Badger, the Hippogriff

by Solar Eclipse


Promotion pt3

        It took a while, but Az and I finally got to the palace... Only to be in a line half a block long. The streets around the palace had-quite literally- at least thirty different shades of EVERY COLOR and of every type of pony around it. The guards at the main gates (Celestia bless them) were trying as hard as they could to calm down everypony and stop them from entering.

        “Any ideas on how to get through?” Azok asked, acknowledging the big problem.

        “You could go drake, or I could use my awesome new rank to get us up front...”

        “Well you don't have any proof of your ‘Awesome new rank’ and I’d rather not escalate the panic we need a softer approach.”

        “Golden armor is that of the Royal guard, and the uniform of the Army. There is a reason why I wear it when I visit Canterlot.” I pointed to my (somewhat dented) armor

        “Fine you try your way, and I will try mine.”

        “Hold on... You're a huge cow... Huge cow equals large height. Large height means easy to spot.. Why not just walk through it? Or we could fly over it... I don’t want to yell over this.”

        “Im not gonna yell. I'm gonna stomp” Azok lifted up his leg slowly, building up his power. I wonder what he’s going to- His foot nailed the ground, generating an electrical spark, and a boom that would make thunderclouds jealous. All the ponies stopped their rambling and stared right at Az.

“IF EVERYBODY WILL PLEASE RETURN TO YOUR HOMES, THE SITUATION WILL BE RESOLVED SHORTLY. THE WEATHER AND THE OTHER STRANGE OCCURRENCES ARE THE RESULT OF  SEVERAL SPELLS BACKFIRING AT ONCE. THE PROBLEM WILL BE RESOLVED SHORTLY.” The crowd started to disperse after the loud shouting. My ear’s were ringing louder then in Operation Eclipse. I looked to Azok, and he said something, but it was covered up by the ringing.

“Sorry, what?” I said, a little loud, putting one of my talons to my ear to try and stop the ringing. Fruitless effort.

[WHAT. THE. HELL. WAS. THAT!?]
~Azok just smashed the ground with his foot. Big bang. Loud shouts. Can’t hear.~
[Well, I can’t sleep now... That jackass... So what’s going on-] Rage looked at the sky and all the weird things around us. [AWWWWW YEEAAAAHHHHH!!!] I ignored anything else he said.
We approached the front gates slowly, the guards, looking thankful for the help, but also unwilling to let Az in... Until I said “Need to see the Princesses ASAP, utmost importance, rank Mike Charlie. Protocol’s; Oscar-Hotel. Sierra, Hotel, Indigo, Tango.”

“Ya, what Mike said.” Azok added in, not helping the cause.

They parted ranks, and escorted us to the large doors, and opened them for us. One of them ran off into another room, saying something about ‘she’ll see us shortly’.

“So what is ‘protocol Oscar, Hotel, Sierra, Hotel, Indigo, Tango?’ ”

“OH SHIT. Also known as: Shit’s hit the fan.” I replied casually, trying my best to make fun of the situation.

I saw him bring his hand to his face and look down sadly. [Facepalm... I will have my revenge for that sleep you put me through soon...] “And you people stare at me for being weird.”

“Actually, its really protocol Charlie, but I said the same thing, just longer.”

After an insufferable amount of waiting, Princess celestia appeared. “Good, you're here I assume you already know about the strange weather and the other such happenings around Canterlot.” Completely ignoring my open mouth to respond, she continued “I don't know what is causing it, but I want you two to stay here for added protection.”

“Of course, ma’am. Anything specific you want us to do?” I replied, moving to a more comfortable, military position, wings somewhat flared out at parade-rest.

“I want you two to go to the sculpture garden and guard a statue. A draconequus”

        “What is a Draconequus?” Azok asked, somewhat raising his hand.

        “They have hands, eagle claw, and a lions paw. A snake’s tail, feet that of a dragon and a hoof. The head is that of a pony, while it has horns as well. It also has wings, one bat’s wing one pegasus wing... Pretty much chaos itself balled up into a living creature...” I replied, answering the question for the Princess.... Who gave me a ‘stop interrupting me’ face.

        “So why are we guarding a statue?”

        Before Celestia could answer, the doors imploded, and in ran six ponies, plus Vinny, the green goblin thingy.

“Princess Celestia, we came as fast as we could.” Said an out of breath purple unicorn.

“Thank you, Twilight. Thank you all.”

“Is this about the weather? And the animals' weird behavior? What's happening out there? Why isn't my magic working? Is there–”

“Follow me.” All of the ponies, plus Az, Vinny, and myself, started to follow. “Except you three. I want you to go make sure the statue is still there.” Looking to the three of us.

“Yes ma’am” I said, saluting again and flew out a nearby open window towards the garden. I looked behind me to see Az and Vinny following me.


After a short flight around the hedge maze we approached the statue garden. Ironically, the statue was gone. However, surrounding the stone pallet it rested on, were chunks and shavings of stone.
        
[Clever girl...]
~Wait, what?~

“Well, this sucks, its not here. Want me to go tell the princess as you keep watch?” I asked, opening my wings, getting ready to take back to the air.

“Sure.”

“I’ll be back as soon as possible.” I said, taking to the air. I flew back the way we came, through the open window again, only to find the Princess and the six ponies looking around at the multiple stain-glass windows. My gaze followed to where they were looking, only to see one of the windows depicting six mares and Nightmare Moon- HOLY HELL  IT'S THEM! My jaw dropped as I looked to the six and back to the picture, trying to find any differences. I couldn’t. I shook my head, regaining my composure.

“Ma’am, the statute is not there. Is there anything else you wish for us to-”

“Yes, I want you three to accompany these ponies into the maze. Keep them safe. Do you understand?” The princess interrupted, she looked-

[Pissed.]
~Not my choice of words, but yes.~

“Yes ma’am.” I gave her a salute, and accompanied the six mares to the front of the maze, meeting Azok halfway there. After a short explanation, he kinda just shrugged and came with us to the entrance. Then shit literally hit the fan. The cyan pegasus screamed out something about her wings, the two unicorns said something about their horns. I’d opened my wings in shock, but I couldn’t. Where the muscles used to be, they weren't there anymore. I looked behind me and saw my own wings gone. My jaw dropped.
~[WHAT THE FLYING HELL. WHERE ARE MY WINGS?!?]~

“What the-” I started, but was interrupted by a voice.

“You–You should see the looks on your faces. Priceless!” A sudden pop, and the draconquus appeared in front of us

[What the hell is going on?]
~tobusygottagobye~

“Give us our wings and horns back!” Twilight Sparkle yelled at the monster.

“You'll get them back in good time. I simply took them to ensure there's no cheating. You see, this is the first rule of our game: no flying, and no magic.”

“The first rule?”

“The second rule is everypony has to play or the game is over, and I win. Good luck,
everypony!” And he disappeared with another loud pop.

[I swear if any of them say-]

“Never fear, girls. We have each other!”
        
        [And boom goes the dynamite.]

“Yeah! Like Twilight said, there's nothing we can't overcome if we all stick together!”
        
        [I call bullshit. There is no way that thing is going to let us stay together.]

“All right, girls, let's do this!”

[Yeah, sure. Forget about the three males remotely near you... Not like we wanted a sandwich or anything.]
~For the love of celestia, shut up. You’re giving me a headache, you sexist bastard.~
Thats not sexist, I'm genuinely hungry
~Yes it is, quit being sexist.~
[I’ll try.]

As if we were in a platoon, we all marched into the maze... Only to have it pop up between all of us. This could be a problem... I heard the mares yelling to each other over the maze, something about finding the center. I looked in front of me finally, and saw that it turned to the right. Could be a problem... But my talons have something else to say on that matter. I made my wall to the hedge wall, and held up my talon. I sliced down will all my strength, and barely made a hole in it. In fact, it actually soaked up what ever damage I was going to cause like a sponge soaks up water. Correction, is a problem. I looked right down the path, and saw at least six more branch offs heading away.

[When in doubt, run blindly.]
~Why the hell not?~

Taking Rage’s advice, I started to sprint. I took the second left, then a right. Dead end. I turned around and saw a shadow creep around the left corner, heading to the third path. I sprinted off again, taking the left and heard a giggle from the right branch-off. I stopped at the intersection.

[Weird giggle? NOPE. Take the left.]

I took to the left, then made another left, most likely going around the small dead end. I was at another fork in the path. One led to a small clearing, and the other seems to head behind me. I took the obvious choice, the clearing. I decided to walk the rest of the way to it, my armor clinking together every step or so. I emerged from the malicious maze into the clearing. There was a tree to the left of me, around the middle. There was a small pond to my right, and in the middle was a couple of paths, and on the edge of said paths, multiple flowers. Would be peaceful if it wasn’t for the shitstorm...

There was a small rustling, and the hedge itself made a small path. I tensed up, Better safe than sorry. Out walked the green goblin himself, Vinny.

“Sup.” He asked nonchalantly, walking out into the clearing.
[Like a boss.]

“Hey there, shorty.” I replied, nodding to him.

“Call me that again, and you will be acquainted with some dynamite up the nose.”

[Cause why not offend someone when someone jokes about your height.. Sheesh. What's funny is he is probably still bigger then you, huh Badger?]
~Don’t make me get Azok again.~
[I regret nothing!]

“Sheesh man. So, how do you like the maze?”

“Wailing Caverns is worse than this place.” He said, his eyes looking over the surroundings.

“AAAALLLLLLrighty then.  So, where’s the beef?” I said, remembering back to the fight with Alduin, where Az yelled out something about beef.

Vinny looked at.... something. I’m not sure how to describe it. “I don't know, but he isn’t in the maze anymore.”

“Huh... I wouldn’t think that Discord would let us leave like that. Anyways, it’s best we probably stick together. Need a lift?”

“First things first” Vinny said, taking out a small black box and retrieving a whistle from the inside. He blew the whistle, and the first thing I thought was KILL IT WITH FIRE!! As the loud, shrill tone it was keyed in hurt my ears substantially. The ground lit up in circles and weird markings. Next thing I know, there are animals popping out of the ground, some sort of skeleton eagle, a giant turtle with lava, a phoenix, and the sabre tooth cat creature. “I need you guys to go search the maze for some ponies, don't hurt them, just make sure they are ok.” They nodded to him, then dispersed throughout the maze.

“I’m not even going to ask. I’ve seen the bovine fall to his death and reconnect his head. I honestly don’t think anything can surprise me now.”

“No, probably not.” Vinny said, pulling out a book. His finger stopped on something in it, and in comes a small three wheeled vehicle, about the size of a store stall. “Come on I only got five pets and there are six girls, so we need to find one of em.”

“Alright.” I replied nodding. I looked up and saw the phoenix circling above the hedge. What ever it was circling couldn’t have been more than a hundred meters away in the hedge “Think thats where one of them is?”

“Yep.” He replied. We made our way out of the big clearing and into a smaller one. In the middle there was a small pony, but It didn’t look like one of the six we were looking for. The pony spun around and looked at with its different colored (and shaped) eyes.

“So good to meet you Badger the Hippogriff, and you to Vinny!. Lucky me, a twofer!”

“Celestia damnit... Why does this always happen to me?” I said, sighing deeply.

Vinny suddenly reached back and pulled out -what was- his bow. As he brought it forward there was a pop, and it turned into a freaking huge rubber chicken “Da fuck man?”

“Sorry my poor goblin, but I have to speak with Badger alone for a while. Ta-Ta!”

With another snap, Vinny disappeared. I sighed deeply. “What do you want Discord?”

“Don’t ask me what I want, I want to know what YOU want.”

“I want you to leave equestria. Is that so hard?”

“OOOOO so close... But wrong answer... Tell me Badgy -I hope you don’t mind me calling you Badgy-  how many major battles have you been in?”
[Over nine thousand. SAY IT!]

“Three.” I was getting bored already.
[Forget you too.]

“Tell me, young hippogriff, do you really know who Rage is?” Discord said, popping back into his original form. He slithered through the air and rested in front of me, hovering almost like he was on a table.

“A second conscious?”

“Wrong again! Its actually your family’s ancestors, stuck in your head.” He knocked on my skull with his eagle claw. “And it is all of them together that make up Rage. And in fact, that is why there is only one Hippogriff per family until the other dies.” He turned over in the air, looking at me upside down.

“Uhhhh huhh.... Yeah.... Sure.”

“Don’t believe me?” Discord sat up, feigning surprise. “I, good sir, am quite frankly shocked and offended!” His paw suddenly had a white glove on it. He picked it off and slapped the scar on my beak with it.

“What do you want, Discord.” I made sure to add the poison on his name.

“Chaos. Eternal. Beautiful. Chaos.” Discord smiled, and reached out to my head.

Everything blacked out.

`````````About five minutes later````````

I woke up with a horrible headache. I pulled my right talon up to my head and softly rubbed my temples. Ok... Recap time.
~What happened?~
[All I know is Discord touched you, and now your voice is higher]
~Wait Discord- eep!~
[HAHAHA!! You sound like a pony!]

I opened my eyes slowly, looking around. Everything that used to be colorful was now grey. I slowly stepped forward a couple of times, unsure of what may happen next or what was going on. I felt...Lighter. I slowly edged my way to a path in the hedge. I looked around the edge cautiously. I quickly retreated my head back to the side with the clearing and sighed. I looked up to see a face right up in mine.
“Oh hell-!” I screamed out, diving into the hedge itself, hiding.

Discord just sat there -in the air, mind you- laughing loudly. “Haha! Come on, Badget, afraid of a little chaos?”

“Badget? Who are you calling Badget!” I squeaked out, my voice about two octaves higher than usual. I immediately covered my mouth with one of my talons.

“I’m calling YOU Badget.” Discord said, snapping his fingers and making a mirror appear out of nowhere. He dropped it on the ground a few inches away from the hedge and smiled. “I have to go now, I’m going to create more chaos! Ta-Ta!!” And in a flash he was gone.

I slowly reached out and grabbed the mirror, and angled it towards myself. The first thing I noticed, was the slender form. I was smaller- much smaller than I should be. Then I noticed the eyelashes. Oh Celestia.... Oh sweet baby Celestia. I moved the mirror a bit, and saw that I had my wings back. I angled the mirror again.

[You know, if I didn’t know any better, you look freaking good.]
~You have a female voice too.~
[....I am going to kill Discord when I get the chance.]
~Good luck, he just turned me into a girl.~
[And me!]
~Well why don’t you make me a damn sandwich, Rage?~
[Hahaha. Fuck you. I see what you did there.]

A loud pop in front of me and Discord was back. “I am so sorry, I seem to forget your new personality.... Have fun being Fluttershy!” He poked my head again through the hedge and then disappeared again.

~What did he mean by... Oh dear...~         I don’t know how, but I felt like everything I was doing was being judged. Everything I did was under scrutiny.

I slowly put the mirror back on the ground, and poked my head outside of the hedge. I looked left and right, making sure no one was looking. I slowly stepped out and ruffled my wings. I sighed deeply and took the path next to me and slowly made my way to the first left, and I took it. There was a crossroad, left and right. To the left was a large clearing. The middle...? I slowly took a couple of steps that way, and peaked around the corner to see if there was anything there. Next thing I know there is the white unicorn mare, greyed out, hugging a gigantic rock yelling out ‘MINE!’. I slowly stepped back the way I came.

[We have wings... Why don’t we just fly out?]
~Discord said everypony had to play, or the ‘game’ would be over.~
[But, we’re not a pony, are we?]
~....Mother of Celestia.~
[Freakin’ loopholes, how do they work!?]

I opened my wings and took to the air.

[Also... We should see if Gilda likes females.]
~Wait, what?~
[I mean, we’re in a female’s body, right? So why not have a little fun with another female and-]
~No.~
[Every party needs a pooper, that’s why they invited you. Party pooper. Party pooper.]
~Fuck it, we have to stay here and watch over the mares anyways-~

I was interrupted by the cackling laughter of Discord. I looked down, and saw him snap his fingers and disappear. The six mares were on the ground doing something, all greyed out.

~Lets just watch from a distance... If things get bad then I guess I could help...~
[Atta girl.]

They were acting strangely, acting almost completely different as to how their Element is..Er... Was.

```````````````Almost a day later`````````````````

The gigantic rock sat in the middle of a crater, the newly recolored Elements of Harmony hunted down Discord, and turned him to stone with a fabulous display of colors and rainbows. A lot was hard to see or hear during that time, considering any noise behind me made me jump three feet into the air and dive for the nearest tree or bush. But what I did see, was all six of the Elements and Discord in a crater. They were talking, but being a couple hundred feet in the air makes it hard to listen.

The white unicorn was fighting off the southern earthpony like she knew karate, the pink one was screaming at Discord about something, the soft yellow pegasus (now grayed) was (even from up here) I could see was being a jerk to everyone. Next thing I know, Discord pop’s off, and I’m surrounded by pink clouds....That started to rain chocolate. I followed them to the library, but took up on the balcony outside, looking in through a window. After about ten minutes, shit hit the fan. I found myself cowering under the window, hoping they wouldn’t see me and turn their hatred onto myself. My back rested against the wall, and I was sitting there shuddering. Then they started to head out with jewelry around their necks.

“LOOK OUT, HERE COMES TOM!” I heard the purple unicorn call, seconds before the huge rock smashed its wall through the wall behind me, causing me to fly through the air for a couple for seconds. Holy hell she is strong. I hit a nearby building and slid slowly to the ground.

````````````````````````````````````````About two hours later```````````````````````

Unfortunately for me, being knocked unconscious for the last two hours, made me miss a lot of things. I saw the six recolored mares standing in front of discord, shooting the symbols of the jewelry at him, then out came a rainbow, that arced across the sky and hit him like an artillery shell. The dome (that I now dub as rainbow dome of cleansing) had engulfed all of Equestria, undoing almost all of discord’s magic. Almost. I was still a female hippogriff.

After asking Twilight Sparkle (Got to know her after she figured out I was the guard that took them to the maze, she's really quite the talker!) about the femaleness, she said it would take two days to wear off on its own.






~[I wonder what Gilda will think for the next two days?]~ Rage and myself asked at the same time.