//------------------------------// // Dream: 11 // Story: The Human Condition // by Gilded Tome //------------------------------//         Andrew awoke a few hours later, just in time to watch the sun set over the houses across the street. He pushed himself upright, stretching his arms out wide as his back cracked several times. For the first time since he had arrived at Equestria, he did not find himself confused as to where he was. With a shrug he mentally decided that this was an improvement and slowly stood up from the couch, stretching more as he did so. He looked around the room, observing the décor with a content eye. The fire place in the far corner of the room was very large, with flat stones covering the simple bricks that it was constructed out of. The furniture that filled it was relatively simple, seeming to focus on comfort rather than fancy designs. The window opposite to where he had laid, where he had seen the sun begin to set, was very large as well, taking up most of the wall. He left the room, exiting into the main hall. Looking away from the front door he saw a stairway to the second floor, as well as an archway into what looked like a kitchen. While he tried to decide which to explore first, his stomach growled loudly.                    I guess that answers that question, he thought to himself as he returned to the living room to grab the bag of lunch’s leftovers, then back to the kitchen.         As he walked through the doorway, the first thing he noticed was that the rustic feel from the living room was probably theme for the rest of the house as well. The second thing he noticed was just how… normal the kitchen seemed. For some reason he had expected the kitchen to look different from the ones he was used to, although now that he was thinking about it he couldn’t quite put his finger on what he had expected.         He made his way further into the kitchen, opening random cabinets to see what they contained. Upon opening a standalone wooden box, he discovered that it was in fact the ice box, which was appropriately cold. It was also relatively empty, clashing heavily with the well stock cabinets around it.  He put the left overs inside and started looking for something to have as a snack. The first thing he found was a glass bottle filled with brown and possibly carbonated liquid, which he pulled from the fridge and placed on the counter. Further inspection of the bottle found that it was a soda of some sort, potentially carrot if the label meant anything. He shrugged and popped the top, taking a swig. He smacked his lips, enjoying the beverage which he could only describe as cherry cola, but carrots instead of cherries. He began opening cabinets and draws, finding ingredients for cooking, plates, cups, bowls and utensils. Finally, he finally stumbled onto a container of cashews, which he deftly popped open. He grabbed a handful of nuts and his drink and walked around the peninsula and into the dining room.   The dining room seemed even more open than the living room, thanks to floor to ceiling windows that over looked the back yard. He made his way around the wooden table to this wall of glass, quickly realizing that some of it was in fact a door. On the other side was a short path which led to an outdoor patio, complete with a fire pit. Deciding to explore the rest of the house before going outside, he made his through the nearby door, which passed by the stairs to the main hall.                   He threw the last few cashews into his mouth as he rounded the corner to the bottom of the stairs. He made his way up the stairs to the second floor, where he hoped the bedrooms would be. The first door he found was a simple yet spacious bathroom, which thankfully had a shower large enough for him to stand upright in. Behind the next door was the first bedroom. While not overly luxurious, it was much fancier than what he was used to living in, with big windows and an even larger bed.  The bed was large enough for a real horse, or rather a horse from his home. He decided to check out the other rooms, certain that he wouldn’t know what to do with a bed that large.         The next room was a cozy study, with a large mahogany desk sat at the back end, adorned with quills, parchment and other seemingly important materials. The walls were lined with book shelves, filled with books and instruments alike. The books were serious and educational, from Equestrian law to foreign economics, while the instruments varied from a rather Galilean looking sextant to a globe, the continents of which Andrew did not recognize. He found more detailed maps and atlases in one cabinet, and upon sitting behind the desk, he spotted rather expensive looking collection of whiskey, complete with glasses and decanters. He checked some of the draws of the desk, and was surprised to find a heavy burlap sack. When he opened it, he found it was filled with what he assumed were Bits. He had seen Twilight use them to buy the train tickets, but he hadn’t realized they came in gold.         A bag of gold coins… This room looks like it belongs to a well-educated mob boss, he thought as he took a whiff of the whiskey, quickly realizing it was much weaker than what he was used to. Or maybe a Bond villain for Christ sake.           Resisting the urge to pull on every book in search of a secret passage, he sat up and exited the room, quietly closing the door behind him. Opposite this door was another, this one marked by an intricately carved griffon. Wondering what that could possibly mean, he pushed the door open and found himself even more confused. Once again he found himself in a rustically themed bedroom, simple but by no means meager. It was normal looking, vaguely unremarkable save for the bed, or rather were a bed would normally located. In place of a bed was a large indentation, surrounded by a large, and heavily cushioned, ridge that ran all around it. Andrew stood in the entrance for a whole minuet and a half, running possibilities through his mind before he arrived at the answer.         “It’s… a bird’s nest?” He asked out loud, not entirely sure if he was correct. Lacking a response to his question he just assumed he was correct, although he was still baffled as to why one would be here. Maybe that’s how pegasus’s sleep… pegasus’s?... pegasi?   He scratched and shook his head, which now rattled around with two new questions instead of one. He left the strange room, again quietly closing the room behind him. He made his way to the last door. Mentally crossing his fingers he entered the room, and let out a relieved sigh. Inside was a bedroom, much simpler than any of the others. The bed was a decent size, just large enough for him to sleep on. It was a simple bed as well, unadorned by hanging blinds or posts and most importantly it lacked any resemblance to a nest big enough for Big Bird. The furniture was well built and utilitarian, and although it all looked fit for any high class home, the room felt much more like a living space than any of the other rooms. He sat on the edge of the bed and after placing his drink on the night stand next to it. After a small internal debate, her crawled into the bed, quickly falling back to sleep.   By the time Andrew awoke for the second time, he had successfully cocooned himself under the comforters in his sleep. Lacking a way to tell what time it was, he sluggishly unwrapped himself and sat up on the corner of his new bed. He was surprised how well he slept, usually it took much longer for him to get used to a new mattresses. Shows just how tired I really was, he thought to himself as he stood up and stretched. He made his way to the window, unsurprised to find that the moon had risen high in the now night sky. It was a full moon, or at least close enough to it that he couldn't tell the difference from this angle. It was a particularly beautiful moon and it called forth memories of the past few days, of walking on that very same white circle and of passing the time with Luna. Eventually his neck grew sore from the awkward angle he was forcing it into, so he took a step back. Once again curious about what time actually it was and remembering a large clock down stairs, he shambled out of his room and down the hall. Once he stood at the bottom of the stairs he turned to study the grandfather clock, its pendulum swaying back and forth in time with the clicking hands. The face of the clock was distorted and misshapen, the numbers replaced with random nonsense symbols, the hands twitching in time from one to the other. Huh... later than I thought it was going to be, Andrew thought to himself, nonplussed by the ridiculous status of the grandfather clock. As he turned the corner into the living room, he was shocked to find Luna sitting on the large couch, a blue glowing tea cup drifting back down to its place on the tray. "Luna, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be back in Canterlot?" He asked, confused. "Indeed I should be, in fact I still am" She explained, floating her tea cup back up to take another sip. Andrew couldn't help but notice the cup seemed to refill itself on the way back down. "...Uh are you feeling ok? ‘Cause last time I checked this wasn't Canterlot.” Luna fixed Andrew with a curious look, as if deeply analyzing him.  "That is also correct. You are in Ponyville, while I still reside in Canterlot." She explained, continuing after Andrews confused face remained the same. "Am I to believe that you do not realize what is going on?" "Uhh… I guess?" Andrew replied. “Interesting…” Luna said, taking another sip of her tea before placing it back down, this time sliding the saucer away from herself. She seemed content in the silence, while Andrew struggled to catch up to what was happening. “I’m sure it’s utterly baffling.” Andrew exclaimed after he had had enough of the silent treatment. “Wanna clue me in as to why?” “Because my student, we are in the dream world. Your dream world to be exact.” Luna explained, once again setting her critical gaze upon Andrew. “And you called me here.” “Wait… a dream?” Andrew insisted. “Is this what you meant by you being dream queen or whatever it was?” “Guardian of Dreams, but yes, this is what I meant. Surely I explained this already?” “Nope, pretty sure you left the part about invading dreams out.” “I do not invade dreams Andrew, I assist those who ask for help. That is all.” She explained, clearly eager to make that distinction. “I help those in the throes of nightmares, and only when they truly seek the help of others.” “Well I don’t remember asking for help, and I’m pretty sure this isn’t a nightmare.” Andrew pointed out. “Unless that closet there is full of clowns or zombies or something, then by all means…” “Which brings us back to what makes it very interesting.” She explained. “When I slipped into my slumber and entered the nexus of dreams, I felt a very distinct sensation of pulling. I followed it and arrived here.”         “I didn’t do any pulling…” Andrew assured Luna.         “Which only adds a level of intrigue…” She murmured, practically to herself. “Andrew, do you have any experience with dream magic?”         “Uhhh no? No magic in my world, remember?”         “Yes, of course, just making sure.” Luna said, tapping her chin with her hoof in thought. Upon noticing Andrew’s continually confused look, she attempted to explain. “Dream magic is not exclusive to myself, despite what many might think. Any creature capable of dreaming has the potential to learn such magic’s.”         “Right, ok, I’ll take your word for it…” “Well, the ability to pull another into ones dream world, as well as the construction of such a solid and logical dream are some of the more difficult abilities a student of the dream would learn.” The dark blue alicorn explained. “And yet you seem to be capable of it despite your utter lack of understanding even the simplest of principles.”         “Uhhh… sorry?”         “There is no need to apologize, it is merely curious. I wonder why I was pulled here, as opposed to any other pony.” She wondered.         “Uh well I was thinking about our little trip to the moon…?”         “I suppose that could potentially help explain why I am here…” Luna paused to think, closing her eyes. After a moment her horn glowed slightly, and her eyes opened again. “It seems my sister has entered the dream world as well. Why don’t you try focusing on her for a moment?”         “Seriously? C’mon I’m not gonna sit here and ‘focus’ on anything!” He complained, crossing his arms and leaning against entrance to the room. “How do I know you aren’t just messing with me? Maybe I’m not even dreami-”         Before Andrew could even finish his sentence Luna picked her cup of tea off of its plate, grasping the saucer in a magical field as well. With no warning she hurled the impromptu projectile at the window adjacent to her couch. With no time to even cringe, Andrew could only watch as the saucer slammed into the large glass window… only for the window to stretch like a sheet of rubber. The saucer pushed further and further before poking through with an audible pop. The window snapped back flat into place, and the saucer drifted away in a new bubble of glass. Andrew stared at the window, trying to internalize what had just happened. He walked to the window, putting his hand against it. It was cool to the touch, and felt just like any glass pane.         “…Right ok, concentrating on the princess…” Andrew hastily said when he finally pulled his hand away from the window.         “Good idea” Luna agreed, a smug smile on her face. Andrew sat beside Luna, who shuffled over to make more room for the human. He barely even noticed that as she moved over, the couch seemed to elongate. Instead he closed his eyes and pulled up his memories of the Princess. “Concentrate on her image, as well as her voice” Luna recommended quietly.         Andrew nodded as he rubbed his temples, deep in thought. He felt ridiculous doing this, especially with the image of the princess floating around in his head. He waited, his eyes screwed shut and thoughts focused on Princess Celestia. After what seemed like a few minutes, and right before Andrew was going to give up, he heard a new voice.         “Dear sister, why have I been summoned?”         Andrew opened his eyes to find Princess Celestia standing before him, in the entrance to the living room. She looked from Luna to him in her usual calm demeanor.         “Uh… did I do that?” He asked, looking back to Luna         “Nay, I summoned her myself once I realized she did not sense your attempts to contact her.” Luna explained.         “Sensed what attempts Luna?” Princess Celestia asked. “All I am aware of is you calling me here during a very relaxing dream.”         “I was testing a theory Tia, one that seems to have failed.” Luna explained. “I thought Andrew may have some sort of innate talent when it came to the dream realm, but it seems I was mistaken.”         “I see… And what made you think he had such a talent?”         “Apparently I ‘summoned’ her to my dream.” Andrew explained. “Unintentionally I might add.”         “That is…. curious…” The princess said to herself, sitting on one of the single chairs. “Were you dreaming about her?”         “Nope. Well I was remembering our stint on the moon, but that’s it.”         “Very curious…” She said again. “And you have no explanation Luna?”         “No I do not, besides maybe a talent for dream magic, but again that theory was  discredited by his inability to draw you into this dream.”         “But it’s not like a bad thing… right?” He asked, slightly worried that he may break a rule or do something bad. “I’m not gonna get in trouble or anything like that?”         “No, it is most certainly not a bad thing. Curious, that is for certain, but not really worthy of scorn.” Princess Celestia assured him. “Indeed. While it is possible to invade a ponies dream, and therefore violate their privacy, there is very little in the way of damage to be done when it comes to dream magic.” Luna explained. “It is nigh impossible to learn a secret through the dreams of an untrained pony due their usually nonsensical and illogical content. Furthermore you cannot effect anypony physically through a dream. The worst you could do without intense training is make a nightmare worse.”                  “Oh, well that’s a relief I guess.” Andrew sighed, a short pause hanging over the trio before Princess Celestia stood.         “Well then… if I am no longer needed, I believe I shall return to my own dream.” She said, her horn glowing lightly.         “Dream well Tia, I shall see you when we wake.” Luna said, before the princess disappeared with a muffled puff of air.         Andrew stood, walking to the kitchen to grab a drink, only to find all of the cabinets, including the ice box, completely empty.                  “Hey Luna? Is there any way I could get a…” he paused as he walked back to the living room to find Luna levitating a bottle of the odd soda he had been drinking earlier. “…drink. Thanks.”         He twisted the top off the soda off as he sat back down next to the alicorn, looking at the seat in which Princess Celestia had been sitting. He chuckled to himself as he took a sip, drawing Luna’s attention.         “Is there something funny my friend?” She asked, taking a sip of her own drink.         “No, not funny. At least not really, it’s more like humorous disbelief.”         “Please do not revert to insisting this is a drug addled hallucination again, I thought we were past that.”         “No no, not that. Back home I’m so used to being normal. Like less than normal really. No wait, just hold on.” Andrew insisted, holding off Luna’s disagreement at the apparent self-deprecation. “I’m really not that special. I’m one of 7 billion humans, with no special skills or anything. I mean for fucks sake I’m a cashier at a grocery store!”         “I fail to see how such sobering conclusions could be seen as worthy of laughter.”                  “Well here I am, a grocery store cashier, sitting next to a princess, in a dream, in a world populated by ponies.” Andrew explained, shaking his head and chuckling. “It’s like a goddam movie. And not even a believable one.”         “I will admit, it does sound like a tall tale, especially when seen from your point of view.” She admitted. “But none the less it is reality. At least until we can send you home…Home to your family.”         “Right.” He agreed simply.         “Do you… still not wish to talk about them?” She asked, obviously curious.         “No. well kinda. It’s complicated. It’s not exactly light conversation.” He warned her, closing his eyes and leaning back in the sofa.         “I know.” She said simply         “You know?”         “What a poor teacher I would be if I couldn’t read my student.” She explained.         “Fair enough I guess.” The human said, pausing for a long moment before starting again. “My mother died when I was fifteen and my sister was ten…about ten years ago. Dad was a deadbeat and had abandoned us completely way before mom died. So with nowhere to we bounced around from foster home to foster home. By some miracle we managed to stay together throughout it all. When I turned eighteen I took my sister out of the system and we scraped a life together in Boston. It was very hard at first, but we managed to get by… barely.  My sister Alice… well she’s the only reason I need to get home.”         Luna remained quite as Andrew explained exactly why he didn’t like talking about his family.         “You have my sympathy Andrew.” Luna said. “As well as my respect. Getting by at such a young age is worthy of praise, especially with a younger sister to take care of.”         “More like she took care of me. Alice was a force to be reckoned with when I started slipping into a slump a few years after we struck out on our own. She kept me out of trouble, or worse… an early grave.”         “Things were that dire?” Luna asked.         “…. For a while, yeah. I was just a kid, working every minute so I could to afford to feed myself and my sister. We had some help from the state, but outside that… I wanted to give my sister her childhood back, and I was failing horribly. Things were getting… dark. I was beginning to get desperate, asking around for some… shady loans. I almost found one too, but my sister stopped me in time.”         A smile grew on Andrews’s face as he called forth the old memory. Luna studied his face as she listened. She couldn’t help but notice that the smile was tainted by sadness, as if the memory was happy but recalling it was painful.         “I came home from work one day to find her standing in the kitchen, two piles of cash on the counter, one hell of a serious look on her face.”         “Were did she get the money?” Luna asked, after Andrew paused for a long moment.         “She had pawned everything I had bought her in the past two years, every birthday present and gift I had gotten her in an attempt to make everything seem normal, like we weren’t living from paycheck to paycheck, with food stamps bridging the gap. She said ‘No more pretending, no more trying to make my life perfect when you skip meals at work. We are a team and teams work together’”         “She sounds very strong.” Luna said simply. She was watching Andrew as emotions and memories flowed through him.         “Yeah, a lot stronger than me.”         The solemn silence hung over the room, the oppressive and dark. Andrew felt a warm pressure on his shoulder, when he opened his eyes, Luna had placed her head against his, her own eyes closed and her horn pressing against the side of his head.         “Andrew Dike you are not alone here. My sister has several of our greatest minds trying to figure out how you arrived here. We Will get you home and with your sister. You have my word.”         Andrew stood, walking away from Luna affection, once again lean on the doorway. He looked back at Luna, eyes dimmed by hidden emotions.         “Thanks Luna. Tell your sister I appreciate all the help she has given me so far.” He paused, turning to the hallway as he did. “And please, do not come in my dreams again. It’s been fun but my dreams are my own, and I’d like to keep it that way.”         Luna eyes grew wide as he drew his line in the sand, not understanding why he would say something like that. “That seems overly harsh my student, but I understand. I shall try to give you your priv-”         “No. No trying Luna. Please do not enter my dreams again.” Andrew emphasized, his face hidden as he made his way to the stairs. “No matter what I say in my dream, or nightmares for that matter. Please stay out.” Andrew walked away, going up the stairs to his bedroom, leaving Luna on the couch, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.         The next morning, Andrew was sitting on the living room coach, resisting the urge to throw his plate at the window. He was enjoying the leftover food from his lunch with the Apple, particularly the prestigious slice of apple pie he had managed to reheat in the stove. He spent twenty minutes trying to figure out how the stove generated heat, and another twenty wondering if Equestrian temperature was Celsius or Fahrenheit. Eventually he gave up, shouting “Fuck it!” and turned the crank to any old number, watching it cook to make sure it didn’t burn. The pie tasted just as good the second day as it did fresh, a feat he found extremely impressive.  He was grumbling about the lack of coffee when he noticed a familiar purple and green dragon outside, making his way down the road. He looked lost, so Andrew got up and made his way to the front door, opening it and shouting to the wandering drake.         “Yo Spike, you looking for something?”         Spike turned to his name, his expression changing from confusion to understanding, and waved to the human.  He walked to the house, opened the front gate and up to the front steps.         “Hey Andrew, Good morning!” He said, sticking his hand out to shake, which Andrew took.         “Yeah yeah, good morning and whatever…” Andrew greeted, turning to into walk back inside the house, looking back over his shoulder. “C’mon in, shut the door behind you.”         “Twilight warned me you might not be a morning person.” Spike observed, as he followed Andrews instruction.         “It would be easier if I could find the damn coffee.” He said pointing to the kitchen, which looked thoroughly ransacked.         “Uh you might not have any, not many ponies drink it.” Spike said, wincing as Andrew gave him a deadly look. “Uh you can probably borrow some of Twilights until you can get some more…”         “Really? Spike that would be amazing.”         “Yeah, stop by the library later and I’ll get you a bag of beans.”  Spike assured Andrew, as he looked around. “So how’s your new house?”         “It’s great, a bit fancy for my taste, but I’ll get used to it I suppose.” He replied. “Want the ten cents tour?”         “Uh… sure I guess, but what does this have to do with sense?”         Andrew sighed and shook his head, turning to walk into the living room.         “You know, the fact that that only happens occasionally somehow makes it so much more annoying…”         Andrew and Spike sat in the back yard, lounging back in reclining chairs and absorbing the sun that had just crested over the top of the house. They had finished the tour, and had decide to explore the patio since Andrew hadn’t had a chance to yet. They sat, occasionally sipping there cold sodas and enjoying the relatively cool air that had yet to burn off. Andrew looked around, admiring the beautiful landscape. They sat on a flagstone patio, an empty fire pit between them, a dozen or so feet from the back of the house.         “I still can’t believe you thought it was a bed for pegasi!” Spike said with a laugh, making fun of Andrew’s earlier confusion. “I mean it had a griffon carved right into the door!”         “Hey, lay off man, I didn’t even know griffons existed until ten minutes ago!”         “Still, pretty funny!” Spike insisted, taking a sip from his drink. An amicable pause reined for a moment or two before Andrew broke it.         “Hey, you never explained why you were looking for me” Andrew recalled, looking over at the teenage dragon. “not that I mind the company.”         “Oh… w-well I was in the neighborhood and… well I thought… and-”         “Twilight sent you to check up on me?” Andrew asked bluntly, interrupting Spike’s excuse.                  “Yup.” The drake admitted without hesitating.         “She worries too much. But I appreciate it all the same.” Andrew said, shaking his head and chuckling at his new friends concern. It was a new feeling, having so many people worried about him. He decided he liked it.         “I should really find a way to repay everything you guys have done for me over the past few day.” Andrew said, thinking out loud as he rubbed his stubbly chin. His eyes lit up as an idea came to him.         “Hey buddy, what are you and Twilight up to later tonight?”         “Uh… nothing I think. She was doing research on how you could have got her when I left, but other than that not much else is going on.”         “That’s good! I’m going to cook for you guys, to show my appreciation.”         “You know how to cook?” Spike asked skeptically.         “Yeah I’m a great cook!” Andrew replied excitedly, before changing his mind. “Okay I’m a terrible cook, but I do a few things pretty well.”         “I’ll believe it when I see it.” Spike jokingly said. “You don’t strike me as a chef.”         “Well, prepare to be surprised!” Andrew said, stirred on by Spikes doubt, but faltering when he remembered something. “I’ll have to borrow some of the money I showed you, but it will be worth it, trust me.”