Chapter eight: Leaving the differences behind
Lavender Skies forced me in, tightly held in her aura. On my full power, I could easily break the spell and kill her, but that wasn’t an option in my weakened state. Besides that, I had to think about Berryshine.
My thoughts were interrupted as when she ended her magic. The aura around me faded and allowed gravity to take over which did like it always does. My flank fell upon the couch with a soft plop. She sat down right next to me with a smile that sent shivers through my body.
I go to say something, only for her to cut me off.
“Uh no, you will listen to me now. If you escape or do anything I don’t agree with, I will make sure you’re forced to watch your friend die in front of you and only when you beg me for death will you be allowed to join her. I expect you to follow all of my order, sense my orders come directly from the hive.” The smile on her lips seemed to grow at that. “We will find you a job, a new identity, and you will live here until I say otherwise. If I say so, you will be expected to do small jobs for me besides your normal work. Got that so far?” she ended with another smile.
I just nod and look away. At this moment, I can’t stand her face. Even less that past.
“Look at me!” Lavender Skies shouts suddenly and I turn.
She stares at me, and besides hate I can see a plethora of other emotions: Pain, distrust, and… and a hint of love? I don’t know anymore what she’s feeling, not until she speaks.
“You broke my heart you damn half-breed! I will break you for this, so don’t even think expect some nice easy time here! You could’ve just denied my advances politely, but no! You had to crush me, punish me, insult me for being a changeling! Do you think you’re better than me? NO, YOU’RE NOT, YOU'RE WORSE! You are nothing more than a half-pony you disgusting piece of flesh and fur!” she stood again, her eyes now flashing in pure hate and anger. Whatever what was in there a second ago, it was long gone.
“What did you expect?” I asked, enraged. “I was barely two weeks at the hive, and you, a pure changeling steps up to me and said that you have a crush on me?! At that moment I just hated changelings, even me! What did you expect my answer to be? At that moment love was the last thing I wanted.” with a quick green flash of magic I dropped the disguise, revealing my white coat and the blue mane again.
She winced and backed away. “You could’ve stopped with your insults when you saw me crying. But you continued. Was it so hard to stop and listen to me, to give me a chance?”
Why didn’t I?
ENOUGH!
I winced as a huge amount of pain shot through my head, numbing my thoughts and feelings. Looking to my side I saw Lavender in the same state, clutching her head tightly and screaming.
Lavender Skies, if you aren’t up for this task I’ll find another one. I’m done listening to your weakness against this one. And you Aurora, you need to stop this acting. I won’t continue to watch you two digging through memories of the past. You’ve both got a task to do and you better fulfill it!
We looked at each other and I saw Lavender Skies wince again, closing her eyes. I knew that the hive spoke only to her now, and the result wasn’t to my pleasure. Lavender’s lips formed a silent sorry before I felt pain again, then everything turned black.
***
Six years earlier
“I’m pleased with your progress Aurora. After only two weeks you’ve managed to complete half of the tests. Continue like that and soon you can live with your mother again, protected by the hive this time.” the changeling queen spoke, her voice sent shivers through my body every time I heard it.
I bowed willingly in front of her, but inside, there was only pain, anger, and the need to hurt and kill her. I had to gulp down all of that or they would kill my mother. She was hidden somewhere in the hive, kept away from me as form of leverage against me. It was all my soul and mind could connect to since I lost every other sense and feeling in here.
“You can go now and rest. I’ll have a new task for you tomorrow.” the queen spoke again and waved her hoof, a clear sign that I should leave.
With another bow I quickly rose and left the chamber, eager to get back to my quarters. Thank Celestia, they gave me my own room where I could be alone, unharmed and undisturbed. The changelings usually tried to avoid me at any chance, but a few I knew were curious. Sometimes I even wanted to talk to them, but once I got their attention, I had no clue what to talk about.
Today was such a mixed day. I saw some that were ignoring me, interested, a few that were curious, and even some disgusted glares my way while I made my way to my chamber. I was already used to those, but still, they were annoying. I hated them, all of them for what they had done to me and my mother, but I also knew that here, and in their eyes, I was the pony to be hated, I was the foreign pony in their mists.
The surprise on my muzzle was obvious as one of them stood in my way. But that wasn’t what surprised me the most. The changeling was disguised as a yellow pegasus mare and purple hair.
“Hi.” she said before blushing and looking at the ground.
“Uhm, hi?”
This changeling is strange.
“I’m Lavender Skies.” she said and gave me a smile, I just stared at her, dumbfounded.
She’s one of the mares. Never thought they would walk around like that after what the Queen explained.
“Would it be okay if we could just talk for a little while?” her voice was nearly a whisper.
“Yeah, okay.” I nodded.
We walked into a little side corridor where she faced me and took a deep breath. I had no clue what was going on, but it was obvious that she was nervous.
“I… I’ve watched you now for a few days and I have to say… that you’re interesting. I know that you’re a half-breed and all but I think that you are nonetheless kinda cute and nice and… “ she squeaked as I snorted.
“Are you serious?” my voice raised.
They are insulting and torturing me all the time, and now this? She’s playing me for a fool
She nodded before looking down at the floor.
“Okay I don’t know what kind of joke this is or if the queen ordered you to do this, but you better just forget it right now. Just look at you! You’re a damn changeling, you’re the last thing I want to see or be with at this moment. You freaks captured my mother, you’ve been keeping her away from me and torturing me for two weeks!” I stomped at the ground.
Lavender Skies looked up and her muzzle twitched, tears starting to dwell up in her eyes. She was about to cry, but right this second I couldn't care less.
“I hate you, all of you! You disgust me! You’re nothing more than parasites that suck the love out of ponies, but you know what? I hope you keep sucking until you choke on it, you little insects! I may have to do what you say, but I could NEVER bring myself to fall for one of you!”
Lavender Skies started to cry for real now. Her tears fell down on the ground and she looked at me with pain and hurt in her eyes. “And I thought that I finally found someone worth loving.” she sobbed before running away.
Did she just say...
I simply stood there, shocked. I never heard that a changeling could love or feel any other such feelings. For that moment, I felt bad for the mare, I really did. Slowly, I made my way to my chamber, trying to sort my mind.
How is that possible? How can something feed of love but also feel it?
Reaching my chamber I slumped down on my bed, it was barely more than a wooden frame and a mattress. I realized what I had done at that moment, that realization caused me to roll into a ball on the bed.
I might have pushed away the only real friend I could’ve in here… Or could she have been something more??
As I fell into slumber, I couldn’t do anything but feel sorry for Lavender Skies. I felt like I should apologize, but somehow, after the look she gave me I knew that she wouldn’t forgive me.
She looked like she actually liked me… that she might have trusted me, and… and I ruined it.
Great Job.
***
Present
I awoke greeted by small rays of moonlight through a window. Looking around, I found myself in a strange room filled with posters of the weather factory and the wonderbolts. The door stood only slightly ajar, so I rose and slowly made my way out of the room, following the light through the corridor.
Hearing sobbing through one door at the end of the corridor, I slowed my breathing and softly approached. The door opened quietly to my touch. Lavender Skies laid on her couch, wrapped in a blanket and crying into her wings. I had no idea why, until I heard her sobbing whisper.
“I’m so sorry, Aurora. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
What I did next was stupid, but It was like I just acted on autopilot. Opening the door completely, I entered the room and approached her; I sat down on the couch at the other end, looking at her. She looked up and I saw a reflection of fear filling her eyes.
“What do you want? You should be asleep until morning!” Lavender weakly spoke, turning away from me.
“Did you really love me?” Just like that, my muzzle formed the words and the sound came out, I just asked.
“What?” she looked like she almost jumped out of her fur at such a brash question. Her eyes were completely focused on me now. “Why would you even ask me that?”
“I just dreamed about the past. What I did to you and what you said to me. Did you really meant it?”
“I did and I still do, but I also hate you!” her expression hardened. “You were the first one I opened myself up to, and you ripped that door to splinters. What you said hurt me, it destroyed me in a way that I thought was impossible. I know that you were upset about your mother, but that was just hard…” she started sobbing again, but this time she leaned into my side. “I still love you. We may be different, but I still love you.”
“You… you do?” I asked with a blushed.
“Yes, but that’s not important anymore. I can’t do anything. I have my orders same as you, when she says to punish you I have to obey. I’m sorry Aurora, but she’s stronger than both of us. I hope you can believe me when I say that I’m sorry about everything that may happen in future.”
“Can you hear her now?” I ask.
She shakes her head, “No, she’s normally asleep at this time of night.”
I wrap a hoof around her shoulders and push her a little closer to me. I believe her at this moment, I believe everything she said about how she felt. The words add up, the memories add up, and far more importantly, her actions add up. My mother always said that you can truly know somepony by what they do, not what they say. I guess that goes for changelings too.
She melts into my grip, her head is pressed against my chest. I can’t help but sniff it, it smells sweet, almost like strawberries. For a second, Berryshine comes into my mind, but the protective side of me quickly pushes it away to try to protect her.
I start kicking myself. To think that all this time, for all these months I could’a had this, I could’a had someone just to be close to, someone just to be with. Even if… even if it wasn’t Berry. A part of me told me that I would lie to myself, but that part was quickly destroyed.
I hold her for a while. my hoof can feel her heart beat, I can feel her breathing in and out in a slow rhythm. “We… we’re alone then?” I asked as a thought comes to mind.
“I’m not that easy,” she laughs in my chest.
I blushed furiously. “That wasn’t what I meant.”
She doesn't remove her head from my chest, “What did you mean?” she asks, I don’t know if I’m imagining it, but when I said those words she seemed almost… disappointed.
“I mean her… If she sleeps, we’re alone, right?” I said and tugged her a bit closer to me.
She cooes softly from the extra warmth. “Yeah, if she’s asleep she can’t spy on us. How do you think we’re getting away with all of this?”
“What if we… no, nevermind.” I say coyly. Baiting the hook always worked on ponies, I didn’t see why changelings would be any different.
“What if we what?” she asked, never once removing her head from my chest.
“Nevermind, you’ll think it’s just stupid.” I sweetened the bait.
“What?” she starts poking me in the chest, I giggle a little bit for show.
“I don’t want to get you in any trouble…” I said. It’s not a lie, if she agrees she really could get in trouble, we both could.
“Let me worry about me.” she says as she finally raises my head to look me in the eyes. “Or are you saying you don’t trust me?” she has the most adorable pouty expression on her face.
What the hell was I thinking all those months ago?
“Are you sure, I don’t want you to feel pressured into something, and I don’t want to get you in any trouble.”
What was that old saying? The greatest lie ever told is the truth.
“I want you to tell me,” she said.
Yep, works like a champ on ponies and changelings.
Part of me feels guilty about this, yet not fully. I do feel… something for her. I just don’t know what. I know she loves me, given a chance, maybe, possibly I could… “I know we have to keep up appearances for the Hive, when she says jump we best jump. But… there’s no reason why we can’t still have this.”
“This?” she looks at me, confused.
I grab her and press her head back to my chest. She resisted, but only for a moment. Soon she’s once more listening to my heartbeat. “What I’m proposing is, do you want this with me? We have to do what she says during the day, while the queen bitch herself is listening, but at night, when she’s asleep and we’re alone, we can have this time to ourselves.”
To my surprise I feel something wet land on my chest. It doesn’t occur to me until after the fact what it is, she’s crying. I hold her even tighter in a futile effort to make our two bodies one.
“Yes,” she sobs the word like it was the last one she’d ever say.
Fuck you queen, not even you can kill hope.
Suddenly, Lavender perks up and chuckles. “What will you tell to that Guard if she visits us? You told her I’m your cousin.”
I look dumbfounded. “What?”
“Uhm, before you arrived, she explained everything. As far I know you told the Guard that I’m your cousin. It could be a bit awkward if she gets something.” she still giggles and I facehoof.
“I’ll just clarify that you’re my second cousin,” I laugh.
She lightly hits me in the gut, “You know that’s not going to work.”
“Lavender,” I sigh, “You know we can only have this time. We have to keep up appearances otherwise; that means you have to punish me, you have to work me to death like you said you would. And if she comes back… I’ll have to keep up my appearance too.”
“So you’re already planning on cheating on me?” Lavender says with scorn in her voice.
“It’s not like that!” I try to defend myself, “It’s so we ca-”
She cuts off my words with a kiss. It’s so unexpected it causes me to forget what I was just saying. “Relax,” she says with a playful smile. Relax… yeah right, “I’m just bucking with you after making me jump through that hoop earlier.”
She knew… so much for baiting the hook with changelings.
“Promise me that whatever happens, it won’t get in the way of this.”
Despite myself, I find a smile creeping up my muzzle. Placing my hoof back around her neck i start softly stroking her mane. All the while my nostrils are filling up with the scent of strawberries. “I promise,” I say the words as she cooes in agreement. I can already feel her starting to fall asleep on my chest.
I rest my hoof on her flak, feeling her body softly moving up and down as sleep comes to claim the mare. I have no idea what I just got us into. During the day we will be forced to play the role of slave and mistress, at night… who knows? Maybe the same roles in an entirely different context.
Whatever happens, I know I can’t fall asleep like this. That would definitely lead to us getting caught, and that… well, somethings are not worth thinking about. So I simply sit on the couch with her head pressed to my chest. i know she’s going to fall asleep soon, if she isn’t already. I also know that I’ll either have to wake her up or carry her to bed at some point and time.
However, right now, at this second, I couldn’t care less. I’m… Celestia what’s the word, I use to know it. Oh... that’s right, I’m happy.
How did that happen?