were onto something so grand.”

        “How do you think I felt when I found out what I wrote was coming true?”

        “Yeah that must ha wait, what?” I corked an eyebrow.

        “Sorry, I guess I haven’t introduced myself.” The mare held out a hoof, which I grabbed in response. “I’m Sunshine, Sunshine Laughter, but you probably know me as Chatoyance.”

        My mouth dropped like a rock. “Seriously?! Holy crap! I remember reading your stories. Heh, you know when I first became a pony I actually got really mad that you weren’t on the IRC. I was convinced you’d be able to handle this best.”

        “Well I don’t know about that.” Sunshine blushed a little. “Besides if any thanks deserves to be given it’s to you and all the other seeds who made this possible. Even in my wildest dreams, I never thought Equestria would be like this.”

        “Ditto.” I looked up at the sun and noticed it was nearly ten. “Sunshine, it’s been an honor meeting you, but my fillyfriend is hungry and I’ve got brunch to make, so I’ve got to be off.” I unfurled my wings and started hovering into the sky.

        Sunshine waved as I flew away. “See ya around, thank you!”

        Always such a strange thing to see somepony who used to write those stories. Heh, wonder if Lauren Faust ever got ponified. The thought of cartoons chimed something in my memory. “Oh yeah, it’s Saturday! Gotta go check with the shop! Summer can wait a little.” I veered from my home route and flew to my favorite store in all the city.

        I nearly died when I found out about the comic shop. Pre-Conversion, comics had never really been a thing in Equestria. Now? There was a plethora of both human comics and pony ones. I’d actually traded a few of my manga volumes to check out some of Dash’s Daring Do comics. Still, for the past four years, all that the comic shop had carried were old western comics, manga, and new pony comics. A year ago both DC and Marvel had restarted both their universes with new pony versions (even as a pony, batman still rocks). But I’d never been a big fan of western comics (minus a brief stint with Green Lantern), so I’d eagerly awaited that day when the first pony manga would come out, I checked every Saturday with the shop when it got its new imports. Today would probably be the same.

        “Hey,” the owner looked up from his chair, “my customer with eyes, but no cash, ya here to just look around again?” He was a gruff pony, he’d even managed to grow that stubble a few stallions managed to get, but he was nice if you talked with him a little. Not surprisingly, his cutie mark was a comic book.

        “Depends if you’ve got in anything good.” Even if I didn’t buy anything, I still liked the atmosphere of the shop. No matter what world I’m in, being surrounded by good reading material and nerdom always felt nice.

        “Well,” his horn started to glow, “maybe I did get a special import from the Neighpon region.” A box flew out from under his seat and onto the glass case in front of him. “Wanna have a look?”

        “You know it!” I rushed over and opened up the box. I nearly had a heart attack from excitement when I saw what was inside. I looked up at the owner. “Book End, you’re not messing with me are you? This is real, right?”

        “Read through it yourself... after you pay for it.” I slammed down a bunch of bits on the glass case.

        “I’ll take the whole box!”

~~~

        “You mind explaining why it’s eleven thirty and breakfast isn’t ready?” Summer complained as I trotted in the door.

        “Sorry Summer,” I looked back and pulled the box off my back, “but I got something really special today.”

        “Oh this should be good,” Summer said with a sarcastic tone as she trotted over and looked in the box. I saw her eyes fill with joy and I knew I had her hooked. She looked back up at me. “Really?”

        “Yup!” I pulled up three pieces of the box’s contents with my a hoof and my wing. “They finally remade DBZ and One Piece as pony versions! They even launched a new Shonen Jump Equestria! It’s got both the old series and new pony based manga!”

        “Oh my god! They could have Black Butler soon!” Summer bounced around the clouds in excitement.

        I was a little less enthralled about her last comment. “Eh, I think I’ll leave that story up to you. But have fun looking in there while I make breakfast.”

        “Oh, you don’t really need to,” Summer cooed as she nuzzled me. “I think you already got enough.”

        “It’s all good. Besides, we’ll need our energy for tonight.”

        “That’s right, everypony is going to be there after all.”

        “That’s right!” I said as I slammed a frying pan onto the stove. “It’s a big night and we’re going to enjoy it!”

~~~

        Everything was dark. But I could hear everypony else talking. These sort of things were always like that, so loud you could barely hear yourself think. But right now, it was pretty quiet, everypony was waiting in anticipation.

        “This is going to be awesome!” Pint exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted to go to one of these.”

        “Bet you didn’t expect to go to it looking like this though,” Sam said... well, I guess it would be proper to call him Snow Fall now. I was pretty sure he was smiling in the darkness.

        “It’s pretty awesome that you got us a royal box though,” Dawn said as she used her horn to light up the area around her a little.

        “It’s nothing.” I shrugged my wings. “I just asked Celestia for a small favor.”

        “Don’t take all the credit!” Dash exclaimed. “We wanted to see this too!”

        “It... it’s not going to be too loud right?” Fluttershy nervously asked. Musical notes began to fill the air and the crowd cheered in unison.

        “You’re about to get your answer,” I replied. The stadium was flooded with light as the main stage was filled with magic and fireworks. It had been my first time seeing the band as ponies, hell, it’d been my first time at one of their concerts. But they were doing their part in the conversion movement as well. Their “Run, Neon Pony” concert ran on both Earth and Equestria and was intended to run until Equestria fully overtook Earth. The tour also served as a sort of traveling conversion bureau on Earth. People could get free seating by converting at wherever the band was playing. A lot of other musicians were part of the tour, but this was the band I’d really wanted to see.

        The musical notes continued as the singer trotted forward with a mike levitating in front of him. From our seats, I could see a mike and a flower graced his flank. Heh, makes sense. Then the singer sang and it was amazing. “Coming out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine...

~~~

        “That was so awesome!” Dash squeed as she looped through the air.

        “Damn straight!” Pint smiled. “Wish the others could have been here though.”

        “Eh,” Sun shrugged, “I’m sure they’ll see the tour some day. Who knows, maybe they already saw it before even we did.”

        “Actually,” Sky said behind us, “we got to see it too.” He was standing right next to Forest.

        “Sky! Forest!” Neon tackled and hugged both of them. “I thought you were back on Earth! What are you doing here?”

        “Why don’t you ask her?” Forest said through heaving; Neon could give quite strong hugs. We all turned around to see...

        “Luna?!” Everypony said in surprise. The blue alicorn had somehow managed to appear without any of us noticing. Alicorns seemed to like doing that.

        ‘Yes, um, hello everypony.” Luna awkwardly waved a hoof at us. “That was an enthralling concert wasn’t it? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything like it.”

“Um, right,” Pint replied. He was as freaked out as the rest of us. “It was pretty cool. But what brings you all the way out here?”

“Can a pony not enjoy a simple night on the town?” Luna smiled before her face grew serious again. “However, sister would also like to invite you to the castle to discuss a certain matter.”

        “It’s nothing serious?” Neon asked in a nervous tone.

        “You shall see when you get there.” Luna’s horn started to glow.

        “Ah nuts!” I quickly turned to Summer. “Make sure you leave the door unl–”

        I blinked and then I was in Cantelot’s Royal Hall. I rubbed my head to try and get things to focus. “Geez, five years and teleportation still disorients me. “

        “I apologize about that,” Celestia said as she trotted over to greet us. “I take it you have all been well in your various towns?”
        
“Yep,” we all replied.

        Celestia turned and looked at the Mane Six, who had also been transported with us. “I take it things and Ponyville are going well too?”

“One of the best applebucking seasons yet!” Applejack smiled and tipped her hat to the princess.

“And the Boutique is doing marvelous!” Rarity beamed. “Humans just seem to adore clothing, more than anypony would at least.”

“That is wonderful to hear,” Celestia smiled. “It seems all of you have grown and adapted to new lives better than I could have even imagined.”

“But why did we need to come here?” Sky asked.

“Is it some super duper emergency that only the mega awesome powers of friendship can stop?” Pinkie asked in one breath.

“In a sense, yes,” Celestia replied. She started trotting back and forth. “As you all know, my sister and I have been aware of Earth since we were old enough to control our own powers. However, as magic has permeated Earth, our vision has expanded even further. We can now not only see and cross dimensions to Earth, but we can also see other realities of it.”

“W-what does that mean?” Flutteshy stammered.

“It means she can see alternate realities,” Twilight explained. She then looked up at her mentor. “That’s amazing princess, but what does that have to do with us?”

“Everything. For when I looked into other realms, I saw the entropy once more. I cannot let any realms suffer a fate like that!” Celestia stomped a hoof down to emphasize her point.

“How can we help?” Neon asked.

“The same way my sister and I started the process the saved your world long ago. Tell the stories and instill in other realms the belief in ponies and Equestria.”

“We...” Pint looked around the room, “just tell stories?”

“Yes, your tales of overcoming adversity and learning to live as ponies could be the spark to ignite Equestria in other realities and forever destroy magical entropy! It’ll be just like how my little ponies sparked Equestria in your realm by freeing my sister with the magic of friendship.” Celestia nodded at the mane six.

“Alright!” I clopped my hooves together. “Let’s get some writing done! Um... could maybe Spike or a unicorn help with the actual writing part though?” Yeah, if I’d been a bad writer as a human, my mouth writing was probably one of the worst in Equestria.

~~~

        “Okay,” Spike said, quill and parchment in hand. “Ready whenever you are!”

        “Hmm,” I tapped a hoof to my muzzle. “I need to think of a title first.”

        “Um,” Spike tilted his head a little, “does a title really matter that much?”

        “Geez Spike,” I sighed, “I would have thought Twilight would have given you a lecture like this. A title is possibly the most important thing a book can have. Despite what you may have hear, ponies do judge books by the cover. For instance, if I see the words ‘Stephenie Meyer’ on a book I’m gonna avoid it like the plague.”

        “What’s a... nevermind.” Spike anxiously tapped at the paper. “But come on, this is gonna take a while anyway and it’s already hard to concentrate with all the jewels that are just waiting to be eaten.”

        “Which you don’t get until you finish writing,” Twilight chimed in from upstairs. “But is it really that hard to pick a title?”

        “Yes,” I replied. “It’s like picking a name and you know how hard that was for me. Guh, I need to make this something special, something so good that it can literally transcended dimensions and break realities. Ugh!” I facehoofed... hard. Then I realized I just solved my own problem. “That’s it! Of course!”

        “What?” Spike and Twilight said in unison.

        “This with be the story about the conversion bureaus, how this all happened and how it broke reality! It’s so simple yet perfect!” I looked over at Spike. “Ready?”

        “Yep!” Spike dipped the pen in the inkwell and got it primed to writer.

        “Okay, here goes. The Conversion Bureau: Reality Break by Eclectic Star.”

~~~

~~~

        I slinked back in my chair and took my hands away from my laptop. Man that was a fun. I mean, it’s not quite over, I’ve still got the spinoff, but still, that ending is through the roof! I looked up at the ceiling of my room and over at my posters. Can’t believe I actually wrote that much. I looked down at my hand and flexed each finger individually. “Heh, now that’d be some seriously insane stuff it actually happened.”

        I couldn’t see it, but there was a brief twinkle in my box of medical supplies.

Fin


Author's note: wow this has been a fun road to go down, but all journeys must end somewhere. That's not to say the story of reality break is over. There are still a ton of changes in the world that need to be addressed, and they shall be. But for now, thank you all for reading and for the love of Celestia don't drink anything cherry flavored! Thank You!