//------------------------------// // Epilogue // Story: The Humans in Equestria Club // by billymorph //------------------------------// Almost a thousand ponies turned up for Alexis’ funeral. Former humans brushed shoulders with Wonderbolts and Royals. Gryphons, dragons and changeling drones mingled freely through the crush of mourners, well wishers and curious locals. At least a hundred of the ponies were struggling with their new limbs, or still in a state of shock to find themselves alive and well after the nightmare of Chrysalis’ attack. Alexis' Club, though, had stepped up in the face of unprecedented new arrivals. Tents, so optimistically packed away for the winter, had been dragged out and doors flung open to accept the sudden flood of fresh faces. There was even talk of shipping out new arrivals to Canterlot, or as far as Manehatten, but nopony knew for sure when or if it would happen. So, on the day of the funnel, the entire Club gathered to pay their respects to their founder. The crowd was so large it had spilled beyond The Stable’s courtyard, out onto the snowy earth and up into the sky where the pegasi had floated clouds into position to provide more perches. The stage was small, rough around the edges and crowded with ponies. Twilight and the Element bearers sat on one side, faces drawn with sadness. The leaders of the Club sat on the other: Lyra lifted a leg over Swiftwing’s shoulders as the pegasus fought back tears, Crystal Cog next to them, looking suitably mournful, and Queen Rose, whose alien visage was as unreadable as ever. Star Charge stood at the center, behind the podium, in the shadow of a statue covered by a sheet. In truth, there was nothing but balsa wood in the shape of wings beneath the cloth, but it was an important part of the ceremony. Yi Zhong, a Club member who was training as a sculptor, had pledged that the statue of Alexis would be her masterwork, but it would still be many months before she finished. Star Charge had been amazed to learn that they had a sculptor among their ranks, and that Alexis had been the one to find her a master to study under. Since inheriting the Club he’d unearthed a constant trickle of little miracles just like that, which Alexis had nurtured, brought to fruition and then never mentioned again. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” he said. His horn shining as he amplified his voice for all to hear. “Fillies and Gentlecolts. Friends. We...” He paused, glanced down at his notes, and then brushed them away. “We won,” he said, with a deep sigh. “I want you all to remember that. No matter what happened, we won. A thousand people died to bring us that victory, and many more have sacrificed more than most can imagine to bring down Chrysalis.” He gave a pointed look at Colonel Ward, now a squat looking earth pony with a permanent scowl. “In the end, though, friendship pulled through, and we won. Chrysalis made the world’s fastest retreat back to the badlands to lick her wounds, and I gather there were a lot of them after Princess Luna had her fun. Alexis, bless her heart, even managed to prevent a nuclear catastrophe by dragging the entire power plant with her to Equestria.” Star took a deep breath before continuing. “And all this was possible because one mare never gave up. Alexis was...” He frowned, tapping a hoof on the podium. “Alexis was an idealist. I guess that’s why we never got along. I wanted ponies to be their best, but Alexis... she wanted them to be happy. Perhaps we should have agreed on that point, at least, but it took me far too long to really appreciate what Alexis was doing with the Club. Alexis was a builder, a fixer, a mare who possessed a drive to right the wrongs in the world. We stand in the shadow of a building that she envisioned and raised to make our lives better. We were fed because she fought the bureaucracy to get us bread. She was, to nearly all of us, the first friendly face in an alien world, and we have lost more than I can describe with her passing. What’s worse, many of us never knew just what we had in her until she was gone. “I never really understood Alexis.” Star Charge gave his head a slow, mournful shake. “I saw her holding us back, but the truth was always that she was there to stand us up. Many of us gave up when we came to Equestria; we shut down or disappeared off into our own private worlds. Alexis didn’t.She kept going despite everything that happened to her, and that was her greatest talent. As we, and Crystal Cog’s jaw, know, she was never perfect, but that never stopped her. Even when things were at their bleakest, she never took the easy path like, say, running off to Las Pegasus, but fought to the very end. “Alexis was many things, to many ponies, but she never gave up. This, I think, should be her most important legacy. We in the Club are ponies out of time, separated from everything that we ever knew, or loved, or dreamed of, but it is not the time to give up. Now, more than ever, we must press forward, for Alex and because of her.” Star Charge set his hooves on the lectern. “Well, that’s my opinion at least. I’ll now cede the floor to Lyra Heartstrings, who’s prepared a brief musical tribute.” Pinkie Pie was the master of all kinds of parties, even wakes. There were no games and the music was sombre and light, but the tables bowed under the weight of snacks, and the drinks kept flowing long into the night. Despite the huge throng of well wishers, it all passed too quickly, and, as Celestia’s sun dipped below the horizon, the party-goers began to drift away. First went the officials and the royals, hurrying off to other appointments now that their duty was done. Next, the citizens of Ponyville paid their respects, cast a forlorn look at the depleted snack table, and left. Then, one by one, the Club ponies staggered away, off to toast their victory over Chrysalis, or just forget their troubles over a beer or six. Twilight Sparkle, out of regalia and very much avoiding the title of princess for the evening, sat watching the final stragglers drag themselves from The Stable’s hall. The only ponies left were Alexis’ scant few friends and the Element bearers. Pinkie Pie dropped into a chair next to her, letting out a heavy sigh. “We did good?” she said. “You put a smile on a lot of ponies’ faces today Pinkie. I can’t think of anything Alexis would have wanted more.” A weak grin ghosted across Pinkie’s face. “That’s what parties are for... Even the ones at the end of the story.” She shook herself, running her hooves through her tangled mane. “I hate endings.” Twilight nodded. “Me too. Princess Celestia says: we should always remember to celebrate the endings, but not forget there will be new beginnings to take their place.” “I don’t wanna’ celebrate the endings,” Pinkie said, with a petulant whine. “I’ve done too many funerals, Twilight, and I’m a hundred-and-thirty-three welcome to Ponyville parties behind. They’re not fun any more. They don’t cheer ponies up like they used to.They’re just a rubber stamp on your way into Equestria. Papers, please. Bam!” She mimed slammed a hoof stamp down on a passport. “And done. I’m sick of them.” A long sigh escaped Pinkie Pie, and Twilight put a wing around around shoulders. A tear began to run down her cheek. “Why do they always have to die, Twilight?” Pinkie Pie said, a shudder running through her frame. “They don’t deserve it. Every time somepony gets close to us, they just get swept up by destiny and killed. Why do we make it through when everypony else just gets smashed by the rocks? Alex was just as brave, she was just as determined, but she didn’t have a destiny and died because of it. It’s not fair.” Twilight opened her mouth to point out that Alexis had technically quit and almost gone home, but thought better of it. It was the almost that was key, after all. “I sometimes wonder how much destiny matters,” she began, hesitantly. “If Celestia had never taken me as her student, if I’d failed as her student, if you’d never met me in the marketplace, would we ever have found the Elements and saved the world, or would Nightmare Moon have won? Are these--” she flexed her wings. “--a reward for doing the impossible, or was becoming an alicorn something that was inevitable? Alexis never had a destiny in Equestria, but in the end she won anyway. There’s an entire world of people whose stories didn’t end because she was willing to do the impossible, and if nothing else, you have to admire that.” Pinkie Pie stuck out her lip. “I don’t want to do that either. I want my friend back.” “So do I. There are some things even the Elements of Harmony can’t fix.” A deep sigh escaped Pinkie Pie, and she lumbered back onto her hooves. “Come on, Twilight. We should rescue what’s left of the cider from Dashie.” There wasn’t much to save. The detritus from the party had gathered at a single table, which was filled with half-eaten platters and rejected snacks. Lyra dozed, leaning against Bon Bon’s back and muttering to herself in her sleep, even as her marefriend chattered with Applejack and Crystal Cog. Rainbow Dash had cornered the last few bottles of cider, but hadn’t managed to finish her glass, instead she spun it around her hoof in lazy circles. “Hey girls,” she said in a monotone, not looking up from her game as Pinkie and Twilight sat down next to her. “Some party, eh?” A sympathetic smile spread across Twilight’s face. “Oh, Rainbow Dash, I’m sorry. I didn’t realise you were so upset about Alexis, or I would have come over sooner.” “Hey, I’m not upset!” Rainbow Dash leapt up, her wings spreading, defensively. She realised after a moment that everypony was looking at her. “I mean, I’m not upset about... I didn’t mean that... I-- argh!” She threw up her hooves and slumped down, resting her head on the table. “Don’t worry, Dashie,” Pinkie Pie said, pulling the limp pegasus into a hug. “You’re supposed to feel sad at a funeral. It’s so you don’t have to feel sad later.” “I’m not sad!” Dash protested. Pinkie Pie shot her a flat look. “Okay, maybe I’m a teansy bit sad.” She held her hooves a micron apart. “But just a little. I just... don’t know why she did it.” Twilight frowned. “She was trying to save her world, Rainbow Dash.” “I know, I know.” She shook her head. “But, why was she? You’d have to be crazy, awesome, or crazy awesome to try something like that, and trust me, I know. Alex wasn’t. She complained more than Rarity in a pigpen, and, no offense to either of them, Fluttershy has better instincts when it comes to a fight. Alex wasn’t supposed to be the hero.” “That’s because she wasn’t,” Pinkie Pie said, with a deep sigh. “She was the hero because I asked her to be, and Alex always tried to make ponies happy.” “Pssh,” Rainbow cut in with a dismissive wave of her hoof. “You can’t get a Thunderclap from following orders.” “Thunderclap?” The trio glanced over at Crystal Cog, whose ears had pricked up. “I’ve heard that term before,” he continued. “Can’t remember where, though.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Urgh. And you call yourself a pegasus. A Thunderclap is one of the most impressive things a pegasus can do. Only the most awesome can fly up to the face of death and yell ‘hay no, I’m not done yet!’ All the best heroes have them, Hurricane, Swift, Stormwind--even Pansy, if you listen to the right stories.” “Actually, out of those auto-necromatic events, Pansy’s is the most well document--” “My point--” Rainbow Dash cut Twilight off before she could get into full on lecture mode. --was that it takes guts to buck death like that, and I didn’t know she had it in her.” She frowned, then completed in a very small voice, “she wasn’t supposed to have it in her.” “I don’t think Alex ever listened to people telling her what she was supposed to do,” Crystal Cog said, rolling his eyes. “Urgh, that she didn’t.” Twilight shook her head. “But I think Alex took us all by surprise at the end. Especially Chrysalis.” There was a ripple of stunted laughter around the table. Crystal Cog yawned and stretched out his wings. “Well ladies, it’s been a pleasure, but I’ve got a busy day tomorrow. I’ve got a nuclear plant to take apart.” The colt offered no explanation, but dragged himself to his feet and trotted off, humming to himself. Twilight shot a confused look after Cog as he slipped past the few scattered ponies and out the door. “What did he mean by taking apart a power plant?” Applejack just shrugged and shook her head. “Crazy colt’s trying to get the salvage contract on the Hinkley Point ruins. Good thing too. Somepony’s got to do it and ah can’t think of anypony better to do it, but... watch him, Twilight. Star Charge--” she glanced across the room to where the unicorn was bumping hooves with a few other lingering guests. “--now that varmint’s got a dream, but it’s a good one, so ah’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Cog has a plan, and that worries me a whole heap more than any fancy dreams.” “He just wants to make life easier for everypony, especially the new ones,” Twilight said, pointedly. “He hasn’t done any real harm.” “Except smash that fancy barrier of yours,” Applejack shot back, plucking the half full cider bottle from Dash and taking a deep draught. “I’m not saying he’s a bad pony, just keep an eye on him.” “Urgh, girls, really?” Pinkie Pie said, shaking her head at them. “Can we do the politics tomorrow? This is Alex’s day, and she hated that stuff.” “Fair enough, Pinkie. Ah’ll keep my mouth shut. Ah know you two were good friends.” Pinkie Pie drooped, and Applejack passed her the bottle. “Yeah, she knew how to make ponies smile.” “An’ she was never one to shirk,” Applejack added. “Ah can respect that.” Twilight smiled. “She always did what she thought was best.” “She won,” Rainbow Dash completed, snatching back the near empty bottle and downing the dregs. “End of story.” The four sat in silence for a long moment. “I want her back,” Pinkie Pie said, hanging her head. Twilight put a leg over her shoulders. “Things will be better tomorrow. You’ll see.” “Oh, sorry, am I interrupting?” Fluttershy’s whisper was barely audible above the subdued babble of the hall. Even with just a dozen or so ponies left, she stood with head hung and ears pressed flat against her crown. “I can--” “Take a seat, Fluttershy,” Twilight cut her off before the pegasus’ nerves got the better of her. “Rarity managed to find you then?” “I wasn’t lost,” Fluttershy said, softly, slipping into her seat. “It was just a little crowded in here. I didn’t want to bother anypony.” Twilight rolled her eyes. While she wasn’t the most comfortable at parties, it was a continued puzzle how Fluttershy, dragontamer, savior of Equestria and now hero of Earth, could find a few dozen ponies so terrifying. Twilight shrugged. There were some mysteries in friendship you had to accept at face value -- like just how Rarity had been in the room for all of a minute and had already attracted a small crowd of ponies to talk to. Shaking her head, she turned back to Fluttershy. “It’s no problem. We’re just giving Alexis one last toast.” “Well, I do actually have something for you then.” Fluttershy reached into her pannier and pulled out a slim disc. “These fell out of my ‘Discord Closet’ today and, well, I never got the chance to return them to Alex. I thought Pinkie Pie should have them as she...” Fluttershy trailed off, staring at her hooves. Twilight levitated the medal into the air. “‘The Made a Princess Cry Award’,” she read. “Well, good to see Discord’s not compromising his ideals for the sake of tact.” “And this.” Fluttershy pulled out a gold ticket. “‘I O U 1 BODY’. What does that even--” Pinkie Pie’s ears shot up. “Mine!” She hurled herself at Twilight, body-slamming the alicorn out of the way as she snatched the ticket out of the air. “Come on, girls!” She accelerated away, going from sitting to a wild gallop in an eyeblink. “We’re going to get a happy ending!” The stage was empty save for a few discarded wrappers and a solitary notecard that had been missed by Twilight earlier in the day. Between seconds a sole occupant arrived, the tall, dark frame of a changeling Queen, wreathed in rose coloured fire as the teleportation magic dissipated. Her gaze was fixed on Alexis’ monument, though she might have been a statue herself for all she moved. “Awful things, statues,” Discord said, suddenly at her shoulder. “Argh!” Rose leapt five feet into the air. She caught herself on her wings, and sank slowly back to the stage, glowering at the draconequus. “How the hell did you sneak up on me?” “Tinfoil hat,” he said, tipping the mass of silvery metal masquerading as headgear. “Blocks all those pesky emotion-sensing beasties.” “Urgh, that makes no freaking sense.” Rose turned away from him, glaring at the monument. “Don’t you ever take things seriously?” “That’s immortality for you; one can either go mad or start mad.” Discord stroked his beard. “Though, perhaps two could manage it, if they worked together. Even Celly is a little mad after all these years... she has this weird habit of turning ponies into stone.” Rose shot him a look. “You said that on the show, you know.” “I pride myself on getting my ineffable self portrayed correctly in all realities,” Discord said with a smug grin, buffing his talons on his chest. “It is true, after all.” “What, the statue garden really is the max-security wing of a palace?” Rose let loose a bitter laugh. “I doubt that, or I’d be on a plinth myself by now.” “Oh, nothing so literal, my little queenie.” Discord put an arm across Rose’s back. “They were all ponies once, they had lives, loves and when they finally returned to the earth, dear Celly stole their likeness and froze them forever. A strange way to enjoy life, surrounding yourself with the echoes of the dead, but who am I to judge? I’m the mad one, after all.” Rose rolled her eyes. “Somehow, I doubt that. Looking back across the last couple of months, I have to wonder just how much of this was all your doing.” She glared at Discord, who was practicing his harp with one hand and polishing a halo with the other. “What were the odds that jet would end up here, rather than crashing into some gryphon roost? What were the odds we’d get a bunch of changelings here, right when Queen Chrysalis was sniffing around? Why did Alex have a boon to spare, right when we needed it?” “You have a very suspicious mind, Ms. Rose,” Discord said, waggling his eyebrows. “I assure you, it’s Celly’s job to be the master schemer. I’m just a humble draconequus, always willing to lend a helping hand.” “Bullshit.” Rose shrugged. “I don’t particularly care either way, but answer me this, was I planed? Three people died to build me. Was that all part of a mad scheme, or just a tragedy?” Discord smiled his cheshire cat smile. “Which would you prefer?” Rose glared at him. “Forget it. I didn’t come here to chase my own tail.” A crack echoed across the courtyard as a small rose coloured ball of crystal appeared, suspended in the Queen’s magic. “Here it is. It’s all that’s left.” Discord reached out to take the gem, but Rose snatched it away and held it just out of his reach. “I want a promise first,” she said. “Promise me that this isn’t a joke. There’s no funny prank or bait and switch. This is everything I could save from Alex. Every memory. Every dream. Look after it.” “I promise.” Whipping out a velvet cushion, Discord ruined the effect by snatching the orb of condensed memory out of the air with a butterfly net. With an artful flick of the wrist, he popped the orb into the air and caught it on the cushion, despite Rose’s look of horror. “I’m beginning to get why everyone calls you an asshole,” she said, scowling at him. “It’s a gift.” Discord held the orb between his fingers, peering through a jeweler's glass. “Yes, there appears to be enough here—if you had a soul to power it, of course.” A misshapen grin spread across his mouth. “Now, where could we procure one of those?” “Discord.” Rose’s voice was a barely constrained growl. “We all know that your adaptation spell steals souls. You either have Alex’s, or not. Now, get on with it.” He wagged his finger at her. “Temper, temper. Remember, our bargain?” “Three boons. Anything within my power you need but name.” She spat the words. “And just so you know, this does nothing to convince me you aren’t a chessmaster.” Discord’s grin just widened, and he swept the monarch into a hug. “Oh, we are going to have such fun together. The things we’ll do. The ponies we’ll impersonate. I’m thinking Celly is due something frilly in a mauve, or maybe plaid, I’ll guess I’ll just see how I feel. And how fast Sun-butt can fly.” “Discord!” The Queen bared her fangs at him. “Alexis.” He held up a paw. “Wait for it...” Pinkie Pie burst through the Stable doors, the rest of the Elements hot on her heels. Hooves thundered on the flagstones as she barreled towards the pair. She leapt onto the stage, skidding to a stop before Discord and passed him a golden ticket. “One pegasus, please.” Dropping the bemused queen, Discord flourished his paw, and a ticket punch appeared in his grasp. “Are you sure?” He hesitated a moment, poised to punch the ticket. “I’m rather taken by thestrals right now, so if you want to shake things up? Or, how about an alicorn? I--” “No alicorns!” Twilight gasped, almost piling into Pinkie in her haste to reach the stage. “You promised Celestia, no alicorns!” “We’ll see if we need a new toy line later,” Discord whispered to Pinkie Pie, before attacking the ticket with the punch. He finished by tracing out a complex image that, on closer inspection, turned out to be Discord touching a finger to a pony’s hoof. “There.” He handed back the ticket. “Now, where did I leave that body...” He strode over to the monument, grabbed the sheet with both hands and whipped it away. Alexis barely had time to blink before being tackle-hugged by a ballistic Pinkie Pie.