"For the last time we did not order a wagon load of Rubber Chickens and Creme Pies!"
The deliver stallion let out a frustrated huff. “Look buddy, my service order says to deliver this stuff to 103 Bridle Way, now are you going to sign for this load or not?"
"NO!"
"But isn't this where they’re hosting Uncle Chuckle's Comedy Symposium?"
"NO! This is the Wall Flower Theater at 103 Bridle Way and we're hosting the Royal HMS Amore Variety Show. The Comedy Symposium is being held at the May Flower Theater down the street! At 301 Bridle Way!"
"Oh. Well sorry for the trouble sir, they must have mistaken the address. Good day."
The manager of the Wall Flower Theatre let a out frustrated groan as he turned away from the incompetent delivery pony. He stopped when he noticed a fancy carriage being pulled by a remarkably robust stallion. The thing that most drew the manager’s attention wasn’t the extravagance of the carriage or the size of the stallion pulling it but the coat of arms on the side. It wasn’t one he recognised but you did not show off a coat of arms unless you were a high level noble.
The carriage came to a stop in front of the theater and out stepped a stallion wearing a fancy white coat and vest. His grey mane was perfectly styled and a pair of round glasses covered his blue eyes. He looked around, seemingly to confirm that he was at the right location. Once satisfied, he turned back to the well dressed mare still inside the coach.
“Thank you so much for the lift, Duchess.” He said. “I hope it was not an inconvenience.”
“Not at all,” The mare replied. “And considering the effort you must have gone through to make those arrangements for me, this seemed like mere courtesy.”
“Madame, for you, I simply consider it a pleasure to be able to serve.” He took the mare’s hoof and placed a gentle kiss on it. “Have safe trip home.”
After pausing to wave off the carriage, the stallion turned towards the theatre, seemingly only now noticing the manager standing there.
“Ah, what a brilliant coincidence,” The stallion exclaimed. “You’re the manager of this theatre, are you not?”
“Err...yeah.” The theatre manager replied. “Can I help you?”
“Well yes you can,” The stallion responded. “For starters, you can straighten that tie of yours. It’s simply disgraceful.”
Before the manager could even respond, the strange stallion was already busy straightening his tie, showing a lot of dexterity with his hooves.
“Honestly, if the new owner ever finds out their theatre is being run by someone can’t even do a tie properly, they’ll have a fit.”
The manager slapped away the invading hooves. “Listen, I don’t know who you are but you can’t…” He paused. “What do you mean new owner?”
Realisation seemed to dawn on the stallion. “Of course, I’m getting ahead of myself, shall we go to your office?”
Not waiting for the a reply, the stallion headed into the theatre. The manager, realising that there was no way around this, lead him to his office.
“Well isn’t this quaint.” The stallion turned back to the manager. “Now if you would just let me fix that tie.”
“FORGET THE TIE!” The manager exclaimed. “Who are you? And what do you mean “new owner”?”
“My name is Subtle Service,” The stallion explained. “My employer is going to be buying this theatre.”
“This theatre already has an owner.” The manager retorted. “And last I heard he had no intention of selling the place.”
Subtle Service let out a good natured chuckle as he pushed his glasses back up his nose. “Ah my good, poorly dressed, stallion. This theatre doesn’t have an owner, it has some Nouveau Riche pretender that doesn’t know what to do with the place. My employer will have a deal closed within the week. If you still want to have a job after that point I suggest you free up some time in your calendar so that we go over the details of what will be expected of you.”
The manager paused. “Actually, if you give me a moment sort out a couple of things I’d be free to talk right now.”
Subtle Service made himself comfortable in a nearby seat. “By all means.”
The manager left the office. Subtle Service sat for a few minutes before finally deciding to explore the office. There wasn't much of interest until he noticed a copper tube sticking out of the wall.
"What does that do?" He thought out loud.
"It's a communication tube." Subtle Service turned to see a pegasus standing in the doorway. "It and several others around the theatre are linked to a communication center in the basement where a private telegraph is also installed."
"Sounds expensive." Subtle Service commented. “Do you work here?”
“In a manner of speaking. I’m the Nouveau Riche pretender that owns the place.”
“Ah.” Subtle said as he realised who he was talking to. “It appears word travels fast around here.”
"I value communication." Stone Wall replied flatly. He then closed the distance with the earth pony, allowing for the manager and Load Bearing to come into the office. "So communicate. Who are you and who do you work for?"
“My name is Subtle Service. And I work for a lot of ponies, which is actually why I’m here.” He explained. “I wasn’t expecting to meet up with you so soon. But it does move my schedule forward so I’m not complaining.”
“Your schedule?”
“Yes, my schedule, I was wanting to get some one-on-one time with you so I figured the best way to get your attention would be to say I represented someone interested in buying the place and then have you come to me.”
Stone Wall raised an eyebrow. “So you lied about wanting to buy the theatre.”
“Eh...90% lied.” Subtle Service shrugged. “I do have a client who’s looking to buy a theatre in Manehatten but it doesn’t have to be this theatre. This was more about getting the chance to meet you.”
“You could have booked an appointment at my office.”
“And have to wait a few weeks for you to make time for me? Doesn’t fit my time frame.” Subtle Service answered. “Besides, seeing you handle this matter personally means that you are a defence contractor worth getting to know.”
While the manager and Load Bearing still looked skeptical, a faint smile appeared on Stone Wall’s face. “You have guts.” He admitted. “That has earned you two minutes of my time before my associate escorts you off the premise and you never bother me again.”
“Fair enough. I’ll keep it brief then.” The earth pony took in a deep breath. “I’m what you may call a concierge, only without the hotel. I cater to a highly elite clientele that want particular tastes catered to with the utmost care...and discretion. I mainly operate in Canterlot but I do occasionally branch out.”
“I see.” Stone Wall said, not sounding particularly impressed. “And I suppose you are here to convince me that I am in need of your services?”
“Quite the opposite, I am in need of yours.”
“Excuse me?”
“I have resources to cater to nearly all of my client’s desires. All sorts of desires.” Subtle Service continued. “However it has come to my attention that what I don’t have to provide is well trained muscle. Muscle that looks professional, can do the job, and know when to keep their mouths shut about what they see.”
“And the reason that they’re sending you instead of coming to me directly?”
“You know how ponies are. When they want to hire somepony, be it a builder or a body guard, they want to know they’re getting someone good. I’m here to see what you have on offer and then, if I think that you are worth my employer’s time, they will contact you directly about purchasing your services. And trust me when I say that this is something you definitely want.”
“That is a lot to take on just trust.” Stone Wall responded. “Especially since you haven’t produced any credentials or even told me who your employers are.”
Subtle Service shrugged. “You’re right. I haven’t given you proof that I’m worth your while. I could be completely making this up and trying to con you with a story. I could also be working for some really rich, really well connected ponies that if I tell them your company isn’t worth their time they won’t go near it with a ten hoof pole. Are you a betting stallion?”
Stone Wall gave the earth pony a discerning look over. Finally he shrugged slightly. “Come to our head office at 2 o’clock. The theatre manager will give you the address.” He then left the office, Load Bearing following close behind.
Once the two were out of the theatre, Stone Wall turned his attention back to his associate.
“Make sure everything is in order at the head office. We’re going to treat him like any potential client. Give him the standard tour but keep him away from anything sensitive.”
“Understood.”
After getting the address from the manager (and another failed attempt to correct his tie) Subtle Service walked out of the theatre. Once he was about half a block down the road he paused by a bench where a mare was reading a newspaper, seemingly to check one of his cufflinks.
“Are we clear?” He asked.
“Yes.” The paper shifted slightly to reveal Cheerilee. “So you just happened to have a few trunks full of costumes for situations like this?”
“They’re actually from the Ponyville Theatrical Society.” Filthy explained as he removed the glasses. “When Big Mac explained the situation to me, I thought it might come in handy so I called in a few favours.”
“And here I thought those donations were because of your love of the arts.”
“Can’t they be both?” He mused rhetorically. “Though can I say, you played a very convincing Duchess.”
She grinned while giving a brief shrug. “It’s not exactly the first time I’ve impersonated nobility.”
“So where is the rest of the team?”
“Notary is getting the intel she needs for the hitting the head office, Big Mac is stowing away the carriage and Heavy is finding a home for all those cream pies and rubber chickens. Somewhere."
"I must say it is mighty generous of you to donate all this for the symposium." The stallion in clown makeup said.
"My pleasure entirely Mr Chuckles." Heavy dismissed genially. "I have always believed in the power of laughter."
"Please, call me Uncle."
"So what exactly do you want me to be looking for while I'm on this tour?" Filthy asked.
"Anything that we can use to against Stone Wall or anything that looks like it could could be hiding something we can use."
Filthy replaced his glasses. "Well that's a relief, for a moment I thought we had no idea what we're looking for."
The clock behind the receptionist read 2 O'Clock as Subtle Service walked into the head office of Stone Wall Securities.
"Welcome to Stone Wall Securities." The receptionist said as she noticed the stallion. "How may I help you?"
"I'm here to see Stone Wall. My name is Subtle Service."
"You're not down for an appointment." The receptionist commented as she looked through the planner. "Do you have a pass?"
"It's alright." Load Bearing said, having just walked into the entrance hall. "Mr Wall's expecting him."
Load Bearing lead Subtle Service to the staircase. The two then started the climb. After a moment, Subtle Service tried to break the awkward silence.
"I bet that scar has an interesting story." The earth pony said, drawing attention to the large mark on his jawline.
"Fought a moose." Load Bearing replied. "The moose lost."
Subtle Service soon realised that he wasn't going get anything more than that.
The reached the desired floor and came to a hallway. Subtle Service was about to press on but was stopped by Load Bearing holding out his hoof.
“I do not tell my employer who he does and doesn’t do business with, Mr Service.” The unicorn said in a low tone. “But I do take protecting him and his assets very seriously, understand?”
Subtle Service took a moment to size up Load Bearing. He finally spoke again as he moved the unicorn’s hoof out of the way.
“Whatever they pay you - it isn’t enough.”
“You know he’s not wrong.” One of the nearby guards commented.
“Get back to your patrol!” Load Bearing scolded.
Subtle Service gave an approving whistle as he passed various cases filled with assorted weapons, all looking very expensive or very old (and therefore also very expensive). He was only able to turn his attention away from the display when he saw that he had arrived at a large and well furnished office.
At the desk was Stone Wall, going over some paperwork. He looked up and smiled as he saw the earth pony. “Ah Mr Service, you made it.”
“Yes, and I’m excited to see what you have on offer.”
“You will not be disappointed.” Stone Wall stood up from the desk and turned to Load Bearing. “Go make sure my reservations for the meeting with Covered Bridge is in order.”
“Yes, sir.”
As Load Bearing left, the pegasus refocused his attention to Subtle Service. “Shall we?”
“Here we have Strategic Planning.” Stone Wall said as they entered a room where ponies were going over blue prints. “It’s their job to examine the locations our clients want us to protect, we check for blindspots as well as weak points and insure that our resources are being used most efficiently. That means better protection for the client at a better price.”
“Here is our Logistics department. They insure that all the troops have the equipment and provisions they need to effectively do their job.”
“Here is our Pony Resources department. They handle hiring and various other employee related matters. Making sure we have top notch employees in order to provide top notch protection.”
“Our language center is where we prepare our forces for dealing with clients that speak in other languages. We don’t ask our employees to be fluent but they need to at least be able to give simple instructions.”
“We need to get you into the panic room.” The instructor said.
“Nous avons besoin de vous entrer dans la salle de panique!” The pupil replied.
“His grammar needs work.” Subtle commented.
“It’s about being functional, not fluent.” Stone Wall said dismissively. “They need to be able to keep the client safe, not have a conversation with them.” He then called out the instructor. “Continuez votre bon lapin!”
The pupil looked like he was about to say something but was silenced by look the instructor gave him.
As they walked down one hallway, Subtle noticed pictures of various important looking figures (both pony and otherwise) surrounded by ponies wearing Stone Wall Securities uniforms.
“Pictures of the various individuals my company has helped keep safe.” Stone Wall commented, having been stopped by somepony to sign some documents (the third pony to have stopped him during this tour). “Slightly boastful, I know, but it does help employee morale to see them.”
“And what part of the operation do you have here?”
“Nothing.” Stone Wall admitted. “We lease out the top ten floors as office space for various businesses. It’s a premium location and we provide the security, at minimal extra cost.”
“That’s nice but why bring me up here?”
Stone Wall pointed to a Barista working at nearby lounge. “This place makes the best Hazlenut oat lattes in town, interested?”
“So, what do you think?” Stone Wall asked, after they had finished their lattes.
“You’ve certainly have shown to have the ability to handle the logistics and administration.” Subtle Service replied. “And forgive me if I sound a little blunt but I had been hoping to see how you handle the more...aggressive side of personal security.”
The CEO actually smiled at that. “Perfectly understandable, what good is a guard detail that can’t protect their client?” He turned to one of his staff. “Ready the coach, it’s time to take Mr Service to the playroom.”
The “playroom” turned out to be a large, multi floor warehouse in the industrial district set next to what looked like a cross between an apartment building and a military barracks behind high walls. The coach pulled through the well patrolled gate and Stone escorted his guest across the large training yard out front which was busy with strapping stallions and mares running obstacle courses, sparring with each other and throwing and shooting various weapons at hay targets.
They entered the warehouse ground floor to find it full of supplies and gear with a large section left clear for Stone's demonstration.
"As you can see my security forces are well supplied with all the tools of the trade needed to do their jobs and are well trained in their use. This over here is something i am particularly proud of." Stone said, leading the way to long table next to a shooting range. On it were a series of conventional and many more not-so-conventional crossbows.
"If you would Trigger Happy."
A mare with a slightly overenthusiastic grin picked up the weapon on the table. "Ok, so here we have the standard Royal Guard issue crossbow, a fairly accurate and powerful weapon." This she proceeded to demonstrate by firing it down range, hitting the center of the wooden bullseye and sinking the quarrel into the wood up to its fletching.
"As I say, perfectly serviceable but very limited in many ways. Which brings us to the upgraded Stone Wall Securities' model." She said holding up a weapon that looked alot like that last one except that it had a long, skinny box and lever mechanism mounted on top and seemed to lack a trigger.
"This," the mare said with obvious pride and enthusiasm "Is the Stone Wall Securities Mark 1 Repeating Crossbow! We imported several examples of the original design from factors in the far east then went about giving it a major overhaul and upgrade. The original was built from cheap bamboo and was more a tool of home defense than a tool of combat.”
She removed the box to give Subtle Service a better look at the design of the main part of the cross.
“We replaced the stock and lever with solid Equestrian oak and replaced the utilitarian bow with a recurve style yew wood bow for greater power. We've also reinforced with the contact points of the moving parts with metal to prevent wear. We've even improved the ammunition by adding small metal fins in place of the previously non-existent fletching.”
She replaced the box and aimed the crossbow at a fresh target.
“Rather than a trigger you will notice the lever on top, see here is a handle that projects to the side of the lever. You just grasp the handle with your mouth and bob your head back and forth, the movement not only drops the next shot into place but fires the weapon as well. The box magazine holds ten bolts and in the time it takes for one pony to fire and reload a traditional crossbow once, I can fire all ten rounds and reload the magazine."
She then proceeded to demonstrate by rapidly firing the weapon at the wooden target. All but one of the shots were grouped in the center mass with most penetrating close to half way into the wood.
Pride filled Stone's voice, "As you can see we have taken an already innovative weapon and made substantial improvements. We also implemented a smaller, wrist mounted version that allows the users to move and shoot at the same time." He picked up a much smaller crossbow fitted with straps. "It lacks somewhat in range, stopping power and magazine size but makes up for it by being more maneuverable, subtle and perfectly serviceable for indoor ranges."
Subtle Service inspected the target with a discerning eye "Impressive. The accuracy appears satisfactory but the bolts don’t seem to go in that deep."
Trigger Happy piped up immediately. "That’s what the poison is for!"
That got Subtle Service's attention "Poison?"
Stone cleared his throat "The munitions of the original weapon were coated with various poisons and other foul substances to make up for the weapons' other weaknesses. Our alchemists have devised a cost effective sleep potion that can incapacitate without killing for our own use and the same basic concept applies here; just a few scratches and the target goes down or is weakened. It has shown no harmful side effects and, ethically it's less frowned upon and pragmatically, it makes more sense as it’s much harder to question a corpse. That being said, these are still deadly weapons that must be handled with the utmost responsibility.”
“Very true." Something under a tarp caught Subtle Service attention. “What’s that?”
“That?” Trigger clarified, a grin appearing on her face. “That is my pride and joy. Wanna see it?”
“Miss Happy, now might not be the time.” Stone Wall said in a warning tone.
“It’s alright.” Subtle Service interjected. “She’s got me genuinely curious. If you don’t mind.”
Stone Wall pursed his lips but ultimately nodded his consent. Trigger Happy threw off the tarp to reveal what looked a lot like like a huge crossbow the size of a large pony. "What we have here is a heavily modified ballista. We started with a standard griffin design then we started to pare it down. It’s a bit smaller, but it is also less than half the weight of the original. Lost a bit of power but then we’re not using this thing to shoot down dragons. It only takes a trio of pegasi to lift this sucker up onto some mansion or warehouse roof with a good field of fire and a pair of ponies could load it into a cart no problem. Heck, so long as the wagon had its brakes on, you could fire this thing from the wagon without unloading it!" Trigger Happy was almost hyperventilating at this point.
"And Her Majesty's government considers it legal for your company to use such ... artillery?" Subtle said with slight disbelief.
"Oh, well that’s the other modification. You see, this thing is non-lethal." The cheer artillerist exclaimed.
"Non-lethal? How?"
"Has to do with the munitions we shoot. See that pouch at the center of the bowstring? Well that allows us to load this beauty with all sorts of non-lethal projectiles. Most of the time we load her up a tri-point bola net strong enough to hold buffalo, here watch," She said as she loaded a bundle of rope and stone balls into the weapon, sighted at a roughly minotaur shaped dummy at the far end of the range and fired. The net twirled and expanded in flight before wrapping the dummy like a spider's lunch.
"'In the case of large mobs we can load a pot full of the same sleep potion we use on the arrows. Great for crowd control! Lemmy show ya, course this pot is just filled with chalk dust to simulate the splash pattern." As she had been talking she had also been winching back the ballista string and loading what looked like a sealed flower pot. she sited at a group of loose crates in the middle of the warehouse before letting it fly. It exploded in cloud of bright green dust before clearing to show a good twenty crates caught in the blast, along with one very angry, and dusty, looking quartermaster.
"Oops. SORRY ARMORY!"
"Very impressive. But it only shoots non-lethal ammunition?" Subtle clarified with Stone Wall.
Stone looked at him for a long moment before turning to a much more serious Trigger Happy and nodding, she then pulled a long barbed spear out from the tarp and loaded it into the ballista.
All she said was, "Accurate up to 500 yards," before pulling the trigger. The minotaur dummy exploded into sawdust and kindling.
Stone smiled at Subtle. "All part of the deluxe package of course."
Afterwards, Stone Wall lead Subtle Service back out into the training yard, towards a group of his security ponies standing a short distance from a group of pony sized dummies. A sergeant tweeted on a whistle and each pony brought up his wrist mounted repeating crossbow and proceeded to pincushion the dummies. A second later the sergeant tweeted again and the squad rushed in to tackle the dummies.
Stone looked on with satisfaction. "That there, Mr. Service was a perfectly executed example of our standard suppression doctrine. As you have seen Stone Wall Security is quite possibly the most advanced security outfit in all of Equestria. While the royal guard waste years on outdated methods and tools, our system means that a pony will go from new recruit to fighting fit within five months. So not only can we meet the demand faster, I would argue that we meet it better. We aren’t bogged down centuries old traditions so we can embrace new technology and meet modern needs much quicker.”
“You seem incredibly critical of the guards considering you were once one of them.” Subtle commented.
The pegasus shrugged. “I will admit that being with the guard did teach me a lot of skills that helped me turn Stone Wall Securities into the success it is. Ultimately, I left because I realised that their antiquated beliefs had no place in the modern world.”
“They are still the force tasked with keeping Equestria safe.” The earth pony remarked.
“That’s only because a better alternative hasn’t presented itself yet.” Stone replied. “But enough of that, let’s show how our wing unit does an air take down.”
“And that is my operation in a nutshell.” Stone Wall said as the two rode the coach back to the head office.
“You certainly are a force to be reckoned with.” Subtle Service commented.
“I can only take that as a compliment.” The pegasus replied.
“Though I have to wonder, where are you planning on taking your operation? Forgive my frankness but what you’ve shown me today is not the signs of a company satisfied with it’s current market share.”
“What company is ever satisfied with it’s current market share?” Stone Wall asked mockingly.
“Fair point.”
“Obviously I want to grow this company and expand beyond Manehatten.” Stone Wall continued. “Ultimately my goal is for Stone Wall Securities to be lending a hoof in keeping all of Equestria safe.”
“So you eventually want to be working along side the guard to create that better alternative you talked about?” Subtle Service asked.
“Something like that.”
“So will you be staying in Manehatten much longer?” Stone Wall asked as the two stallions entered the lobby of the head office.
“I still have a few more errands to run.” Subtle Service replied. “I should be done by the end of the week.”
“Excellent. Ms Pusher!” Stone Wall called out to the receptionist. “Get Mr Service a ticket to the Royal HMS Amore Variety Show and the private pre-show function.”
“Of course, Sir.” Ms Pusher replied.
“That’s very kind.” Subtle Service said with a humble bow of the head.
“My pleasure entirely.” Stone Wall replied. “You have proven yourself a bold stallion, and I believe fortune should always favour the bold.”
After brief farewell, Stone Wall left to take care of some other business matters. Subtle Service waited until he was before approaching the receptionist.
“So who do I make the ticket out to?” Ms Pusher asked.
“Subtle Service is fine.” The stallion replied. “Listen, I forgot to ask Stone Wall. Has he got any open slots in the next few days? I want to book an appointment for one of my clients.”
“I’ll check.” Ms Pusher opened the planner. While she scanned through it, Subtle saw what he needed to:
Covered Bridge 3 pm to 4:30 pm
“Sorry Sir, Mr Wall is full this entire week.”
“That’s alright. Now that I think about my client’s schedule might be quite full for the next few days as well.”
“Well, the tour was about what I expected.” Filthy said that evening as he was finally able to get out of costume. “They tried to wow me without giving too much away. But I was able to play a little hot or cold with them.”
“Hot or cold?” Heavy asked as he looked up from the rigging that Cheerilee had asked him to work on.
“Like the children’s game.” The business stallion explained. “Basically I would occasionally try to head in a different direction and the faster they steer me away, the closer I know I am to something juicy.” He glanced over the blueprints Notary had acquired from Town Hall. He pointed to a section of the office spaces. “There may be something worthwhile but my money’s on his office, he seems too much like the type of pony who likes to keep things close.”
Notary looked at where Filthy was pointing. “Stone Wall wouldn’t store anything highly illicit in the office space but that may be where he’d keep the sensitive files. I need to get in there.”
“That may be a problem.” Cheerilee answered. “I can get into the office to but there isn’t enough time for me to get anyone else in with me. The best I can do is open the door for you from the inside.”
Notary shrugged. “Alright, front door it is.”
“Easier said than done.” Filthy countered. “I saw the receptionist in action. She won’t let anyone past without a pass, an appointment in her book or if you’re escorted by someone with a pass.”
“There’s not enough time to fake or steal a pass.” Notary surmised. “We’ll need to distract her to give me an opening.”
“Alright,” Big Mac said. “How?”
Notary paused as she gave the farmer an appraising look. “I think I have an idea.”