“Princess Celestia,” asked Twilight Sparkle, “do you believe in God?”
Celestia looked up from a scroll on the table and stared at Twilight above crystalline spectacles. "Yes," she said.
Twilight's lip began to quiver. "Oohhhh... I was worried you'd say that!"
Celestia's magic set the glasses on the table beside the scroll. She raised her head and eyed her former pupil with a mix of suspicion and concern. "I'm afraid I don't follow, Princess Twilight."
"Oh, forget it." Twilight turned around and started shuffling out of the Canterlot library.
"Twilight, you've been standing there for five minutes after arriving to the castle entirely unannounced," Celestia said. Her tone was firm, but not angry. "I expect an explanation."
When Twilight turned around, her eyes were already brimming with tears. "I just don't know what to believe."
"Oh, Twilight..." Celestia trotted around the large library desk. "Tell me everything. Start from the beginning."
Twilight bit her lip, but the tension in her shoulders melted when Celestia stood at her side and wrapped one majestic wing around her entire frame. With a deep breath, Twilight nodded and began to speak.
"I was with Spike in the Ponyville Castle," she said. "We were admiring the new chandelier, the one I wrote to you about, and reminiscing on old times we've had with our friends. And then Spike said something about... wishing it could last forever. A perpetual moment, I think he said. And suddenly it dawned on me that... that Spike and I will outlive all of our friends." She choked. "And their children. And their children's children. And then one day I'll... I'll outlive Spike and... and..."
"Surely you've contemplated this before, Twilight," Celestia said. "You've spent much of your life among immortality."
"Well, yes, but it never hit me. Not that hard." She sniffed and continued. "I started to cry and told Spike how I was feeling, and he started trying to comfort me with dragon stories of an afterlife and that our friends will live on and watch us forever and mourn with us when we fail and rejoice with us when we succeed. It all seemed so silly. I asked him what he was talking about, and he told me about the gods and religions of dragon culture he'd learned in some of the new books.
"So I went through the library--I'd already been organizing a new system--and found several volumes documenting ancient pony religions. There were churches and temples and rites of worship and prayer and sacrifice and--" She shook her head. "And it all just vanished. It all stopped--as soon as you and Luna arrived."
Celestia made no response.
"But there's all this... leftover notion that I didn't even know about. Family traditions and famous philosophy have pulled ponykind's faith in every direction. And I guess I realized that... well, I didn't have any faith at all! I don't believe in anything, one way or the other. I just don't know."
"Some ponies choose exactly that as their belief," Celestia hummed.
"No, I'm not talking about agnosticism. I'm talking about downright confusion, Princess. I was so confused."
Celestia chuckled. "You think too much, Twilight Sparkle."
"I know... and on that very note, I started to wonder what each of my friends believed. I thought surely they could help me resolve whatever crisis I had stumbled into."
"And did you ask them?"
"Yes."
"And?"
Twilight began to tremble. "Applejack believes in a fatherly God who watches over everypony and answers prayer and brings them to heaven when they die, Fluttershy believes we're all eternal souls cycling through lives to fulfill purpose and gain experience and peace, Pinkie Pie believes in God for no reason but to be happy--"
Celestia giggled.
"--Rainbow Dash believes that the universe came from nothing and will go back to nothing and we have to live according to our own morals and desires while we can, and Rarity..." Twilight clenched her jaw and held in tears. "Rarity thinks you and I are gods!"
Celestia let her cry.
"I'm not a gaaawwwd!" Twilight wailed, crumpling in the larger Alicorn's grasp. "I'm not a god! I'm just... I'm just me..."
After a few heavy sobs, Twilight composed herself and hung her head, gasping and sniffling under Celestia's wing.
"Did you inquire of anypony else?" Celestia asked.
"Uh... no," Twilight said softly.
"Oh, that's too bad," Celestia said. "I would have liked to hear what the owners of that lovely bakery believe."
Twilight looked up. "Mister and Missus Cake?"
"Or that musician who spends all her time with the candy maker."
"Lyra Heartstrings?"
"Or the mayor. I bet her views are fascinating."
Twilight blinked hard. "Celestia, what are you getting at?"
The Princess of the Sun gave a small but brilliant smile. "Princess Twilight Sparkle, you have experienced firsthoof that no two ponies believe exactly the same things."
"Of course they do!" Twilight argued. "I'm sure the whole Apple Family agrees that Applejack's parents went to heaven."
"Perhaps," Celestia said. "Perhaps not. But none of them believe exactly the same things. Even among the most organized of religions, its members must meet and converse frequently to discuss details of doctrine. There is just so much to understand, Twilight, that it is virtually impossible for two intelligent creatures to share exactly the same beliefs. Our experiences and perspectives are too hugely varied. There will always be differences, large or small."
Twilight's brow had creased. "Well, what's true, then? You said you believe in God. Is there a God or isn't there?"
"That entirely depends on what you mean by God, Twilight," Celestia said. "Yes, of course there is a God. But that's not the important question, is it? In each of your friends' beliefs, there is a God: a creator, a designer, an organizer, a great force of direction and intelligence, whether that god lives in heaven, takes part in the cycles, or clears the skies of Ponyville."
Twilight let out a choked laugh.
"What's true, then? That is an important question, Princess Twilight. Perhaps it is the most important question. Another way to phrase it is, What matters?"
"That's not necessarily correct," Twilight immediately said. "Something can be true and not matter at all."
"Really?" Celestia smiled again, wider this time. "That's a very interesting belief, Twilight Sparkle."
Twilight was speechless, running her own words over in her head.
"As you've recently realized, you have a long, long time to consider these things. Much longer than most rational creatures. The only thing I can promise you is that you will find answers. The seeker always finds. That is a belief shared across many lines."
"I'm not sure I believe it," Twilight said. "It feels like I'll never decide. There are just too many options, too many ideas that ponies I care about hold to so firmly."
"It is difficult, Twilight. I am not denying that." Celestia's wing pulled tighter. "I am simply telling you not to worry so much. Continue to think, continue to study, continue to ask questions and learn new things and measure how you feel. But don't worry about what you believe anymore. All you need to succeed here is to keep trying. Don't give up, and you'll get an answer."
"From where?" Twilight asked. Her face broke into a pained smile and she pointed upward. "From God?"
"Maybe," Celestia said, grinning with her. "Or from here." She placed a hoof on Twilight's chest. "Or here." Her hoof moved to the top of Twilight's head. "Or out there." She pointed to the library window where the rolling hills of Equestria bathed in a burning sunset. "Just pay attention. I know you, Twilight. You'll resolve this."
"You sound a bit like Fluttershy," Twilight said.
"Really? I was thinking of Applejack." She smiled and tucked her wing back at her side. "Although personally I like Pinkie Pie's answer the best."
"Ha! Yeah, you know what? Me, too."
Celestia walked back to her scrolls and lifted her spectacles in a golden cloud of magic.
"Just..." Twilight stepped closer. "Just tell me one thing, Celestia. Are you a god?"
Celestia raised an eyebrow at her.
"I mean... are we... do you consider yourself a god?"
Princess Celestia pursed her lips and looked at the ceiling. Twilight began to regret the questions when suddenly the Princess answered, "I consider all ponies to be wise, creative, emotional, and powerful. The only attribute we must add on ourselves is immortal."
A twitch pulled at Twilight's eye as she nodded. "Okay. Thank you, Princess."
"And you, Princess," Celestia said.
Just before her tail left the library, Twilight heard Celestia's voice call out.
"So, Twilight Sparkle," asked Princess Celestia, "do you believe in God?"